Positive Self Image

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Oh ye of little faith, honey WE ARE NOT going to reject you like others have. You will find the trust I promise
Angie

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Trust is a major issue for me, like someone already said, others will always let you down, or something to that effect. My past experience is that everybody does always reject me, even though they,ve all said they wouldn't. I want to trust people, I really do, but at this point in my recovery, I'm afraid that if I let anybody into my little world behind my fortress walls, then the past will repeat itself. I know it is not fair to assume that those that are in my life currently will treat me the same as those in my past but until I at least get one person who actually stands behind their word of not rejecting me, then it's hard for me to remove any bricks from my walls. However, it's not totally impossible because somehow, CheshireCat just bombarded through my fortress walls before I knew what was happening. I need constant reassurance at this point, I'm very fragile, at least that's how I feel, although I've often been told that I'm strong. I don't understand why they say it but they must see it somehow whereas I don't at this point. So, please keep trying with me, I may have a thick skull and a fortress wall of protection around me but it's obviously not as strong as I thought since cat found his way through. If he managed it, then others can to.

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I have a very difficult time with positive self image. On the inside I feel that I fall short so much of the time. I have been told that I am way too hard on myself but this is something that is very difficult for me to change. And what is even harder for me to deal with is when people make comments about the way I look on the outside and that I should be thankful. Looking a certain way on the outside has nothing to do with the way a person feels on the inside and society just doesn't seem to "get" this. I'm reminded of a poem by Yeats, which I can't remember the title of at the moment but in this poem, Yeats is basically saying that producing something beautiful is not easy (in my case a beautiful self-image inside). Yet, the modern world of Yeats, like ours, with its emphasis on financial success and advancement believes beauty to be easy and natural. Beauty has the curse of looking easy. That is, I suppose, part of the beauty of beauty. Beauty cannot be coerced, it can only be brought out. Society has no concept of the true nature of beauty.

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Hi sweetie, I, like you, have been told many times that I'm way too hard on myself. I see this as the difference between how we view ourselves and how others view us. Hopefully, with a lot of work, we'll both get to the point where we view ourselves as others do.

Yes, you're right, if you are beautiful or appear to have a good life, others can't understand why you feel the way you do. You're also right that they just don't get it. I'm with you on that one.

I also agree with your comment that beauty can't be coerced and that it can only be brought out. But it will happen, it will happen for you and it will happen for me. It may take us some time but with a little bit of hard work and love from others, we'll both get there eventually.

where are those women????? i'm one of them!

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I don't know what to say! Even though I have trouble agreeing with some of the advice, one thing is for sure. I DO know people here care and I will never question that again. Thank you sooo much. I'm also a little confused about something that happened to me yesterday and I guess it's a good kind of confusion. I took the chance and took a picture of myself to send to a good online friend in another forum. Her reply to me was nothing but compliments and she said she couldn't understand why I didn't think I was good looking. That really made my day but I looked in the mirror and I have to say I just don't see it! I have to be honest and say though I am feeling a little better about myself right now but I still feel like self doubt is attempting to take over again.

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It's a start that you understand that people here care about you. That's a beginning. Even though you don't see some of the things that have been said to you, can you not give them some deep thought. I have the same problem with not seeing what other people see about me but when I'm continually told the same thing repeatedly by several people, it's a little hard to ignore it. They can't all be lying and what purpose would they have in doing so. Obviously we both have a very distorted view of ourselves. Think about it that way. Why don't you just try to accept the compliments others give you about your appearance of whatever other aspect of you that they refer to. I have often been told by even complete strangers how beautiful I am. It happens all the time. I don't see it at all. I don't think I'm ugly, I think I'm average looking. But for some unknown reason to me others see me as beautiful. Everybody's idea of what is beautiful is different. I just accept the compliment, with puzzlement, and carry on. I don't go home and look in the mirror and start to negate what has just been said to me. Instead it makes me feel good to hear that from others. Nobody has to make those comments to you, they did it because they want to and because that's what they see. If a complete stranger can tap me on the shoulder, while I'm waiting for Dracula to take my blood test, and tell me how beautiful I am, then it helps my self-esteem. I may be puzzled about it when I don't view myself the same way, but I'm not going to let my personal feelings negate the way others see in me. Geez, I think I just contradicted my other comments about personality comments. What can I say, I'm a baby work-in-progress and this is all going to take time. I guess what I'm saying to you is to open your mind and try to take in and accept what others see in you, at least give it some deep thought. I think if you can do that then you'll soon start to have at least a little bit better feelings about yourself? What have you got to lose? Can we be right and the rest of the world be wrong? It hardly seems likely to me. As I said, we both have a very distorted self-image, we don't see ourselves as we *really* are, as the rest of the world sees us. Somehow, we have some good qualitites about ourselves that are seeping out, regardless of how we feel about ourselves. So, open your mind even just a crack and take in whatever might help you to feel better about yourself. If others can love us, there must be something good there, don'tcha think? I think if we both decided that everybody else was wrong, we would be doing ourselves a huge disservice and we would be the only ones that would suffer in the long run. So what do you think, can you give it a try?

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What positive self image? My depression and anxiety started when I was too young to remember (an infant) and it is only in the past year (thanks to finally going into therapy with a super T) that I have been able to admit I have any value. Positive self image has to come from within us but it can be influenced by those around us who give us credit for a job well done. In my struggle to live and to learn that life can be fun and enjoyable and not always scary and dangerous I have also learned the I do certain things well and can now take credit for those things. As yet, I have not translated those things I do well into a positive image of WHO I am.
That is a good and important question, Myzen. Thank you.

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But you're well on your way and that's good. Keep up the good work in therapy.

Yeaaaaaaaaa, our little butterfly has emerged from her cocoon and developed into a delicate butterfly
Forgive the spelling
AngelGirl you have such understanding you have grown so much, I'm proud of you honey
Angie

Thank you for your post AngelGirl. Sometimes I just feel so alone. But I can tell you understand the way I feel by your post and it makes me feel not so alone. And I think because the internet is faceless we must relate to a person through her words and cannot be distracted by appearances which is how I wish it could be IRL!

Everything by his Grace,

eg, I don't know you real well yet but I'm here for you too, anytime ya need a hug I'm here, I have DID so if ya see a post from amy she's one of my alters and she loves to talk, she's 7
Angie

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I'm just starting, my change is not going to happen overnight.

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Oh, please! I think we all know that everyone is at a different stage in their recovery. The reason I quoted what I did is because that's part of the greater issue. It's not expected that you or anyone accept what is being said and act on it immediately. All some of us would love to see is that some of our help is at least THOUGHT about, questions asked as to how we accomplished what we have. Maybe a little less deffensiviness and a bit more thought and questioning about the fine points would ease our own frustration and impatience and would help US.

You mentioned that the direction this thread was taking was upsetting you. Good! That means that what is being said is taking you out of your comfort zone... and that means CHANGE. Presisely those things that make you angry need to be looked at introspectively to find out WHY. What in you needs a different perspective so that you understand rather than get angry.

I have faith in you, AngelGirl. You seem to have a more open mind than some around here.

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WOW!!! I've got very mixed feelings about your post to me. Those first 2 words "Oh please" really got to me, along with the entire first paragraph, but I guess because I'm very sensitive and fragile.

What I didn't like about the direction this thread was going was the constant barrage of comments directed at IG. Maybe my feelings were misplaced, I wasn't aware of the prior history that went on and I was putting myself in his shoes and know I would've been upset. I would've felt ganged up on. When I later read in the thread that it was an intervention, then I understood it better.

What in me needs a better perspective? Hmmmmmm, probably everything!!!

Thank you for having faith in me. You're right, I do have an open mind because I don't like feeling this bad about myself. I know that others like me, I'm often called 'sweet' and have been for years. I don't know why but I want to learn how others view me so that I can understand it and feel the same way. I want to see what is good about me. I know I do have some good qualities, so that's a start, right?

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t's not an act or facade of love that I have for the Cheshire Cat. It is VERY real. I have a LOT of love, compassion and empathy in me to extend to others but I don't know how to extend it to myself. Hopefully with a lot of therapy and the love of cat, I will eventually get there.

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Thank you for pointing this out, AngelGirl. I was doubting myself, that I can express real love and compassion for others if I cannot love myself. Or am I just imitating what I see other people do?

Your message made me see that I am expressing real concern for others. In fact, I had contradicted myself -- I said I ask myself how I'd treat someone else in a similar situation to try to get a clue for how to show myself acceptance and compassion. So, obviously, I was interpreting those feelings for others as being real.

I too, come from that deep place of negative self-image, and I have been walking this path for 30 years!!!! It is a very long journey. There are many ways to sabotage oneself along the way. That's why the Forums are so great. Friends here can point out distorted thinking, as you just did for me.

So thank you, AngelGirl, for helping me to honor the caring part of myself as real.

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Geez, I have to keep quoting instead of just replying cuz I'm so far behind in this thread.

Anyways, I'm glad I helped you out, that makes me feel good. Yes, there are a lot of ways to self-sabotage and I think I have perfected them all. I'm very self-destructive. I'm trying to change that. I too have a lot of distorted thinking but I feel very strongly about the comments of mine that you quoted. Those comments are very real for me. It is a very long journey, for you, for me, for many others and you're right this forum is a good place to receive some help. I know it's helping me and I'm glad that I was in some small way able to help you along your journey. Thanks for telling me.

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Well, I made a positive post this morning and I come back now and see it was invisible. Maybe I was right after all about those who are "in" or "out". And I should just "love" myself. LOL LOL LOL LOL

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Very confused, what invisible post? Please don't let one small thing negate the progress you've been making because of this thread. I know it's hard but the harder it is, the harder we have to work at it.

Now can somebody clear up my confusion about what is invisible???

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This is always what happens. The rare times I feel better, it seems something else will happen to counteract it.

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Me too but does that mean you stop trying? I hope not. You'll be the only one who suffers if you do.

I'm inserting my foot in my mouth right now. I'm such an @ss. I complained of being ignored and I didn't even see the replies to me in the Affirmation section that wre already there for some time. I also see now see you guys here being so thoughtful. I'm so used to not feeling accepted, I just assume it has to happen here. You are right. I can't handle compliments because, just maybe, they may make me think in a more healthy way and that means going into unfamiliar territory. I have to get out of this rut.

((((((((((((((((((isolated guy)))))))))))))))))))

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I'm inserting my foot in my mouth right now. I'm such an @ss. I complained of being ignored and I didn't even see the replies to me in the Affirmation section that wre already there for some time. I also see now see you guys here being so thoughtful. I'm so used to not feeling accepted, I just assume it has to happen here. You are right. I can't handle compliments because, just maybe, they may make me think in a more healthy way and that means going into unfamiliar territory. I have to get out of this rut.

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That's good to read, Guy.

Gary I'am so proud to know you, remember we have to take baby steps to move forward
Angie

<center>I AM ME</center>

In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me.

Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine because I alone choose it.

I own everything about me - my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or to myself.

I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears.

I own all my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes.

Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me - by so doing I can love me and be friendly within all my parts.

I know there are aspects that I do not know - but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and for ways to find out more about me.

However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me.

If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded.

I can see, hear, feel, think, say and do.

I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me.

I own me and therefore I can engineer me.

I am me and

<center>I AM OKAY.</center>

Virginia Satir

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Yeaaaaaaaaa, our little butterfly has emerged from her cocoon and developed into a delicate butterfly
Forgive the spelling
AngelGirl you have such understanding you have grown so much, I'm proud of you honey
Angie

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Thanks, but you might have to remind me when I'm deep in the abyss. BTW, I don't see any spelling errors.

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Thank you for your post AngelGirl. Sometimes I just feel so alone. But I can tell you understand the way I feel by your post and it makes me feel not so alone. And I think because the internet is faceless we must relate to a person through her words and cannot be distracted by appearances which is how I wish it could be IRL!

Everything by his Grace,

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I know, it's so easy to feel alone, that's why I think that things like this forum or group therapy can be really good. I wish real life could be like this too but unfortunately it isn't.

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I'm inserting my foot in my mouth right now. I'm such an @ss. I complained of being ignored and I didn't even see the replies to me in the Affirmation section that wre already there for some time. I also see now see you guys here being so thoughtful. I'm so used to not feeling accepted, I just assume it has to happen here. You are right. I can't handle compliments because, just maybe, they may make me think in a more healthy way and that means going into unfamiliar territory. I have to get out of this rut.

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You and me both. Unfamiliar territory is a very scary thing. Baby steps!!! (((((IG))))))))

Thanks September Morn. I'm going to print that out!!!

Phew!!! I'm finally up to date with this thread. I think I've said everything that I wanted to in regards to my comments that I made last night. I'm feeling so much better, in a good mood tonight, love can do that to ya!!! Of course, I'll need a lot of pep talk when I'm back in the abyss because then all this positive stuff seems to be forgotten.