I just saw a man hit and push a woman outside my home. I am terrified right now and cannot stop shaking. I want to cry. I feel horrible.

I heard arguing coming from outside the building next door. It began with two ME women, older, and an older ME man (they all seemed to be in their 50s/60s). He was screaming and yelling and reaching his arms up to the sky, and intimidating the women getting in their faces and the two women were trying to calm him down. It appeared. I could see everything from my window upstairs. I ran downstairs outside to make sure the women were ok. I had my cell with me ready to call for help.

The arguing continued but it was just screaming and talking wildly in a foreign language. Nothing I could do. The police will not come for that...they have been asking callers lately if there is a weapon involved

I went back upstairs and continued to look after the women -assess the situation- the one woman had her arms up, palms facing the man in a defensive posture, trying to calm him down.

All of the sudden, he hit her and pushed her!! She groaned and bent over / down. I called 911 immediately and talked to the dispatcher describing the situation. She had me on the phone with her the whole time. The man continued to scream and yell. The police were in their way. Thankfully my neighbor came out and was able to get the full plate number on his car. She then began talking to the dispatcher.

A minute later, he sped off in his car down the street. The two women started walking down the road in the opposite direction. The police had already arrived and got to the women....the detective came up to my neighbor and me and I talked to him for a few seconds. I explained what I witnessed . I know I sounded shocked " he hit her! I saw him hit her!!" Thankfully, they had abuser's plates. A helicopter flew over a second or two later heading off into his direction.

I hope they catch him. I hope he gets arrested. I just feel awful.

I hate that I saw that. I hate that I saw a man hit a woman...he was out of control. I close my eyes and keep seeing him hit her

For gods sake, what the hell is wrong with people!! even worse, dollars to donuts those women will make excuses for him and wont press charges.

[shezbut]

((((Rose))))

It disturbs me when I see or hear incidents like those as well. My heart feels as though it's in my throat!! Major panic just kicks into high gear.

The strange part is that is some people aren't bothered by incidents like these at all. They don't care. I just don't understand that perspective at all.

Very gentle hugs to you...

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Rose Panachée

I just saw a man hit and push a woman outside my home. I am terrified right now and cannot stop shaking. I want to cry. I feel horrible.

I heard arguing coming from outside the building next door. It began with two ME women, older, and an older ME man (they all seemed to be in their 50s/60s). He was screaming and yelling and reaching his arms up to the sky, and intimidating the women getting in their faces and the two women were trying to calm him down. It appeared. I could see everything from my window upstairs. I ran downstairs outside to make sure the women were ok. I had my cell with me ready to call for help.

The arguing continued but it was just screaming and talking wildly in a foreign language. Nothing I could do. The police will not come for that...they have been asking callers lately if there is a weapon involved

I went back upstairs and continued to look after the women -assess the situation- the one woman had her arms up, palms facing the man in a defensive posture, trying to calm him down.

All of the sudden, he hit her and pushed her!! She groaned and bent over / down. I called 911 immediately and talked to the dispatcher describing the situation. She had me on the phone with her the whole time. The man continued to scream and yell. The police were in their way. Thankfully my neighbor came out and was able to get the full plate number on his car. She then began talking to the dispatcher.

A minute later, he sped off in his car down the street. The two women started walking down the road in the opposite direction. The police had already arrived and got to the women....the detective came up to my neighbor and me and I talked to him for a few seconds. I explained what I witnessed . I know I sounded shocked " he hit her! I saw him hit her!!" Thankfully, they had abuser's plates. A helicopter flew over a second or two later heading off into his direction.

I hope they catch him. I hope he gets arrested. I just feel awful.

I hate that I saw that. I hate that I saw a man hit a woman...he was out of control. I close my eyes and keep seeing him hit her

For gods sake, what the hell is wrong with people!! even worse, dollars to donuts those women will make excuses for him and wont press charges.

you did a great thing for these women but now its time to understand no matter what the women decide (to prosecute or not) thats no reflection on you and your good deed. its also time to understand that this is america so you cant control what happens, all you can do is take care of your self now..

ask your self what do you need for your own self care right now?
ask yourself what do you need that will give you peace of mind and safety tonight?

then take the same caring actions you did for another... do what ever you think is right for you, do what ever you think will be calming and caring to you.

try and get some sleep, and if you cant I know southern california has many hotlines for people who are having all kinds of problems at night. dont hesitate to pick up the phone on your own behalf if needed.

you did great helping someone else, now its time to take care of you.

so sorry you had to witness that rose.

hugs

[skeksi]

Rose, you did a great job by calling the police. Whatever happens, you made it clear that you won't stand for abuse, and the police chasing him means they won't, either. Hopefully he learns from this.

How are you doing now? Are you still scared/shaky? Be gentle with yourself.

Thank you so much for the support. I know had I phoned my relatives they would not have done anything...my fiance is deceased but I know he would have either been here or come over right away. My neighbor helped last night which I really appreciated. I did go next door this morning and spoke with the resident that lives there...I explained what happened and she knew about it. The man came inside and grabbed the woman and pulled her outside...apparently, they are separated. She didn't want to get involved and just shut off her lights and went to bed. *sigh*

She said she was going to check on the woman today (that was her mother with her, btw)

I feel:
(a) depressed and sad (I live in this type of environment where it happens and I can't stop seeing that man hit and push that woman)
(b) angry (I feel frustrated. This isn't ok)
(c) jumpy (everytime I hear shouting outside I flinch and then I get angry again and want to shout out the window "shut the eff up" )

I grew up in an upscale beach community and lived for years in quiet upscale communities...and these types of things were just not happening right out in front of the world. Now I live in a beach community where we are all on top of each other and can hear everything I hate it. I miss the manners and peace and quiet. When I heard a siren it meant someone was sick and going to hispital. Not that someone was being hurt, shot at, killed.

I want to go home. But I can't, of course.

I took a pill last night and went to sleep. I slept on the couch, though. I got up super early this morning and got my errands and laundry done.

Self care: I guess that is it. I am safe. I just hate so much that I live in a place where this happens. And I feel resentful...the building is full of people now singing hymns and praising the lord and praying and sounding upbeat. I feel as if they should be quietly praying, as if someone died...another battered woman's spirit and soul down the drain.

Sorry, I am depressed.

[Open Eyes]

(((Rose))),

Everything you did was the right thing to do, including coming to PC to vent and get "comfort" from others who understand how "truely upsetting" something like that can be. I am sure that it is difficult to "feel safe" in an area where something so unpleasent happened. Unfortunately, bad things happen in "all environments" however we may not always be "close enough" to see these "problems".

Maybe the people "praying" are loud to show others they are people who have faith and respect and this incident is "not a reflection of who they are". Have an open mind, praying aloud is better than "fighting and anger". Perhaps others wanted "you" to feel comfort too.

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes

Thanks ((((OE)))) Rationally, I know these things happen everywhere...and that the prayers were a good thing. I just feel so sad. My child-like mind defaults to wishes and things that aren't realistic...the fairy tale endings, the should be's, the life I dreamt of having and worked toward that never came true. I am reminded of my family members' words:things are better without you, you must have done something to deserve it, if you do what I want, you can have anything, you are going to fail.

My thoughts are totally irrational in context. I realize that. Thank you for the reminder and for accepting my vent...everyone. i know i sound judgmental and ridiculous.

It all makes me want to give up.

Rose...
You did a VERY good thing. VERY...

I was taught that a man Never hits a woman, Period, No Excuses. Thank you for calling the police.

One day that guy will be some place where there is someone who feels as I do about this subject.

You did the right thing, you are very brave.

[AngelWolf3]

I KNOW you did the right thing and I totally respect you for it. I am sorry I am not able to say more right now, and I will, when I can...but just wanted you to know I am so glad you did that, and I hope you are feeling a bit better. (I personally don't think you sounded judgmental, btw)

you guys, I am still not doing well. And this is the worst week every to have a mini breakdown! I am moving our office this week over the holiday weekend.

But I keep seeing in my mind that man getting in that woman's face and then hitting and pushing her

And I feel guilty too. I feel ridiculous in retrospect: I was so shocked that the man actually put his hands on that woman. Because when I was explaining it to the detective, I was indignant. And he was so calm and sweet and thanked me...in that world, it is probably something (but nothing compared to what he has to witness on a daily basis).

And thinking about the woman who lived next door, who is the wife of the leader at the building, who witnessed the man grab the woman - and she did nothing about it. Just shut off the lights and went to sleep And the next day, it was like nothing happened.

And the sadness I feel that the dispatcher asked me "Is there a weapon involved. Do you see a gun?"

And it leads me to have horrible memories again where I feel so guilty and helpless and overwhelmed with grief....flashbacks and feelings of grief and dispair.

When my beloved birth mom separated from her husband (finally) and got her own place and was on the upswing in life! She called me and told me how excited she was to show me and us all that she'd accomplished. I was so incredibly happy for her!

And she made an appt and went back to the house to get the last of her things...and her ex-to-be (monster) was hiding with a gun. And chased her down the hallway and shot her in the back multiple times. And when she was down on the floor....shot her in her head.

(I was not at the house at the time, but I was there the next day. My sister walked me through the whole thing: so I saw the bullet holes and some blood - and the room where it started and the hallway she ran down to get away from him .... ) My mother.

Who could have imagined (and he was supposed to be such a great, sane, respectable guy). I cannot stand this. I hate my life.

[Trippin2.0]

((((((((((Rose)))))))))) idk what to say, just know that I will keep you in my prayers dear friend

[Open Eyes]

(((Rose))),

What you are sharing right now is a "very tramatic" event, you know something bad can really happen. Not everyone will understand that either. People have a tendancy to "believe" these things only happen to "other people" and can be somewhat insensitive when they see what you are discribing happened in your apartment building.

I can totally understand how you are struggling right now as well, it takes time to pull back together after a "big trigger" like this.

I have been somewhat derailed myself because of the "scarey" situation my daughter is going through. My husband and I have been very worried about her boyfriend possibly getting "violent" because she really "is" leaving him this time. And he is an active "binge alcoholic" and he also owns guns as well. I have been "ill" over this so I totally understand how you are struggling. This is the only place I have been able to talk about "some" of what is going on in my life outside PC. And yes I do know about the "visitor of despair" but you have to allow yourself to "be strong" and you "are" strong Rose.

I have been taking it one day at a time myself and I have been doing everything I can to "self sooth" and rest and "slow down". Lots of quiet self talk and reminding myself to go easy.

This weekend will be ok Rose, don't let yourself get "overstressed" and "please" come and vent if you need to. Make sure you "don't let yourself feed into the negetive" and I know that can be a challenge with PTSD. I wish I lived closer so I could be with you in person.

I can see your thought process getting negetive, don't let yourself go there, make sure you think about how much you have been "gaining" and keep thinking about the glass half full instead of the thoughts that turn towards the half empty. What is "positive" right now Rose? You have a job, you have a roof over your head and you "have been gaining" slowly. You also did "handle" this situation as well, and you are going to keep moving "foward and gaining" as well.

Hey, I know you and I have some different POV's on things, but you are a fiesty fighter and you are "really strong" too. You are very "smart" and you "do" stand your ground. So make sure you tap onto that strong quality in yourself and remind yourself that you are no wimp. You "did do" all the right things the other night Rose.
Yeah, other people might "ignore" but not you, you are strong and "firm" so make sure you "remind yourself of that" because you "did well".

(((Big Bear Hugs for you Rose))))

Open Eyes

(((((Thanks)))) for recognizing my spiral I'm not proud of it.

And thanks also for your kind words of support.

I don't like writing about it, because I hate to scare people or bring them into my nightmare. It's not fair to them. I hesitated keeping that post up, actually, because it's so horrible. I didn't want to upset anyone further than they already may have been. Assault is bad enough.

But my reaction to what I witnessed was disproportionate to the matter and so I guess that I why I went further ... to connect the dots. I am sorry if I was being selfish. Truly.

We do think these types of things happen to "other people" or in movies. I swear, you just cannot imagine - not in a million years - until it happens IRL to you, and then it's ... there are on words (I blamed myself and didn't talk about it for years because I couldn't understand it).

I am trying really hard to "not to there" now, but my brain is struggling.

I have my affirmations. I keep myself fairly safe. Not as safe as I'd like, but for what I can afford.

I am sorry about your daughter ((((OE)))) and can relate to your fear. I tried to be as supportive as possible before in your previous post(s), short of bringing my mom up (I didn't want for you to have to think about that).

I don't want anyone to have to think about that.

[Open Eyes]

(((Rose))),

I do understand the hesitation about opening up. I did that constantly and when I did open up, things got quiet. Kind of "how could she be seemingly so strong and have had that actually happen? I think that happens alot to be honest. Wanting someone to know how much you really understand their challenge and yet not sure of how to say how much you know.

Then I feel that if I find the courage to say my own "bad things" maybe the other person will not feel so alone with "their challenges". But I do see why you didn't talk about what you experienced because it can confirm how bad a situation can get as well.

I am glad you let it out though Rose, because you need to talk about it. Yes, I can see how much you were triggered. But I also think that you have to still "heal" from that, as you say, you didn't have the ability to do that before. Guilt?, no, that is there but it doesn't belong there Rose. I was so challenged by that myself, it is hard to find your way to letting go of that. But it is so important you "do" let go of it.

Oh, I know how you don't want anyone to think about that, but that is what "real support" is there for Rose. And you also need to "grieve it" too. My T tells me that I will do a lot of that in this stage of my PTSD. And to be honest, I have, and there is nothing "wrong with that". Plus you need someone "there" for you that understands that and will "validate" how you "deserve" to do that. After all Rose, you "are human" after all, we need to be able to "grieve" and be comforted. Oh, I just wish I was there to put my arm around you and tell you, "its ok" you are going to be ok.

You really "are" a good person and such a smart "cookie" too. Hey you are doing really well there, you really are. You just have to have this time in your life where you get a chance to finally address all these things, and to do that with others who actually get the challenge.

Sometimes when something like this happens and it brings out these challenges, it isn't always such a bad thing. You finally have access to other people that "know the challenge and can truely validate you". And you also are older and in a place mentally where you can finally work through it instead of just keeping it burried inside of you.

You know, you have really "gained a lot" since you first came to PC, I have seen you get stronger and stronger. It is "very" important for you to remember that. Is this a challenging event? Oh yes, but you are in a better place mentally where you can finally address it better.

I think you needed to let this out Rose, I think that you will begin to feel better as you work through this, I really do. I know it can be very frustrating when it happens and even more so if no one around you understands how challenging it is. But when someone does get it? It can make all the difference in the world. Only one person just noticing can mean so much.

Aside from some political differences you and I have been good friends, and I do know you need that "the most". That's the biggy, that is what is important, Rose gaining ground and healing right now. A part of you that has strong beliefs also is there too, and that is important too, you got to express that part of yourself, and you do have a lot of strength and vigor as a person. That is all "healthy" too. You can be pretty "strong minded" and thats all good too Rose. And make sure you "remember that" too. You can "hold your ground" lady, good for you. So you have to balance it all out Rose, you are gaining in that.

What you are doing right now? Talking about what happened and your deep response? This is the "after part" Rose that I talk about all the time, this is where you finally get to do the healing instead of the "shoving". You actually "will" slowly feel better with all this now, because you got to let it all out and actually have someone else really get the challenge.

So if you need to talk about it more, you finally have a thread, so do whatever you need. We will all be here to support you Rose.

(((Understanding and caring Hugs))))

Open Eyes

It's a lot. IRL a lot (not, "I saw a scary movie" a lot)
But it helps to share. thank you.

[costello]

Originally Posted by Rose Panachée

(((((Thanks)))) for recognizing my spiral I'm not proud of it.

...

But my reaction to what I witnessed was disproportionate to the matter and so I guess that I why I went further ... to connect the dots. I am sorry if I was being selfish. Truly.

Hi Rose:

I just saw this thread this morning. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. Please be kind to yourself.

I think you actually should be proud of yourself. You've recognized that you've had a powerful reaction to this incident and why. It's hard to avoid all triggers. Sometimes you just have to work with what life throws at you.

[Open Eyes]

Yes, it is not just the "incident" but also how is "triggers a PTSD episode" as well.
Yes, it "is" hard and even harder when other people don't understand the challenge of it.

However Rose, if you have others that "do" understand the challenge and you get a chance to "work through it" you will "gain". Some "triggers" are harder than others are. You have actually been doing that all along and have been "gaining" Rose. It is important to remember that and be "patient with yourself", because it can be easy to slide into the "doom and gloom". It doesn't have to be that way either, if you get the right support and give yourself some time, you will get back to making "gains" again.
It is not set in stone when you are challenged, the more you realize that the more you will continue to gain.

You are going to be ok, just be patient and whatever you need, just come and talk.

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes

[lynn P.]

(((Rose))) - so sorry you witnessed this violent exchange and you did the responsible thing calling the police. I understand how a stressful incident like this can make you feel shaken and stressed for days later. I've experienced this 3 times - once with someone pounding on my window, another with 2 dogs chasing my youngest and a break-in confrontation that made me susceptible to future stresses.

You may need to get some extra pills just to take the edge off till you calm down. I had to do this when I fought off the dogs away from my youngest. At the moment you saw the man hitting the woman, you probably feared he would do worse and your body went into automatic reaction. Its all normal for you to feel this way but you did a good thing. Some people would of turned away and ignored it, saying "its not my problem or this is what some couples do." You acting responsibly and I pray you feel better soon.

[Trippin2.0]

Rose, you are one strong lady. I hope you are proud of that fact, I sure am... In future tho, please dont apologize for putting your 'stuff' out there, its why PC was designed, for people like me and you, and everyone here, to share the good the bad the ugly, and even the downright despicable. So that we each may grow, and move forward on our respective journeys... You are loved and cared for, all the way from across the Atlantic, I hope you know that my friend

[shortandcute]

Oh my goodness, I am so sorry! That must have been awful! You did the right thing by calling the police. Take time out for lots of self care right now--even if you weren't directly involved, witnessing something like that can be terrible to say the least. Lots of hugs, and know you're in my prayers.