I live in flashback hell

Can somebody tell me when this will stop? These flashbacks are ruining my marriage and making me relive a past that I thought I had tucked away and wanted to forget!! The worst part is the fact that I don't remember saying and doing some of the things my husband says I do and say.

I am seeing a therapist and even speaking about some of the past events causes some severe anxiety. I don't like to talk about it, I don't like to think about it, I just want it (and him-my ex) to go away.

Anyone have any answers?

JAC

Hello Julie: I don't have any answers; I wish I did = but I wanted to welcome you to the forum = I think you will really like it!

I know there are posts I have seen on here about whether others felt it was better to dig into the traumatic events and try to remember and then confront them, versus other forms of treatment ... I just don't know enough about the options.

I do hope you find some relief from the flashbacks soon, and that you post more so that we can all get to know you better.

Best regards, Peanut

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>

Hi {{{{{{{{{{{{{Jac}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I know how you feel and understand why you don't want to relive them. They are painful and hurt. It is good to express yourself though...keeping them in makes it harder on you.

My therapist literally walked me through when I was raped. I was terrified and sooo angry at him for doing that. I thought..how can this help me? All it does is bring up the mess all over again. You know what though? It helped...it really did. Mind you it never went away but it helped having someone tell you...it is not your fault. Nothing you did was wrong....those words meant more to me than I realized and helped with healing.

As for you ex....oh hun....I am going through this with my therapist now too. I was in a mentally and physically abusive marriage with my ex. I lived through hell and am still here. It hurts though when I will be sitting down on the floor playing with my kids and then boom....something will pop in my head like it just happened.

I know I have to work on it too...we are all with you and know that you are not alone.


Heather

"The Pessimist complains about the wind, the Optimist expects it to change and the REALIST adjusts his sails." ~~~author unknown

My flashback started when I was in my early twenties. They didnt' stop until I sat down with a counselor and talked about it. I accepted what happened to me and realized it wasn't my fault. I don't have flashbacks too often now. They do come and I am more able to push them away. I did have a really hard time dealing with things when I first started talking about it but eventually it got better. For me it wasn't necessary to go into detail about the events.
It sucks and it's scary and I get mad too cause it shouldn't be like that.
Big hugs Jac,
Heidu

The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it.
John Ruskin

I can't tell you when it will stop for you. You will always remember, but I think the flashbacks and unstable emotions will lessen (perhaps completely) with time and acceptance. I can offer you {{{hugs}}}. Remember, you can always post or write about your feelings. It helps to write to yourself, even, if you are ever in a crunch for someone to talk to. I've done it many times myself. I wish you well.

Thank you all for trying to help.{{{{{peanut,ozzie, heather,heidu,and inkblot}}}}}

I really appreciate all of the information you guys have given me. Sorry it took a couple days to respond-I have been on a downer the last couple of days.

Maybe someday I will be able to function with these memories.

jac

i can't get over a 25 year, 9 kid marriage that just disintegrated. obviously i have my problems, but my ex was hypomanic, borderline and used fighting to become aroused. cognitive therapy sure beats drugs, but as i mentioned on another post, fish-oil has really helped, as has eating salmon and sardines. as for your hubby's memories of what you said or did? i got the same story from my ex---perception is not understood, so it gets tricky. i wouldn't assume fault on that. my ex and i still keep in touch by e-mail---sometimes she rants about what i said, so i ask her to review her mail and often get an apology. not suggesting you and your husband sit across the room e-mailing each other, perhaps he could sit-in on your therapy session a couple times and discuss this.

pirate