I got computer access...

Hi All!

As Freewill said, I am in the hospital. I just got computer access. I am allowed 15 mins so, I need to make this quick.

I had a spell off my meds and the psychotic thoughts kinda took over. I did something really violent after I was admitted to the hospital, so now, I think I am going to be here for awhile. I don't like being locked up like this but there is enough sanity left in my brain to know that it is the right thing to do.

Right now, it is hard for me to push the thoughts away long enough to write you all.

Well, I am finding it difficult to stay here. The stimulus is too much. I better say good by....

thank you so much for your support...I appreciate all of you.

Hi DPM,
Take good care of yourself! I miss you already! I know you have plenty of internal resources to get through this.

I'll be right here by your side.
Love,
Okie

DPM,

I hope you shall find some benefit from the hospital stay, you've been such a strong member of this community and have helped so many...I know you'll pull through.

Melissa

I am so glad you are getting the help you need. Please take care of yourself and give yourself the time to heal. You are in my thoughts.

BB

Please stay safe and continue to heal. We all care about you (((DePressMe)))

My friend, please stay safe and careful

I will PM you soon

(((((((((DePressMe)))))))))))

Take care of you.

DePressMe

Will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Take good care.

Depressme,

I too am sending good thoughts and prayers your way.

Please be well, and we will be here waiting for your return... Wow, that sounds like a threat, but we really all miss you!

Take care

(((((((((DePressMe)))))))))))))),

Just want you to know that you are in my prayers......I know how tough it is being in a situation that you don't really want to be in....especially in a locked up situation in the hospital (sadly, I have also been there so I can relate). Sometimes we are feeling better, so we think the meds aren't really what is helping, thinking we can really do it without them.....but when it comes right down to it, there are really some conditions that are truely helped with the meds & we just have to accept that as part of our lives, just as diabetics learn to accept insulin. The time it take for us to truely understand that can leave us in situations that really aren't ourselves & we can do things that really aren't the real us....sad how the mind works when we aren't in control of it.......but know that it isn't really you that was violent either. I am sure that after your meds get stabalized in your system again, you will be back here as good as new (if not better....lol).

Take care of yourself.....we will be looking forward to your return when you are feeling up to it. It's nice that they have given you 15 minutes on the computer.....when I was in the hospital.....in the mid 90's....they didn't even have computers available.......so at least you have some link to the outside world.....which was the part that I hated most about ending up in the hospital....either locked up or voluntary.

take care,
Debbie

(((DePressMe)))

you are in our thouths stay safe

Get well soon (and stay on those meds!)

(((((((((DePressMe)))))))))))))) Sending good thoughts and prayers your way...

(((((((((((((((((((DePressMe))))))))))))))))
I'm glad you are safe. I hope things get better soon.

(((DPM))))

I am so glad to hear from you girl! Im so glad you are getting the care you need. Remember that I care and am here anytime you wish

Hope you start feeling better soon, hugs-Angel

Take good care of yourself.

(((DePressME))). It is good to hear from you and that you are getting the help you need at this time. Take care of yourself. Soidhonia

Hi all...thanks so much for the wonderful support. I appreciate all of you.

I have been doing well....except I had a set back last night and ended up in the seclusion room for 12 hours.

I am still having intrusive thoughts of self harm, but I am not as suicidal. Does anybody else have intrusive thoughts of self harm? What do you do to make them go away?

love you all,
DePressMe

Hey DPM,
Sorry you ended up in the seclusion room.

Yeah, I think intrusive thoughts of self-harm are routine for us major depressive types. I used to carry the big S around in my back pocket as my ticket out of here whenever I needed it. It's a horrible way to live however, faced with that decision constantly. So, I gave it up. But, I do still get the intrusive thoughts and fight 'em like hell.

You keep fighting too, honey. I meant that in a positive way. Don't be trying to take down any of the nurses! Or, they'll put you right back in seclusion.

Are they working out your meds too, I hope?

I'm really glad to hear from you! Please keep letting us know how you're doing when you can.
Love and prayers,
Okie

Well, they tried to sedate me with a combo of haldol, ativan and something else...it did not even my make tired--nothing was able to calm me down. So, if I get agitated like I was last night, I don't know what they will do. I am hoping to eventually sleep without having to take something like haldol.

I have been here for a week--the days and nights are starting to all run together. Day, night...it does not seem to matter anymore. I just sleep whenever they give me the drugs. And I eat whever they give me the food.

My intrusive thoughts have been a little less demanding the past few hours. I also managed to shower and get dressed.

Well, I am starting to get overwhelmed...time for me to go.

I hope you all are doing well.....

Hang in there. Kudos on the shower and getting dressed. Tough to do when you feel like %#@&#!.

They are giving you the haldol to give your mind and body a much needed rest. They will titrate you down as you perk up a bit.

Are you able to join in on any of the day's activities? Hey, if not, no worries. At least you're eating and sleeping and breathing.

You have my admiration for all your courage and willingness to get well.
Love,
Okie

Sending you many healing thoughts.

haloperidol is the king of antipsychotics. or maybe the prince.

(((depressme)))

glad you're safe.

((((((((((DePressMe)))))))))))))),

My thoughts are with you.......I hope you have a good pdoc there in the hospital if not your own from the outside world. I always liked it best when I was in the hospital where my pdoc had priviledges. They have a much better undestanding of your situation that just some outside guy that comes in to "save the day".

I had the suidical thing going on for about 5 years....honestly don't know how I survived except that God didn't want me to quit living.....as my closeness to successful attempts were all too close several times........& even while I was in the hospital....landing in ICU in a coma on a breathing machine.

I don't know what or when it actually stopped.....I can't put my finger on a date or a. My problem was mostly situational to start with as I never had depression in my life until I lost my career......but it didn't make it any less a depression than that of a chemical imbalance from birth......just with time, I started looking at things differently......then I have to say, when my Christianity became something more than knowledge......that really helped me see life differently.

I pray that they are finding the right combination of meds.....sometimes they have to just get us through the crisis mode & then they can start working on the real issues & meds to work on the actual depression that is the everyday stuff.

I know that it seems like forever when we are locked up in a hospital....just as you say, night runs into day & day into night with nothing to distinguish the difference......this will pass & hopefully they will come up with something that will be a long term fix for your issues.

Thinking about you & keeping you in my prayers,
Debbie