Is anyone else ashamed of being smart?

Maybe it's just my phone.

Thanks, Candc!

So that article really speaks to me. It was drilled into my head growing up (by family, church, community, etc.) that I was subhuman, inferior to others, and a monster. Especially when it came to sexuality and gender. I still can't accept my sexuality and gender and have never acted on it. That's what my best friend from ages ago told me after I came out to her: just don't act on it. It's difficult going throughout life avoiding any and all people you find attractive. My biggest fear is for someone (any sex or gender really) to find out I find them attractive. That I had a sexual thought about them.

From the article in particular:

I was in a good enough relationship. It wasn't sexually satisfying and I was selfishly having trouble coming to peace with that. But the companionship aspect was lacking too...I know especially in the past few months or more he wanted to avoid being around me because he didn't know what mood I'd be in. But overall, if I went to a party with him or went out with just him I'd often be ignored, and I almost felt like a nuisance if I stayed around him at a party. By and large, these were his groups where he knew people and related to them (or at least better than I did) so I'm just listening to their conversation or awkwardly talking to people that are strangers or that I'm not comfortable with. The one time that got to me was when we went to a bar, just the two of us, and he ends up having a long conversation (an hour maybe?) with a complete stranger while completely ignoring me. I could understand a chance encounter with a friend that he hadn't seen in ages, but a stranger?

I'm glad the article spoke to you. It spoke to me too. And you shouldn't have to put up with a partner who ignores you like that. You are worth someone who values and appreciates you.

Seesaw

I was bullied in elementary school. It was a clique of girls who ruled the school and just didn’t like me right from the start...in kindergarten. I was smart. I think they sensed that and were jealous. Come third grade, they started making fun of me for having a big nose. I really did. It was a horrible, big nose. This really damaged my self esteem.

I was tested for Gifted and was selected to go away from my home school for the program. I was thrilled to be able to get myself out of my school and away from the bullies. This made the bullying worse, as none of them were selected.

I remember them bullying me saying “You think you’re so smart, you’re conceited.” That’s when I started to dumb down and never act conceited and too smart.

Yeah, that trauma probably contributed to my never accomplishing much scholastically. I’ve suspected ADHD, but perhaps it was self sabotage due to trauma. Thanks for this post!

The head popular girl is now a judge and I am a never was.

S&C— it serves you no benefit to sabotage yourself and put yourself down. It’s a highly competitive world. There is always someone looking to knock you down and steal your success. Fight for yourself and succeed.

What if that person doesn't exist? I'm 30 and he's been the only person who was attracted to me enough/liked me enough to date me. And he certainly noticed me more than other people, especially in the beginning...I fell in love with him because he talked to me without being prompted by someone else and because he actually listened and remembered what I said. That's rare, especially with single people who are attracted to my sex/gender.

Nooo...

Okay, so I sometimes drift into educational-conceit, but not so much of late. I was more blown-away by my different IQ scores than anything and I expected more of myself, though I didn’t see how I could have given more without further mental damage.

The summa cum laude Bachelor’s is nothing but a parent-pleaser. Post-grad degrees ‘with honors’ are pretty common. My fellow post-grads marveled that I could get high grades with so little effort but I had an ‘aw-shucks’ reaction that allowed me to keep those folks as close friends.

The only person who I revealed my very lowest IQ score was my ex-wife. I hope that she never shared that secret with anyone.

No, I’m never ashamed. But I have been so repeatedly humbled that my smarts don’t really matter, do they? It’s the way that I’ve lived, and continue to live, my life that’s of far greater importance. I could be as dumb as a post but had I practiced kindness frequently I believe that I would have had a far more fulfilling life.

Just a quick observation:

We seem to share a common alma mater! Although my matriculation was wholly on the JD side!

I still bleed orange and black, though!

That’s just kind of cool.

Not ashamed of it, but wouldn’t brag about what I’m good at to make others feel bad. Earned excellent grades in grad school and yet have learning difference and need tutors for math, algebra. Have excellent memory and earned excellent grades in school. There are different kinds of intelligence, emotional, etc and to me the luckiest ones are the people who are emotionally and socially intelligent since that’s difficult for me.

Actually it is kinda entertaining to be smart & down to earth. It surprises everyone at all the things you accomplish when asked to do something.

My degree was in accounting & computer science. My AA degree was in music. I also love to do research about things in my life that don't work & need to be fixed

I know a lot about a lot of things & they come out here & there in conversations about things. Like I had an interesting discussion about fuel with one of the people showing me how to use equipment I bought for my farm. I had researched fuel issues because I was having problems with my previous lawn tractor. The guy commented that most guys he talks to didn't have the knowledge I had. But stuff like that only comes out when needed. I have a wealth of knowledge filed away in my head that only comes out when needed....& I am definitely NOT ashamed of the smarts I gave gained through my life.

I want to go back in time and save all of my issues of Mother Earth News (and Rolling Stone) and, wearing Earth Shoes, I’ll live on a farm, too, and have horses and keep goats and build solar showers and avoid higher education.

Hoo. The worst thing about being smart is when you sit with others whilst watching Jeopardy and you beat that day’s champion and everyone remarks, “you should be on Jeopardy!” as if that’s the best you can do with your smarts.

I’m not sure that they even have Gimp Jeopardy?

What is entertaining is when guys think you are just a dumb female who doesn't know they are BS'ing you & you call them on it & you just casually drop into the conversation that you are a retired computer design engineer.....love watching them get their way out of that.

It is nice to be able tp be a part of many conversations & have something of value to add to it. Like the financial class I went to. My Acviunting degree knowledge let me contribute knowingly to the group....& I am the techi for all my friends who can't even figure out how to connect cables.

Of course at parties I always hung out eith the guys talking about work. Though I love cooking & kids it is not what I am interested in talking about though I can talk horses, dogs & vet studies & treatments too....while at the same time I can hold my own on equipment repair as I have done my share of that too.

I think being smart is just being able to know things so one can add to conversations in just a conversational way & not trying to show how much you know more than others.

I stink at trivia.

Being smart is also being useful to others, cause it's what add value to the person.

—don’t ever be ashamed of your intelligence. Shame on you. Just because the one school didn’t need you as a ta doesn’t make you a loser. And how does that mean you are not good enough to teach at the college level? Have you even applied to other schools? If it’s not meant to be, sometimes this kind of experience can point you towards something better for you, tho finding ones niche is not always easy. Be aware that there are significant student discipline aspects in teaching high school. But who knows, maybe you would be brilliant at that. There are many ways to use a degree. You didn’t say what yrs is.
I loved this thread because street smarts is important as Are people skills. Tho I have a masters degree, my bff had only hs but she has a 30 pt higher IQ and is my mentor in life. Stop beating yourself up. Things will fall into place. Hugs!

Based on a lot of different people's descriptions of what being smart is, I feel even dumber. Can anyone explain why everyone's definition of smart seems to revolve around only knowledge? On Bloom's Taxonomy, knowledge is the lowest level of thinking. Analyzing, synthesizing, and evaluating are much higher level. And even beyond that, why doesn't creative thinking count for as much or more than just knowing things? Just because you know things, doesn't mean you know how to use it or how it fits into the context of everything else. I don't have as many facts memorized as other people, but why should I need to when I have the world's knowledge a google search away (or worst case scenario, at the library)?

Oh, I'm very aware of discipline issues in high school. I worked at a high school with a significant amount of low income families, immigrants, etc....so pretty much an "inner city" school. I worked in the special ed department so I've seen worse discipline issues than most teachers outside of special ed. And I'm certainly not someone who's afraid to step in and break up a fight as I've done it twice in the last year. I actually have a pretty good sense of when a fight will happen and then I can step in before it can escalate.

And honestly, the mild discipline issues (like constantly talking, not listening, and making noise) that continues through undergrad. I have no patience for it regardless, but I'm more forgiving of high school kids because it's part of where they are in their development.

All my smarts has total practical application. My accounting knowledge would be worthless without my practical experience using it.

My computer smarts would be worthless if I couldn't figure out new technologies & how to accomplish what I need on new devices.

I have a natural ability fixing things which helped with my career & dealing with computer hardware. I live on my farm & things are constsntly breaking around here. Being creative in how to fix things since I don't have the muscle like men do is critical to getting repairs done in a timely manor.....& you bettcha.....YouTube Is my best friend. I found out how to replace my own EGR valve on my truck. I found our that if you use tie down ratchets you can move the spring on the lawn tractor deck so the belt can be replaced without taking it all apart. They have some very helpful ideas that one just has to figure out exactly how to implement.

My brain has always liked to figure out how to do things so my career just fit into my abilities well....& all the things I am involved in now in retirement still fit in.

Knowledge is useless if there is no practical application.....exactly why I am bad at trivia.

Well...

Before there was Google, before there was LexisNexis, before you could access a decent encyclopedia in seconds, we had to memorize first before we could begin to analyze, synthesize, evaluate, etc. We needed all of that knowledge in order to be or become creative, had to know before using knowledge.

I’m not certain that accumulated knowledge is thinking. Knowledge is a sort of messy chest-of-drawers where we, haphazardly, stuff socks and underwear and spats and and school scarves and cuff links and collar stays and ties and other incidentals and when we need to dress formally (think formally) we’re able to use accumulated knowledge so that we’ll not forget our spats.

Yes, I’m the Worst Nightmare that anyone may have in playing any edition of Trivial Pursuit; I have a giant, teetering armoire bursting open with knowledge socks spilling onto the floor. But I use those socks for more-than-trivial pursuits.

I guess that I can only speak of my generation — we may have been the last with the need to accumulate and store knowledge in our minds.

I suppose that’s why many of us think so highly of the massive amount of bric-a-brac in our heads.

Sigh.

Personally I go through phases.
One day I am "watering myself down" . Trying to seem normal. Even stupid. And feel almost embarrassed if I "use big words"
The next day I am wearing my intelligence like a frelling badge of honor . Not quite flaunting it or rubbing it in. But using the vocabulary and vernacular I think with (hope that made sense) when it's not always necessary.
Example being using the word scorching versus simply saying hot.

Honestly I rarely know what kind of day I'll have when I leave for work until the right customers come in. (I am the manager at a bar and grill)

Discovering whether or not your gonna be able to hold an intelligent conversation in the middle of a discussion is not fun I might add.
Sometimes my day decides to switch (manic to depressed and vise versa) literally at the drop of a hat.

It's nice to know that I'm not the only one that has those days/moments.

——I love Amicus’s answer to this above——But I thought this goes without saying, eg all of that on blooms I consider to be a part of intelligence. One of the things I liked best about my elem teacher training was the concept of multiple intelligences- that a person might not be good at one thing, or one aspect of thinking, but they might be very strong at something else. My partner taught high school, also with at risk kids and there is no way I would have been good at that. Apparently you are good at that and I don’t see yourself giving yourself credit for that or anything else. I worked w at risk kids also. They need you so much. What’s up?

The more I come back to this thread, the more I feel stupid. I can't even really think about how to put my thoughts down in writing.

Growing up I was teased/made fun of for failing at simple tasks. Always followed by a "[You need to be] smarter than the machine/whatever it was". I wasn't able to ride a bike as a kid. I even tried again as an adult and I can sort of do it, but not well enough to actually ride anywhere. And no one seems to understand how it feels to not be able to do something virtually ever small child can do. I had speech issues growing up...I remember working with a speech therapist. Talking clearly can still be an issue now but in most cases, no one notices. Unless of course, it's one of the words I struggle with every time...which makes you feel stupid in front of your professors when you have to use the word and you can't pronounce it. I have a difficult time remembering things and recalling the right information at the moment. I memorize a lot of things based on patterns...maybe why I was better at math than classes that required more memorization of facts? I also can't remember/process instructions/directions etc. aurally very well. If I'm given driving directions, they must be written or given to me one at a time or I'll only remember the last one I'm told.

In my career field, there are simple things and things that I have to be able to do that I really struggle with because of attention problems and physical limitations and it makes me feel so inferior. If you're teaching music to little kids, you're also teaching them to snap their fingers. I can only snap with one hand. I always had a hard time with music dictation (or transcription) or learning music by ear because of memory and attention.

All in all, I look dumb but people find out that I'm smart so I'm always afraid I'm going to be made fun of for looking dumb. And yet I could write complex music with little score study...I mean, every composer is "supposed" to study scores, but I only did it if I had to. I pretty much got everything I needed from playing other people's music and by instinct. So maybe some sort of idiot savant...I don't know.

All I know is I feel inferior to almost everyone pretty much all the time. I can't keep close relationships because of it. A lot of posts on this thread end up sounding like people calling me stupid.

Have you ever had any mental health diagnosis? Sometimes knowing what is going on helpes us understand ourselves better & that way we can help others understand us better too.

—-nobody is calling you stupid or hinting that or inferring that. Some of us struggle every day of our lives, just in a different way. I laughed when you mentioned idiot savant because I have called myself that. Even when I’m really messed up w my bipolar mixed states, I have some insights that some people around me don’t notice. You didn’t tell the whole story in the first post, so how could we know all you’ve been thru. You are all the more amazing for what you have accomplished. Many of us have advanced degrees, but on our bad days some of us are totally faking it. During my bad episodes, I have severe confusion (I don’t cry as a rule—-repressing crying so I could work and function may have caused that). In my worst days I can’t do math, at all. However, in less stressful periods, I can sometimes be completely normal for an entire year.
I was the star in my family until my slacker brother finally decided to apply himself to get into law school and became a top litigator and head of the board of the am cancer society worldwide. Yes that makes me feel like an also ran sometimes. And the people in my family that haven’t had depression, let alone bp mixed just don’t get it. Hey during episodes I’m faking it all the time.
So we get it , we really do. I’m proud that I stuck it out like you did, but for you it was even a bigger accomplishment. I’m proud to know you and all our family here on the forum welcomes you.
What are your diagnoses? Maybe you could be supported a lot more by the professionals. We’re behind you, we support you, we believe in you. Hugs.

I don't know if I had an official diagnosis when I was a kid or not. I imagine it would be depression and anxiety or something similar. Several other possibilities were thrown out there but nothing ever stuck.

I'm not sure I want to return to a doctor because all they do is just throw a bunch of medication at you. As long as I'm able to survive work/school and take care of myself for the most part, I'm not sure medication is necessary. And I pretty much have to switch doctors and insurance every year. And honestly, I don't know if I get insurance for the semester I'll have to sub (as I would be certified at the end of a fall semester and could only do long-term subbing for a semester) so I don't want to risk starting medication that I can't afford.

What would be more helpful really would be to find more understanding, love, acceptance etc. in real life. And I feel particularly vulnerable right now because I broke up with my ex about a month and a half ago and while he could show me some love, he could never really understand or fully accept me. Not like he wasn't willing to, he just couldn't.

I honestly trust the diagnoses of psychologists more because they don't have medication in the back of their mind as treatment but they focus of teaching & working on better coping skills. Meds never were the solution for me either.....but learning new skills after living with dysfunctional parents for 21 years & a dysfunctional H for another 33 years I needed serious help learning how to deal with life in a normal functional way.