Really need some advice...

I have a previous post that many viewed, but no one replied, so I am going to try to make it a little shorter here...because I really need some guidance.

My husband tried to end his life a couple of months ago. He called the hospital for himself (thank God). He recently claimed that, since that time, he has been trying to push me away in order to end our marriage because he doesn't want me to get hurt.

Monday, during a heated moment, he also told me that he now wanted a divorce, but took it back again later.

I am to a point where I am not sure how much more yo-yoing (there were a few other up and down issues in there) that I can take. He will do well one week, then the next week he can't bear to go to work. He has now also quit his job, and isn't sure how soon he will be seeking another job. We have discussed him going across the country to see his parents, which I think that he needs, but he doesn't want to leave me here.

I am just at a breaking point and not really sure what to do because, in numerous ways, he's no longer the man I married, but I view that as part of marriage and you work through it. A lot of family, friends, and my therapist, are concerned for me though and how long it will be before I snap.

Hi. Your husband might benefit from a short term (week) hospital stay, just to get stabilized on meds. Does he have a psychiatrist and therapist so far?

We went searching and we were only able to find a therapist. We live in a very rural area. Our therapists are about 50+miles away and I think psychiatrists would be even further. I will have to check. The only person that can do his meds at the moment is his GP.

Maybe his GP could prescribe a low dose of an antipsychotic med. Are you within two hours of a major hospital? If so, they would have to commit him to their psych ward for 72 hours (minimum) for observation, if you told them he was suicidal.

He's done the psych hospital before. He doesn't want to go back and hasn't been suicidal since about March. He doesn't want to go back because all they did was put him on a bunch of meds to make him a zombie and then yanked him back off after the three days. The part that is particularly driving me nuts is the lack of telling me things (like quitting his job) and not wanting to work. He hates being at work; he hates being at home. He doesn't seem to care that we need the money. He would just rather sit and play games on his computer all day. I have a hard time relating to that, primarily, because I would love to do that too, but adults have to work! Whether we like it or not, we have to work and it's a part of life. When he is home, he is doing nothing to better the house (dishes, laundry, etc.), he just sits.

The most frustrating aspect of it is that doctors just say "oh, he's depressed, here's some meds". I am really trying to be understanding, but I am starting to reach the end of my patience.

Well, in that case, what is left for you to do? What would need to happen in order for your husband to be med compliant?

Unfortunately that's all anyone could suggest because there isn't much on the side of wellness other than participation with a social network (like NAMI) and taking appropriate meds faithfully.

Does your husband still want to stay married? It could be that taking a breather/separation might be a cathartic thing to try.

I am the ill one in the relationship, and my husband comes to all therapy and doctor appointments and is able to share his concerns about me and my moods/actions, which is helping our marriage together.

But a year ago, i pushed him away and did very hurtful things with lots of consequences because of my illness.
After 9 months of me acting like that, he gave me an ultimatum and said i need to commit to him and the kids or leave. And thats the day i turned myself around.

Im not sure how much of my story will help you, but i wanted to share from the perspective of the other side.

Stay strong and do whats best to keep you healthy.

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Thank you for your story. In couples therapy this last weekend, I was told that expecting him to hold a job and other such activities that are part of being an adult is being too motherly. Apparently. I am expected to just put up with it and deal with him not working and finding himself. With my frustration, I am glad that he will be going home for a little while because it's becoming very frustrating for me. I love him, but I really feel like I am approaching a breaking point for me.

Did he own up to his issues at all? Or does he act like he's never the one in the wrong? Does he make positive contributions and want to take care of you as you do him? It takes two in a relationship. If he won't own up to his actions that contribute to your problems as a couple and his actions speak volumes (words lose meaning after awhile) - my advice is to leave him and not look back. Thinking of you.

How has it been since hes been home for a while?

How are you holding up?

Sorry I didnt answer your post, somehow I skipped over your reply.

Its important not to be the 'mother' figure, its a marriage, not a child. But I dont agree that he shouldn't have any responsibilities to the family.
Even if its just taking care of his meds and appointments, maybe laundry and cleaning? Just something to contribute and show hes working on himself and the family.

Hoping for the best! But always do whats right for you and the kids.

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He almost sounds like a cousin who quit working at 40 and never went back. I wound up trying to help his wife cope because she loved him the world and didn't want to leave. Like you she believed you work through these things in a marriage. She had no choice but to leave when he exhausted their savings and she lost her job. This was 26 yrs ago. I now know my cousin had a psychotic mental breakdown.

How would you know that? Is there anything he talks about and believes that most of us know aren't real? With my cousin we both loved Star Trek. In that show the ship can move faster than light. In physics there is a theory that faster than light speed space travel is possible. But, say the physicists, we cannot make it happen. It isn't real, it's a theory. My cousin believed it is possible and that it's being done. That should have warned me that he lost touch with reality, but I didn't want to believe it. He also thought God gave him a special mission here and that justified him not going to work. Many people think they have a mission here and some do. But my cousin believed his mission was akin to that of Moses or the Apostle Paul. Moses was a 1 of a kind and even the other apostles didn't have to do exactly what Paul did. That was my 2nd warning.

My cousin's wife told me that the only reason she didn't have a non psychotic breakdown was because I listened to her on the phone each night for 1 to 3 hours. She says I saved her sanity. Maybe, but I couldn't save their marriage nor could I help my cousin.

If this continues do what you must for you and any children you have. I wish I could do more.