Controlling Our Thoughts - How?

*Beth* · Dec 02, 2022, 11:57 PM

I often hear or read that we don't have to be the victims of our negative, fearful, and bad thoughts, but that we have control over such thoughts. I would like to have control over those kinds of thoughts (especially fear thoughts), but I don't have an idea of the first step of how not to be victimized by such thoughts.

I would sure like to know some of your thoughts on the subject and skills, if you have them to share.

mote.of.soul · Dec 03, 2022, 04:52 AM

Quote:

I often hear or read that we don't have to be the victims of our negative, fearful, and bad thoughts, but that we have control over such thoughts

I think that's true to the extent that we can change, or try to change, our responses to such thoughts in terms of different courses of action regarding them. In that sense you could say there is a level of control over them. But in terms of making these thoughts 'go away' all together, well, that could take time. Time working on oneself in a process of self transformation. People also call it a process of healing.

NatalieJastrow · Dec 03, 2022, 08:29 AM

I liked the book the power of now. He suggests that we need to accept that our bad thoughts are not us. They are a diseased brain. We don't have to listen to them. We can just accept that we are different from those thoughts and laugh at them. Ie. disassociate ourselves from them. It is difficult to do... but as you do it more often it does help.

Discombobulated · Dec 03, 2022, 08:58 AM

I’ve found acknowledging the thoughts is helpful, forming a habit of STOP, standing back and looking as an observer at that thought, questioning it, posing alternatives.

You’re pretty good at replying helpfully to people here, I guess you could look at it as a similar process - if that makes sense.

I know it’s not always easy though and when our resilience is low and we’ve got stressed going on it’s challenging to stand back from unwanted thoughts.

lizardlady · Dec 03, 2022, 09:43 AM

Excellent reply Discombobuted!

*Beth* · Dec 03, 2022, 10:28 AM

I so appreciate your replies @mote.of.soul, @NatalieJastrow, @Discombobulated, and @lizardlady. Thank you! I'm going to look into this subject some more and be back later.

In the meantime, if anyone else has ideas to contribute, go for it....

lizardlady · Dec 03, 2022, 01:19 PM

I have mixed feelings about saying people are in control of their thoughts. I don't believe someone who is delusional or in the middle of a psychotic break has much control over their thoughts. In my own case it took a combination of meds and damned hard work in therapy for me to gain a sense of control over my thoughts.

Nammu · Dec 03, 2022, 03:17 PM

Like anything it takes patience and practice. They ( yeah who?) say that you need 10,000 hours of practice to acquire a new skill. Meanwhile if you are actively practicing you can take comfort in knowing that there’s and end to such thoughts.

Skeezyks · Dec 03, 2022, 04:41 PM

Nothing is impossible for the person who doesn't have to do it.

mote.of.soul · Dec 03, 2022, 05:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Nothing is impossible for the person who doesn't have to do it.

Love that quote, it's exactly right. I might add it to my 'arsenal' of comeback lines

*Beth* · Dec 03, 2022, 06:20 PM

Thank you so much for chiming in @Nammu and @Skeezyks. I'm still doing some research on this subject this afternoon and will be back. (I'm having to give some time to this interesting topic in between my work-work).

I know many work on this subject in therapy. I'd love to hear what your therapist says on this subject.

Also, there are religious/spiritual beliefs on the subject of working to overcome certain thoughts.

So if anyone else has thoughts or experience to add, please do.

Nammu · Dec 03, 2022, 06:39 PM

Mmm, maybe spiritual? I don’t know. I like using the Buddha concept of empty mind. I call it a null state. To me it’s not spiritual it’s just a coping method, one that works well for me.

mote.of.soul · Dec 03, 2022, 06:56 PM

There's also the practise of 'mindfulness' which is widely suggested by the mental health field and is actually a component called 'Right mindfulness ' of the ancient Buddhist path to enlightenment - inner peace and tranquility. So, it's spiritual in origin. I always use it for self grounding.

Plenty of info and videos on the internet.

Open Eyes · Dec 03, 2022, 07:12 PM

I think it’s part of our design that forced early man to cave paint and eventually create language to sharing knowledge and recording life experiences for those in other generations.

mote.of.soul · Dec 03, 2022, 07:49 PM

Avoiding certain things where practicable, certain triggering things, can be a way to control unpleasant thoughts invading the mind too.

*Beth* · Dec 03, 2022, 11:25 PM

Yes. I'm sort-of sitting down and focusing on this thread. Please forgive me...I'm tossing some things out, bit by bit.

I've been thinking of a a book I read way back in the '90's, a book I still own (it's ragged now, what with me reading and re-reading it, gleaning bits here and there). When I first purchased the book it was newly released and I was seeing a psychologist, an extraordinarily gifted therapist, who suggested I read the book.

I'm sure some (or all) of you are familiar with it in one way or another. It's Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat-Zinn, which brought the practice of mindfulness meditation/mindfulness into the therapy offices of the western world, so to speak.

Mindfulness being, of course, about how to manage our thoughts.

Not control (my wording this morning was poor), but manage.

mote.of.soul · Dec 04, 2022, 12:00 AM

Oh great stuff @*Beth*. Sounds like you've been on your journey of the mind for quite some time. Awesome.👍

I've not heard of that book at all tbh, but I have wondered, from time to time, how mindfulness made it's way into the mental health field. Now I know. Would be an interesting read.👍

I discovered mindfulness and started practicing it when I became interested in Buddhism and meditation etc, around the year 2000 - twenty-two years ago, wow.🤔 Then around 2005 I found out, to my joy, that it was known about in mental health. Because I felt Buddhism in general could be a valuable mental health tool, and when you look at it, the mental health field is really all about helping people to overcome their mental and emotional pain - and so is Buddhism. The two are united across the expanses of time (in many ways).🙏

Nammu · Dec 04, 2022, 12:11 AM

Gosh, it seems like I’ve always known about mindfulness since my uncle introduced me to it in the 70’s but it took years to acquire a semblance of discipline . I just looked up one of the first books I was exposed too, zen and the art of motorcycle repair, 1974! There was another but I can’t find it. Something about Buddha and a path. That was my uncle who lived in California of course!

Nammu · Dec 04, 2022, 12:25 AM

I found it! If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him. I read it when I was very young and most of the message went over my head. I also did not start therapy until decades later. But the one refrain I absorbed was that we are responsible for ourselves. I need to re-read this book.

mote.of.soul · Dec 04, 2022, 01:07 AM

@Nammu

Quote:

I just looked up one of the first books I was exposed too, zen and the art of motorcycle repair, 1974!

Oh wow. I read that book (Zen...motorcycle *maintenance*) in the 90's in my twenties. Found it really interesting but hard to get my head around too. Wasn't till I'd grown a bit that I understood what Pirsig was saying. Then I read his follow up book 'Lila', which was a real joy to read. You might like that one too Nammu.👍

lizardlady · Dec 04, 2022, 09:45 AM

Years ago someone told me they call their nagging, negative thoughts "Little F'er" except they use the F-word. They taught me to say "Shut up you little f'er" when the negative thoughts start. It's guaranteed to make me laugh.

Sometime later I learned about the Buddhist concept of monkey mind. I have a small stuffed monkey that I would tell "Shut up you little f'er.

I also use a grounding technique I learned. When monkey mind starts I focus on what I can observe in the here and now with each of my senses. What do I hear? What do I see? Etc....

Nammu · Dec 04, 2022, 10:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mote.of.soul

@Nammu

Oh wow. I read that book (Zen...motorcycle *maintenance*) in the 90's in my twenties. Found it really interesting but hard to get my head around too. Wasn't till I'd grown a bit that I understood what Pirsig was saying. Then I read his follow up book 'Lila', which was a real joy to read. You might like that one too Nammu.👍

I was much too young when I read those books. Lila sounds good.

TishaBuv · Dec 04, 2022, 10:53 AM

I think it’s using a muscle which, with practice, strengthens. The bad habit of negative thinking can lesson with each time the muscle flexes to replace the bad thought with a good though. For negative self talk, telling myself I am bad essentially, I try to stop and remind myself I am good. I have a DBT workbook, and will open it to any random page and start reading when in spiraling negative thinking now sometimes. I really have to fight my inclination to go down the negative self talk spiral and, of course, feel better when I can put myself on distracted better footing.

*Beth* · Dec 04, 2022, 03:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mote.of.soul

I think that's true to the extent that we can change, or try to change, our responses to such thoughts in terms of different courses of action regarding them. In that sense you could say there is a level of control over them. But in terms of making these thoughts 'go away' all together, well, that could take time. Time working on oneself in a process of self transformation. People also call it a process of healing.

Hi m.o.s, I agree; I like your term "responses." My choice of the word "control" our thoughts was all wrong and I was posting whilst too tired and too pressured. I wish I could change the title of this post.

*Beth* · Dec 04, 2022, 04:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NatalieJastrow

I liked the book the power of now. He suggests that we need to accept that our bad thoughts are not us. They are a diseased brain. We don't have to listen to them. We can just accept that we are different from those thoughts and laugh at them. Ie. disassociate ourselves from them. It is difficult to do... but as you do it more often it does help.

Yeah, Eckhart Tolle uses an effective method of "watching our thoughts" rather than "becoming our thoughts."

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