PREGNANT!! How is this possible??? I want to die.

Thinking of you Justy, have faith in yourself and all will be fine. You have been on a great roll toward health. Please keep it up and stay well. I have ad an abortion also and I know how complicated it becomes but you must protect yourself and kids and do what feels best for you whatever that is. You are young and wonderful and you will survive this. My friend Jane used to tell me to go to bed when I was really bothered by something. She would say that sleep has a way of giving you guidance and insight. She was right. Peace my Dear

Justy -- I'm wondering if you may have ever considered these things:

(a) The only person responsible for your BF's moods and emotions is your BF.

(b) That you may be in an emotionally abusive relationship? Abusers always convince The Other partner that "It's all your fault that I behave this way."

I'm not buying how great your BF is about educating himself @ depression if he uses is to put you down, make you uncomfortable, and has decided he knows more about meds than yr p/doc. Reading a book or two does not give him a medical degree and a license to practice.

Sorry. You probably don't need to think @ these things on top of everything else.

Oh don't be sorry at all. I have these same questions myself.

I just feel that I have caused all of this mess in our home. But right now its just a house, not a home. It feels better when he is at work, and lately, he avoids that too.

The reading he has done, well its like he let it brainwash him. He thinks that pdoc's are useless, they cause more harm than good. I find it hard to deal with. I try to let me explain my side but I always hear, "well in this book...." I get mad and tell him to stop throwing it in our conversations. I am not kidding, in a full day he refers to the few books at a min. of 25 times a day. Seriously. I almost took the damn things and made a little fire; lolol.

I am unsure about so much right now. But I do know how negatively he makes the kids and I feel. And we have had it. I told him so tonight. I asked him if maybe its time to take a "break". He kept saying noooooo. So I said well maybe he needs some counseling himself (like I have done before), or this household will fall apart. I was honest but it needed to be said. I can't deal with everything, he needs to take responsibilty for his thoughts and actions as well. He needs someone to talk too. He has been telling people about my personal struggles, and I almost blew my top. I told him he has no right to tell everyone this, especially people we both know. He talks about it to his regular clients for crap sakes. He tells them everything, and I mean all. He has no right to do this. I don't have an issue with him discussing this with a t but others, no way.

Anyway, I tried so hard to get into chat tonight, but my kids were tyrants; lolol. I just got them to settle in bed and its almost 9. If they don't get to bed, like in bed by 8:30, the morning is a battle. My little farters; lololol.

Thanks both of you for replying. (((ww))), yes this makes sense. I have problems sleeping. Nightmares are terrible. This I have been dealing with for years. I often wonder if its easier to be awake. Rather have the sleep deprivation then get these powerful dreams. The kind where you wake up soaking wet from tears, sweat, and trembling in fear.

Justy

Justy -- I'm glad that you have, at least, thought about these things, even if you decide "nay, tain't the way it is." Reflection can be helpful.

It is absolutely *terrific* and wonderful that you asked him to go to counseling. This must have taken so much courage, Justy. I want to hide in an igloo in the Arctic whenever I have to face that kind of conversation. I hate confrontation of any kind, even very mild confrontation. (My Ts have been working with me on this).

I, too, would be shocked if my partner, or even a close GF, revealed personal things about me -- and potentially stigmatizing things -- to "outsiders." In a close relationship, one shouldn't have to say, "Now, this is confidential. I don't want you to tell anyone." A certain level of trust in the other's discretion is part of intimacy.

Why do you say that you, and you alone, have caused the "mess" in your household? Did you artificially impregnate yourself? To say that you caused the mess makes you responsible for his explosive moods, his lack of discretion. Embarrassing you is just another way of "keeping you in your place." It is a kind of emotional blackmail. It says -- "See how worthless you are -- and the whole world knows it -- and agrees with me."

You haven't said what business he is in. I have changed service providers several times bec. they continued to make unwanted disclosures. I've had 2 massage therapists who seemed to think that I was an appropriate receptacle for their romantic, marriage, business, and economic problems. A furniture store owner thought I should know that her ex-husband had become a drug addict. A hair dresser wanted me to know every detail of her evangelical ministry and how helpful she was to the world. This was especially difficult bec. I did NOT agree with her wisdom and she was holding the scissors. (Snicker.) I dropped these people. Appropriate professional relationships do not include this much disclosure.

Lastly, about the books. Perhaps you can find some book reviews on the internet about each of these authors in whom he puts so much trust. Just because a person gets published doesn't mean everything in the book is true. Some are pap. The writer should have at least a Ph.D. -- in an appropriate field such as psychology -- unlike the famous "Dr. Laura" whose degree, apparently, was in physical education. The book should be no more than 5 years old, because medical and psychological research proceeds at warp speed. It should be published by a recognized publisher -- not self-published.

Dr. John may have some articles posted. I know there are some excellent ones in the archive about being involved in therapeutic relationships.

How is the job going so far? Are things going well for you there? Is it a relief to be out of the house?

Take care of yourself, Justy. You are loved in the forums.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((Justy))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Maybe I shouldn't be replying to this because I'm brand new here and don't know you, but I just really wanted to say that I understand wanting to give your friends a break, but these people sound like they care about you SO MUCH! they also sound very worried at the idea of you taking a break. support groups and online friends can be so helpful in hard times, so maybe you should stick around, not talk about it if you don't want to, maybe talk about something else. I think your friends would feel better and you would too just by reading their words. =)

Sorry Raynaadi, wish I could get to know you.

My doctor is organizing a DNC. There is a problem with the pregnancy. He phoned me last night and saw him today. We have a plan with EVERYTHING.

But thanks and I hope you enjoy the forum. There are wonderful people here.

Justy

You CAN get to know me! And I want to get to know you! Sounds like you're thinking about sticking around? I sure hope you do. I don't know if it would help any, but keep in mind that we all learn from each other, and though you don't see it right now, you are giving to all the people here. I've read the replies from your friends here and I really think they are some of the best things for you. Please stay!

Justy, you sound like a very strong person with a lot of life yet to live. I'm a strong believer in "things happen for a reason" and I think you are meant to be a mother. I don't know you but you sound lovely, and you did say you love children... I hope you will be able to take what has been given to you, even if it's not at what you think to be the best time, and fly with it. I have the greatest confidence that you will be a wonderful mother and so much happiness will come to you in the near future that will last your lifetime. Sometimes we don't always get what we want at the times we want them. I just hope for the best for you. Please take care, I'll be praying for you. This could be one of the greatest things to happen to you if you allow it to be.

Hey Justy, just saw your note about the dnc. Good luck my friend and fight, live and keep loving those beautiful little ones of yours. You are heading in a good direction so take care of yourself please. You have us to cheer you on.