Why is it so hard?

I feel myself falling back, back, back and I don't want to be there. I am getting back the feelings that scare me to death....Does it ever go away permanently? Do we just learn to deal with it?

I am so good at helping others feel better, but yet I don't take my own words and use them on me! Why? Do I think that I am SuperWoman? I need to be strong all the time? Never have set backs? Never never never???

I want to feel NORMAL again, if there is such a thing! Is there??

Hi snow,

Almost all of us are, or have been where you are right now, and yeah, after feeling good for awhile, that feeling of slipping back again is so scary. I'm so sorry you're in that place again. I guess the best thing we can do for ourselves is to try and develop coping skills to try to deal with it. What other choice does depression give us?

Aren't we good at giving advice to others when they're feeling down? We can help them feel better, even if for only a time. But we never seem to never be able to use those words of wisdom on us. No snow, you're not Superwoman. You don't need to be strong all the time. You're allowed setbacks just like everyone of us. It's part of our dis-ease that were going to have down times. Please don't be hard on yourself, the depression does a good enough job of that.

You say you want to be normal again. I wish you all the luck with that. I don't even know what normal is. It's just a dirty six-letter word to me. I have friends who claim to be normal, but their lives don't seem all that great to me. Me, I'd like to just be better. Have days where I could smile, and enjoy my family and friends. Walk with a bounce in my step, and get some enjoyment out of just being alive. I don't think I have to be normal for that. Actually, some people would say that might be acting a little crazy. I can live with that.

Snow, I hope this passes for you very soon, and you have some truly good days. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

(((((((((((((((Snow))))))))))))))) a hug if you want it

Greg

(((((((snowflake)))))))) So sorry that you are feeling so down.
I know "Today" ( no guarantee about tomorrow) that part of why we need support is for the times (for what ever reason) our know how to cope goes out the window and someone who we've shared with can share it back or something new that they've learned. It Just seems to work that way.

(((((((((((((((snowflake))))))))))))))))))))

you're going to get through this! hang in there! and maybe, like mlyn said, you can call someone who you've helped and ask them to tell you your words right back! sometimes it's easier to believe it from someone else...

best wishes!!

Angela

Snowflake,
It can be hard sometimes to be where we want to be. I know it is with me because most of the time I do not even know where it is that I want to be!!
I have been without meds for so long that this bleak sky above me and pummeling anxiety does indeed seem to be normal. My only saving point is that occasionally I will get a few minutes or a few hours that I will actually feel "normal." No mood swings or feeling really crappy....not often though. I miss the days of not having to fight to get out of bed or fight tears just because.
I feel for you..and am here.

Jessica

Thank you everyone for the replies. I am having dinner with a good friend after work today. That is something we did every week, but the last few I didn't really want to. So now I am making myself go no matter how I feel. My friend is very supportive, so I will be able to talk it out with her. I am very lucky to have a friend that I can be open and say what I feel without being judged. I guess that is the scary part, how people judge me. But anyways, I did feel better in the afternoon, but in the morning I do feel my worse. Could it be the awful cycle of fear of anxiety that starts the anxiety? Probably......another day as receptionist...I want to go back to my job!!!

Hi, Snow. I'm in the same place you are. Every little daily life thing just seems to get harder to deal with than the day before. It seems I'm down to closing myself off from people again. That's a red flag, but do you think I've done anything about it yet? No! For me, I know I need to talk to my Dr again. Maybe I'll have time to say something next week when I see him for something else. That attitude isn't good either.

Ya know? Some time back hubby and I were talking about being "normal." A woman had just come out with a new book about President Bush, I think. The title has "Normal" in it, but I'm not sure of the rest of it, but it's a town in Texas. Now, every time anyone says anything about "normal," hubby pipes up and says "It's a town in Texas." LOL I think that's as close as anyone will ever come to being "normal."

What you and I are feeling is "normal" for people that live with depression. So, in a sense, you're "normal." LOL

Thank you SeptemberMorn for the town called Normal. It put a brief smile on my face. It's a start!! And you are right, I may be normal for a person with depression and anxiety....

Just wanted to say that I hope you're feeling a bit better and that you have a better day.

((((((((((snow)))))))))))

Greg

Thank you bptoo. It seems I am having a few more good days than bad ones, so that is a plus. I think that I need to learn boundaries with my children. I talked to my daughter today and she was feeling depressed and crying. As a mother, I wanted to run over there and "fix" things for her, however I can not do that without the expense of my own health. It is hard to draw that line for me. I have started class again today and that brings on apprehesion about my abilities, why? I think I have such a low self-esteem, need to build it up, but how? I don't like my body, my feelings, my hair, my finances....hard to find anything I like about myself. I think before we can love, we must love ourselve, can't right now. What a cycle..............