My daughter wants to buy me a gold chain and I have to refused. Told her I didn't like that. So she thinks I'm kind of weird because most people like to wear a chain or something like that.

I can't wear a chain because if someone come to me and wants to touch it to see it closer, I have flashback of when he had his hands around my neck and I feel like I'm going to chock. I can't get over this one. I can't control a lot but not this one. D&&&

[(JD)]

Well, I understand that is a fear... sometimes I wear a necklace (when my hands can do the clasp) but noone ever reaches to feel or look at it. I'm sorry you have this happen. Sometimes things just are the way they are. Explain it to your daughter, and offer her something else she can get you. TC

Yes I will tell my daughter to buy me something else if she really insist on buying me something. I dont really need anything but if it does make her happy, well ok.

I will not explain to her though. I don't tell these things to anyone except in here sometime.

I get angry at myself to not be able to control it. I keep telling myself that it is not happening now but I can't get over it. It makes me so angry. ( at myself).

Thank you Sky!

[mtd]

this reply might be triggering too, at least a bit -- I've kind of had this problem too, except for me it's whenever someone touches my head. My son tries mess up my hair when he's playing around and it makes me crazy. It's not his fault, and he doesn't understand and couldn't because he's too young, but to me it's like a reflex, like I'm defending myself still years after my head was forced down by those who attacked me. So I have to leave the room and be alone for a while. I get angry too that I get angry and afraid about it. But I think it's just me angry at them and needing to lash out. Because I can't reach them, I need to vent some other way. But until I figure that out, my head needs to be left alone and I need to forgive myself for being afraid and getting angry.

I guess this is the long way of saying I can relate to your frustration. Try not to be so angry at you. It's not fair to you.

Be well.

mtd

how about instead of just refusing say "I don't wear chains because they make me uncomfortable but I would love a ..... ring, key ring whatever. That way she sees you love the idea that she wants to buy you something to wear and it is something that you will wear instead of sitting on a dresser or stand.

There are many reasons why people don't wear specifc types of jewelry be it allergic to certain metals that they are made from, or the type of job they have or sweat build up along the jewelry line of wear. so you don't have to go into detail that wearing a chain would trigger flashbacks and panic for you.

Thank you for your caring words and guidance. I appreciate your replies very much!

I don't have nightmares often but last night I got one. Maybe because I talked about it yesterday. I was up most of the night. I couldn't sleep after it woke me up.

I thought about it, while the night was going by, and I think it is because it had happened for a second time not too long ago and it is still very fresh in my memory.

Anyway I'm just talking to myself.

Again thank you!

time - could she buy you a bracelet instead?

Yes, I saw her today. She said she will buy me an ankle bracelet, a hippie one. hehe. She insist on buying me something because I help her out with her homework. She goes to university and there is some subjets she has problems with. I don't mind at all helping her out. I adore her. She is wonderful!

Thank you ((((((((((((Rainbow)))))))))))

[Lexicon78]

I think it's great that your daughter wants to buy you jewelry! Although I think telling her that at a point in your life someone hurt you and all that would be best, it is good that you told her she can buy you something else....that is not around your neck.

I admit, I have the same problem. I feel very uncomfortable and terrified when people are touching my neck because my ex strangled me. Like my bf now often likes putting his hand on the back of my neck...and walks holding on to the back of my neck like I'm his hostage or something...at least that's what I think of when he does that.

Hang in there and take care.

[pegasus]

time0,
My thoughts are with you.
It is truly awful what happened to you. And I can fully understand why you would want to avoid having something round your neck.
You said that you feel angry at yourself.

You need to be angry at the person who did this to you!

I'm so pleased that you have a lovely daughter.

Thinking of you.

Yes, I am bless to have a wonderful daughter and I am bless to have another wonderul daughter and I'm also bless again to have a wonderful son. I love all 3 of them so much!

I get angry at myself because I can't control that flashback. I know he is the one who did this to me but right now he isn't, it's in my pass. It is for me to control what I'm living at my present time and it gets me so angry that I can't. I can't get angry at him becuase he is my children's father and they, my children, doens't know anything about this and he says he don't remember ever hurting me. He sometime loses reality and do things he don't remember doing. Ok, now I'm going to shut up.

Thank you all so much!

I'm waiting for my ankle bracelet.

[pegasus]

Hi time0,
I was thinking about you predicament last night.
Flashbacks and memories, are not something you can control. So you are being hard on yourself there.

A flashback or memory is not something you can get rid of but I think in time we can lessen the impact of it, so that it really is in the past and not intruding our present lives.
If we could just get rid of the memory then none of us would have to have therapy!

I suffer too, and have had therapy for many years.

Flashbacks tend to bite us if we try to deny what happened. We have to say, yes it happened, I'm allowed to feel whatever I really feel about it.

One thing, T and I tried, may help you. I can't remember the proper term for it but I call it time-sharing.
You allow yourself to think about the memory at a given time. It's like making a bargain with your brain. So for example, you say to yourself, I will think about this at 6pm for half an hour, only. It takes practice. And you have to be firm with yourself that you are only allowed to do this for half an hour. And then go off and do something to distract yourself.
What this time-sharing does, is to stop the flashbacks scaring you quite so much. It may not work for you but I thought it might help.

The other thing might be to try EMDR with your T. Its a good way to get through traumatic stuff and can lessen the impact of the flashbacks.

I hope some of this might help.
And by the way, YOU don't need to shut up!

Thinking of you.

you can get rid of flashbacks. I have gone through many flashback cycles since 1986. A flashback is a piece of memory that is upsetting to the person. The way to get rid of a specicif flashback is by desesitization-

For example a person experiences a rape. After the rape the person has flashbacks - they see pictures in their mind of what they saw during the event. They hear sounds of what they heard during the event, they smell the same smell of the event, they taste the taste of the event. This happens when a person encounters sopmething in their day to day life that reminds them of the attack - for example going grocery shopping and seeing someone that looks like thier rapist. can trigger any one of those types of flashbacks.

To get rid of them the person needs to write, draw, and talk about it so much that it no longer bothers them to say what happened, to draw what happened. when the personis no longer feeling emotionally traumatized by it and knows everything that happened during the event the flashback for that situation goes away.

Depending on how many traumatizing situations a person experienced depends on how many flashback cycles a person goes through.

I call them cycles because with each new memory that tries to come to the surface I go through the same type of flashbacks- noises, pictures, tastes, smells, and a variety of fellings and body sensory ones.

Wow! You are all so nice for trying to help me out.

Great guidance you are giving me and good coping skills. I will surely take them in consideration.

Thank you so so much!

[(JD)]

(((((((time0))))))))) If we could control those memories, they wouldn't be called flashbacks. Keep talking about it, and similar ones (at least to T) and you will eventually retrain the brain as to where they should be filed...

I usually can block my painful memories, that's my only way to not crumble in pieces, so I can move on. I do not let myself go back in my pass, do not give myself permission to even think about it. I block and block. I did that when I was a child and as an adult I have kept on doing that. I block and block and even dissociate so I will not remember. Coping skill? I don't know. I just do it.

I don't have a T or anyone close to me to talk too about my pain or hurt. I keep things to myself and get angry at myself when flashback stop me from moving on in my present life.

I think that to talk about it when you have someone close to you that will help you deal with these memories, come to term with it, is excellent. It is the best way to do this. It is a way to heal and move on without flashback that will stop you here and there so you can reach a better tomorrow.

Right now my APD is in full blown but I know that everything you say is true.

Thank you so much!

[(JD)]

IMO that you block the thinking is good, since you don't have anyone right now (a T) to help you work through it. I wish for you to be more gentle with yourself, as it is your system causing the flashbacks, trying to figure out where to put them (we won't tell them, will we...) and you shouldn't be angry at yourself for something your brain is confused about.

No, it isn't the best system, flashbacks... they are truly horrible. But to allow yourself to be angry at yourself for them implies you are purposely causing them to torture yourself. NO WAY! Brain chemicals. Nothing "personal"... not your fault, not your "responsibility."

They just are, for now. When you do get one, try real hard to tell yourself over and over, this isn't now, this isn't happening now, this is in the past, I am safe, this isn't now.... (((safe hugs)))

Thank you ((((((((((Sky))))))))))))) Thank you for understanding!
I really really appreciate it!

[pegasus]

Dear time0,
If "blocking" is something that you have always used, carry on with that.

The trouble is, is that the memory can come spilling out.
If this happens,use other coping strats-
Keep yourself busy (but without rushing around)
Play some music (that is not related to the past)
Go out and get some fresh air, somewhere peaceful
Learn some relaxation
Practice slowing your breathing
Visualise yourself in an imaginary safe place

I hope that you will consider finding a therapist, it is confidential and no one would have to know about it.

Thinking of you.

I do keep busy. Trust me, I'm busy all the time.

I write a lot too. This is also one of my coping skill.

For a T, first of all I don't have money. I could even be homeless next month. Second I have a familly doctor that I'm lucky to see once a year. To have a free therapist I need to be refer to one by my familly doctor who doesn't even know if I am alive or dead. This is not easy. There is a long waiting list for doctors and anyone in medical field. I am not making excuses, it is just the way it is around where I live. Suicide is high becuase we don't have enough doctors.

But, I am one of the lucky one in my area, I have a computer that I can use also as a coping skill. It is my tool to do research on mental illnesses, find ways to help myself, communicate with people who suffer like me and get support like I do get in here on this site. I know I am bless for this and I am very grateful.

I thank you so very much for caring for me. You are very kind!

[(JD)]

I hope you are at least on the waiting list/appointment list for your doctor...

Yes, the computer/internet/psych central has become a welcomed aspect to our lives, eh?

I hope you can not worry about what might happen... I fall into spells of doing that and it blows me apart.... ok to make some good in case plans, but not to catastrophiz on the possibilities....

You are a great person Sky! Always remember that!
Thank you!

Thank you to everyone who has replied to me on this post. I have appreciated all your replies and take each of them in consideration. Your caring is wonderful!

Love you all!

[(JD)]

I think it's you who is making the posts wonderful... you are a receptive person and very appreciative even of the crumbs I offer