Is anyone else ashamed of being smart?

I haven't been on meds for years, but I do still go to therapy. The last time I went to a psychiatrist, she told me, in her exact words. "I don't think it's a matter of you being sick and needing medicine. You're dealing with genuinely stressful events." I guess it depends on what system you're in and who's managing it.

Doesn't it take years to get a diagnosis from a therapist though? I don't usually stay with them for very long. My old couple's counselor seems fine so I'll stick with her for now, especially since she's in network on my new insurance. She can't see me every week (just like a plethora of therapists before her) and frankly, I'm surprised to see that it's common for other people to get to see their therapists consistently. I've even asked others in the past and it was a no, obviously. So it's better than nothing, but it's not like I can get the therapeutic care that others are getting here...unless I get multiple therapists I guess?

It sure is annoying found knowing something someone else doesnt. When I was doing my national service and had a test on math one guy told me he had finished the whole test! That sure made me jealous. Thank you for sharing and all good for you!

KU104
language fool

I've pointed out the difference between intelligence (cognitive ability) and smarts (knowledge) previously. I find smarts far more attractive than intelligence. The ability to hold a conversation and an interesting dialogue is far better to me than any other attribute a person could have.

Intelligence is awesome! Don’t feel embarrassed of who you are. That’s just other people bringing you down. We all have different strengths and weaknesses. Personally I see no reason for you to hide who you are just to suit other people. That said... I totally get how difficult it is to be yourself these days.

Along this line....my X had a high IQ. He thought himself amazing that he could remember series of numbers & would constantly show off his useless talent. I say useless because ut served no purpose. He couldn't even ballance the check book with his superior math abilities & destroyed us financially when I got sick & he had to take over handling the household finances.

Intelligence without being able to apply it practically looses it's good charm

I have mixed feelings here. My father had a very high IQ, but he wasn't particularly adept at everyday life. He had personality problems and was weak in people skills. Yes, in the long run his very high IQ served him no real purpose.

Former husband, same deal. He missed qualifying for Mensa by two lousy percentage points, and hadn't slept the night before the test. If he had, he might have made it in. He had NO people skills whatsover, and was a sad, lonely, depressed man.

Both of these men were unable to make much of a living. They had trouble getting hired, even more trouble holding on the jobs they could get. As for moving up the ladder once they had a job, forget it. Never management. Always low-wage entry level, because people just plain didn't like them. Both men died before the age of 50, one of a coronary condition, and the other of a brain aneurysm. What practical good did their high intelligence do them? Not much, if you ask me.

I tested at fourth-grade level when I was in kindergarten, and I'm not even employable.

On the other hand, I'm not comfortable with the idea of dismissing and minimizing strengths. I've seen too much of, "So what if you got straight A's on your report card? That's just book smarts. It doesn't count. You don't know anything about (sports, pop culture, fashion, whatever), so you see? You're stupid after all."

Maybe that kind of thing *causes* the personality problems that turn people off.

I don't understand these comments basically knocking people with high IQs when the whole purpose of the thread is those of us who are ashamed to show how smart we are. You've basically just reinforced our undue shame that we have. Thanks for the continued invalidation and negativity.

maybe there is an undiagnosed underlying condition that would make sense of it all including the thing that "causes" the personaluty problems also

So now we're just assuming that all people who are smart or have high IQs have some kind of PD? I just can't with this. There is far too much projecting going on in this thread. The OP asked if anyone else was ashamed of their high IQ. If this is not something that resonates with you, then don't insert your problem with someone else with a high IQ into this and therefore make those of us that are already ashamed feel worse.

I understand you're just sharing, but I think you're missing the point of being supportive.

Seesaw

I'm a little puzzled by this anger and the accusations.

I cited two men I knew very well who had high IQ's and also had personality disorders. I didn't say that one necessarily went along with the other. I also cited myself, having similar difficulties. I postulated that if there is a lack of social skills, maybe it's caused by people who mock and minimize when we do something well, telling us it doesn't count because we're not so good at something else that's "cooler."

And for this I'm accused of being unsupportive and trying to make people with high IQ's feel worse about it? Where did you get that I'm saying ALL people with high IQ's have personality disorders?

I know lots of high IQ people who are amazingly & totally well rounded & social people. Working in computer engineering I saw both types (with & without social skills ) with high IQ'S & none were ashamed of being smart.

First of all, I didn't accuse you of anything. I didn't quote you or direct my comment at you. But, in regards to your question, the OP's post is about whether or not YOU feel ashamed of being smart, not about people you know and their difficulties with having a high IQ and social awkwardness.

I find it off-topic and invalidating as this seems to me to be a request for support from someone who is made to feel ashamed of being smart, which I can completely identify with.

When we start honing in on people who are smart having social awkwardness or anxiety, well, to me, that has little do with being ashamed of being smart. No one should be made to feel ashamed for being smart or good at something. Equating their intelligence with social issues is besides the point. As Eskie mentioned, she has known people who are highly intelligent who are great in social endeavors and then people who are smart who are not good socially. It's besides the point and besides the post.

Hence why this discussion of social skills has nothing to do with the question of "Are you ashamed of being smart?"

The social awkwardness underlies the shame. At least that's the idea that I was exploring.

I know what it's like to be attacked and bullied for my intelligence.

I'm also feeling pretty attacked and bullied here, as obviously my input isn't welcome. I'll leave you to your discussion and show myself out.

I'm neither attacking you or bullying. I'm simply disagreeing. What you choose to do in response is your choice.

Once again, in my experience:

Many people with high IQ's end up mocked and belittled by people who are trying to make themselves feel better by putting others down.

Which causes social awkardness in the person with the high IQ.

Which leads to them being ashamed of the high IQ.

Off topic? I don't think so.

But you're obviously so much smarter than I am.

Well, if you want to talk about attacking, then that's what you just did. Attack my intelligence. Not once did I insult you or attack you. I disagreed with you, yes. Yes, I did state that, IMO, it's off-topic to bring social awkwardness into it. But that's not an insult.

Not once did I claim to be smarter than you. Not once.

But, even though you're not a moderator and you're not the OP, you did take it upon yourself to say what other people should and shouldn't post in this thread. You decide whether or not it's on topic, and what the definiton of "supportive" is. You decreed there is "far too much projecting" going on.

How about if I post as I please, as long as it's within the rules of this forum, and you don't try to police me, OK?

Or I can just put you on Ignore. That way I can say what I want without your backlash.

I'm not even sure if IQ is good measure of intelligence, other than weeding out the special needs and gifted types.

I am no psychologist but in my opinion IQ is purely medical, seperating the disabled (like me), the normal and the gifted. I was born as gifted, was normal for a while, then became disabled. Although I do not meet my former standards (I used to make software and run a website and was dreaming of becoming a computer scientist specializing in web security, before I graduated tenth grade), I am still quite intelligent.... or at least hard working, for my conditions.

I am currently researching in my country if I can be a computer scientist specializing in security without a technical degree / with a pure science degree in chemistry/geology/biology.

I worked as a computer design engineer with a lot of genius types. No one made them feel ashamed of their intelligence & they didn't look down on those of us who were at a different level of intelligence while still intelligent. We worked together as a team, socialized at times at picnics. Everyone just accepted each other for who they were not how smart or less smart they were. All the companies I worked like were that kind of environment.

Wonder just how much the environment creates a feeling if shame or may be an internal feeling about it.

I was the only one in my familt that got a degree from college. That could have taken me in either direction because my dad didn't think Ibshould even go to the university. I could have felt shame or an extreme sense of pride. I just chose to accept my abiluties as part of who I am.....nithing to feel shame or pride about.

Eskie, it sounds a bit like you had better luck than some of us. I can speak to the fact that I was ridiculed for my intelligence, for knowing things, for being curious and studious. I can also attest that, both at work and in my family, if I showed too much intelligence or how good I was at something or how smart I really was that my life would be in danger or my job, if it was at work dealing with my boss, for example. And I will say this has predominantly been with men, but also with women, both at work and with my family. It literally was dangerous for me to show how much skill or talent or intelligence I had. And definitely things were done to make me feel ashamed of it or that it was a thing of no value.

The kind of environment you describe is great, but not all of us have been in that kind of environment. My experience has been the exact opposite, in fact. Fortunately I am now in a work environment where my intelligence and talent are very much valued, and I have slowly stopped holding back.

I will also repeat that my shame does not result from a social awkwardness stemming from my intelligence.

I envy you a lot.

I want to work either in engineering or medicine (pure science just isn't for me) but I am disqualified for admission in engineering colleges because I did not take math as subject in high school (called as 'junior college' here) and my doctor tells me not to be a doctor. To do a B.Sc instead... and don't even pursue PG after that. Perfect. The life I wanted...

While academic life may be not everything, it's not that I have a social life either, or will ever, thanks to my parents.

I am feeling completely destroyed... for trying to do something good in this world. And no one is willing to help me.

To the OP: No I'm not ashamed at all of my high intelligence. I have even higher emotional intelligence, and I'm proud of that too. I read only a small amt. of your thread, but it sounds like you're a professor. If you want to be average, maybe find an average job. Also it sounds like you wrestle with your self esteem and disliking yourself. I have to be honest, I'd never heard of anyone disliking their own intelligence before. It seems like such an asset. But I hear you on wanting to fit in. I say work on your self esteem. In my opinion, this is a very small thing to lament about. But I also wonder if it has to do with something masculine. Are you male? Regardless, Good luck.