[DechanDawa]

I believe DBT in theory, but it is not easy to practice. I am in the middle of moving apartments, and feeling very overwhelmed. I guess during other moves I used "crutches" to cope such as drinking wine, smoking cigarettes, or that other funny stuff. Now I am totally clean of all substance use. I am not on any Psych medications. The usual stuff is happening during this move like unexpected expenses, misplacing stuff like my garage door opener (replacement cost $50), and in general having to move when I already was feeling overwhelmed by life circumstances.

When I get like this I think, "This is a good time to work on DBT skills," but for the life of me I can't understand how practicing DBT can help. I usually feel this way when I am right in the middle of a heightened emotional state, like right now.

I am going to try "riding the emotions like a wave," and also maybe some other self-soothing techniques. I might go out and purchase some incense because that sometimes helps to calm me down. I also could take a few capsules of valerian (herb) -- that doesn't do much but might take the edge off things...

I have a lot on my mind, not just this move, but a lot of life stuff. I am practicing DBT on my own with workbooks and worksheets, which I diligently fill out.

I understand that to learn DBT takes a while, and I am wondering how other DBT students coped with reality while first learning to use the skills. I don't take drugs, don't self-harm, don't drink alcohol, and don't smoke cigarettes, or smoke anything! I have been dieting and that definitely causes irritation. I am a not hugely fat but have some extra weight. Lately I feel extremely uncomfortable with extra weight. It makes me feel so sluggish. So I don't cheat on my diet as I want the weight off, and don't want to be dieting forever. I think I am drinking enough water so am not dehydrated.

My major problem is anxiety, and I have have a difficult time with regulating my emotional states. I mentioned in another post how I tend to send people emotional emails and messages and I am still doing that. It is a terrible habit! I just feel like friends and family don't listen to me or care about me and I am feeling extremely overwhelmed. I am moving alone, and I really hate living alone. I do keep a journal but I tend to write the same things over and over so it gets boring.

I am in a tremendous amount of mental pain. I know that DBT is supposed to bring some relief. Any suggestions from other DBT people would be welcome. I think my biggest problem is distress tolerance so I am going to take a look at that material.

[Skeezyks]

[DechanDawa]

Thanks, Skeez, that's a very calming picture you have up. I lighted some sandlewood incense, and took 3 valerian capsules. I still feel anxious. You know how it is, SkeezMan! I have also been repeating some mantras, mentally. I truly hate anxiety. I need to practice some radical acceptances of "things as they are," but that is sometimes difficult!!!

[ThunderGoddess]

I'm sorry to hear your stressed out it's been a while since we have spoken! I'm feeling stressed too I have a lot on my plate so I know what you mean I feel like my worrying thoughts are going like a merry go round. In these times of stress I find mediation and listening to affirmations to be the biggest help I am not really able to do much to soothe myself so sitting and doing nothing seems to work best. I use the meditation app called "Calm" it's on android if you have it. Although you probably know of some other guided meditation videos as well.

I hope you find some relief very soon I'll be floating around the forums more often this month feel free to message me anytime!

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by ThunderGoddess

I'm sorry to hear your stressed out it's been a while since we have spoken! I'm feeling stressed too I have a lot on my plate so I know what you mean I feel like my worrying thoughts are going like a merry go round. In these times of stress I find mediation and listening to affirmations to be the biggest help I am not really able to do much to soothe myself so sitting and doing nothing seems to work best. I use the meditation app called "Calm" it's on android if you have it. Although you probably know of some other guided meditation videos as well.

I hope you find some relief very soon I'll be floating around the forums more often this month feel free to message me anytime!

Aha! Yes! Very good to hear from you, TG!!!

Have you done DBT? I know why I am anxious so it is not free-floating anxiety, which I think is probably positive. I do find I am in a state of overwhelm and DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) is supposed to help. I do have a hypnotist I listen to...but because I am moving I have tons of things to do, and worry about..and am not sure I could...but I could put it on in the background.

I am not borderline, but I am still using DBT because it is supposed to be good for people who are overwhelmed. But I don't know how good it is with anxiety.

I guess I am also depressed. Things are not going well and I seem to have lost the ability to cope. I have been dieting for months and sometimes I feel like I am getting fatter! I feel physically dissociative. Not body dysmorphia, exactly, but I have dieted before like this and the weight has just dropped off, while now it doesn't and I am wondering if stress is the cause.

Thank you for your response, sweetie!!!

[eskielover]

DBT is not just for borderline. They are the skills that normally healthy people have & learned in their normal life to deal with things that come up in their life.

The one huge thing I learned in DBT is that not all anxiety is bad. Anxiety is a normal part of every human's brain & it comes up in ALL people when there are things that have to be done. It is our mind & bodies way of telling us that there is something we need to do. Without it, we wouldn't end up doing anything.

Obviously we need to control the level so we can get those things done. That is why anxiety is like a wave. Also, distraction is wonderful for anxiety because the mind is incapable of thinking of more than one thing at a time. The distraction doesn't get rid of what is causing the stress anxiety but it does give needed relief.

I had two years of group DBT with the most wonderful psychologist that made the group more like a college learning class with group learning & sharing experiences as we learned. It was an awesome experience.

I took and use my CBT skills. While different from DBT they do share similarities - especially when it comes to dealing with Anxiety.

I've brought up Catastrophic Thinking a few times around the forum. I do so because it is a big part of my own Anxiety thinking and triggers. There are number of tools about working through that - Decatastrophizing worrying situations. It comes down to making lists of worst case scenarios, best case scenarios, and most likely scenarios. The latter is generally considerably longer than the others which for me is quite soothing. The worst case tends to be relatively short surprisingly and is easier to plan for as a result.

here is great worksheet (it's actually a DBT resource):

https://www.google.ca/url?sa=t&sourc...gc40eemSgaXE4A

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by eskielover

DBT is not just for borderline. They are the skills that normally healthy people have & learned in their normal life to deal with things that come up in their life.

The one huge thing I learned in DBT is that not all anxiety is bad. Anxiety is a normal part of every human's brain & it comes up in ALL people when there are things that have to be done. It is our mind & bodies way of telling us that there is something we need to do. Without it, we wouldn't end up doing anything.

Obviously we need to control the level so we can get those things done. That is why anxiety is like a wave. Also, distraction is wonderful for anxiety because the mind is incapable of thinking of more than one thing at a time. The distraction doesn't get rid of what is causing the stress anxiety but it does give needed relief.

I had two years of group DBT with the most wonderful psychologist that made the group more like a college learning class with group learning & sharing experiences as we learned. It was an awesome experience.

How much anxiety is normal? I don't know. Those of us who grew up in dysfunctional families had a lot of drama and too much anxiety. I grew up in a stressful environment. I think I had PTSD at an early age. What I mean is I think my brain got wired to be high-strung. But I do believe the brain can be re-wired.

My boundaries are still not firm enough when it comes to certain people...certain family members.

I have been doing something new, and maybe you can tell me if this is a skill learned in your classes. When something doesn't need to be stressful or it can be less stressful I practice dialing down. I have found this works. Yesterday I interfaced with several people and all my interactions were really pleasing. I think by dialing down it left me open to more positive experiences. It was a relief from anxiety. I have been too socially isolated and these interactions are good for me.

On the other hand I had a message from a narcissistic brother this week. I should have ignored it but I didn't. My boundaries with family members are too loose. Well, at least I stopped before he had a chance to get nasty. I always try to have a "normal" interaction with him, as if I become ignorant to the fact he will assuredly attack at any moment. Even getting a message made me anxious. But I had the option to ignore it.

I think DBT is great. I don't have access to a group or DBT therapist but I have the workbooks and I have been filling out the worksheets. It might not be the best way to do it, but I am determined to continue. Thank you, Eskie, I have read all your posts in the DBT forum.

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

I took and use my CBT skills. While different from DBT they do share similarities - especially when it comes to dealing with Anxiety.

I've brought up Catastrophic Thinking a few times around the forum. I do so because it is a big part of my own Anxiety thinking and triggers. There are number of tools about working through that - Decatastrophizing worrying situations. It comes down to making lists of worst case scenarios, best case scenarios, and most likely scenarios. The latter is generally considerably longer than the others which for me is quite soothing. The worst case tends to be relatively short surprisingly and is easier to plan for as a result.

here is great worksheet (it's actually a DBT resource):

https://www.google.ca/url?sa=t&sourc...gc40eemSgaXE4A

Thanks for this. I have a hard time with this. I am always convinced the worse will happen. It's a terrible way to live. I might add that often the worse does not happen, and, in fact, sometimes something better than anticipated may happen. I simply can't plan for the worst case scenerio because I believe it will happen. For instance, I believed I was going to end up in a terrible new housing situation. I almost got sick with worry. But what happened was I ended up in a better situation than I could ever have anticipated. It is also true I did all the right things like researched online, had my application filled out in advance online, and when I went to look at the place I secured it immediately. I was able to do this because I did my homework and a lot of my questions were already answered. However, I still believe it was just "luck" that got me into a nice place. Hmmm. I think I need more CBT, for sure! Thanks!

[ThunderGoddess]

Originally Posted by DechanDawa

Aha! Yes! Very good to hear from you, TG!!!

Have you done DBT? I know why I am anxious so it is not free-floating anxiety, which I think is probably positive. I do find I am in a state of overwhelm and DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) is supposed to help. I do have a hypnotist I listen to...but because I am moving I have tons of things to do, and worry about..and am not sure I could...but I could put it on in the background.

I am not borderline, but I am still using DBT because it is supposed to be good for people who are overwhelmed. But I don't know how good it is with anxiety.

I guess I am also depressed. Things are not going well and I seem to have lost the ability to cope. I have been dieting for months and sometimes I feel like I am getting fatter! I feel physically dissociative. Not body dysmorphia, exactly, but I have dieted before like this and the weight has just dropped off, while now it doesn't and I am wondering if stress is the cause.

Thank you for your response, sweetie!!!

Yes I am still working with DBT skills but I left my original group because I was able to start working just after 2 modules and my work schedule conflicted with theirs so I am individual psychotherapy with my favorite previous therapist and were working on DBT together.

I'm sorry you are going through difficult times moving is so stressful just go easy on yourself and once you are settled in you can get yourself more organized it's okay be stressed it's just not very enjoyable.

I know how you feel with losing the ability to cope we are all doing the best we can right in this moment and that is okay you can't do better than your best! I really hope you are feeling a bit better today and in the coming weeks sending you love and light

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by ThunderGoddess

Yes I am still working with DBT skills but I left my original group because I was able to start working just after 2 modules and my work schedule conflicted with theirs so I am individual psychotherapy with my favorite previous therapist and were working on DBT together.

I'm sorry you are going through difficult times moving is so stressful just go easy on yourself and once you are settled in you can get yourself more organized it's okay be stressed it's just not very enjoyable.

I know how you feel with losing the ability to cope we are all doing the best we can right in this moment and that is okay you can't do better than your best! I really hope you are feeling a bit better today and in the coming weeks sending you love and light

You seem to be doing well. I am so happy for you. I sometimes post just to whine and complain, it seems. My move is going as moves go...they are always stressful. There is a great brand new gym as part of my new place so I can start working out. I am probably not losing weight as fast as in the past because I am eating sensibly. All is well. I complain too much. I have started a gratitude practice. That helps. Best of luck to you. I am still doing DBT on my own as well as CBT, and I love them both. I was happy to hear from you.

I have heard about DBT but not really sure what it is. Will have a mosey on over to the forum you mention.

Thanks for this thread, could you give me an example of how DBT works for you?

Ty

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

I have heard about DBT but not really sure what it is. Will have a mosey on over to the forum you mention.

Thanks for this thread, could you give me an example of how DBT works for you?

Ty

Mostly DBT is about regulating emotions and learning and applying life skills. I have a difficult time with anxiety, depression, and feeling overwhelmed. DBT has been helping me take it one day at a time. Also, there are just loads of skills. Such as, "Improving the moment," is one. When I wake up I usually feel very overwhelmed. So I work on doing things to help me feel less overwhelmed. Since I am in the middle of a move I need to prioritize what needs to be done. However, a hot bath relaxes me so sometimes I will start out the day with a hot bath. It seems to relax my muscles which get very tense. I also try "Riding the emotion like a wave," which means if I feel sadness or fear instead of changing it I just let it roll out. This is tricky, though, and you might also need to practice "changing the emotion" by doing something different. I have about an hour right now before I start the day's tasks. So I am going to take a hot bath, get dressed comfortably, write in my journal for about 10 minutes, take out the trash and go to my corner cafe for take-out coffee. There are tons of skills to learn in DBT...the best way is to go online and read about them, and to invest in purchasing a workbook. You can also do a program and/or work with a DBT trained therapist, but those aren't options for me at this time. Good Luck.

I wish to point out that doing DBT/CBT is a lifestyle. Yes, I am serious about this. Although it's now been months since I completed a program, I continue to do the work. I do exercises weekly and as-needed.

That de-catastrophizing thing has been a life saver. My catasrophic thinking had rendered me terrified to do anything but helped me find the strength to cope.

For example driving. I was terrified I'd have car trouble, not be able to park, and even tick someone off (the list continues). But it is likely I realized these things would not happen. Still, I went back over these things and considered what to do if they did. If the car broke down I'd call my brother, I would drive another block if I had to find a spot I would be comfortable in, if someone got angry that was their problem, etc.

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

I wish to point out that doing DBT/CBT is a lifestyle. Yes, I am serious about this. Although it's now been months since I completed a program, I continue to do the work. I do exercises weekly and as-needed.

That de-catastrophizing thing has been a life saver. My catasrophic thinking had rendered me terrified to do anything but helped me find the strength to cope.

For example driving. I was terrified I'd have car trouble, not be able to park, and even tick someone off (the list continues). But it is likely I realized these things would not happen. Still, I went back over these things and considered what to do if they did. If the car broke down I'd call my brother, I would drive another block if I had to find a spot I would be comfortable in, if someone got angry that was their problem, etc.

This is such a good point. It sounds like with driving you used CBT to reduce your anxiety. I was reading about this recently. If anxiety is from thinking (as opposed to a phobia) then I read that CBT was the way to go.

[Altec]

This has been a long time coming. I was given a DBT skills manual while I was in a treatment facility almost 10 years ago. Didn't think much of it, thought it was not applicable to me at the time. Many fellow clients are very loyal to it. Still didn't think much of it. Stuff the manual in my bookshelf.

I had a relapse due to missing medications about 6 years ago. So after I was stable, per doctor's recommendation, I attended a weekly DBT session for about 2 months. Mindfulness, interpersonal effectiveness were the two chuncks that we went over. We did a lot of the meditation using 5 senses part of it, starring at the carpet, noticing its texture and pattern, feeling a fuzzy toy and be mindful of its texture and how it felt in your hands etc.

I didn't think that this was helpful in making the problems go away. Granted, I didn't have a clear idea of exactly what I was struggling with. Clinical depression turned into psychotic schizophrenia were the two issues that I am certain I have. I'm not delusional or exhibiting symptoms of schizophrenia anymore now that I'm on an awesome med. I consider my situation very stable. I have a full time job, living on my own etc. But I still struggle a lot with negative thoughts, cognitive dysregulation and interpersonal chaos. Btw, these are straight out of the skills training DBT handbook 1 st Ed. For as long as I remember, I couldn't put words in to describe what I was struggling with. When you can't even describe what you are struggling with, no way will healing start. I'm glad that the DBT manual has helped reveal so much of the issues in my mind.

Well, you may ask what got me to pick up DBT again? Why am I using DBT language to express myself? Well, about 3 weeks ago, I had this random thought about looking at some of the tools I've gained over the years that are suppose to help with coping. I was looking for whatever I had, copies of treatment manuals etc. Turns out DBT skills training manual and this CBT manual were the two I've found. Anyways, I am not quite sure what it is, but I am A lot more receptive to the ideas and words this time. I know I'm being long- winded, and thank you for reading this far, but I just want to say that DBT has really helped me with my thinking. Please, don't throw your DBT training resources away, revisit it 5 years later, 7 years later or maybe now. It has helped me tremendously with my depressive thoughts( not clinical depression, but just remanents of that which changed my thinking ever since). In conjunction with a good CBT skills manual, I am practicing the skills everyday for 3 weeks now, and I can tell you the effect on my thinking is profound. Please feel free to PM me if you are in recovery for anything and would like to explore or pick up DBT and or CBT again.

[eskielover]

DBT provided the knowledge that gave me the words to finally explain all I had been going through in my life & learn how to get in touch with what I was feeling & WHY. It took 2 full years of intense DBT group work then we had a "next step" group I went to for about a year afterwards. I still see my T who led the group & we do talk more in applying the DBT now rather than the technical aspect.

It was hard to get started in especially the terms. We all sat there expressing ourselves as normal & for the first few months out group leader psycholigist would translate into DBT terms. It was like learning a foreign language to start with.....but it was the best & most practical theraoy I had in the 20+ years I had bern going to therapy.

I have a huge notebook full of notes I took in those 2 years of group DBT. Really good information I still refer back to.