Long-time BPD Sufferers - Is this true?

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Remember, there's no one right path to recovery from BPD. The condition seems to be worse in young adulthood and may gradually get better with age. Many people with the disorder find greater stability in their lives during their 30s and 40s. Their inner misery may lessen and they go on to sustain loving relationships and enjoy meaningful careers. Date updated: May 19, 2006
Content provided by MayoClinic.com

From RevolutionHealth.com

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I read this statement about living with BPD over the long term, and while I see truth in this statement, I was wondering how others that have dealt with BPD for years feel about it.

Has anyone noticed a "subduing" of their illness as they have gotten older?

I am 45 now and I have noticed that I am not as "dramatic" in my attempts to garner the attention I need as much as I did when I was younger. My desire to cause myself personal harm is much farther between attempts than it was a few years ago (not that I don't slip back into that behavior now and then), but overall, the "antics" remain.

But I wonder, is my subdued personality more to do with isolating than a growth in maturity and thus more accepting of life?

Is this a more real expectation of what recovery is for those with BPD, than say, a major personality change through DBT and therapy? (Not to say these don't help in the management of this illness).

> is my subdued personality more to do with isolating than a growth in maturity and thus more accepting of life?

I think it is hard for an observer here to tell. My mother became more "subdued" when she got older, but I think that was more defeat than anything else. On the other hand, I think I am growing up (at long last), but that is not just "more accepting of life." It is coming with hard work and remembering and understanding of what is going on now and has been.

True. All the work one has to put into learning to deal with this illness is staggering (and endless), and it has helped tremendously, but I can also understand the "defeatist attitude" that your mum succumbed to in her life. I seem to be interpreting life that way alot, and for more than a while now.

Maybe I am misinterpreting the "calmness" I have in my life as boredom and uneventful (?)

It sounds like you're questioning and using your intuitive re is this a just losing energy, or is it healing?

I believe that total healing of pds is possible, but its just a belief, I havent done so with mine, but if I do, well, I will probably be talking about it somewhere. Well done for all your work, its great that people take responsibility.

river.

i went from being a severe case (meeting most of the symptoms apparently) to not meeting criteria. dx'd at 18 and cured by 23.

one could say that i was misdiagnosed (hence making it a definitional matter that people with bpd can't recover so quickly)

or one could say that there is much more hope than the bastards would lead you to believe ;-)

life is a journey...
a process...
there isn't really an 'end point'
and i think 'cure' is a little like that too
life can be a healing journey.
the periods of intense emoitonal pain become further apart and occur less frequently and i bounce back faster
gradually... over time.
it does get better.
and the intense episodes pass (between a few hours or a few days) its just about hanging in there during those episodes and using coping strategies and not doing anything to make it worse, basically.
learning how to utilise distractions (friends and travel) and self soothing (treating yourself to nice things) and friends (to foster some enjoyable connected moments to help you through)

gradual process...

there is hope for us all :-)

excellent analysis. Thanks!

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RiverX said:
It sounds like you're questioning and using your intuitive re is this a just losing energy, or is it healing?


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I think you're spot-on there, RiverX! There is alot to what you said.

First of all, I am beginning to lose alot of my natural energy. Yet I still display the same symptoms, just less severe and dramatic as when it was some 15+ years ago. Each year now, I seem to becoming more docile, yet my BPD thinking patterns still dominate. I have just been fortunate enough to have a few family members and a b/f who are willing to look past the anxieties I express.

Of course, I don't know if I am just clinging because it is part of my illness (the giving up part), or I am just willing to stick it out because I am trying to learn to trust (what Ive learned through therapy).

The unfortunate thing is my intuition has been hijacked by my anxiety, I have come to learn, and always tells me to "RUN... RUN LIKE HELL!"

Wow, Ak, well put! Gotta print & post that on my bulletin board.

Can I give you credit for this quote
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life is a journey...
a process...
there isn't really an 'end point'
and i think 'cure' is a little like that too
life can be a healing journey.
the periods of intense emoitonal pain become further apart and occur less frequently and i bounce back faster
gradually... over time.
it does get better.
and the intense episodes pass (between a few hours or a few days) its just about hanging in there during those episodes and using coping strategies and not doing anything to make it worse, basically.
learning how to utilise distractions (friends and travel) and self soothing (treating yourself to nice things) and friends (to foster some enjoyable connected moments to help you through)

gradual process...

there is hope for us all :-)

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I do believe it's essentially true.

And I wish someone would write the book about the middle aged person who looking back realizes that they had the symptoms that are called BPD.

It is one thing to be diagnosed young and in the throes of the most harmful and self-injurious behaviors, and something else to have stumbled and scraped through life to find yourself middle-aged and empty and in pain.

I think part of the 'getting here' to middle-age includes learning avoidance and isolation as coping methods or defenses. So it makes it a different ball game. I feel like it's the 9th inning, I'm on 3rd base, there are 2 outs, and the count is 0 and 2....

DXed with BPD (among other things) at 23, fitting all but one of the criteria. Now i'm 41 and have held on to just three of them. i think over the years i have neutralized the rest in part by embracing the 'schizoid affectations' aspect of my DX. since i don't get any more than superficially involved with anyone, criterias 1,2, & 8 have no outlet. The last time i semi-seriously committed myself to therapy (five or so years ago), it became apparent that i'd adopted another pd for coping...narcissism. this eliminated criterias 3,5, and for the most part 9.

leaving me with:
4)impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging
6)affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood
&
7)chronic feelings of emptiness

of course, i'm a hermit for the most part. but that's alright cuz i prefer my own company to that of anyone else.

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I think part of the 'getting here' to middle-age includes learning avoidance and isolation as coping methods or defenses. So it makes it a different ball game. I feel like it's the 9th inning, I'm on 3rd base, there are 2 outs, and the count is 0 and 2....

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That's essentially how I have handled my symptoms, although DBT did make me more aware, and drugs a little more subdued.

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I think part of the 'getting here' to middle-age includes learning avoidance and isolation as coping methods or defenses. So it makes it a different ball game. I feel like it's the 9th inning, I'm on 3rd base, there are 2 outs, and the count is 0 and 2....

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Can definitely relate to this too!

My dx came at the age you are now, however, it sounds as though my illness progressed the same way yours did without the benefit of therapy anyway.

Didn't realize npd can develop as a result of bpd. I have narcissistic tendencies, but thought it was an "in-addition-to" illness. Never thought it could be a defense mechanism.

Hmm...interesting.

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AlteredState01 said:
Didn't realize npd can develop as a result of bpd. I have narcissistic tendencies, but thought it was an "in-addition-to" illness. Never thought it could be a defense mechanism.

Hmm...interesting.



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though i realize 'splitting' is a supposedly dysfunctional aspect of bpd - i have never had a problem with it. Not to say i don't - i do...alot. and likely as a result i miss out on some experiences, but a line must be drawn somewhere, i think, and sooner rather than later in terms of what's goodness & light vs. what's ungoodness & dark has been a constant for me.

in a world filled with variation,dealing in extremes simplifies things. and so it was with my npd adaption. in the first twenty or so years of my borderline life, the level of my self-esteem was abyssmal. hence powerlessness. hence worthlessness. hence depression. hence suicidal ideation. this became intolerable, and as i wasn't quite ready to check out, something had to change. so i made a complete reversal. i am powerful. i am worthy. the world can go %#@&#! itself - it's not taking me out. these days arrogance is my middle name...depression just a dim memory.

i tried for years but i don't think therapy did much for me. and none of the drugs i've been prescribed over the years ever did. perhaps it was the acid, which i began self-medicating course of ten years or so ago, combined with my same-time exposure to free-thinking hippies.

i weaned myself off hippies seven years ago, and it's been three since i've done any acid. i don't think i need either one anymore. i have ME.

I withdrew a lot, don't get me wrong. The fastest way to curb 'intense fears of abandonment' is simply to isolate yourself from people and ensure that you don't get attached to anyone! But over time... That has gradually lessened off for me. I still don't socialise as much as other people do. I find it more stressful than most people do. I need more time by myself (where I can truely relax) than most people do. But I'm gradually getting better at reaching out and connecting to people. Gradually getting better at not doing the push-pull thing. Gradually getting better at managing my freak outs. Slowly, slowly, gently does it.

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my intuition has been hijacked by my anxiety

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> I think thats just such an apt way of putting it!

I wanted to get back to you, ... i have had an experience where it feels like something in me died as a result ot therapy. I know thats not exactly what you are saying, but - I believe that, call me an idealist - but that all then energy we have caught up in the disorder should be able to be converted to natural, flowing, passionate, life force. I wont accept anything less, although, I havent achieved it, but I want to try to find out how this can be created, even if I fail, ..... thats what I'd like, for me and for all others who seek healing.
God, I'm off on one again, but then its true in a way.

Maybe its still possible.

((((((((((altered)))))))))))))

river

((((((((((((( riverX )))))))))))))

> I'm on 3rd base, there are 2 outs, and the count is 0 and 2....

It's time to steal home.

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I believe that, call me an idealist - but that all then energy we have caught up in the disorder should be able to be converted to natural, flowing, passionate, life force. I wont accept anything less, although, I havent achieved it, but I want to try to find out how this can be created, even if I fail, ..... thats what I'd like, for me and for all others who seek healing.

Maybe its still possible.

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Good. I think it is.

(((((((((RiverX))))))))
hang on friend!

"It is one thing to be diagnosed young and in the throes of the most harmful and self-injurious behaviors, and something else to have stumbled and scraped through life to find yourself middle-aged and empty and in pain."

I am new here tonight and this statement is my life and it is a relief to read it and hard to accept at the same time. Thanks, Birch

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I am new here tonight and this statement is my life and it is a relief to read it and hard to accept at the same time. Thanks, Birch

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Well, Birch!

I am glad you've been able to connect so quickly. And I agree - it is both a relief to be diagnosed, and hard to come to terms with, such a multi-pronged illness as BPD is.

Stick around. I think you will find alot of support here to help you deal with this illness.