Working on traumatic memories

I am working somewhat with my new t on traumatic memories. I had a difficult session this past monday. I left it alone the following days and yesterday I spent all day in horrible pain and crying and crying and crying. I felt suicidal and like I cojldnt take it anymore and even missed my old t. Now, today, its as if I didnt feel that way yesterday and as if nothing happened. Its all tucked neatly away in my mind. I had a good day. I am afraid of going back to that sad and sui place if I think about it. And have another session. It feels too much, unless I forget aobut it and feel nothing.
Does this make sense? Is this what happens when you work on these memories/feelings?

BlueMoon,

Dealing with trauma (memories & body) in session, here too, this past week. Really needed the quiet time at the end of the session. Always so very essential. Calms.

Almost all of the time it happens where there is a lapse of a day or so after the therapy session and this time was no different. Then, there is a crash of sorts, crying or tremendous sleepiness and other things. Then a day or so later, um, it's kind of like the intensity didn't happen. But somewhere inside there is a knowing. There is often an unfolding or internal restructuring after this too. This time was particularly intense b/c of the particular trauma and I guess I missed my old t who helped me before through these tragedies but it was okay b/c he is still pretty close by and the new t is really nice. It's complex within, so all of this takes time. I was delayed receiving help due to life circumstances and an abusive psychologist.

Thanks for asking and I hope you and I can be little brave souls to finish up working through these past events.

Sorry, I feel so not-nuturing, just so protective of self just now.

Take care,





H.

Blue, this sounds like a good thing to talk to T about and it sounds VERY normal!

((((Hunny))) Im so sorry you had such a hard week.
What you describe is exactly what happened to me. A meltdown after some processing and then days after where it was as if there was no meltdown.
And, I also missed my old t. But Im sure for different reasons.
I also hope you and I can be brave souls and do this work. I feel like its going to take such a long time...sigh....I can only do small amounts at a time. And, actually, I didnt really even do a lot in my last session.

Thanks, Sannah. I wrote it down so I will remember for the next session. This up and down thing confuses me.....

Sorry about the hard times. Yes it all makes sense. You have to face it to be able to get past it. That is what it takes to recover. We are here if you need us.

I am truly glad you are Working through them. Though it's very hard and hurtful to the heart - It will be a good thing.
As for afterwards, when ever I left my T appt.... I felt drained, almost like a zombie.

We open up then are just suppose to close it up until next time, cuz sometimes (as for me) there's just not anyone out there who understands.

I understand I am proud of you for taking on this journey

Blue-
I have a similar thing happen after dealing with memories in T. I feel overwhelmed by them and then (for me) after two days they get kindof tucked back inside until next session when they get pulled out again. I'm lucky this semester that I don't have class the day after T so I am able to work on homework at my own speed knowing I wont get a lot done. Please be gentle with yourself you are working on hard issues and need to take care.

When I am working on the traumas with T, I am very up and down. A lot of times I leave a session feeling really good, and by the next day I am irritable, tearful, and hopeless. I think going through these emotions is necessary to process what happened.

That said, it helps to talk with T about how to manage the emotions outside of session and how to titrate (or limit) how much you get into the trauma in each session. For me, I have to take it in tiny bits to avoid getting totally overwhelmed.

This is definitely a hard journey, bluemoon, but you can do it!

Thanks everyone for your responses to me.

Skeksi, That is exaclty how I felt, very up and down. Then I completely stopped it by pushing it all away and now I am fine . How do you titrate in little bits? I know it sounds like a strange question, but do I stop talking after a little while, or will t know what to do?

I dont feel overwhelmed right now, but I have been posting a lot on the boards today and I can feel something surfacing. I am afraid to be overwhelmed by it all so I left the computer and didnt do as much PC reading.

T probably knows how to do this, but she may need feedback from you to figure out when and how to do it.

For me, when I start to space out, I say so and we back off the trauma discussion and either it silently for a while, if I can without spacing out worse, or we discuss something non-threatening. Sometimes I just ask T to talk for a while and I focus on his voice as I come back to myself. Some days--a lot of days, when we first began the trauma work--I would check out at the very beginning of the session and we'd have to stop the trauma talk. I felt like a failure, like I was wasting my time in there. Now I can see that I was learning what a safe place therapy is. When I got overwhelmed, I was allowed to take care of myself/be taken care of. T wasn't going to push me where I didn't want to go. He wasn't going to reproduce the dynamics of the abuse.

For me, titration was all about learning to trust my own mind and feelings instead of pushing myself where I wasn't yet ready to go.

Blue,

I didn't know there was a word for it but my therapist limits how much we get into, thank goodness. I'm not sure I'd be that able to titrate myself while in the midst of some of these sessions. Perhaps doing just a little is best, I know I'm always asking, "Am I done now?" I'm usually a little too overwhelmed to be able to make a good decision about finishing or limiting.

I read another post you made, Blue and am trying to get over there to respond but I have had to limit (titrate, is this an correct or incorrect way to use it?) myself today. : )









H.







H.