[Butterflygirl]

I was a regular contributor on the BPDrecovery message board. This woman started attacking me and I stood up for myself. I asked her if we could just go our separate ways like people do in A.A. and she said no. They kept telling me to ignore her, but it was like ignoring a bully on the school yard. I have BPD and have issues with anger, cutting, and relationships. I have been in A.A. for 25 years and still struggle with some of my character defects. I feel so rejected right now. Ash, the woman who owns the site, only banned me and not the other person so a lot of feelings are coming up about my mom punishing me when my sister was the bully. Anyway, I am just trying to take my sorrow somewhere. I am new to this site. On the other board they only say bad things about this site but I am starting to wonder if they are just on their high horse. They say no one here is in recovery like they are.

I'm sorry you've had that experience and that you are in pain from it. Any forum like this one that one or another one has occassions when opinions and even tempers flare. It's unfortunate that those things happen.

Try to relax and just let this place minister to you right now. Try to put the events over there aside for a time and let this place distract you for a while. It will take time and you will likely never feel 'righted' and one day that will be okay with you. For now it is what it is. Lousy and unfair and finished.

I've almost been where you are at.... left a site before I could get banned. Well actually I went back for one last hit and that did get me banned. I would like to turn back the clock and try the whole incident over but that can't happen so I've managed to go on. At the time I was very impassionrf as it sounds you are now. It was a very big deal at the time. It triggered all kinds of BP/BPD stuff.

It took a long time for me to stop missing that place. I still miss my friends there and always will. Some I email but many prefer only the boards. I will always miss them. I came here like you to try again. To find new friends. To be a part of someplace new.

I wish you well in overcoming this experience. I welcome you to PC on behalf of any one of us who has walked in your shoes. I doubt we are alone. I know we aren't cuz a couple of others caught in the same incident as me are here too.

Everything in life is a learning experience. I'm less volitile this go round and more accepting of other points of view. If I can't accept another person's position or if I feel too angered or frustrated I just fade off to somewhere more healing and helpful to my intentions.

I'm here to aid my recovery as best I know how. I'm here to be a comfort, an ear to others. It's good medicine being here with folks who relate, who offer kindness and support and who like me want to keep moving forward with a life filled with hope and promise.

Be at peace..... it becomes you.......

[eskielover]

I think the best thing to do is to come here & shake any preconceived notions......you will find some of everything on every site you go to....there is the good & bad everywhere, but I can truely say that over the last several years, the people here have been wonderful & kind.....they have been thoughtful. There are always the exceptions, or the person having a really bad day. There are people at all stages of recovery & some that are just starting. Then there are people like me who have encountered completely new problems while trying to work on others.

The point being is that one has to be open....not force opinions on people, but offer thoughts. This is a wonderful site & hope that you can find it to be as wonderful of a site as I have found & many others also.

Welcome & I hope you find this a good safe place to post,
Debbie

[Butterflygirl]

Thank you eskielover and chocolate lover. I will heed your words and try to relax. My crime on the other board seems to be that I can't ignore people who trigger me. I am still torn about whether that would be the adult thing or codependent. When I was a kid on the school yard I was bullied. At first I cried. Then I fought back. The consensus seems to be that you just turn the other cheek on message boards. Is there ever a time when you stand up for yourself on a message board? This woman insulted my mother. She said my mother had not taught me manners. Since my mom just die I was infuriated. They all said I am just "too sensitive." Let me take a deep breath and try to let go.

I think we have to keep the boards in perspective to what's really important in life. People's views and opinions on the boards have to be taken with a grain of salt sometimes and not allowed to be a grain of sand that rubs you raw.

You don't need to defend yourself or anyone else in my opinion. People on the boards can not have enough real information to make absolute statements. Who knows where they are coming from and how clearly they are thinking at any time they post. There are lots of unknowns behind the boards so opinions will always be scewed by the lack of a full picture.

Yea I say find another thread or board or forum. Just resist the temptation to let any discussions or comments on the boards matter too much. That's what I learned from my experience. It took a while for the immediate sting of the experience to go away but its a lot better to stay out of unhealthy places and ignore useless feedback.

My energy is too precious to waste on useless arguements no matter how much I can justify the emotions at the time. It's just not worth the investment. I need to be energized not drained of energy fighting on principal or spinning around and around a disagreement.

Thats my view anyways. All the best....

[eskielover]

I think that chocolatelover says it perfectly. There comes a point where nothing you say will make any difference anyway....some people just think the way they think no matter what you try to say......when that happens, it is best to just back away & go to another thread. If you end up really having a problem with some posts, there is the ignore feature on this site where you can set up to ignore specific posters who trigger you.

There is no sense putting waisted energy into things like that......our energy is more needed on getting through our everyday real lives.

Welcome to PC.....it is a very good place to be,
Debbie

Hi and welcome to PC.

I`m sorry you got hurt on the other board.

For PC only you can tell if it's for you or not. You will see by yourself with time.

If you feel like you are being picked on or vilified in anyway whilst on these boards at the very bottom of each thread there is a moderator button, they can use a vast aray of "powers" to stop any further harrasment, dont be afraid to use it if you need that little extra help, thats what it is there for.

welcome to the forums

everyone has made good points.

I just wanted to add that I was once kicked and banned from an msn group for BPD - BECAUSE I POSTED SILLY PICTURES OF MYSELF WITH PINK HAIR!

The owner wrote me and told me that she didn't beileve I had BPD, and that she thought I was full of myself and vain and didn't belong to their group.

I was in SHOCK. So i understand completely where you are coming from. I think you will find this board pretty balanced though, and the odd time an unsupportive post gets posted it usually is spotted by someone and gets removed. And the mods here are VERY good to talk to if you feel a thread is getting carried away or you are being attacked, let them know! There is a list of moderators at the very bottom of each forum screen off the the left. Feel free to PM anyone if you are questioning anything.

[Raynaadi]

(((( Butterflygirl ))))

I'm so sorry you had such a bad experience on the other site. I sure hope we can make you feel welcome here!! I too am A.A. A little over 2 years now. We have an alcohol and substance abuse forum here that you might find helpful.

Just like with any community, whether it be online or in person, everyone has their own opinions. And sometimes opinions can be expressed in a way that we take personally.

I try really hard to treat anything like a buffet line....I take what I want and leave the rest. I have to use self-care measures, and that includes ignore when necessary. I also have my "favorites view" set only to the forums I'm comfortable with. The ones I'm not comfortable with, I don't visit.

My mom also died.....8 years ago on the 15th. I've just finally been struggling with the grief after drowning it way with alcohol for so long. Sounds like you and I might have a lot in common.....

Mellors is absolutely right about the moderators. You can find us by clicking the "who's online" screen, our names are in green and if we're online, we're visible. You can also send a PM to all moderators by clicking the little link at the very bottom of the screen.

We do our best to help members feel welcome and to put a stop to any flaming comments. I hope you find a home here; this place has literally saved my life quite a few times.


Rayna

[kimmydawn]

You've received some good advice here.

WELCOME!

PC is different in that we recognize when members are acting out of being triggered, etc. (or try very hard to). We don't automatically ban for "bad" behavior. In fact, as a general rule we just edit/remove posts and PM the member. If it continues, the member may get a warning. If it continues from there, depending on the severity of offenses and how many, the member may see a suspension. We rarely completely ban an active member and it's usually after many resources have been exhausted.

That said, using the ignore function is a good tool for self-care, but is far from perfect. That's a good time to contact a mod or admin. The frustrating part is that alot of the time we may suggest ignore...when the other member isn't posting against guidelines. The mods and admins here also work by the guidelines because members here expect to be able to post within them. However, if someone does attack here and it's outside of the guidelines, it's a good idea to contact a mod/admin, or report the post, as opposed to responding with like publicly.

Again, welcome.

KD

[(JD)]

I'm sorry you received that treatment from that other board. I doubt those that spoke against this site really know PC at all.

It hurts to be banned, no matter whether one was at "fault" or not. I know personally, as I tried to have a totally scriptural discussion of suicide on a Christian board...and was banned! No warning, no PMs, no email as to that it would happen or why it happened, no one to ask questions to... very strange. (And the topic was not being promoted nor condemned, just several members there discussing it rather intelligently.) The others were not banned from what I saw.

I drew the conclusions that some people just need to show their power, and other people can't fully fathom all topics.

There are a wide range of moderators here, so odds are more than one will understand what's happening when a conflict arises.

Got a kick out this, KD </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
However, if someone does attack here and it's outside of the guidelines

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Actually, I think she meant that no "attack" is within guidelines. IMNSHPO if you feel attacked, notify a mod and get a second opinion.

[kimmydawn]

LOL, yes sky, that does read funny. Thanks.

What I meant was, what can feel like an attack (something that hurts feelings, insults, etc.) might not be meant that way by the poster, but if it's something outside of guidelines, it will be worked with.

And, yes, getting a second opinion is really good to do...even from a fellow member, but any mod or admin will be glad to help too.

Thanks for pointing at that it read funny so I could clarify.

KD

you ever want to talk about any of that some day sky, my pm box is like my mind, always open.

[Fuzzybear]

Ick, I'm sorry! This board isn't all bad, as you've probably seen by now! ( ..)

[heyjoe]

I got banned there a few times for 30 days....haha.....small fish in a tiny pond.......i only post something there if i feel i can help someone with peripheral neuropathy.......i really could care less if i get banned , i have too many important concerns in my life to worry about something like that and also too many other things i worry about but shouldnt. . It seems to me that moderators have a tendancy to lose focus and become infatuated with what power they do have. Of course this doesnt include our much younger looking than their age personable, empathetic moderators here.......haha I wouldnt take it personally that you were banned. The brain talk site reminds me of a cult at times, i wouldnt drink any of their Kool aid.

[seeker1950]

Hi, Butterfly, and welcome to PC!
As Chocolatlover said, "Try to relax and just let this place minister to you right now." That is what I have found here with the members of PC.
I had a similar experience on a women's forum before coming here. One prominent member was very vocal and ever-present, and called me bad names and insulted me constantly. I defended myself, but her presence was so pervasive, I just left the site, and then found PC, which is a world of difference. Leaving that forum made me sad and feeling flawed. Here on PC, I found compassion and wisdom from people who have become good friends.
Love
Patty

[Islander]

Hi -

Sorry that you had a bad experience with the other site, being banned and all. I just don't understand how the sites can ban you esp. when they are dealing with people who have mental health issues. Hope you will feel accepted here. Talk to you soon.

Islander

[jbug]

I hope you find lots of support here at PC. This is a great place to be and can become addicting afterwhile LOL.

We have a Personality forum you might want to check out. Several of us there have BPD and I am one and will lend a listening ear anytime feel free to PM me.

Jbug

[DePressMe]

I left my last support board because a few of my closest supporters were banned--with no warning. I guess there are good boards and bad boards.

I am almost glad I had that experience with the last board because it brought me here...this place has been wonderful.

[definitely]

I really feel for you! i'm depressed too and i don't even know why.. they say it's genetics but it's only my grand mom who has it, why not my mom or my sister?? I hate life.. even those pills parnate are not working as they should!!!!