Need Advise coping

I've just started therapy for PTSD that was diagnosed in November. I'm really struggling with some of the symptoms associated with PTSD, namely disassociation and severe depression. It breaks my heart. It's Father's Day and I feel like I don't know my husband or two kid's or myself. I feel like I'm speaking from an empty shell. I don't feel like I know me. I'm so depressed about it, I'm avoiding my family today. I know this is part of PTSD, and I have a wonderful counselor, yet it's a special day, I'm only about 6 weeks into therapy and was wondering if someone out there could give me some coping tools for making it through the day.

I feel like there is a sense of "time lost" and it feels intolerable. I want to feel normal again. I know the more I resist the present, the more my symptoms persist. I'm rambling.

Advise?

Hello Sunnyfan: I'm afraid I don't have any great suggestions for you. But I wanted to acknowledge your post.

I'm certainly familiar with the feeling of emptiness that I imagine you are experiencing. I am sort-of a follower of the techniques taught by the Buddhist nun Pema Chodron. And so, what I try to do is to allow those feelings to arise, acknowledge them gently, & then simply allow them to fade away in their own time.

Of course, there's more to the practice than that. But this is the "nub" of it. The essential point here is to accept the feelings you have & treat them with loving-kindness rather than to push them away, bury them, stuff them back down, or try to substitute something else you think is more positive.

I do hope that you can find a way to be more at peace today as well as for all of the days to come.

I am sorry you are having such a tough time, I can relate. Kind to you.

I agree with skeezyks about trying to accept your feelings for what they are, be kind to yourself and allow the feelings to go on their way. Because eventually they will. Kind of like a wave, the build, peak and recede. I do know that it may feel like one wave after another.....but I promise over time and with support this will change.

When I feel overwhelmed I try to focus on the now, something that I can see or do now that can give me a moments peace from the despair of my feelings. Is there something....any one thing you could do today that could be a distraction?

Imagine, if it were an ideal world and you were able to do the ideal thing today....what would that be? Is there any way you can try that? Would it be to fix a nice meal for yourself and the family to celebrate fathers day? Even beans on toast, or order takeaway?

Mostly, be kind to yourself if you can and take good care sunny.

Hi Skeezyks,

Oh yes, I am familiar with the works of Pema Chodron and, when not in crisis, try to stay in the "here and now ." Problem is, I really don't like the "here and now" very much. I am reminded the I don't have much of a choice. This PTSD makes it so much more difficult for me to cope. Sometimes, these days, all I can do is practice a DBT skill, living "moment to moment " or just plain even focusing on 4 breaths if that's all I can do hoping that it will help to stabilize me eventually.
I guess I was hoping for the unattainable, "cure for the day" on a trigger day for me. Right now, my therapist is helping me with baby steps, providing me with reassurance, hope (when I can not muster up any for myself), and he tries to get me to focus on the positive things in my life right now, ie, healthy children both physically and, despite their distraught mom, mentally. I realize this is such a long process requiring perseverance when my tank feels empty. I don't know where I'd be if I didn't have my children to remind me that they need their mom, despite my despair. What a bummer post.

Thank you for reading about my struggles.

Hi Jane C.,

Thank you. Yes, I just went downstairs to watch part of the Seattle M baseball game and focus on the movements of each player. We talked about going out to eat...a distraction, too despite my PTSD induced agoraphobia. Just a little push. Don't know if we will go out, but I tried. This mommy guilt thing is pretty overwhelming, too..something I really need to work on. Add it to the list.

Thank you. Hugs

I ramble too, thumbtyping.

Ive back from Friends Meeting for Worship. Quakers traditionally observe no special days, so no one mentioned the Hallmarkday. I think its a GOOD tradition. I spent my fiftieth birthday alone so I know about lost time. It isnt necessary to feel bad that you are out of sync with a symbolic day.

Look up "kenosis". Its not about Atkins diet, lol! It means emptying out. Its associated wirh the "dark night of the soul". Maybe its ok to be empty, or necessary, and almost certainly better to live wirh emptyness until the ride turns than to try to fill up frantically.

I was a "good enough mother" wirh PTSD and other non-psychiatric issues. Ive been seeing mg patente in a new light lately. They did really well. Dad was crazy but he built a nice life. Mom was crazier but she filled our World wirh elegance and beauty.

Trauma lives in the body. The best therapies address the body. When we can relieve the body of its burden. , we can feel again. We can be natural again. The most disturbing traumas can be slay addressed by fhe mind when tue body is allowed to be in Its natural state.

Dissociation is a mind body split. Yoga is a mind body yoke. There's a retired Navy Seal (Mikal Vega) who says kundalini yoga cured him after psychiatry nearly killed him. His Vital Warrior pages link to David Bercelis Trauma Releasing Exercises. You can Learn a safe and effective method to reset trauma body to alive and peaceful body from a book. Try it and be amazed.

While you shake off trauma and tension doing Bercelis tre you can read Peter Levine's books or listen to him on audio CD. TRE is that simple, and Levine's books are that important.

Other names to know are Alan Schore and Robert Scaer. If you want to totally geek out on mind-body trauma neurology, learn about Porges's Polyvagal Theory. I forget his first name, but how many peorges wirh a polyvagal theory can there be?

You so NOT have to pore over every detail of your trauma or even remember or discuss it wirh a therapist. I know people continue to promote that, but it is not necessary. Psychodynamic therapy is great for developmental trauma, but doesn't touch PTSD. I have benefited from psychodynamic therapy for early childhood issues, but only GABA powder and TRE have had an effect on PTSD symptoms.

It is confusing that people use the term "ptsd" to refer to any disorder causes by trauma, but I bet you can figure out what your situation is. The point isnt to become diagnosticians but to get well. You CAN get well. I am amazed that I am even here, and while I complain a lot, its been a pretty incredible recovery for me. I was sure I would die a suicide, and an awful lot of PTSD folks do. There is real hope of a life that is easy to wake up to, pleasant, fun, energetic,enjoyable.

Body centered therapies will get you back in your body where now is. Where life is. I'd say start with Berceli. It may be all you need. If you do, please let me know what you think.

The "cure for the day" today is David Bercelis TRE. You can buy the book on Kindle. It's a quick read. It's got pictures. It's a safe effective stand alone self administered therapy. It's all natural and really simple.

Tomorrow's cure for the day has been canceled since today's has eliminated the need for it.

Thanks Teacake, my therapist is headed towards exactly the kind if therapy you suggest. I, too, have been traumatized by psychiatry and have finally found a nurse practicioner to help me until zest more stable. I am ashamed to acknowledge that at age 50 I fear I won't make it (take my life, yes, this is the first time I have shared this "publicly") and will live the rest of my life in misery. Yet, I have my children and must stay here. I hope my precious children will, someday, be proud of their mom for overcoming.

Thanks for the hope.

(((sunnyfan))),

I was very much like you are describing myself too, I felt very disconnected and distant from my family and I did not understand "why" that was happening. Unfortunately,
no one even explained to my family "why" I was struggling and how to be understanding and supportive either, they were not supportive and it only made me worse.

Now that I look back I realize that what was challenging me the most was "unresolved emotional challenges" and it really took me time to get to a point where I could begin to get a handle on that challenge too. I have been a member of PC for a while now, met a lot of different members struggling with PTSD too, and all of them were struggling with some very deep emotional challenges, many of whom had a history of emotional hurts and inadequate nurturing to help them too.

When someone presents with PTSD they look for a "rescuer" and they have a strong need to be held and comforted somehow. Even veterans that come home from war and present with PTSD want that too, only they don't know how to verbalize it, and often they are "afraid" to verbalize it too. They even have some very weak moments where they "cry deeply" too. There are also times where they struggle with anger, have a desire to "act on something" but are not really sure how to do that.

What you are experiencing right now, the disassociation, that is your brain trying to slow down and protect itself because there is no way you can address "all" the emotional challenge at once, it would just overload your brain. Then, when you do work on it, it "is" tiring and that brings on that feeling of being depressed.

While it would be "nice" to find a way to avoid this big challenge with the emotional, unfortunately, as you have found out, it just comes out anyway. And as you work on healing you will begin to recognize the different ways you are now very sensitive too. Until you get a handle on it, it is going to be hard to "express the emotions" you used to express too, for example normal "attachments and trusts in others" are a challenge. Or, even feeling that others are capable of understanding you and giving you the right support is a challenge too.

None of this challenge is "your fault" or "anything you are doing wrong" either, it doesn't mean you are unworthy in anyway either, or that you will not have others understand it. It feels like that because of how people do not understand PTSD, but with time and help from your therapist, that "can" eventually come.

I wish I could say that it is "easy" to get better with PTSD, but that is not true, it takes patience and each person is different depending on what they have as a trauma as well as what kind of support they had in the past too. You really need to be "patient" and take it one day at a time, there is no way out but "through" and each person is unique with that depending on what their life experiences have been.

A good book to get and read is "Trauma and Recovery" by Judith Herman, it explains the three stages of healing, you are in the first stage and you will need to "as I mentioned" be very patient with this stage. You will make gains, you just need to be patient and yes what you are describing are normal symptoms in the first stage of trauma work.

When you need to vent, ask, or just share where you are you can always come here and we will do our best to support you and help you as you stay on your track for healing.

Meditation "is" very helpful as it helps you get out of the hyper
aware state of mind, and into a calmer state of mind. Also if you need to nap, that is ok too.

(((Supportive Hugs)))
OE

Dear Open Eyes,

You describe me to a "T." Thank you for normalizing the disassociation which is so painful and fuels more de personalization and depression and frightening symptoms. I just never knew one could tolerate so much pain, yet, you and others give me hope. When I left my T last week, he, too, came back to the simple, yet difficult reminder to take "one day at a time." It is very invisible isolating pain and I'm so grateful for this forum. I wish I would have discovered it much soon, yet, we can't relieve the past. It drives me crazy when I get stuck in the "reliving the past" loop.

Again, thank you. I will hang onto your words and others who have walked in my shoes.

I am so glad you have a body centered therapist!

Don't be ashamed of suicidal thoughts. I talk about my experience because I know I'm not the only one to think enough is enough and kill me or cure me but THIS dull numb no-life has got to end one way or another. I don't care who knows I was making arrangements. I care a lot about people quietly making those plans, not knowing the numbness can tue. around literally overnight.

I made myself cry, lol.

The numbness, the forcing of tears, the shame of suicidal thoughts. It took me 6 months to find a therapist who wasn't afraid of my angst. It was complete torture having to re tell my story so many times and coming home to collapse in utter despair each time. This at is great, I will tell him I'm in agony and I'm afraid I'm too much of a "case" for him. He smiles and says " lay it on me," I can share my suicidal thoughts and he calmly reassures me that I'm not alone and knows I am safest with my family so I fear not that he will send me some place where I don't belong.

I'm so glad you've found relief with body centered therapy. My T is going to start me with some very simple Tai Chi exercises as therapy continues.

Peter Levine says you can't go too slow. . Tai chi sounds nice.

I don't know if that's true but I know - You can go too fast.