Is anyone else ashamed of being smart?

I think finding a place where one's intelligence is valued & RESPECTED is actually the key....because when others accept us it is easier to accept ourselves (even if se should accept ourselves no matter what)

Seesaw.....how sad to be treated that way. I was not encouraged at home but not really discouraged either....only encouragement I did get was in school. Though I had to work harder than most others who were excelling also.

I am glad there are some work places that were like my experience....it is sad that other places aren't like that.

I wish I was intelligent really.

Another thought is in environments where there is a lot of competition of positions (or tenure) people can get really dirty in how they deal with others who are actually their equal just to try to get ahead.....very sad. In engineering we were all project oriented & helped each other so the project would be successful. Whole different environment can make a huge difference in how intelligence is viewed

No, I'm not a professor. That's what I'm supposed to be, but for a plethora of reasons, I just don't want to pursue it. Those include not being good enough, not wanting to be bullied by coworkers all the time, completely disagreeing with the philosophies of the departments (basically what work they consider to have value and what does not), and basically being forced to create work that I find has less aesthetic value to me personally.

But I'm already inferior in a lot of people's eyes because I'm choosing to teach PreK-12 instead of trying to get a university position. I got crap for working as a para but I liked working with special needs people as they tend to not make fun of me or make me feel stupid.

You asked if I was male...physically I was assigned female at birth, but mentally I'm much more male. I usually describe my gender as fluid and can be both at varying amounts. I have been completely male before which is unsettling in a female body. It's hard to explain, but I suppose it's kind of like a male (or at least predominantly male mind) in a female body that was socialized female. So the line between nature and nurture is pretty blurry. Maybe it does have to do with something masculine.

To both of these posts...that's why I'm going into education (hopefully secondary)...I'm actually a person and don't have to be perfect to be valued there. And surprisingly, they almost seem more open to people being different.


I've felt pressure that I have to know everything about everything all the time or I will get picked on. So, no, I don't want people to know that I'm smart because I want the opportunity to feel safe making a mistake or two every once in a while. I just want it to be okay to have different strengths and weaknesses as everyone else.

I'm ashamed of the degrees I have. All that time and money and I'm still an incapable fraud. The way I was treated (and what was said to me) by several teachers/professors was that I was going to fail and I would never the "real" thing at what I do if I can't do XYZ (which plenty of real people can't do)...but then it comes down to the message being ingrained in me to the point that I can't truly pursue my passion because I'm not good enough and never will be. So what's the point? And that's on top of the horrible messages that got hammered into me as a child about how the worst thing I could possibly ever be was queer. And look how I turned out...

And then there's my ex who can do things I can't do and will never be able to do as he was born with the ability and I was not. So I was always inferior to him. The ironic thing is I was much smarter in many ways than him, but he'll be the professor and the one who's considered "real" and not a fraud.

And it's so difficult to connect if you think differently than other people. As a small child, I didn't understand how other children played so I played by myself. When I was older, I could find kids to play with, but I didn't really have many friends. I only remember one for sure from grade school. And this is in the phase of life it should be easiest. I was used and manipulated by other people my age starting in grade school and even up through grad school. I was just trying to do whatever I needed for people to like me. In one case, kids convinced me to say I vandalized the teacher's computer. I think I was even convinced I had done it.

It just comes down to I'm supposed to be smart but I've always been naive and childish and behind everyone my age socially, emotionally, and by physical ability. I was not ready to go to kindergarten as soon as I turned five from an emotional and maturity standpoint, but I had to go that year because my parents were already worried I would be too bored in school. I ended up being tested for gifted a grade level early, so I guess 2 years earlier (by age) than the average person? I don't know. None of it makes sense to me. I couldn't cope with being pushed into all of it too early. I had bad anxiety and possibly OCD symptoms at school. I was depressed and self-harming in grade school. I was always in the counselor's office, but I didn't really have any other adults to guide me through handling emotion etc. None of that really matters I guess. But intelligence was something used to dismiss possible psych issues when I was younger.

I just see it as something that's done more harm to my life than good. Plenty of people with average intelligence make a comfortable living, are married/have a partner, have kids etc., and maybe I could have that if only I were average. No one is going to want me for who or what I am. What made me this way is high intelligence and being queer. The latter is a whole different matter so that's why I talk about the intelligence. If I were average, I could actually feel happiness more often. I could shut the thoughts off...I could avoid the often very realistic imagination I have...there's little to no positive and really only negative to being too smart.