That one extra straw that breaks you....

So today, I was managing my anxiety....trying to do all the right things so I could get through what I needed at uni and then think about facing tomorrow.

And wouldn't you know it, but 2 stressful situations happened. First my debate got cancelled and transferred til tomorrow(already a stressful day) and I was ok with that, managed it, stayed in the moment, breathed through it.

End of the day comes and my presentation group for tomorrow meet and decide to change the entire joint part of our presentation!!!!!! I can handle change, but not sooooooooooo much at the last minute when my anxiety levels are already so high.

Do you also find this? That you can manage for so long with high anxiety....but it can be one small thing that tips you over the edge into a full blown anxiety overloaded reaction?

I managed to get home before I melted down. I ended up talking to my T, he was soo helpful and managed to talk me down. He explained that once you get past a threshold of anxiety that a trauma response is triggered....and for me I then stop being able to think properly. Don't I know it!!

I am trying to calm back down now............

Anyone else relate? What happens for you? How do you manage? I feel quite out of sorts now

I have that happen too Jane. It can trigger the PTSD when things are sudden surprises or change the way you are describing. It was good that your T talked you through it and is helping you calm down. I have found that because of the trigger, the part of the brain we use to regulate and monitor the rest of the brain, the frontal part, the conscious mind, gets disturbed and you are right, it is hard to concentrate and process.

Yes, you are right, you already struggled with being anxious and working on self soothing and making decisions on how you will proceed with the challenge you were faced with. It is understandable that when you were faced with these "changes" so last minute that you would struggle. It's ok to talk about that and work through it so your mind can slowly learn how to address things that are unexpected like this. You are going to need to step back, self sooth and calm first then "slowly" think about how you will work through this new challenge. I know that is not easy Jane, each time this kind of challenge happens, can only be handled by "slowly" developing new skills where you relearn how to self sooth, and calm down the "alarm" you are experiencing. You did the right thing by reaching out and talking about it to people who are understanding and supportive with you.

(((Hugs)))
OE

Thing is...it is after 1am here and I am still up. I can not seem to quiet my brain down, and am actually worried about going to bedand sleep because I know the dreams will come after something like this.

So over it....but trying to accept....it is what it is....trying to find calm. Thanks OE. It is nice to have someone respond when you are struggling. It sometimes makes it worse when you come here and no one replies. But I also understand that if someone is also struggling it is often too hard to offer that support to others.

Big siiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

I've been there too JaneC. I have to work at keeping my life very calm just to cope day to day. My husband has a bit of temper and when he throws a hissy fit, it really triggers me because I lived with so much anger when I was little. That's a challenge right now. I can't work anymore because the stress would put me over the edge. Some people bug me too. I had lunch with a woman I met at the new church I'm going to and she was a load mouth who didn't give a rat's behind about my opinion on anything. That was familiar territory from my youth and I haven't been to church since. The list can go on, but you get my point. You're not alone.

Oh, I know just what you are describing, I have been challenged that way too. I have found that when I try to go to sleep with a disturbance as you are describing, I tend to have bad dreams or wake up upset with bad dreams because I go to sleep with a problem that my brain tries to resolve in my sleep but can't just as it struggled during wake time. That will ease up after you slowly relearn how to resolve challenges in your day to day processing.

I feel that understanding "why" you struggle when you sleep helps too. You actually "can" learn how to help yourself better when you do struggle in your sleep, that does take time and is a challenge for many who struggle with PTSD.

I find that when I go to sleep having a fan going helps or I have even slept with the TV on too. I have met others that do that too, and the reason that helps is that if a bad dream happens there is something there to think about
to distract the mind so it is easier to go back to sleep.

I think that having PC helps you too, at least you have the ability to talk about it and have access to supportive people that can be calming and validating which IMHO will help you as you try to get sleep and rest.



OE

SkyWhite, I am challenged with that constantly myself. My husband tends to have very unsupportive responses to me and he can be very invalidating and I find that very hard too. I have discussed this with my therapist that has pointed out to me that he has noticed that my husband does tend to talk over me and trigger me because he suffers from compulsive ADHD.

I am so sorry about the woman at church that triggered you so much that you just stopped going. I have had to distance myself from experiencing that with my older sister who tends to be very condescending and dismissive and unsupportive towards me. It took me time to work on that and talk about it in therapy and make gains on the PTSD before I could even talk to my older sister on any level at all. I faced some shouting and dysfunctional behaviors in my home growing up too. I had figured out the roots to why that took place a very long time ago, however, when I developed PTSD I realized how that had affected me in ways I didn't realize. As you talk about your own history and get validated and a therapist helps you understand it better and finally process it in healthy ways, you will finally be able to handle dysfunctional people better and better when you experience them.

This is going to take time for you because right now you are only just starting and are in the first stage of your healing and learning to understand PTSD and how it is affecting "you" right now. I had such a hard time with that myself in the beginning because I did not understand "why" I was struggling so much at all. As you keep moving forward with understanding that part, you will make some important gains on it and be able to keep improving and you "will" begin to feel better.

A very important tool that you need to keep first and foremost in your mind. And this goes for you too Jane, and I also have to remind myself too. Is, as you are "working through and healing", when you experience a trigger or a challenge always remember "not" to self punish when that happens, you may not respond right or have the solutions to triggers right now, but that is only a "YET". You "feel" as though you are unable to work and be productive Skylight, but that too is only a "YET" and that may actually slowly begin to change as you continue to work through the PTSD and finally address some of your "deep challenges" that for some reason you just didn't have the right help with in the past to address correctly.

When you struggle with PTSD, it never means you are in any way unworthy or not smart enough either. You have been injured and traumatized and you are now hyper aware and confused and get triggered every time you are presented with something that is unexpected or confrontational that may have
hurt you in the past. What you need now is to identify these triggers, what they mean to you, and slowly develop healthier coping skills and ways of addressing them and also to be validated for these challenges. The answer to every trigger that tends to present the "fight and flight" response is always,
this hurts and I am going to learn more about it and if I get triggered all it means is that I have not resolved it "YET" but will with support, help, and patience and time.



OE

Thanks for that Open Eyes. It helps me to understand a little better why I'm all of a sudden so damn "touchy." I guess before all this, I was triggered and maybe it registered at a different level and then I used unhealthy coping tools to get through it (like drinking). And now, because the can of worms is open I can see what's really going on and it's disturbing.

GROSS ALERT! I can't believe I just said that last sentence. It sums up a dream I had last night. It was so disturbing! I was looking at my left eye up close and there was white stuff like yogurt coming out of it and in the white stuff were white baby worms. After all the baby worms were out, all that was left to come out was the long white mama worm. So, I started pulling on the mama worm to force her out because I didn't think she'd come out on her own, but I pulled to hard and yanked her in half, yuck. Her top part came out but the bottom part of her was still in my head. Then I started crying because there was still some of the mama worm in my head. I know this getting way off topic, but I had to share it. Sorry for it being so gross.

Oh my Skywhite, that was a yucky dream. But you did make the connection, did you notice that? It was what your brain came up with that expressed the first part of your post.

Isn't it weird how the brain can create odd dreams like that though? You must be a very creative person.

Thanks for the replies. I just got back from university and the big final presentations, etc that I had to do. I decided not to sleep over. I am sooooooo wiped out I can not even describe how much. My entire body aches from the constant stress for days now. I hope I sleep.

Skywhite, what a dream! If I ever get a chance maybe I'll describe a dream I had that was intense and my T described as very powerful.

Take care all

Jane, I'm so glad for you that it's over. I think you should feel good about the decision you made to come home. If it were me, I would say that my physical and mental health is more important than anything else, and the professor and classmates would just have to understand and respect my decision.

Dreams can be very strange and very disturbing. I don't recall dreaming for a while now, I know I had a few that bothered me some months back. I hate when that happens, it sets a bad tone for the entire day.

I want to have this kind of dream, something peaceful:

We believe in the cold grey lights we dream
There's a place for us
Mediterranea
Yes we believe where the white sands touch the sea
There's space for us
Mediterranea

I'm trading in for touch down ecstasy
Arriving there in a wave of heat
Lying in the beach tequila mayhem
Summer of all suburbian daydreams
Waiting for a look the invitation
I awaken to the shade

Mediterranea, Duran Duran, 2011 (great song and a great album, who know they would still be around 30 years later?)