Can We Talk About This? (It's the Season)

We have good neighbors too. But that’s the Minnesota nice way 😆 we have a neighbor that keeps tab on the outside for mum. When the guy that’s supposed to clear the driveway doesn’t do it pronto our neighbors do it. Which was very lucky that day mum went to the hospital.

Our plans for Christmas have changed. The weather is not clearing up as fast as they said. So mum and I will be alone both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Not sure when my daughter’s family will be able to make it. Ehh. Mum’s not feeling very festive anyway, still recovering from the double pneumonia. We had planed on lunch tomorrow and the kids could get their presents. Depending on weather maybe Monday?

Nammu, I know having to change plans is disappointing, but staying in until this nasty weather passes sounds wise. I told a friend a few days ago that I'm going to be a snail until it warms up, crawl into my shell/house and pull the door shut behind me.

Yeah, I keep telling myself that cause if they were traveling I’d worry so much I wouldn’t enjoy their company anyway. Many churches over their way have canceled service today and tomorrow. That’s huge! Churches canceling Christmas!

I said I would respond to this ages ago. Been procrastinating because my emotions have been all over the place. I had a long post I was going to post. I don't have the energy to type it out.

Short version is my emotions are still all over the place. I'm down, sad, grieving, discouraged, pick your own term that indicates unhappiness. Part of the problem is that I've been trying to make the holidays be like they used to be. Problem is that they weren't all that great most of the time. I've tried to convince myself to do what makes me happy now and sop trying to recreate the past. That ain't working so great.

The current winter storm has impacted most of the US. Any plans I might have made would be shot down by the weather anyhow. I've resolved to stay holed up in the house and do whatever I feel like the next few days.

Sorry for being Debbie Downer. I just don't have what it takes to be all upbeat and supportive right now.

Beth was kind enough to let me hook our virtual holiday dinner with thei thread. The invite to the dinner is located at

virtual Christmas dinner

Priests/pastors are keeping their congregations safe by keeping them off the road.

The holidays can trigger a lot of unwanted emotions to surface. That can trigger a sense of failure/guilt of not being able to “just”. There can be a lot of grief too.

Personally, I have been struggling a lot and I really want to sleep and just wake up after it’s over.

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Originally Posted by lizardlady I said I would respond to this ages ago. Been procrastinating because my emotions have been all over the place. I had a long post I was going to post. I don't have the energy to type it out. You just did, liz. .....Problem is that they weren't all that great most of the time..... I've been taking a look at that myself this season. It hasn't been an easy pill to swallow. But the reality check is edging me towards something that feels right, so I'm following it. The current winter storm has impacted most of the US. Any plans I might have made would be shot down by the weather anyhow. I've resolved to stay holed up in the house and do whatever I feel like the next few days. liz, a choice like that is just asking for peace! Sorry for being Debbie Downer. I just don't have what it takes to be all upbeat and supportive right now. Debbie Downer? Sounds like a whole lotta wisdom, to me.

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Originally Posted by lizardlady Priests/pastorsr are keeping their congregations safe by keeping them off the road.

I agree that keeping everyone except emergency vehicles off the roads is an act of responsibility and of love, as well, because keeping people safe is a way of showing them love.

I just read an article about this that helped me understand how I am feeling. URL below.

For me it's not about loss of religion like the author. I have been non-religious since my teens. It's about other losses. My family is all dead. My best friend of 50 years died in March. I retired in June. That's a good thing, but means I lost my identity as a working person.

I've been giving lip service to "creating new traditions". In reality I'm grieving all the things that are gone, not creating anything new.

Realizing this is helping me accept how I'm feeling. I'm sure as h e l l not enjoying how I feel, but I'm more accepting of it. Does that make sense?

Today I'm going to let myself grieve the past while letting myself enjoy the present.

How I Celebrate Christmas Without Christianity | HuffPost HuffPost Personal

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Originally Posted by Open Eyes The holidays can trigger a lot of unwanted emotions to surface. That can trigger a sense of failure/guilt of not being able to “just”. There can be a lot of grief too. Personally, I have been struggling a lot and I really want to sleep and just wake up after it’s over.

For me, grief has been the theme this year. Seems like all my mind can focus on is those I've lost and how much I miss them, then it goes into how I'll lose others. Thinking in such a way is absolutely joyless.

I'm curious as to what you mean by not being able to "just"?

It makes perfect sense @lizardlady. Not only that, I believe that what you're going through (and what I'm fighting against and crying while going through, too) is miserably normal. I hate to say it, but....normal.

My parents are dead, my grandparents are dead, all aunts and uncles - gone (as are my husband's). The only cousin I had who was just my age (we grew up together) was cruelly taken bit by bit by cancer a few years ago. One of my precious two sisters is gone. My other sister has developed dementia this year. My sister-friend of 53 years (I call her that because my mom was mentally ill and at times when she was hospitalized I lived with my sister-friend) died suddenly of a heart attack in 2021. 4 of 5 of my cats are elderly now. And I'm turning 60 this week. Seven years ago I left my job of 15 years and I lost that identity, haven't rediscovered it since. My precious daughter, for some completely unknown reason, stopped communicating with both my husband's and my families 5 years ago. Occasionally, she does call my husband or my son (her brother). Says she "needs space." We were best buds for 32 years then *bang*. I cry every day because my heart is shattered. She lives and teaches at a univ in NYC. My son is the light of my life, but he lives in San Fran, works almost constantly, then travels and I see him 3 times a year. I haven't lived with my husband for 20 years, we don't have friends or anything resembling "normal." It goes on. Just so much grief and loss.

I'm sorry; I didn't intend to hijack your thread. And my God, I didn't mean to write all that, it just poured out. Geez. My point is to say I understand.

But your ability to be "more accepting" is a tremendous step. More accepting is something I aspire to. Don't minimize that achievement.

Thanks Beth.

How are people doing today?

Seems to me that some of us are feeling pretty anxious and out of sorts.

My day started out really nicely. I was feeling the warmth of the connectedness to all beings that Christmas morning usually brings to me. I slept blessedly well. I plugged in my bright, colorful lights and they are so cheery in the heavy, grey fog. Then my husband called to wish me a Merry Christmas. And he started proselytizing to me about the religious path he follows. The way he delivers his message feels so thoughtless to me. So, there went my day.

I ordered boba to be delivered. I'm turning on my rock n' roll and cleaning my apartment.

It went ok. My daughter’s family was a bit late. But we ate and opened gifts. My gifts were hits with the grandkids and that was wonderful. I don’t get to see them often. Someone or another in that family is always coming down with a cold and since I take care of my mum, can’t risk her health. Their visit was too short, but sweet. Mum was exhausted just by the short visit, so I guess they timed it right. Miss them already.

I'm so glad your gifts were a hit @Nammu! That will mean a lot to your grandchildren, perhaps for a lifetime. As for short visits...seems they always are. Takes forever to plan them, then the kids are so busy and this & that. It can feel hurtful, at least to me it can, and takes an adjustment in thinking. I have to remember when I was the young one who was flying around, super busy with a ton of stuff to do, wondering why "the old people" always wanted me to stay longer

That’s so true. They have their own traditions and both of them work demanding jobs plus they had to go visit the other side of the family and get home for the kids bedtime. As they were up early today I’m sure the kids will get tired early.

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Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

How are you, Fuzzy? I miss you. Your Tatty Teddies have made my days feel so much happier

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Originally Posted by Nammu That’s so true. They have their own traditions and both of them work demanding jobs plus they had to go visit the other side of the family and get home for the kids bedtime. As they were up early today I’m sure the kids will get tired early.

Oh, yes. And the "little things" when you're young. Not only taking care of your children and hoping they remember to say, "Thank you" and all those things, but running into the bathroom to check your hair so your MIL thinks you look presentable. I see my DIL now and she's so sweet, intelligent, pretty, but I sense that she's nervous and I want to hug her and say I was there! I was you! Please don't feel like I'm judging you! It's all just so...life.

I have mostly been sleeping the day away. Sorry I’m not engaging

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Originally Posted by Open Eyes I have mostly been sleeping the day away. Sorry I’m not engaging

I'm glad you've checked in OE. No worries, at all

Everybody's got to get through the Holidays the best that they can, and in their own way.

I feel lucky that I've mostly always been able to at least clean the house, and do some cooking; and that helped me get through, remarkably...even in times when I was barely hanging on to reality. It sometimes took every ounce of willpower I possessed to get up and get going. But all in all, there have been only one or two Christmases where I felt I could not engage with normal activities.

I do remember, and always will, what people might be going through. This time of year can be so difficult for many.

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Originally Posted by Open Eyes I have mostly been sleeping the day away. Sorry I’m not engaging

OE, how are you doing today?