[purplegrape]

Hey everyone.

I don't know about you but what I find one of the most difficult things about bingeing is the secrecy behind it. The secrecy and the lack of support. When I have a huge urge to binge I NEED to talk to someone who knows how I'm feeling or talk to someone and just get every feeling i am feeling off my chest. Sometimes I write in my journal but it isn't necessarily the first thing i go to. Sometimes I just want a human to speak to. Also, when i have just binged and feel really really low, I really need support. I need someone to talk to and someone to speak to about how i am feeling (often low, helpless, depressed and angry). That is why I am so glad I discovered this place. I want to create a thread where we can all support each other and support each other when we may have a big urge to binge or already have binge.

So today i binged. It all dtarted in the morning. I was going to go to the gym with my sister and she said she wasn't ready to leave yet. now, I do not drive and so I depend on my little sister for lifts. Ok, not DEPEND, but she drives so she cantake me to the gym because I do not drive. Anyway, after being told that we were not leaving now (I had no control over the situation- SHE decided when we leave- I couldnt just hop in my car and drive away which would be very therepeutic for myself in times of feeling a binge come on I think). Anyway I felt powerless and like I had little say of what and when I wanted to do things or go out. Just like trapped, you know? So I dunno, I just wanted to binge. It must have been the wanting to escape from the feeling of being powerless. I ate some chocoltae pudding and cereal and grabbed some cookies and bread with lots of butter and honey.
Woah, it's emotionally draining writing everything about how I feel down. It feels like I have been bingeing for ages but I have only been bingeing for the last 7 days. Though, that is a sign that something isnt right. And I know what that is..I am bored, I am lonely, I feel I have no routine, I'm doing nothing that I love and..

anyway, I just wanted to get that off my chest. Anyone else had a similar kind of day or want to share a story?

Stay strong,

purplegrape xoxo

[HipsterPat]

Hi, I have struggled with binge eating and being bipolar, since May of 2011. It all started when I lost the state championship my senior year of high school. That week, I lost all of my self respect, self esteem, felt hopeless, and I really felt powerless. I identified myself as a lacrosse player and to lose in the biggest game so badly made me question my identity as a person. I gained 30 pounds in about five weeks. I just ate all day. I alienated my peers at graduation and prom and other related event by having gained so much weight so fast. However, I lost it all at a summer camp I worked at for 10 weeks. I ate a low carb, low fat diet and pretty much only whole foods. Fast forward to my first semester in college, I let fear and stress cause me to binge eat and drink heavily and again and I gained 25 pounds. I lost 15 pounds, but the weight kept coming back. I've taken a year off to deal with bipolar and get myself back in playing shape. But recently, a medication I was on made me get to my fattest. Now I am losing it, but more slowly than I would like. I log my food eaten, eat only whole foods, but I binge during the night when I hardly know what I'm doing. I need help to stop this so I can go back to school in the Spring with confidence!!!

[growlycat]

Hi purple grape!! Hi HP

Right now, I woke up from a dead sleep wanting to eat--and I am, right now. Shredded wheat so my choices are usually worse than this. Hoping the fiber slows down the binge soon. I should post when I'm sliding but I get embarrassed and post about my other issues. I'll try being more consistent because I feel bad--I actually asked PC to split off binge eating forum from other eating disorder discussions yet this is one forum i tend to avoid

[Sabrina]

My mornings and lunch time are usually controlled and good but from about 4pm on I am constantly snacking, including little bites of what I have prepared for supper. I am not even hungry during those times but seem out of control. Just last night I had 2 slices of toast after supper. I am horribly overweight and really need to stop doing this but feel powerless.

[purplegrape]

I so know how you feel. It's that horrible powerless feeling where you just think you can't control anything. But you can. I had a binge yesterday. My mum and my sister had gone out and I was in the house on my own. My sister had just baked cookies and brownies. I had been doing well the past few days but the second they went out I just panicked because I couldn't think of what else to do to occupy myself as I was so bored so I immediately thought 'food will pass the time'. It's like an automatic habit. Whenever I am alone in my house- I binge. It's like I have freedom and can eat whatever I want. I always feel horrible after though. Does anyone else have this problem?

[Silent_tsol]

I've been bad for overeatingthis while week. I ate a pizza the other day. All of it. I started with a few slices then kept going back and I couldn't stop myself. I know my trigger right now and so I'm hoping next week is a little more controllable.

[Silent_tsol]

I've been bad for overeatingthis while week. I ate a pizza the other day. All of it. I started with a few slices then kept going back and I couldn't stop myself. I know my trigger right now and so I'm hoping next week is a little more controllable.

Thank you for the thread purple

Of all the things that are oh so out of control right now, my binge eating is what freaks me out the most ... And, the more I freak about it the more I want to eat and that totally freaks me out even more ... It's like being on a freaky roller coaster / merry go round ride that won't slow down long enough for me to hop off before it crashes ... ... !!!

[Nobodyandnothing]

Oh my gosh- I have been doing some serious binge eating too. I am so ashamed but I can't seem to stop. No recent change in meds. I need help. My clothes don't fit and I am the heaviest I have ever been. I just need to stop. It's just another thing to add to the depression, guilt, unhappiness and shame. My binge is ice cream.

[purplegrape]

Originally Posted by Pfrog

Of all the things that are oh so out of control right now, my binge eating is what freaks me out the most ... And, the more I freak about it the more I want to eat and that totally freaks me out even more ... It's like being on a freaky roller coaster / merry go round ride that won't slow down long enough for me to hop off before it crashes ... ... !!!

Hi pfrog. I know, it is so difficult isn't it? That feeling of being out of control is so horrible. You say that the more you freak out the more you eat. What is it that makes you "freak out"? Perhaps if you can identify your feelings then you can start to unpick the situation...

Stay strong guys, we will all get through this. Also, remember TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME. xoxoxoxo

[purplegrape]

Nobodyandnothing, what is it that makes you eat most of the time? Have you recognised a trigger yet? For me, it is when I am bored and have nothing to do and the house is empty. That is when I usually binge. What's the trigger for you guys?

[Nobodyandnothing]

I really do not know. I do try to hide it. I am never bored because I have no feelings or emotions. I am numb. I do stay up very late reading my nook and checking news and political websites (a lifetime ago it seems I used to be a lobbiest). Reading is all I do, but I have no memory or concentration. I guess that is good because I can read the same books over and over and not remember what I read. (saves$$$).

Originally Posted by purplegrape

Hi pfrog. I know, it is so difficult isn't it? That feeling of being out of control is so horrible. You say that the more you freak out the more you eat. What is it that makes you "freak out"? Perhaps if you can identify your feelings then you can start to unpick the situation...

Stay strong guys, we will all get through this. Also, remember TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME. xoxoxoxo

Sometimes it's just the pressures of life and utilizing it as an inappropriate coping mechanism ...

Most other times it's a deep seated fear that if I don't eat as much as I can at this moment, I may not get another chance to for a long, long time ...

Other times it's simply my everything ... A mother, a father, a lover, a friend, a comforter ... In other words, all those things I didn't get as a child (along with food being given and withheld as a form of reward and punishment) ...

I can remember being so hungry as a toddler that I would hide in the kitchen pantry and eat Gaines Gravy Train Dog Food straight from the bag ... If I got caught (which I often was) I'd get badly beaten for it ... I can still remember how salty that dog food tasted, but it certainly silenced that gnawing grumble in the pit of my gut ...

Needless to say my eating disorder started early and has lasted long ... I've fiercely wrestled with food issues my whole life ... !!!

[Silent_tsol]

Too many mini eggs. Yuck. worst food to overeat.

[widowlost]

I eat when I am bored, lonely and angry and i'm all three much of the time. I also sleep walk and eat which is the most frustrating of all.

[Dos3512]

I feel like all i do is eat uncontrollably especially sugary foods. I feel SOOOOOO GUILTY all day for eating all the junk i do but i cant seem to stop myself. So today when i saw t she said we could work on that with cbt. It sounded like a lot of work but im so ready. So has anyone else used cbt to deal with their eating issues? If so, how did it work for you?

[MrsBee]

Why does trail mix have to be so darn tasty?

[widowlost]

I just lef a facility that used cbt among other things. I did fantastic there and made great progress, but then home alone in my own demise I don't do so well. I'm better than before but slipping further and furthe away. I really need to go back, but the place closed don.....

[widowlost]

*down. I feel completely betrayed because they had told me I could come back if needed and now they aren't there, but thats a whole other issue.

[MrsBee]

Widow, I have found an amazing App (if you use a smartphone, its a free download) that walks you through all the aspects of CBT. Its called CBT Diary, and it will work you though your thoughts and steer you in a healthier direction.

https://play.google.com/store/apps/d...cbtdiary&hl=en

I have started a 14 day program toward recovery and am now on day two. Each day there are different assignments and such that keep me no track, but every now and then a little reality check is very helpful. I know for a fact it took me back to where I should have been twice yesterday.

[MrsBee]

I kind of feel out of the regular and feeling anxiety and wanting to binge when I send my beau a message and get no response for hours. I feel like I'm forgotten and not loved.

[Gr3tta]

mrs. bee - i am sorry you are left feeling that way. i'm sure you're still loved, there are many reasons a text might be missed, or that a response may be delayed.
i can relate personally because my wife is currently out of town, and left knowing she's not here to see it/know it, i've behaved very badly in her absence.
stay strong. you are not forgotten. thank you for sharing this.

[SlowMoMo]

I am addicted to food. >< I am not sure if I can be classified as a binge eater, but I love being full. I think about food all the time. It drives me crazy to the point where I HAVE to eat.

I used to be so good. I was on a calorie diet, I was on it for 2 years. I kept to it so well. I kept a logbook of everything I had ever eaten for 2 years. I rarely went over. I had lost so much weight.

It all went to hell when I recently moved. I lost my logbook. I lost my motivation. I became very very depressed upon moving. I am quite unhappy with the way my life is going, and eating helps me feel better. When I am full I feel so much better. I feel warm and fuzzy, instead of empty and cold.

It is at the point where I cannot sleep unless my stomach is completely full. I used to stay away from bad food. I used to count my calories. Now I just eat everything. Cereal, sandwiches, mac and cheese. Ugh. I want it all. >< I have lost all focus. What am I to do? I get more depressed when I think about how much I am eating, which leads to more eating! I wish I had help. I have gained weight in 2 months. I feel terrible. My self esteem is vanishing, I am becoming even more anxious around people because I feel I look like **** now.