[FaithisAlive]

I cannot remember ever being able to sleep good. I have always had to "work" at falling asleep. I think most of that was the hypervigilance from the abuse. But I carried that on into adulthood and have suffered from insomnia for as long as I can remember.

I normally get about 3 to 5 hours of sleep a night if I am lucky, but i seem to always be almost in the "awake" stage where I am somewhat aware of my surroundings. Now that I suffer from a chronic pain disorder, restorative sleep is something I desperately need and the doctors strive for.

The problem I am having is that when I take the meds to help me sleep,I go into that state of sleep where dreams happen and I can't take it.I cannot recall details of any dreams, but i wake up feeling as if i have been running all night. My body is in pain and is exhausted. Its unsettling . .I feel anxious and often wake up feeling fear, and confusion.

My question is how do i face these dreams? How do i recall them so maybe they will stop? I can't keep on avoiding sleep as I have done for years...my health depends on it.I don't want to avoid anything anymore, but I am truly afraid of the dreams and what they might contain. I still have alot of missing pieces to my life and memories are still flashing into my mind with a vengeance.

I haven't talked to my counselor about this.. I guess that would probably be the place to start huh? I am not very good about disclosing to her though. I am trying to get better at it. ]

Anyway.. thanks for your wisdom ahead of time Faith

i dont have any real good answers. but you might look into relaxation stuff before bed. Maybe soemthing that steps you through some work to get your concerns out.. and also relaxes your body afterwards. Also everyone raves about yoga. so like i said.. i dont think this gets to your real question which is how to get your dreams to surface, but dreams are just our unconscious thoughts... so if you start journaling and doing some mindfulness work. you will begin to work on the stuff that is triggering the dreams. perhaps.

[(JD)]

I'm not quite up to posting, but did want to advise you if the medicine you are taking is ambien cr you just MIGHT be out of bed running around and not remembering it. TC

[Perna]

Everyone dreams every night whether they remember them or not. We have to dream or we die, literally. They happen during REM sleep.

Curious that you believe you are having affects from dreams yet don't remember them. I have effects from meds when I take them for insomnia or colds, etc. I can't stand cold pills as I get all messed up almost worst than the cold makes me. I would talk to your doctor rather than worry about your dreams. I don't think dreams mess with your "body" that way, I think only meds can.

I have a nightmare every night where when I wake up I can't remember the whole thing and have various aches and pains and wake up in panic.

The way I am handling this is that I keep a journal every night and I have set up a relaxation program where I journal then go take a long hot bath and then lay in bed and listen to relaxation music and a relaxatrion visualization that my therapist LL and I did during a therapy session and recorded it at the same time.

when SKR was my therapist I was also calling her voicemail phone number right before I went to bed so that that number was the last number dialed so when I woke up and needed to hear my therapist voice all I needed to do was hit redial insstead of remembering in panic what the number was. Sometimes I would also talk on her voicemail and or answering machine before or after having the nightmare.

I have flashbacks too and I use the relaxation visualizations, listening to music, journaling, and artwork for them.

Hang in there.

dreams, what a tricky area ay!

we all have 4 to 6 dreams a night. every night. the first dream is the shortest, the last being the longest. and its usually this last one we remember. we can remember them all but its rare, thats why sometimes we remember several dreams.

the 3 to 5 hours sleep you are getting isnt allowing your body to go into whats called a deep sleep. and thats when we have our longest dream. we have some of our dreams in the REM period as someone mentioned, and then as we gradually fall into deep sleep we have our longest dream. so 3 to 5 hours isnt enough really. it is reccomended that we have between 7 and 9 hours in order to be health mentally.

whats your "going to bed" routine? are you active immediately before going to bed, if so this will make things worse becuase it takes your body and mind longer to wind down.

go tot his website somebody once recomended me on here.... www.healthjourneys.com and find a relaxation cd. try ordering it and playing it on a cd player with headphones plugged into it and into your ears. lie there doing the guided imagery she talks about, and it relaxs your body enough to allow you to fall into sleep. but go to bed early to do this, and dont worry if you fall asleep halfway through, your mind still listens to it and it is more effective when you are asleep anyway. give it a try, its worth a try.

these dreams that you speak of. you need to remember that they cannot hurt you, they are only dreams. dreams are a reflection of what goes on in our sub-concious mind, so it could be fears, aspirations, desires, loves etc. it could be ANYTHING, even something you thought of during the day. its a way of your mind processing your thoughts and fears/loves. so accept them, whatever they are. confront them and go to sleep knowing that you are safe, and this should help. the relaxation cd i was talking about helps you to focus on postive things too so it may influence your dreams.

the more often you have these dreams, the easier they will become. they sometimes contain messages and if we chose to ignore these messages for whatever reason, the dream will continue until we learn from it.

i always think people under-estimate the power of dreams. they are so important to us as a person, because they allow us to visit memories of our past safely. we are able to live out or passions for a short time. we an do anything. and they say alot about what we truly want, not what we tell ourselves we want. it shows us our true feelings about anything, so they should never be ignored. some are complex compared to others but there are messages there most of the time.

so try using relaxation techniques to sleep, and dont be afraid. and over time this will improve. plus, dont do any physical or mental activity before you go to bed, ie, dont work out or do a hard crossword etc. allow some "wind down" time. say 1 or 2 hours before bed.

let me know how it goes, and sorry for the huge post about this. i suppose i have alot to say about it lol.

simon

[FaithisAlive]

Thank you for the insight.Simon, I'll check out that sight out.. I know relaxation techniques is probably a good idea for me and there are times when I do some light yoga for the purpose of trying to keep flexible because of the FMS, but I am not always physically able to do that.

I don't understand or know anything about dreams and didn't even really know about REM but it makes sense to me. I don't think I have ever been in the habit of going into REM sleep.So when I do go there now,I am dreaming and not used to.. maybe?

I do have recall of some images.. like hearing people talking and knowing I saw faces but I can't place them and I can't recall details.And one thing too is my blankets..i have been waking up with them twisted up and looking as if I had been wrestling in bed or something. I am not used to this either, so I thought I must be moving more in bed than I mormally do. I don't know. Perhaps I am playing more into it than necessary.Could be I worry too much.

I am used to being more aware of my actions and it is unsettling to not be in control even in sleep. I started taking lyrica for fibromyalgia pain about 2 weeks ago and I take flexeril to help me sleep. The combination is really knocking me out.

Thanks guys! Ya'll are great! Sky.. I hope you get over the tough spot soon... Faith

[hillbunnyb]

wow can't sleep is such a biggy. I just learned how to sleep this past year after a lifetime of insomnia ....... many causes, emotional and physical. Absolutely frustrating condition. Anybody who suggests sleep deprivation is not torure has never been there. sheeeesh. Until you can sleep you are just treading life's waters ......

Year and years of therapy got me over the night terrors that struck if I dared go "out like a light"....... I went to bed with lights and weapons tucked in all around me....... maybe I'd get a nap at dawn's first light......

It took reclaiming my jaw from dental rape 35 years ago to finally be able to relax my head, neck and shoulders whch allowed my whole body to relax to actually be able to lie down and go to sleep at night, and expect to lie down and go to sleep at night.

There will be a solution/resolution....... keep chipping away at it. You can figure it out!!!

if you are concerned about your movements during the night, try placing a video camera in your room one ngiht and film yourself asleep. then the next day, if you wake up and your covers are twisted etc, watch the tape back and see how you behave in the night. i know it sounds freaky but it is a good idea as it allows you to witness exactly HOW you sleep.

give it a try, and i hope you find something useful on that site.

simon

[hillbunnyb]

modern technology, OMG if I had movies of nights in my house........ oy vey

[FaithisAlive]

LOL.. hillbunny.. you are fuuny.. I have to agree with you.. the thoughts of having filmed my nights is pretty scary too.

I think you have a good idea there simon.. I was actually thinking of trying to have a sleep study one day.I think one of my problems has always been the fear of going asleep.All my life I have found myself waking up at the least little noise and struggling for hours to go back to sleep.

I don't know.. I am going to bring it all up in therapy this week and see what she has to say.. or see what she gives me to think about is more like it.

Ya'll are great!Faith

[Perna]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
FaithisAlive said:
I was actually thinking of trying to have a sleep study one day.I think one of my problems has always been the fear of going asleep.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> I've always been curious about sleep studies but the "institute" near me that I pass every now and then going into town is in a "house" (rambler type) and the blinds are always down and I never see any cars or anything so it strikes me as spooky I can't imagine going inside "alone" and getting to sleep. Makes me think of certain scary B movies. I've got to do something with this imagination!

[FaithisAlive]

LOL! yeah, I guess that would be enuf to keep a person awake for sure...I dunno.. I ain't too sure about being hooked up to wires and being watched either.. I don't do well being under scrutiny.. one of my phobias is being looked at.. watched...so I may never make it a sleep study.

[prodigiousgamer]

knapsack and a half with whipped cream and liquid berries on top with cherry sauce. yes i used to have dreams that told me the future as well. i also had some dreams that brought back old haunting memories from dreams in the past too such as dreams about when i stole something and about when a cop pulled me over because one of my tail lights was broken. he was eating a candy bar when i opened my window and he said something like "your tailight is broken". it was a very traumatic memory and now it gives me nightmares and sometimes i see hallucinations of this cop behind the walls of my house. i fear that he is going to come back and give me another ticket because my tailight is broken and there is nothing that i am going to be able to do about it. sometimes i also have nightmares about a traumatic event in the past in which i was told that someday i would die. i was very frightened and i still have nightmares about that moment to this very day. one time i was walking down the street past an old man who was playing in a guitar and he looked at me with an evil grin and said "HELLO LITTLE BOY! HOW YA DOING?" even though he prolly had good intentions i am still frightened of old men playing instruments on the corner of the streets in my neighborhood and i think that you should be frightened of them too. sometimes when i walk down the street i have to jay walk to the other side of the street because i see an old man looking for money by playing drums on top of an old garbage can or playing an old antique viloin that probably has termites inside of it. all of these traumatic experiences have built up over my life and now they are all trying to unsupress themselves from my memory. one by one they come emerging from my sub conscious memory. i am now seeing a therapist who is trying to help me overcome these memories, but it is a very tricky business. i think that someday i am going to have to go to a psychiatrist so he can prescribe me some more medications for these dreams and hallucinations just like my old psychiatrist prescribed me Abilify, which i found to work very well but he said that we should not have to take it anymore because he did not like the medication because it is very expensive and now i do not have a lot of money because i work as a computer programmer and nobody needs computer programmers anymore because people can just download compilers which does the computer programming automatically. so not i think that i am going to post on another website because i am sure that you all hate me now because i have wasted a lot of bandwidth on your site with this long message but believe me these are the problems that run through my head every single day. you may find them funny believe me they make my life a living hell. well i am leaving this site for good now because whenever i try to post on teh internetz everybody ends up hating me because they think that my posts are "worthless" and "lacking intelligible thought".

tootles.

[FaithisAlive]

Quite honestly I didn't know what to think when I first read your post... I had to read it twice to be sure of what I was reading... but I don't hate you and I don't think anyone else here will either...your posts do matter...

Your thoughts are your thoughts...posting is all good... you haven't taken up room....I am sorry you are tortured in your dreams... you deserve to sleep peacfully too...

Stick around... you might find acceptance here... Faith

[Evangelista]

(((FaithisAlive)))

Sorry you suffer with sleep problems, it is very hard to learn to do something that is suppose to come naturally..I cant recall ever knowing how to sleep either..the best way I can describe it to my Therapist is "Going to black"..like the film has stopped playing at a theater..then when I wake it starts up again..I never feel rested..and almost to the minute wake up at 1:30 am..think my internal clock is set for that time due to a trauma issues..

Again I am so sorry FaithisAlive..here's to getting a good night sleep..someday...

Eva

[Evangelista]

**Prodigiousgamer**

Hope you will reconsider staying and posting..sorry you feel unheard..your nightmares and daymares sound horrid..and I am sorry you suffer so with them..

Eva

[Randy33]

Hi Faith,

I have been in intensive CBT for my PTSD for the past year and I just couldn't take the nightmares anymore. There is no mystery to them, they are all directly related to my trauma. I began not wanting to sleep and I now have a terrible sleep disorder.

My psychiatrist put me on Prazosin (a high blood pressure med) which has an off label benefit of helping with nightmares. I took 1mg and they completely stopped. About 6 months later it just stopped working completely. I tried upping the dose and I couldn't go higher than 2mgs because I am already on the low side of a normal BP and that lowered it too much and I was passing out .

I don't know whether it just stopped working or not because I had a traumatic dissociative episode related to the PTSD and that is when it stopped working so that could be why. There is another med. being used for nightmares too called Periactin. It didn't help me but has others.

I am in the process right now of getting an EEG and sleep study done. I just had my consultation on Monday. I have done a ton of research on this and these tests can be extremely helpful in evaluating what is going on in the brain. Like you, I wires freak me out, they are directly related to my trauma and so I haven't figured out how I can actually do this, even though I want to have it done.

I toured the sleep center and was able to over come some other obsticles that were also holding me back. They do allow someone to spend the night in the room with you, not in the bed though and I would be able to have the one room there with windows. There is no way I can go into a small room to sleep with no windows, again another huge triggger.

My sleep center has a website and a video showing a woman checking in for her sleep study and getting wired up. There were wires on just about every part of her body and straps above and below her chest. By the time she got into bed she looked like a suicide bomber. NO way I could do that. I found out in my consultation that I don't have to have all that as I don't have sleep apnea or restless leg or other things they use the wires for. So now I am just down to wires on the head.

I will find a way to do it, I have to. My body is taking a real toll and I don't know how much longer it can take it. I am going to do some exposure therapy in preparation and hope that helps.