NPD... any hope?

Is there any seriously effective treatments for NPD?

and if you know someone with it... and this person has been dx'd by three professionals, even through MMPI... but doesn't know the dx. See, whenever they try to tell her, they cant get close to the actual dx... her ego is so fragile and protected that her reality unravles and she ends up hospitalized. She apparently cant even handle hearing the dx.

i know though... and it's killing me. i know she cant ever get help if she doesn't know. The consensus seems to be that her dysfunction without the knowledge is better than complete lack of functioning and psychosis if she knew.

what do you guys think? Should she be told outright?

if there isn't an effective treatment, is there really any point in destroying the reality she knows and functions in?

this person means a lot to me and holding the secret is awful, and unfair to the both of us. i dont know what to do. i want her to have the best life she can, but i dont want to risk what she has just to alleviate my guilt.

finding out she had elements of OCD style resulted in a week in the hospital. Otherwise she functions ok, holds down a job and has a small circle of friends. SHe spends most time alone though because her relationship skills are well... an NPD sort. She just recovered from a 3wk hospital stay that happened last year.. took a year to get back on track.

little help and advice?

Possible I guess but a lot depends on her and what she wants; can't get past what she wants.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/nar...652/DSECTION=8

I don't know the complete circumstances but, Why would it be necessary for her to know of a "label" and be told that?(some people get worse when given a label,-- can be too overwhelming for some-- where as they may make progress if just given something to work on) Why can't she just be told gently of her symptoms-- and told of them one at a time?(told one and after she's worked on it for sometime, told a second one and so on...)
For example: Perhaps if she was encouraged to feel what it would be like to be a particular someone else- and then asked kindly to try and work on that.....

But I think like Perna said-- any person with mental struggles such as these- has to want to change in order for the change to happen..... and from what I've read-- most NPD's don't think they are the problem-- so it's not likely they would consider anything of the kind. Hopefully someone can compassionately get it acrossed to her that her life could be better-- maybe even much better....

I think you are very nice to be concerned.

mandy

Having narcissistic tendencies myself, I could see how she would not see this if she wasn't ready to. What puzzeled me was her behaviours - very dramatic in nature, which leads me to think that she may have histrionic traits as well. These two go well together with emotional people. I have these tendencies as well. Is she this way?

Does she not wonder about her state of mind that keeps sending her to the hospital? Although having these diagnoses is unpalatable as traits go on the scale of the ideal personality, if she can be convinced that it is, essentially, the illness itself that keeps her in this state, she may eventually come to terms with it.

I think she has the right to hear it, but she also needs the support to deal with it.

How come her docs haven't helped her through dealing with all this, even if it means keeping her in the hospital?

i love her but i cant take it. She is a good person but her problems make her just too much.. she takes and takes.. she made a huge mess in my life.

yeah, you're right, one thing at a time would be better than a label, but as said, she'll never see any of those things as a problem. It's like there is some monster gap between cause and effect with her. In a bigger picture, maybe it could be pointed out.. in small bits it's always going to be someone else and not her.

she accepts the hospital, etc because she has other dx's. i guess she is ok with those. With those she kinda sees herself like the mad genius, special. This one would mean there was something very not special about the path of emotional destruction she's leaving.

i mean, i'm bipolar.. dont you all know people who think mania is "romantic" in a way... all visions and shamans and stuff? she's like that. Like it's a club. Everybody wants to be a mad genius, nobody wants to discover that their "specialness" rips people's hearts from their chests.

her docs? i dunno. i just dont. Of course, they wont talk to me. i was her next of kin contact and no one called to tell me she was in the hospital last time. They wouldn't tell me anything. They aren't allowed when it's psychiatric. my hands were tied. The stuff i know i managed to pry from pdoc who probably shouldn't have told me anything either. i'm grateful he did, but it gives me a terrible burden too.

i have been cutting back contact and my T says i need to cut her off from me. i know that sounds harsh, but i know he's right. It's a long story... but the level of manipulation alone is devastating.

if i thought there was a seriously effective treatment i'd reconsider telling her.... i guess it makes no difference. SHe'd never listen. i'm an idiot for trying to figure it out for someone who doesn't give a crap what they have done to my life.

I'm very sorry that you have been devistated by an N. It can make life very surreal. I have had them mess up my life considerably. But You must watch out for your 'self' first - they really aren't capable of caring as their 'self' was destroyed long ago. If the T's say to break all contact, I'd do that. You deserve a good life. A life full of common sense, fairness, reality and real joy.

You are a good person to care so much for her still.


VoN

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It's like there is some monster gap between cause and effect with her.

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It has been described to me as "living my life in a vacuum."

At my worst, I have to admit, I too, had delusions of being "special." I kinda look at it now as a survival mechanism that took over because, at the time, I was really in destruction mode. It's interesting how the psyche can split off into different directions when it is fighting to survive, eh?

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i have been cutting back contact and my T says i need to cut her off from me. i know that sounds harsh, but i know he's right. It's a long story... but the level of manipulation alone is devastating.

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Hopefully, someday, your friend will get the help she needs, but if she is taking you down, then you gotta save yourself.

Is that cruel? I don't think so. I have been dumped by friends because of my behaviours and I have also dumped friends for theirs.

I believe one can only do / say / be there so much. I also believe that she must experience the consequences / reality of how she is behaving (in this case, losing a friend) as it may ultimately help her to see her illness(es) and/or destructive ways. If she never does, then it's best to stay out of range.

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i'm an idiot for trying to figure it out for someone who doesn't give a crap what they have done to my life.

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Don't think you're an idiot for trying - think you are noble for your efforts.

And narcissitic people are desperate people - and in alot of pain, too. It may not be that she doesn't give a crap about you (unless, of course, she is also a sociopath), she is just stuck inside of herself - in her vacuum.

Narcissism as an illness, is just as painful as being bi-polar.

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they really aren't capable of caring as their 'self' was destroyed long ago.

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I believe you are referring to sociopathy, here.

the "specialness" comes from her childhood.. being an uncaring, completely dysfunctional family.. she dreamt of getting out by becoming something big, famous... like world famous. Somehow in there it got knotted up. Now she makes sure her drawings are signed so that fakes can't be made.. afterall, her "fans" want the real thing. Fans. yeah. It;s so sad sometimes it's heart breaking.. and other times that very same idea tears something apart and drives you nuts.

i've just got to stop i guess. i'm driving myself crazy. i just cant help it.. it all seems to damn obvious, you just want her to just *see* it. Then you get caught in the reality/not reality trap... before you know it you're up to your neck in confusion.

sorry to ramble... i'm trying hard with my T to regain my sense of reality, to be able to tell when someone else's version isn't quite right.

It is sad, and it is heartbreaking.

She seems completely lost in her psychosis. Does she have family or other support to watch over her?

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MzJelloFluff said:
i'm trying hard with my T to regain my sense of reality, to be able to tell when someone else's version isn't quite right.

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Me too. I'm now always having to question reality, what people REALLY mean, and even my own existence. Am I really here? After being treated like an object by so many significant males in my life I'm having to work hard on rebuilding my self-confidence.