[laura2]

sorry i need advice again

At my T yesterday i told him how i've been struggling with time, feeling in a parallel time, i just let it all out, i dont really remember what happened, but it only felt like a couple of minutes had passed & i could see he was holding his pen up asking me to tell him what day it was, i knew what day it was but didnt realise it was 45 minutes later, he told me there was no way he would do EMDR with me, this is my 10th session & its what we have been working towards doing, this is what i came into T for, people have told me this is what i need, i had one go at it about session 4, but he said i wasnt ready, now he's saying there is no way on earth its happening, just said it could no longer be an option, i got upset, & left rather quickly.

I later started to panic, sent him an email saying i was confused, wasnt sure if i should go back, felt like i wanted to run to the hill's, but also had this panic come over me that i wouldnt be seeing him ever again, crazy feelings, then had this horrible feeling that i would be lost without him , dont want to feel that, he replied back saying that he has to be upfront with my treatment, but it will be more long term & we have to find a different type of treatment i know i know nothing, but what else is there?, feel like the rug's been pulled under me, its taken me so long to get to this stage, now everythings changing, he also mentioned "a dependency issue between us", oh my god, he can read my mind

does anyone have any idea why he would completey change his mind?, im worried what would work then?, if anything?, im really not good at talking, so i thought this procedure would eventually be ideal...

[skeksi]

There are many good therapies out there for PTSD. Talk with your T next session and discuss your options when you are able to think clearly, without dissociating.

EMDR is an effective therapy, but only one of many. It is contraindicated (not recommended) for people who dissociate a lot, or people who had a lot of traumas in their childhood. These can be hard to address and resolve through EMDR.

This is not a failure on your part. It sounds like there are a lot of things to discuss with your T about the treatment plan, but this is not the end of treatment, since he said he is looking more long-term (this is typical for entrenched traumas and dissociation).

Best of luck.

[(JD)]

(((hug))) EMDR is good for some patients, but not all. I respect your T for sharing that info with you, and for not being arrogant and feeling he could handle what came up in EMDR in spite of general "guidelines?"

You probably do need more time to go through some things. EMDR can cause ppl to move too quickly through issues that need to be worked through differently. Not all therapies work for all people. It's ok.

Good for you for trying! Now continue to follow your T's lead.

[sky dancer]

Your T is probably right. If you dissociated for 45 minutes in your session you are not ready for EMDR.

[Elysium]

Hi Laura...

I am sorry that there has been this kink in the line for you.

I have gone through a couple rounds of EMDR, the last one a little over a year ago (I think). At the time, I had not been diagnosed with DID yet and I wasn't aware, nor was my T aware how much or how often I really was dissociating.

EMDR can be helpful, but it can be tricky too. You need to be able to have strong coping mechanisms and be able to keep yourself in the present as much as possible in order to keep yourself safe and to process the trauma. When one dissociates, especially for a longer period of time, going through the EMDR process can be more damaging than helpful, and you run the risk of re-traumatizing yourself which can lead to even more dissociation and emotional instability.

I would trust your T. There are other skills and coping mechanisms that you can learn that will help you prepare for EMDR at some other time. For now, it sounds like your T is most concerned about not causing you harm. This is a good thing, even though it feels like a setback.

Take care, and keep us posted if you like. I am always here too if you would ever like to PM me.

[laura2]

Originally Posted by Elysium3006

Hi Laura...

I am sorry that there has been this kink in the line for you.

I have gone through a couple rounds of EMDR, the last one a little over a year ago (I think). At the time, I had not been diagnosed with DID yet and I wasn't aware, nor was my T aware how much or how often I really was dissociating.

EMDR can be helpful, but it can be tricky too. You need to be able to have strong coping mechanisms and be able to keep yourself in the present as much as possible in order to keep yourself safe and to process the trauma. When one dissociates, especially for a longer period of time, going through the EMDR process can be more damaging than helpful, and you run the risk of re-traumatizing yourself which can lead to even more dissociation and emotional instability.

I would trust your T. There are other skills and coping mechanisms that you can learn that will help you prepare for EMDR at some other time. For now, it sounds like your T is most concerned about not causing you harm. This is a good thing, even though it feels like a setback.

Take care, and keep us posted if you like. I am always here too if you would ever like to PM me.

thanks sweetheart, only recently found out what dissociation was, but realised straight away how much i do actually do it, my mind seems to be knee jerking at everything at the moment, & he totally freaked me out yesterday, he was soooo WE ARE NOT DOING EMDR ANYMORE, from what you guys have said i kinda understand why now, im just a bit worried where im going, know i need to trust him, i liked the sound of emdr, seems so structured, & immediate, struggle so much with talking, the thought of being totally reliant on "talking" freaks me out, im rubbish at it

my over whelming response was not to go back, but after sleeping on it & reading the posts he obviously is only making the right decision for me, just wish my mind & body would realise that

Hi,

i would just like to add that, while i don't know much about EMDR "guidelines", i share your experience with expecting to do it only to have a T back out. The biggest problem i see here (as with me) is a failure to adequately explain why. At the same time, if you (or i) are in a panicky space, it's hard to hear what's being said even if an explanation is given.

The T i went to just for this purpose was very encouraging about all we could do and then three sessions in said she was uncomfortable doing it because i may have a violent alter. Now THAT was inappropriate phrasing on her part and rather naiive if you ask me--plus, i have ddnos not DID and people with DID don't necessarily have a violent alter anyway.

My point in all this is just to say that professionals are just as capable of being idiots or well meaning people who "open mouth insert foot". i know you were looking forward to this treatment (as was i cuz i'm very frustrated with running around in circles in my head) but i hope you find something more suitable for you that works for you.

Much peace and goodness to you and yours.

[laura2]

Originally Posted by MeSo

Hi,

i would just like to add that, while i don't know much about EMDR "guidelines", i share your experience with expecting to do it only to have a T back out. The biggest problem i see here (as with me) is a failure to adequately explain why. At the same time, if you (or i) are in a panicky space, it's hard to hear what's being said even if an explanation is given.

The T i went to just for this purpose was very encouraging about all we could do and then three sessions in said she was uncomfortable doing it because i may have a violent alter. Now THAT was inappropriate phrasing on her part and rather naiive if you ask me--plus, i have ddnos not DID and people with DID don't necessarily have a violent alter anyway.

My point in all this is just to say that professionals are just as capable of being idiots or well meaning people who "open mouth insert foot". i know you were looking forward to this treatment (as was i cuz i'm very frustrated with running around in circles in my head) but i hope you find something more suitable for you that works for you.

Much peace and goodness to you and yours.

thanks MeSo, yeah your right, he didnt actually explain anything, it was just no longer an option, END OF. i should have been brave enough to challenge him, but just got upset & got out, like you mine was full of what it could do in the beginning, picked him because he specialises in this, he did tell me this is all he mainly does, tends to stick to "brief" work, only been with him a few months, i do like him, the running away feeling made me realise ive become quite attached to him quite quickly, already my mind is running riot,... he's gonna lose interest, wanna dump me, im not emdr or gonna be brief.. just when i could do without my mind tormenting me!

Um...please take or leave what i have to say cuz i don't want to overly influence anyone but one thing you've said struck me rather strongly. This person does brief therapy. His goal is quick problem solving and coping strategies for time limited problems (for example, grief counseling, job changes, a car accident, a divorce). From what you've described (and i could be wrong cuz i've only read a couple of your posts so far), i understand you to have gone through longer term, multiple traumas. As in most mental health diagnoses, whether the DSM has caught up to it or not, ptsd is a continuum. From one time occurrences described above to longer term experiences like war or to prolific, sometimes multiple perpetrator child abuse.

If your T's practice is brief therapy and you are a trauma survivor from long term abuse having her first therapy experience...well, i fear this isn't a good match. Again, only you can decide this but i would talk openly with your therapist about his comfort level in treating you given the issues you hope to cover. He should be honest enough to say if he feels qualified and up to the long haul. Most people with childhood abuse issues are looking at at least a few years of therapy.

[Starbuck1128]

Umm, complete dork here, what is EMDR?
My traumas were so severe my T doe Not encourage me talk about them...but I am afraid every night to go to sleep and have flashback dreams all night.
Wish I could help

From one time occurrences described above to longer term experiences like war or to prolific, sometimes multiple perpetrator child abuse.

That be me... Little jon Benet...in the beauty pagents @ 4 (hating it cuz I was/am a tomboy) and being esexually abused. Sorry itf that's TMI...feeling really bad tonghit abuse anniversary....need help

[laura2]

Originally Posted by MeSo

Um...please take or leave what i have to say cuz i don't want to overly influence anyone but one thing you've said struck me rather strongly. This person does brief therapy. His goal is quick problem solving and coping strategies for time limited problems (for example, grief counseling, job changes, a car accident, a divorce). From what you've described (and i could be wrong cuz i've only read a couple of your posts so far), i understand you to have gone through longer term, multiple traumas. As in most mental health diagnoses, whether the DSM has caught up to it or not, ptsd is a continuum. From one time occurrences described above to longer term experiences like war or to prolific, sometimes multiple perpetrator child abuse.

If your T's practice is brief therapy and you are a trauma survivor from long term abuse having her first therapy experience...well, i fear this isn't a good match. Again, only you can decide this but i would talk openly with your therapist about his comfort level in treating you given the issues you hope to cover. He should be honest enough to say if he feels qualified and up to the long haul. Most people with childhood abuse issues are looking at at least a few years of therapy.

i appreciate your advice, different perspectives help, beginning to realise its not so black & white, have been haunted by one event for about 3 years, progressively got worse, & now it barely leaves me, if im honest the dissociation has got a bit out of control, & since understanding what it is, i realise how long ive been doing it, long time, long before this incident, which has confused me, ive realised when i started doing it, learnt to do it i suppose, it was to purposely block, i know there were occasions when i literally felt no physical pain while "drifting" as i called it, but this stuff was over 20 years ago, it feels in the past, & it doesnt haunt me, or even come into my head, but with this dissociation being so bad at the moment it seems to be throwing things up, that i could really do without.

My T is in his mid 60's, works from home in his sleepers & probably see's me as hardwork, & prefers the quick fixes, gonna send him an email telling him how i feel, dont want to go in there & clam up, then the hard bits already done, gives him chance to let me down gently if need be,

thanks sweetheart

[laura2]

Originally Posted by Starbuck1128

Umm, complete dork here, what is EMDR?
My traumas were so severe my T doe Not encourage me talk about them...but I am afraid every night to go to sleep and have flashback dreams all night.
Wish I could help

That be me... Little jon Benet...in the beauty pagents @ 4 (hating it cuz I was/am a tomboy) and being esexually abused. Sorry itf that's TMI...feeling really bad tonghit abuse anniversary....need help

Eye Movement Desensitization & reprocessing, there must be tons of info on this site for, no need for sorry, one thing i know about this site the brief time ive been on it, no one judges you, if you want help people are kind & supportive

[Elysium]

Just wanted to post a Wiki link in case any body wanted a review of EMDR!!

Take care...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eye_Mov...d_Reprocessing

Originally Posted by laura2

i appreciate your advice, different perspectives help, beginning to realise its not so black & white, have been haunted by one event for about 3 years, progressively got worse, & now it barely leaves me, if im honest the dissociation has got a bit out of control, & since understanding what it is, i realise how long ive been doing it, long time, long before this incident, which has confused me, ive realised when i started doing it, learnt to do it i suppose, it was to purposely block, i know there were occasions when i literally felt no physical pain while "drifting" as i called it, but this stuff was over 20 years ago, it feels in the past, & it doesnt haunt me, or even come into my head, but with this dissociation being so bad at the moment it seems to be throwing things up, that i could really do without.

My T is in his mid 60's, works from home in his sleepers & probably see's me as hardwork, & prefers the quick fixes, gonna send him an email telling him how i feel, dont want to go in there & clam up, then the hard bits already done, gives him chance to let me down gently if need be,

thanks sweetheart

That's a good option. It sounds like you've already realized he might not be a good match for you and why put yourself through such awkwardness when you can be done with it via e-mail if he's not up to the task? i'm really getting the feeling he's not. i really hesitate to say that because it's very important you come to your own conclusions but i have a rather compulsive need to be honest with my perceptions. [long internal dialogue regarding all THAT and i'll spare you ] Unless he's in semi-retirement now and, before doing brief therapy, he was a trauma specialist before that...i think you deserve better.

As for your dissociation experiences, it sounds like there's more to it than you were initially thinking (which isn't uncommon) and therapy should incorporate the whole of your life. i hope you find someone better suited soon. It's a very difficult process but we all deserve to have our whole selves and our real lives.

[Rapunzel]

Dissociation is a significant complication for EMDR, and a lot of therapists may think that EMDR can't be done with a patient who dissociates. There is a new book, by Sandra Paulsen, on using a combination of Ego State Therapy and EMDR, also drawing from other modalities, specifically for treating trauma and dissociation. The book is for EMDR therapists and for clients too. I haven't read much of it yet, but it could be helpful for you and to share with your therapist. It looks like a good one.

The book is: Looking Through the Eyes of Trauma and Dissociation: An illustrated guide for EMDR therapists and clients.

[sky dancer]

Originally Posted by Rapunzel

Dissociation is a significant complication for EMDR, and a lot of therapists may think that EMDR can't be done with a patient who dissociates. There is a new book, by Sandra Paulsen, on using a combination of Ego State Therapy and EMDR, also drawing from other modalities, specifically for treating trauma and dissociation. The book is for EMDR therapists and for clients too. I haven't read much of it yet, but it could be helpful for you and to share with your therapist. It looks like a good one.

The book is: Looking Through the Eyes of Trauma and Dissociation: An illustrated guide for EMDR therapists and clients.

Thanks--looks like a good one.

[multipixie9]

Laura,

don't know where you are on your decision to work with the T you mentioned. One thing stuck out and bothered me for a survivor of abuse. You said the T works from home in his "sleepers". Do you mean his pajamas? That just doesn't seem healthy to me. He is there for a client, not a nap. If I didn't misunderstand, I'd have to say for me as a DID person that would be uncomfortable and off-putting.

Also, it sounds like he started in with you and then discovered you have some longer term things to work out and that maybe he and the EDMR stuff is not going to be something he can work with you. I just want you to be safe and helped. You need to feel safe with whomever you work with and sometimes in therapy I've had to move on after a short time when I saw that something was not going to work out for me. Not all clients and therapists are a guaranteed fit.

I know you will find someone who can be a true help to you. You need that! IMO. Wishing things go well for you,

Leslie and her pixies

[laura2]

Originally Posted by multipixie9

Laura,

don't know where you are on your decision to work with the T you mentioned. One thing stuck out and bothered me for a survivor of abuse. You said the T works from home in his "sleepers". Do you mean his pajamas? That just doesn't seem healthy to me. He is there for a client, not a nap. If I didn't misunderstand, I'd have to say for me as a DID person that would be uncomfortable and off-putting.

Also, it sounds like he started in with you and then discovered you have some longer term things to work out and that maybe he and the EDMR stuff is not going to be something he can work with you. I just want you to be safe and helped. You need to feel safe with whomever you work with and sometimes in therapy I've had to move on after a short time when I saw that something was not going to work out for me. Not all clients and therapists are a guaranteed fit.

I know you will find someone who can be a true help to you. You need that! IMO. Wishing things go well for you,

Leslie and her pixies

thanks sweetheart, just when i think i cant get any more overwhelmed by people's kindness

but i should have "read" my post back, i call "slippers" "sleepers", i should have seen that one, yeah think i would have completely freaked if he was in his pj's!.

i've still been all over the place, my mind has been freakin, its been like different parts have been screamin what way to go, feel like im running in a million different directions, i did go back & see him, i started to go totally the other way, panic'ing at the thought of not seeing him, time felt like it was running out & everything was closing in again, did tell him exactly how this has made me feel, didnt hold anything back, he did assure me that he is here for however long it takes, has the experience/competence to help me, he did say one day we "may" be able to "return to some of the approaches" we have used before, (EMDR), but our approach now has to be "different", i know i really dont do myself any favours, my mind just keeps exploding, cant control it, i like things contained & in control, didnt expect any of this to be easy, but i didnt expect to feel completely exposed.