[vacantangel]

I'm sorry for my erratic postings the last couple of days. I'm sorry to sqrl for what I said to him. I'm sorry I posted what I did in general yesterday that got deleted, I didn't know it was wrong. I'm sorry I've alienated y'all. I'm just sorry!!!

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((( angelgirl )))))))))))))) you're in a lot of pain right now. can you call your t and talk? or get an emergency appointment?

sending you safe wishes,

[vacantangel]

My mother is extremely ill. I haven't made that up. I took her to the hospital the other day. We were there from 4:10pm to 1:00am. She went through a ton of tests. I'm sorry that nobody believes any of that to be true. I don't understand why it is believed to be a fabrication. I would never do that.I just don't understand why my mother having to go to the hospital can't be believed. I took her. I REALLY DID!!! WHY DON'T Y'ALL BELIEVE THAT?

I can't get into my T or pdoc.

It looks like if y'all are going to believe the worst about me and not accept that I'm telling the truth, then I have clearly overstayed my welcome here.

AG - If you can't get in to see you T or your Pdoc, I really do think it may be time to get to the ER. You have said yourself that you do not have the coping skills to get through this. So perhaps spending a few days in-patient might be the safest thing for you. I know you don't like being in-patient, but if you are safe there, that's what counts.

Take care! emmy

[h0kie]

No one thinks you are making things up about your mother AG. I believe she is ill. I am concerned for you regarding that.

I am also concerned for you in general. (((((AG))))) I think Cat is right...lately I have noticed you becoming more dependent on him. That is ok, to a point. However, he has to work hon. He can't be here all the time.

I think you need to develop a better support system. You found someone to care for and I think that is wonderful, but reaching outside just that person is important. Going to the hospital might be a good idea. They can help you with your immediate distress so that you can start building that support structure.

The people here are more than willing to be part of that system...but there have to be some 3d people too. For you.

Please, pm me if you need to talk.

[kimmydawn]

angelgirl, i'm not believing "the worst" about you. i'm simply recognizing your pain and responding to it, hon. i certainly did not say that i didn't believe you.

i do wish you well right now...i hope that you can call your t to see if there is any availability or even talk on phone? that can help lots sometimes.

[nothemama8]

Never said we didn't beleive you, please read response in i'm going from bad to worse
We still care
Angie

[vacantangel]

I don't need in-patient. I'm not going to harm myself in any way. My sister is helping me to deal with what's happened to my mom. My brother is coming to Toronto on Saturday.

Y'all say that you believe me about my mom but nobody has asked what's even wrong with her, that seems strange to me.

I'm fine, I'm just upset. I'm having a hard time adjusting to the way my mom is now and always will be from now on. I'm not going to hurt myself.

[kimmydawn]

angelgirl, i responded and showed my concern for your mother in the other thread. furthermore, you later replied with she "will be ok". i assumed she was fine then. then later you asked that no one respond anymore and that you wanted to deal with it on your own.

i'm simply trying to respect your requests. i do hope your mother will be ok as you stated. i didn't respond further on the other thread because you requested it. i'm sorry you're feeling so badly. i wish you well.

[h0kie]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>

Y'all say that you believe me about my mom but nobody has asked what's even wrong with her, that seems strange to me.

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I just checked your "very worried" post and fayerody, kimmydawn, LMo, and Raynaadi all gave different answers that included something to the effect of: "please keep us posted". I consider that to be asking what is going on? At least in our own way.

How were they not caring or saying you were lying?

[SweetCrusader]

AngelGirl,

I have spent a lot of time working on this post to you because I am hoping to help you. Please read this and see how many times people offered to talk to you about what you are going through, and how many times you have been asked about your mom. ALL of these quotes are taken from another thread, from yesterday. This is only ONE thread. There are many others, and if I wasn't pressed for time, I would go through them all. I hope you can feel the love that has been shown to you in this community:

From Angie:
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AngelGirl we need to know why?

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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
keep talkin to us hun

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
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I still am waiting for an answer to the PM I sent you earlier or am I the person you are upset with

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

From LMo
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
We're all concerned about you -- please talk.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Angel, I do want to talk about what's bothering you and help you re-glue, so let me know if you want to meet in Chat or PM.

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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Ok, but I think you and whoever you choose to ask for help from should focus on what's going on with YOU, rather than dwell on something someone else said. There's obviously a lot of pain coursing through you right now, and that's not good.

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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Ok, that DOES sound like a problem. Do you want to take this offline, since he is a member here?
But about your mom -- what did they say at the hospital?
So please talk to us...

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From Tgrsprr:
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I'm here for you hon, I'm always willing to listen and help in any way I can. I think I can speak for most everyone when I say we're very concerned for you right now. TgrsPurr.

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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
AG, can we talk about what's really upsetting you? We can deal with the rest later, but I think that focusing on what's sent you plummeting into the abyss is priority right now. I really want to try to help you. I care about you and I'm concerned about you. Would it help to talk about sex again?

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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
So lets focus on what's really upsetting you and deal with that. You're not alone. I want to try to work this through with you. I'd like you to express the feelings you're experiencing about Cat and your Mum, isn't that more prevalent for you right now? I have an open mind, an open heart and plenty of time right now for YOU. I'm a great listener and I won't say a word if you don't want me to. But if you can't do it with me or you don't want to do it here, please, please get in touch with someone you are comfortable with and who will really listen... get it all out, even if it takes all night. What do you say sweetie? TgrsPurr.

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From Emmy:
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Angel - I thought your mom was going to be all right? What was the diagnosis?

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From 1day:
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Please, pm me if you need to talk.

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You are supported and cared for VERY MUCH here, AG.


Angela

[TgrsPurr]

SweetCrusader, you are IMPRESSIVE! TgrsPurr.

[vacantangel]

I'm sorry. I obviously forgot and cat said today that it's all a fabrication and that makes me sicker than he thought. that really hurt when he said that. all the things he said to me really hurt and it hurt that he did it in public.

i took my mom to the hospital when i was talking with some of you on the 'im worried' thread. i took her. we were there from 4:10pm til 1:00am. tht's a long time.

my mom had a stroke. she's worse now than she was then. she cant carry on a conversation at all. she cant complete sentences. she's confused. she doesnt understand her medication. she has some paralysis. she went through a barrage of tests. two of them were traumatic for me. i had to take her because nobody else in my family could. she still has to go through a lot more. she also has a heart murmur. we didn't know this before. my mom wasnt even well before all this but she was coping, in pain but coping.

my sister had just got through supporting me on the phone to feel more accepting of whats going on and to help me and i was feeling better until i logged on here and now im crying again. everybody thinks i need to be hospitalized. i dont. im not going to harm myself. the thought never occured to me. i already told my family that and put their minds at ease.

the things that cat said and sqrl said really hurt me. i dont even know if cat loves me anymore. i just dont know what to think about anything anymore.

the only reason i said to i would deal with everything on my own is because i thought everybody was sick of me. i just dont know what to think about anything anymore. i'm confused. i post a 'im sorry' thread and hardly anybody responds. i'm hurting, i'm hurting a lot from things said to me here, things not said to me here, for anybody thinking that i would lie about my mom, for anybody thinking negatively towards me. i just hurt a lot. and i cant fix my mom. shes not going to get any better.

[SweetCrusader]

AngelGirl,

Just try to keep in mind that the posts you were hurting over were made by only two people. They are only two or three posts out of probably near a hundred that have been made to you in a matter of two or three days. It seems like you are attributing the comments they made that you didn't like, to ALL of us, when in reality all of the rest of this forum has only posted supportively.

I know you are in pain, and that is hard. You are not alone in that pain. Just look around you.


Angela

[h0kie]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>

the only reason i said to i would deal with everything on my own is because i thought everybody was sick of me. i just dont know what to think about anything anymore. i'm confused. i post a 'im sorry' thread and hardly anybody responds.

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There is a post somewhere from a member named Dexter that discusses the reasons why a post may not receive the desired response. There are many reasons, and one very important thing to note is that a lot of folks here work. We don't get on until after work. Personally, I could lose my job if I were here during work. I come here after work or on my days off. I love this place...but not enough to do that.

I know you are worried about your mom. I would be too! Honestly, an illness with my mother would upset me a lot! I can imagine the hurt you are in right now. It can't be fun.

I think the resistance you are experiencing is due to the number of "last posts" you've made. There have been several lately. It seems like you are very upset and need to see someone. It doesn't seem that you can handle this yourself anymore. JMO

Like someone said, if you are planning to leave, people here tend to just leave --no warning. For some, it's a case of the little boy who cried wolf. I personally make it a point not to say I am going to leave unless I mean to do it. People here take things seriously. Causing these emotions drains others as well as yourself.

I hope you stay.

[vacantangel]

I'm REALLY sorry. i don't know what else i can say. i wish i never said anything at all to anybody but i cant undo it all either. i wish i could.

i want support but i dont need to be hospitalized. im not going to hurt myself. i never said i was. my sister is helping me cope.

[h0kie]

I didn't say hospital (in my last post). I said help. We need to start rebuilding your support structure.

Your sister sounds like a good place to start. What about your t and/or pdoc? They should get included. Even if you can't get in today...making an appointment gets you on the list. You could call each day to check for a cancellation until your appointment. The reason I am encouraging the appointments are that a professional can help you devise new or different coping mechanisms that work until your low period passes.

You can do it, AG. Baby steps.

[sqrlb8]

Have you ever barfed in public? I have. George Bush Sr. barfed right in the Japanese prime minister's lap once on tv. As mortifying as it feels, and even though everyone feels put off to some degree by the unbecoming event, everyone manages to understand. And even the barfer is able, embarrassment and all, to get to the place of understanding it was sickness as opposed to personal expression.

I'm not saying you barfed on me. I'm saying it is of no more personal consequence to me than if you had. It's an expression of illness. I understand that, and I am not suffering from hurt over it.

I want both to publicly accept your apology and to say that i do not feel it is owed to me. I've worked very hard to identify my own self separately from the symptoms of my illness. A natural extension of that exploration is to be able to identify you as separate from your symptoms.

Peace.

[TgrsPurr]

LOL
Well said.

[vacantangel]

Thank you sqrl for accepting my apology. So we can put this behind us and move on then? I hope so. I'm interpretting your post to mean that too.

[nothemama8]

Yea
Angie
Group hug

[sqrlb8]

Yep.

[vacantangel]

Thank you. That means a LOT to me.

[vacantangel]

I'm sorry if I'm still saying the wrong things. My mind is going in a million different directions right now. I have a phone call into my T to see if I can see her tomorrow. My next regular appt with her is on Monday. I'm trying to cope with everything. I appreciate the support you all are giving me. It means a LOT to me. Group hug.

[sabby]

Dear Angel.....

Have you ever considered that hospitalization is more than just for someone who is threatening or actually hurting themselves? Sometimes you just need a place where you can go and get the individualized attention that you so obviously require right now hon. And I don't mean that in a negative way at all. I mean that you are crying out for attention and you need help in putting things straight....there is no shame in that at all!!!....in some way the attention from these postings just isn't enough to help you right now. It looks to me like you are in such a tizzy that you are misunderstanding some of the posts sent to you. To be able to reach out and have someone actually physically look at you and help you with a hug or a knowing look can mean all the difference in the world.

I wish you peace dear......and the strength to find the help you truly deserve.