[LucyD]

I see my doc today. He may increase the dosage on the pill for the binge eating disorder. I'll see how that goes. Didn't have any wine last night. My weight went down just a little.

[crossring]

I ate a "normal" amount of food today, but am definitely battling the guilt of eating "too much".

Even just writing that makes me sad that I'm at this point, but also glad that I'm moving forward. I hope someone can relate to me...

hello crossring, welcome to the forum (and to the eating disorders section, too!)

i hope that being here helps- and we can all help you out.

as far as me and food yesterday... it was tuesday- so dominos takeaway night.

i ended up ordering 2 pizzas (2 large meat ones), and ate them both- just combined them in to 1

not sure why i ordered 2... that's just greedy

but it's what i'm best at

[Anrea]

The last couple of days have been crazy here. Yesterday I over ate in the night (it had been grocery day). I can't tell yet how today will be. My mania/anxiety/paranoia have been directing the last 2 days. This month I have Dr. appts once a week, every week - so I expect it will continue to be up and down. :/

[LucyD]

Yesterday is a blur. I saw my doc and he increased the dosage of Topamax for binge eating disorder. Not a lot, though. I didn't take the new dosage yet but will tonight. I hope I will not binge at all. I went from 7 days a week of binging to about 2 or 3 on the med. And the binges were not real bad ones. Also trying to quit drinking with a medicine for quitting that I've had before in the past. Maybe I can lose weight now. I don't know yet but hope so. My dog is sick and I have to go to the store and get some special food for her. I hope she will get better but I may have to take her to the vet if she doesn't.

[Anrea]

Overate, haven't thrown up in days. Feel bloated and awful. At the beginning of new shopping, I eat all the pre-shopping food, so I can enjoy the new foods. It always leads to over-doing it. Have to try to do better at cooking less the 3-4 days before shopping. Bleh.

[Anrea]

A pickle at 4am to try and help speed my digestion before sleep. Sensible? At this point, I am not even trying - but I am optimistic that will change. I am just in a lull. Took my meds, hopefully I can sleep soon. :/

Edit addition: And cheetos flaming hots. But had to eat these because husband doesn't like them and they are getting stale. Just the last of a small bag.

Edit addition #2: And microwave butter popcorn to chase down the flaming hots because they are too hot.

[LucyD]

Just saying hi today. I find that talking about what I eat doesn't help me.

hey lucy,

how is the dog?. hope okay?

yesterday ate 2 portions of chicken wings, bag of potato chips and a box of candy

sausages, jaffa cakes and candy so far today

[LucyD]

Hi SS. She is doing better. The ground beef and rice binded her up some and I am giving her more of it this afternoon. Thanks for asking.

[Verity81]

I go through phases where I struggle with overeating. Its not just my meds that make me overeat as I have always had a big appetite. I am not yet overweight but I want to stop putting more on as I want to be healthy. I quit smoking over a year ago so I think that also has something to do with it.
Its hard when I'm stressed or bored I just want to eat. When I feel guilty I think about purging but I have only done that once. I have chewed up food and spat it out a couple of times. I don't want to get into these habits though
I find dieting so hard, I hate it as I get so depressed and angry. I think they call that hangry!

so far so good.

eaten my sausages for breakfast- but that's all so far. (i don't know what i'm smiling about, it's only 10a.m)

but i'm not actually that hungry yet- i did eat loads yesterday though, so it plays a part

yesterday i felt extremely full after my jumbo dinner (to the point where i had to move around to feel in a good posision)

still didn't stop me eating a pickamix... i really do have no willpower. none.

[Anrea]

I am thinking about what Lucy said. I am thinking she might be right - but at the same time, I do feel the need to connect on this issue, and discussing my eating habits might be helping, because I keep it in the closet with the rest of my life typically. I figure, discussing and being honest is new for me, I tell you more then I tell my husband, and I tell him everything. But eating and what I eat and how much I eat is such a private thing... Here I feel like I don't have to hide. So I am going to keep doing it. I haven't seen progress because of it, but I also can't blame my sharing as to why I am over eating. I am glad I am not dealing with it alone.

I ate 5 ice cream bars yesterday, besides regular meals and some funyuns. I haven't slept yet because I had some coffee late. It is 6am my time, my stomach is upset - constipation again, so I am drinking cups of bullion to push things thru. It always works by 3-4 cups. On my second now - the warm liquid in my stomach takes away the stabbing pains.

I feel very warm and caring towards you all for sharing your experiences and letting me share mine judgement free. <3

[LucyD]

hi. just sitting here staring at the page. I hope you all have a nice weekend. whatever works for you, then do that. i just noticed when i am doing good and write about it then i start doing worse. eating, just for me, is a private thing. i am feeling okay today. my dog is doing somewhat better.

[Anrea]

Originally Posted by LucyD

hi. just sitting here staring at the page. I hope you all have a nice weekend. whatever works for you, then do that. i just noticed when i am doing good and write about it then i start doing worse. eating, just for me, is a private thing. i am feeling okay today. my dog is doing somewhat better.

I can understand that. I mean, your in a different place right now- because you are extricating yourself from the problem, where I am still in the middle of it. Both points are valid perspectives to share on PC.

I thought I shouldn't say anything about eating, but then - it is where I am at. It's like telling a person who is getting abused not to talk about it until they are getting out. I thought I should put a trigger warning up when I talk about food, but then - maybe someone who is getting out of the problem should be a trigger warning up, because what they say might bother me - so I see no trigger warning solution.

So then I thought, maybe the issue is, there needs to be different categories for daily check in, 1 for people in recovery, 1 for people in the heart of the issue. But too few participate now. Perhaps we could start a public daily eating journal. What does everyone think about that?

I don't know enough about eating disorders and recovery to decide what is best. I think Lucy, you need to not be so immersed in the topic- because you are getting medication and are improving. You are in a pivotal moment for yourself right now. I think for me, not talking about it has been tried - not talking about it is the norm - and I am trying to create new patterns of behavior, and bringing my overeating out of the closet feels like a right step.

Plus, I want more activity on this forum - but I can only talk about what is really going on rather then some random information about what I read elsewhere about what I 'should' be doing or how I 'should' be eating..

I guess the best lesson we have here is - at some point in the process of recovery, all we have is ourselves. We can interact all we want to, but when it comes down to it, we are choosing what we put inside our bodies- no one is forcing us.

Lucy, you would be missed if you stop interacting- but you have to do what is best for you.



Edit addition: I really do think Lucy, that you have been dealing with food triggers. I am sorry for my part of causing you to dwell on the issue.

Edit addition 2: Ahh screw it, I haven't felt like writing on PC recently anyway. You go ahead and talk about making good choices and health and I will just take a break, and if I get on and feel the need to talk about what I eat, I will include a trigger warning.

[LucyD]

Yes, I am taking a med for the b.e.d. but I have times, too, when I feel like binging still. No one does it to me but me. I have had pizza on my mind for quite awhile but have not got one. I may get one at some time. I don't know at this point. Anrea, don't worry you haven't caused me to dwell. I hope you and everyone has a good weekend. I may sleep a lot this weekend. lol.

Edit: I don't like to talk about good choices, it often sets me up for a setback. I feel like I am bragging when I do that. I don't think anyone understands me but me. And I can't help that. I really don't want to get into explaining myself a lot. I am just here and have b.e.d. This doesn't seem to be doing me much good. I may not be back.

I feel as if I am not wanted here anymore. Especially with that comment that I should be in another section or something like that. Well, I am struggling, too. I still eat fattening food at times, also too much bread at times. My weight loss is going slow and it is frustrating. I have lost eight pounds, though, in a month. I feel like it should be more and I have thoughts of not eating at all and then thoughts of stuffing myself. The med. helps to control my eating habits better, though. I don't always carry out what I think. I don't exercise but I have a goal of starting to get some kind of exercise in the future. I am too tired from my med. right now to plan exercise but hopefully the day will come when I will want to exercise again. At one time 16 years ago I was really into exercise but gave up on it and I don't remember why. It's not important why, though. I want to start again and am hoping to get motivated to do it.

Just let me be me and you be you, okay?

[LucyD]

PS. I am not a real thinned skinned person. It doesn't bother me that others post about the food they eat. I think Anrea got that impression but it's not so. I also have had a problem with obsessing about food. When I keep busy I don't do it as much. Listing all the food I eat only makes me obsess more so I don't do it for that reason.

Everyone is different here. We all do what we need to do for whatever reasons we have.

I know how hard this BED is. I have had it for so many years and have put on so much weight and took the weight off and put it on and taken it off and then got to the point where I couldn't take it off any more and it got way more out of control and I feared I would be like the people on My 600 pound life. I could be them if I didn't get the help I got. And before I had BED I was Bulimic for 25 years. I have been to hell and back and am so glad my doctor is helping me now. But it is still taking one day at a time and getting through that day. The one thing that has been very important for me is not to buy binge foods or keep them in my apt. I can be sneaky and binge on fruit or sandwiches, too, though so I'm trying not to. The medicine doesn't cure me only helps me to get back on track. I highly recommend it.

[Anrea]

Oh hey Lucy, I don't mean YOU should be in another section. I meant, maybe this section isn't for specifics. (you know, they say we can't mention weight because it is a trigger - maybe food specifics is a trigger too). I feel like I am still finding my way around this the BED area. If anyone should be in a whole other area, it would be me, because I purge sometimes.

Seriously, I just don't have a solution for my eating issues and I don't know what steps to take. Disclosing on the bipolar and borderline threads helps me, but I don't know if it helps here. Maybe that is why this area does have so few posters - because we are dealing with it so individually. I don't even know if we can help each other.

I have wondered if I eat more when I talk about it with people on here. I don't know if it makes me feel like I am okay the way I am. I just thought, it is something I never tried.

Lucy, if you didn't post, you would be missed. Seriously.

I thought about taking extra meds to sleep more, to help me eat less. Maybe it is all excuses and the simple fact is I eat too much and should just be able to stop. BED is very confusing, because it is so subtle. It isn't like I see bruises because I allow myself to be abused, or I have memories of some issue that bothers me, or that I have swinging emotions because of my BP and BPD. It is just .... food. I don't know, maybe it isn't even the food. Maybe it is the boredom combined with anxiety.

I am not a social person, but this weekend was social, boozy and full of rich food since I have been eating out since Thursday. I just want to get off this train. So many people I know have done weight loss surgery the past two years and while I am so envious of their weight loss I have noticed hardly any of them have adopted healthier habits. They are just slimmer with bad health. This illness goes so deep. Has anyone tried hypnotherapy? I am willing to try it if it will give my mind a new wiring kick

I also wanted to reiterate how thankful I am for you all and this thread/group. I really appreciate the honesty and care you all show

i wish i hadn't eaten that shortbread cookie.
started the cycle again... loads of junk, + 1 meal- and back to junk again

[88Butterfly88]

Haven't overeaten at all today!

Sent from my XT1526 using Tapatalk

[Anrea]

Haven't overeaten in 2 days.

today was not so bad.
actually got to meal time and i thought.. i am actually hungry.

had my pizza as usual on tuesday, and didn't even get through all of it- had that feeling again of being full, but was soon hungry when i saw the snacks.. not touched them yet though.

tomorrow is grocery day, and i think i all ready know what most of it will consist of

I have come down with some god awful flu bug so food hasn't been on the agenda this past 24 hours. Silver lining?

Hope everyone else is doing ok