[x_BabyG_x]

Does anyone have a series of events that you can honestly say made you develop this illness or is it just me?? - x

[Lenny]

Originally Posted by x_BabyG_x

Does anyone have a series of events that you can honestly say made you develop this illness or is it just me?? - x

I'm not quite sure the question your asking Baby..

Trama does often play a role in the Borderline disorder but it is not mandatory.

If trama is the catalyst in the personality becoming disordered,,then by identifying those moments,,then processing them,,accepting them and integrating,,,you are recovering..

It seems you are in that process...

Good for you..

With Care,

Lenny

[jbug]

I wish I could say well this, this and this led to me being borderline but I don't know what caused me to be borderline. I don't remember being abused I just remember being teased a lot as a child both by my sister and other children could that have done it I don't know.

I guess on one hand I want to know but on the other hand maybe I don't need to know. I think for right now me not knowing is a good thing.

If you need to know then I say go ahead and research it but if it's going to cause even more chaos in your life then don't do it.

Jbug

[Rapunzel]

Yes. Invalidating environments. It's more a continuous way that we had to live and try to adapt to, and it might be possible to trace specific events, but most likely we can remember fragments that illustrate the general conditions. I have a blog entry about it if you would like to read more.

http://rapunzel.psychcentral.net/200...l-we/#comments

[tuliptorn]

That was the thing that did me in. I believe illness is the result of an unbalanced dysfunction in the system.

Hmmm, that sounded better in my head. I hope I have made sense.

Peace

[Rapunzel]

Makes sense to me. If the system were functional most of the time, or dysfunctional in the same way most of the time, then we would be able to predict it and adapt and know what to do to get by. When sometimes the system seems to be working okay, and then it doesn't work right for who knows what reason, it is confusing and it's easier to conclude that we must be the problem, especially when the system encourages us to think that we are the problem because they don't want to look closely at themselves.

[Sannah]

A very sensitive child in an invalidating environment then development doesn't go well because the environment wasn't just nonsupporting, it was taunting.... This made it very hard to even make sense of who she was and how she fit in and even how to function... Getting better is making sense out of all of this and yourself.

[lifeblows]

Definitely the unstable environment & constant unpredictability growing up in my house. And being abused too. Being teased, harrassed, bullied & picked on at school through the years I'm sure contributed as well.

I found the best and most believable research & info on BPD when I was researching childhood sexual abuse actually. There are a lot of theories out there, some of which are completely crack-pot if you ask me, but the ones I read about during the CSA research sounded the most valid to me. I don't buy into the we were born more sensitive than everyone else theory. The ones that explained how a child's brain can be overwhelmed with a saturation of neurochemicals during abuse or trauma that its brain is not yet developed or equipped to handle, & that subsequently leads to a different formation of neural connections than everyone else's, that sounded a bit more legit to me.

And I believe in both nature & nurture by the way, so I definitely am not the type to buy into any theory that claims brain changes for everything. Social environment can mess people up too. I firmly believe in both.

[Greg77733]

Originally Posted by x_BabyG_x

Does anyone have a series of events that you can honestly say made you develop this illness or is it just me?? - x

Yes I can say the abuse by my step-father, alcholic mom putting me down and serious abuse at a mental place in 69-1971. I had other big problems, but by 8 or 9 yrs old I was cutting. I think the stuff in my 20's,30's, and 40's just reinforced it. I truly believe had my real dad not been shot down in Vietnam, I wouldn't have BPD. Take care, Greg

[blondz77]

i still cant figure out how i got bpd, im an only child so i had all the attention, i was never abused, i was treated very well, even now i am spoiled.. but not a brat. I have loving parents but docs dont know why i have it. I was a "problem"child but i wasnt. i did things worse then most children but then when i was happy i was sweeter then most children and am still ike that today. I'm just messed all over lol

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by blondz77

i still cant figure out how i got bpd, im an only child so i had all the attention, i was never abused, i was treated very well, even now i am spoiled.. but not a brat. I have loving parents but docs dont know why i have it. I was a "problem"child but i wasnt. i did things worse then most children but then when i was happy i was sweeter then most children and am still ike that today. I'm just messed all over lol

Healthy development requires moderation. Too much of something isn't healthy either. Did it go so far that your parents never told you no? Were you the boss and your parents were afraid to take control?

[blondz77]

far from that, they were still strict but fair, they would try to take control but nothing would work, like for example they treid to make me clean my room... i was about 5ish, and my mom said if i dont clean it she would get a garbage bag and throw everything out. So i still didnt clean it and she got a garbage bag and started throwing everything out and i just sat there and watched, when she was done i picked up a toy, looked at her and said "you forgot this", ... they tried giving when i did good and taking away when i did bad and nothing worked....

[Sannah]

So they still in the end were not able to take control. Was this scary to you that you were in control instead of an adult?

[blondz77]

not really, because i never actually saw it that way...

[Sannah]

Do you know why you acted that way? Did you think that you were smarter or stronger than they were?

[blondz77]

lol .. all that i remember was never thinking much exect, "that.s not fair" or "what about me?" but that wasnt with my parents.. most of the time i never thought about anything i did (still dont most of the time lol) so when people ask me what were you thinking i say.. nothing...

[Lenny]

Hi blonds...

I have been reading your thoughts with great interest..I welcome you to PC and the community of people it supports..

It seems that you have a blurry view of consequences. When your faced with boundaires you appear to detach from the costs associated with crossing them..almost as though you don't see them as impeding upon you in any direct way..

Can you describe to me(us) your impressions of "regret".

With care,

Lenny

[Rapunzel]

I tried the garbage bag thing with my kids. They just thought, great, mom's cleaning my room for me. They said "It's our job to make the messes and mom's job to clean it up." Kids know parents can't let them have no clothes or things that they need. And they are resourceful enough to find or make things to play with. They probably think they will be getting all new stuff if the old stuff is removed.

Blondz, how did they deal with or respond to your feelings? Were they able to accept and validate, or did they want you to change your perceptions and feelings to match what they thought was better?

[Sannah]

And the additional question blondz, how did you respond to their feelings?

[blondz77]

well first....
Lenny:
My impression of regret.... i guess it would be only if i did an action to hurt someone and didnt mean to, so for example, one of the few ways to really peeve me off is lack of common sense.. so after an hour of explaining something over and over and the person asks me yet again, i snap and say something like " for !@#$ sakes, i just sat here and wasted and hour my my !@#$ing time for nothing, either you dont listen or your an idiot" then after i blurt i see them cry and think opps... but for me to actually swear it takes alot, and for me to take it out on others it takes alot cause i normally harm myself before another person, but i have been controlling this..

Rapunzel: they were obviously peeved, but i had great parents because no matter how mad or sad they were they only showed me happiness, they never understood why i could show so much anger or sadness for such a young child, they never tried to change me... that i can think of, my dad would usually just let my mom calm me down and talk to me and make me happy again...

Sannah: I think the first time i realized my parents had feelings was not until my LATE teens, It could be because i never saw them upset until then... and the first time i made my mom cry and saw it i guess kicked in.. now i am better but still have my days, but now i try to be more concious about her feelings. I guess i used to act the way i did and thought it was normal, cause everyone thought i was the most adorable sweet and innocent girl, until they got to know me lol.

hope that answered everything..

[Sannah]

So your parents had a tactic of denying themselves for you. This certainly wasn't exposing you to the real world. They set up this whole world for you where you didn't get normal feedback for your behavior. I guess I could see where this would cause BPD? BPD is caused by an invalidating environment. Your feedback from your parents was "manufactured" not natural (they went against their own feelings and didn't let you see the consequences of your behavior on them).

[blondz77]

i do see where you're going with that.. and yes i see that being more then possibly.. im not sure if this made a difference but they used to tell me what was upsetting to them, but i guess since i didnt see them upset by it i didnt believe it...

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by blondz77

they used to tell me what was upsetting to them, but i guess since i didnt see them upset by it i didnt believe it...

Yeah, you would need to see the feelings to make sense of it..... Do you think that you were raised in an "emotionally sterile" environment?

[blondz77]

Ya, I think I was..

[Sannah]

I can see how emotionally sterile is an invalidating environment. This could make it difficult for you to make sense out of how you interact with others in your environment and affect your development.