[GiraffeBoy]

I am a good person that tries to 'play' life by the rules. I do everything that I am supposed to do, I have a moral center, and I try to live the Higher Law. What I find most frustrating, right now, is the fact that with as much as I'm struggling to do the Right Thing, it seems that I'm constantly getting screwed over for doing it.

I am a dedicated husband and father, I work full time, I volunteer at our church, at my daughter's school, I try to be there for all who need me; before joining the site, it was brought to my attention that all of my wife's needs were not being met, she felt that she came last on the priority list. I decided to change that immediately, and our marriage has been as firm as a rock since then.

Our financial situation is scary at best, despite me working full time. It seems that we make just a little too much to qualify for any type of assistance. My sister has chosen to to solve her problems at the expense of anybody around her including family-she has done some really atrocious things including stealing alot of money from my grandmother. I am now in charge of my grandmother's finances, and it's REALLY hard to hear her complain about how much things cost, and how hard it is to make ends meet. Being in charge of a part of her finances, and seeing exactly where the money goes, and seeing the balance in the account, and hearing her complain Is REALLY HARD when I'm currently filing bankruptcy, we do without any luxuries, we do without a great many necessities. We are cut to the bone, and there is little more we can do to improve our situation. Every day seems to bring some unexpected bill or some new expense, and I recently got the news that my review that was scheduled for April, which would mean a raise, has been pushed to September. AAARRGH!!! Is there anybody else out there who is going through exactly the same thing and can offer any words of hope?? I have been coping for the last 4+ years, and there is no light ahead for the next 2 years. I am just having a really hard time coping today. Thanks for listening

[nowheretorun]

hi giraffeboy... we live in a world marked by its degrees of seperation...

as long as we as a worlds society can turn our backs on each other, or say "pick up another job, improve your career" we will be left harmless from any responsibility for you or your situation...

there are many in your place, trying to make ends meet... as long as the 'cure' is more work, thereby, more pay, society as a whole looks upon your situation with little empathy...

until we begin to see the citizens who make up society as people, rather than units seperated from others and easily replaceable, i doubt you will find much sympathy from 'the powers that be'...

from birth we are raised that we each are individuals, it is encouraged that we be self-reliant and self-sufficient...

yet, if things go wrong, there are few places to turn for hope and understanding...

thus, we have mental health support websites...

if we could transcend however, we could see ourselves as part of the greater whole, a connection which lies between us would create the network of support in real life you seek...

but the conditioning of our minds is so complete at this phase that a change for the better is similar to an ant attempting to move the mountains...

social factors have cornered us into meaningless lives with meaningless work.. the sacred has gone missing..

now we attempt to fulfill our dreams with possessions... it is encouraged by the media, social pressures, and our own desires...

pharmacuetical companies have 'doped' the complainers into silence...

sorry to hear about your struggles...

there is a way out, but few listen...

[sabby]

(((((((( GiraffeBoy ))))))))

I know exactly how you are feeling. I'm sorry you are struggling so much right now.

I have found it's so easy to sit back and listen to those around us complain about how unfair life is to them and we can see that they do nothing to help themselves yet seem to get more than we do when we are fighting to do everything the right way. But I also realize one thing here too......that we ALWAYS get what we NEED. No matter how badly things go, our needs are met. The answers may not always come in the form that we thought we wanted, but they do come.

What will come to you in the long run is peace of mind and heart that you did the best you could do and you took the higher more difficult road to get there. You will have no regrets and you will respect everything you earn. I think that's much better than living in a "throw away" lifestyle where whatever you get is not respected and appreciated.

I know it's not easy.....and some days it's downright unfair....but there will come a time when it all makes sense and there will be a peace for you.

Hold on tight....know you are doing the best you can and that things will always work out for you one way or another!


sabby

not sure if this helps , wrote this last year on here.......
its part of a whole thing I wrote

know that life can get better and hopefully will for you....also note that in what i wrote does not say at one point in my life was 25,000 in dept, Worked really hard and did pay it all off.
Had to have been a god thing as I say, this is a page out of my story or as I use to say postum note
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

All the time growing up all I ever wanted was a husband and
children, and a store. My Mom and I would talk for hours about this.
You see I had dated this guy for ten years and it was going no where.
I mean bang your head on the table saying to myself "God are you
sure...." that is how no where it was going.
One night four days before Christmas I went out to meet my sister
at the local bar. It was a odd because I did not go out a lot.
Upon getting there I sat at that bar. My sister was talking to some
guys. One being my husband now. We looked at each other and it was
like the movies. nothing else in the room mattered. The guy who was
talking to me at the time about his yacht, well I could not hear him
any more. Life stood still. " That's when I said " YES GOD THIS IS MY
LIFE".
My husband much to his parents disapproval went out and bought
rings a week latter. I only knew because his friend spilled the beans.
Needless to say six months later we were off to Massachusetts to
start a new life. We left with a car payment and one thousand dollars
each. What on earth were we thinking.
We got almost all our furniture at a local dump. " High quality
dump , mind you" Some where's about four months into this we realized
we were poor. Could have been because we were getting food out of
dumpsters, you know that should have gave us a clue. But you know how
love is. It was not till the day he called me after I got out of work
and told me a turkey had just been hit . I should go pick it out of
the road and it would be dinner. "What Dinner?" Again with the
thought. " God are you sure this is my life"
He also did taxidermy,"Which I hated" But you know with love you
put up with these things.
One day while having a friend over . I got something out of the
freezer that I thought was meat. After a time that I thought it was
defrosted , I opened it with my friend sitting at the table. Much to
my Dismay it was a skull. I screamed threw it back in the freezer and
sat down and Said " God are you sure this is my life??"
What the heck road kill turkey dinner, dumpster food and skulls in
the freezer?? Some thing
is wrong with this picture. I think about then is when my Dad had his
second nervous break down. " Yea me too, I wish"
So with all this in mind and my husbands plant closing. We hitched
up our trailer we had bought. What am I in some I love Lucy movie? We
moved as close to back home as we could get with a trailer. Of course
closing my eyes and putting my finger on a spot on the map to move to
was really not
a good way to do it.
Once again I say god are you sure this is my life? A little voice
back said " Yuppers" and theres more to come ............

[Lennie]

I don't know what to say....but I send a hug your way

[Perna]

I'm not sure who you are listening to complaints from; your sister who stole from your grandmother or your grandmother who was stolen from and what the complaints are?

If it is your grandmother, I'd just remember she came from a different generation and has already spent her life battling all of this for longer than we have. I'd just agree with her and commiserate with her about how difficult things are. If you're managing her money/estate then she is not enough anchored in the here and now to take care of herself so some of her comments aren't "real" either, except to her. She truly doesn't understand and I don't mind people who don't understand.

We had an expression in our family, "It's only money!" when something was unexpected or too expensive but had to be bought anyway. Laughing a little took some of the sting out of the difficulties.

[altonwoodsdrphil]

hey friend, Just about all of us are facing some hard times financially right now. Some of us might loose our homes,our cars, and whatever else...In times like these I remind myself that no matter what, no one can take the one thing from me I value the most, my salvation...our current sufferings seem so real to us but are actually just a " temporary thing", someday we'll be in heaven with Jesus for eternity! (nice) this is the only rock solid thing I can hold onto,I'm really sorry for what you've had to go thru...what can I say? trust him, praise God IN all things, and rely on his promises to you!

[I_WMD]

G B Before I address your As it is place >>>> .

Let Me say This ..... Muffy such a yupper thing ,,, It is the choices we make and wonder about,,,,, that surprise us most >>>>>>>>>> As long as we recall....

G B .... First I would try to help mom move into your place .

Space for storing stuff is a limit usually ,,, Take time to first try to repack all things that will always stay ,,, and put them in the back of your homes storage areas.

Lots of changes will happen in the course of such an acceptance thing on all parts of the familia unit .

Discussion as to all involved will be priority. !!!

Then there is always downsizing and working with bank to work as a team and prevent go through as to Chap 11 . or 13...........

They have properties that they would like to secure also as to someone who has been able to find the means and ways to keep it up. In there own ... maybe stretched abilities .. BUT .......

Again if you take some time away from church duties to regather your fruits and deposit them into another basket.....No one will feel Ill or resented ,,,, It is a must for us all to reaxamine the importance of those around us ,,, and how they share in our lifes ,, the good and Bad .

This also happens G B .. Rain >>>>>>>>>>> P E A C E >

in times of trouble familys use to move into together

[AlteredState01]

Wow, now that was heavy, nowheretorun! Not that I cannot connect with that line of thinking, I do!

Doing the right thing - living by a set of morals; trying to be honest and responsible - is one of our "saving graces" in life.

[AlteredState01]

Financial fears are so scary. Not in the situation you are, but I offer you my sympathy.


I admire that you are trying so hard. It so difficult, especially when the lives of others are depending on you...

Stay a good course. You will see that light. Others will eventually respect you for the discipline you have shown, though you are dealing with the *****ing that goes with doing without what we "think" we need. Needs, in the most basic sense, is what keeps the keel upright. No doubt, you are that "keel."

May I pray for strength for you? Well, kinda already have...

[mrsmoggles]

Adding my prayers and thoughts to you and your life's stresses. I hope and pray that they lighten up and you can see the rainbow at the end of the storm...peace be with you. ~ melanie

[katheryn]

i understand what you are saying, we were living beyond our income, first we lost our home this took about 9mths kept this quiet and still all the ppl we talked to kept saying how much they were short in money, then we were homeless no help because it was our fault so we went and split the family so we could have somewhere to sleep at night, this lasted for three mths eventually my hubby myself and son stayed at his mothers but before we could we had to clean we paid this out of our money,

while we were going through this we were keeping our cat and dog in kennels
going bk to being homeless sleeping on mother in laws floor
still nobody would help rehouse us and none of the rentals would take us as we had to claim housing benifits

in the end we went bk to council asking for help again still none to be had except this nice bloke said he had been told about a property come to rent that might take benifits

so here we are today because this man told us about the property we have a home we had to eventually give up the pets and in the last year we both have filed for bankrupcy
and up to november things were inproving then my daughter put a spanner in the works
but still we here ppl moaning to us about what they are dealing with to us irl and we sit there nodding in agreement

so hang in there things will get better

[GiraffeBoy]

We're not quite that bad yet, we are still in our home, and I plan to keep it that way. May have to give up our car as well for the greater good, but we'll see if it comes to that.

I'm sorry for all you had to go through. Thanks for the words of encouragement. GB

[AAAAA]

GiraffeBoy I am so sorry that you are going through this. My husband and I have been there and I know what you're feeling. Just remember to keep working on your marriage so when you come through the other side you'll still have each other.

I took care of my grandmother. I was never close to her growing up and that's why I viewed it more as a job. She really did not have a clue what things cost these days. About 30ish years ago, they took out a HUD (I think that's what it's called) loan to build a new house. My grandfather was 30 years older than she and it's the type of loan for low income families. When I took over her finances she paid $120 for a mortgage payment. At the time I thought that was great, where could you find a three bedroom house for $120! Her mortage was based on income. When she died and we went over the paperwork we discovered that they'd borrowed 30K, in the previous 30 years they'd paid back 80K and upon her death my mother had to pay 28K to get the house free and clear. So in the end a 40K house cost 110K! What a deal.

That long story was to point out that she had no concept of the cost of things. When my grandfather died 15 years before she did, she had the opportunity to use his life insurance to pay off the house. She had no clue that they were only paying interest on the house for 30 years.

You have my thoughts and prayers! Good Luck!