[Teacake]

or better yet, if you are the ptsd type that had to fight and flee, for real, how do you impress upon your unscathed uncommunitive engineer son the need to get busy and move fast.

Yesterday doc said I was good. Yesterday evening I thought I'd have to sleep in ER to he safe. Today I am in the air between suicide or going home. I'm serious. If I can't move fast and get others to match my pace I get suicidal. I feel that unsafe.

How do I make kiddo understand?

He's so unscathed. His life is ordered and orderly. He plans ahead. He's never had to fight. He's never been hungry. He never had to move fast. He is so unlike any other man I've loved. Daddy was ptsd ADHD poster child. Kiddos dad was one of the students who got their funds frozen after a revolution. I am not used to pre-ptsd men. They seem unmanly to me. I don't want my son to go get traumatised but I am infuriated by him and want to bang a pan or light a fire under him. He seems to me like a spoiled lackadaisical kid. And I know he isn't. He's good. He just isn't like his father or my father. Or me. I don't feel trust or safety with men other than men who've been tempered in the fire. It makes me sad.

And I need to get a move on!

Ffs doc said I was sharp and clear when I was going fast. Now I'm crying in bed thinking its back to ER or finish it. My own son should help me when I ask.

[A Red Panda]

What is your son not doing, or not doing fast enough? How do you think he should help you?

[Fuzzybear]

[Open Eyes]

Teacake, when you feel you have to "move fast" and others are not keeping up with you, that is the ADHD in you. I really think that if you treat that "first" you will have a lot more patience. I am sure it must be hard for you because with the ADHD symptoms of "hurry up quick" along with the "PTSD flight response". You actually "can" talk yourself down, you know this, but I really feel that if you treat the ADHD with medications designed to help it, you will do better.

I am sorry your son doesn't understand all this, wouldn't it be nice if he did and was able to tell you about all the "good" you did as that kind of support is very "calming" and encouraging and actually does help with developing more patience. Well, he just doesn't know "how" to do that for you, I have had that challenge myself as often my daughter fails to see what I did "right" too. It can sure hurt sometimes, yes I know that, but gotta learn "how" to let that go, and I know it ain't easy at times.

I think you need to focus on the ADHD and treat that "first" to see how that helps you, it may be a god scent you have been searching for. I have spent my entire life dealing with the cycles of ADHD in others in my life so I do understand those "cycles" and I really feel if you treat that challenge it can be very helpful.

[Teacake]

Throw himself under my feet to absorb the shock of the dance that threatens to shatter the world so mommy can resume her fair form?

I need my own man to be Shiva to my Shakti. Not my son. Can't turn the kids into archetypes. It screws them up.

But I can't keep going to ER so the worried guards can babysit me because I have compulsions to hang myself. At least there will be no pills. No one need worry I got ****ed up and regretted but had to keep
going for fear of being mistreated in hospital.

I want my son to come here and take charge. That's what men do. That's what ptsd men do. I

[MotownJohnny]

Teacake, to answer the question in the title, how do I stay patient, I don't. Not at all. I want what all men want, at least American men raised in the 20th and 21st centuries, instant gratification, fast action, quick resolution to problems. My whole life has been one big exercise in problem solving, so when I come up against something that has no quick or easy solution, or seems insolveable at times, it is uber-frustrating, confusing, and frightening. That feeling of "there has to be an answer, there has to be a fix for this" is a compelling driver.

Action? Yeah, maybe that's part of the whole thing. I know the entire experience kicked me off my sorry *** and got me moving in ways I never dreamed I could move, both figurative and literally. Run, boy, run for your life - that is what I tell myself all of the time, and I believe it. I keep moving because I am very afraid to sit still. I keep moving because movement blows off the energy. I keep moving because I have no choice but to move.

I am sorry your son doesn't get it. I don't think anyone who hasn't had the experiences and developed the problems will ever "get it". When ever I said something to my previous T about being "in the psych ward" she would always get this look and tell me that I was being overly dramatic about it, that I shouldn't feel so much shame, etc. Easy for her to say, she isn't the one with that in her medical records, on her conscience, and hanging over her head. They can't understand if it hasn't happened to them, and I know your son "doesn't know what he doesn't know", and I know you don't wish this upon him. I guess the best you can do is try to make him understand what you need.

[Hellion]

One thing I always try to keep in mind is as much as I hate feeling alone with the PTSD and not having people understand....I don't really want them to understand since that would mean they'd have to get traumatized and develop PTSD and it sucks so not really something I want others to experience.

I mean I can get your frusteration but at the same time you have to keep in perspective people that don't have PTSD aren't going to act as though they do...or be able to entirely understand. I know I get very flustered when I am ready to go somewhere and people are being slower than me to get ready and get out the door....and things like that never really thought of that as a PTSD thing per say though. But then I am also slow at things, just not 100% of the time.

[Teacake]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Teacake, when you feel you have to "move fast" and others are not keeping up with you, that is the ADHD in you. I really think that if you treat that "first" you will have a lot more patience. I am sure it must be hard for you because with the ADHD symptoms of "hurry up quick" along with the "PTSD flight response". You actually "can" talk yourself down, you know this, but I really feel that if you treat the ADHD with medications designed to help it, you will do better.

I am sorry your son doesn't understand all this, wouldn't it be nice if he did and was able to tell you about all the "good" you did as that kind of support is very "calming" and encouraging and actually does help with developing more patience. Well, he just doesn't know "how" to do that for you, I have had that challenge myself as often my daughter fails to see what I did "right" too. It can sure hurt sometimes, yes I know that, but gotuta learn "how" to let that go, and I know it ain't easy at times.

I think you need to focus on the ADHD and treat that "first" to see how that helps you, it may be a god scent you have been searching for. I have spent my entire life dealing with the cycles of ADHD in others in my life so I do understand those "cycles" and I really feel if you treat that challenge it can be very helpful.

It's not ADHD. Doc and T have withdrawn ADHD. I have PTSD and an axis 3 cognitive nos which I guess is high histamine like I've been saying and premenopause. And I'm a high iq person who gets really really mad. Especially before my period.

[Teacake]

Originally Posted by MotownJohnny

Teacake, to answer the question in the title, how do I stay patient, I don't. Not at all. I want what all men want, at least American men raised in the 20th and 21st centuries, instant gratification, fast action, quick resolution to problems. My whole life has been one big exercise in problem solving, so when I come up against something that has no quick or easy solution, or seems insolveable at times, it is uber-frustrating, confusing, and frightening. That feeling of "there has to be an answer, there has to be a fix for this" is a compelling driver.

Action? Yeah, maybe that's part of the whole thing. I know the entire experience kicked me off my sorry *** and got me moving in ways I never dreamed I could move, both figurative and literally. Run, boy, run for your life - that is what I tell myself all of the time, and I believe it. I keep moving because I am very afraid to sit still. I keep moving because movement blows off the energy. I keep moving because I have no choice but to move.

I am sorry your son doesn't get it. I don't think anyone who hasn't had the experiences and developed the problems will ever "get it". When ever I said something to my previous T about being "in the psych ward" she would always get this look and tell me that I was being overly dramatic about it, that I shouldn't feel so much shame, etc. Easy for her to say, she isn't the one with that in her medical records, on her conscience, and hanging over her head. They can't understand if it hasn't happened to them, and I know your son "doesn't know what he doesn't know", and I know you don't wish this upon him. I guess the best you can do is try to make him understand what you need.

You get it.

I am totally shameless about psych hospital though. But other symptoms...yeah, if they don't know they don't know. We had to fight our dads.
its mythic.

Does it hurt a boy to have to rescue his mom?

[JadeAmethyst]

Yes, it does.

[Open Eyes]

It depends on what that "rescue" entails Teacake. I think that if a son has it explained to him so he gets a grasp of what the problem is and what kind of path is needed to address the challenge it's not so bad. It depends how much a son has to give of himself too, what his charactor is and capacity to be understanding too.

[Teacake]

Originally Posted by JadeAmethyst

Yes, it does.

Say more.

[Teacake]

I'm not asking him to break me out of prison. And he's 27 with a masters degree and a security clearance and a passport. And a really beautiful smart girl who seems to be helping him with how to do voice mail, "hi teac, its kiddo and I'm calling because I love you".

Sometimes I forget the lost decade. I swear I feel his age. I think he must be fifteen. Or my age which is 29.

Doc said trauma damages the brain. I need a neuropsych. I've got what dad had and what moms bro has too. High iq with a big dent in it. I don't know what all. My ex is I'm an enigma. I ask if that is racist. Only my mother laughs.

I needed someone to organise this get me treated ordeal. I don't want to have a stroke or suicide because no one got around to a good dx and treatment.

[Parley]

I wish I knew what to say but I don't . I do hope you figure things out.

[Teacake]

Originally Posted by Parley

I wish I knew what to say but I don't . I do hope you figure things out.

My grandma got them figured out chopping weeds and snakes with a sharp little hoe. Ive befriended snakes as a species but I bet whoever has the hoe will return it to me seeing as I have some serious chopping to do.

[MotownJohnny]

I don't know, I was a willing antagonist to my father - I was the rodeo clown taking the blows . I guess part of me is really proud of that.

[Teacake]

Originally Posted by MotownJohnny

I don't know, I was a willing antagonist to my father - I was the rodeo clown taking the blows . I guess part of me is really proud of that.

I think you have every reason to be really proud of that. It was a very human thing to do. It wasn't clownish. You were protecting your mother.

Everything you felt, John, was instinctual and noble. I think you have every right to be wholly proud of the boy you were and the long line of people behind him.

[lynda.danhi]

Teacake....you can't possibly want your son to suffer like you do. He is your son not your savior. Your answers are your responsibility with the support of professionals. Let your son have his ordered life, don't take that from him. Look to yourself too do the work necessary to achieve health. You'll feel empowered and lose those dependency issues.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Teacake]

[QUOTE=lynda.danhi;3968071]Teacake....you can't possibly want your son to suffer like you do. He is your son not your savior. Your answers are your responsibility with the support of professionals. Let your son have his ordered life, don't take that from him. Look to yourself too do the work necessary to achieve health. You'll feel empowered and lose those dependency issues.

I dont have dependency issues. I have ptsd and im broke.

What IS rhis savior thing. Ex used to fling himself through the house crying "i can't be a savior!" I was raised without religion. He was an altar boy. What did they do to him?

[A Red Panda]

Lynda isn't talking about your Ex... she's talking about your son. Your son can't save you, and he isn't your caretaker - it's not his job to take charge of you and your treatment. You said earlier in the thread that taking charge is what men do - which is probably where Lynda got the idea of dependency issues. You're wanting to pass responsibility on to your son and off of you, which isn't fair to him.

It sucks that he doesn't seem to find the time to call and tell you he loves you.. but how often do you call him to tell him that you love him? I'm sure that you could give him a call to chat if you're feeling like you need a connection to someone.

Have you told your son what you want from him, or asked him for what you need/want?

[Teacake]

Everybody knows how to raise children but those who have done it.

People live in relationships of interdependence. Our society denigrates caretaking and any activity that is not a job, and our society is collapsing. Strong independent women with suppressed dependency wishes raise kids who fail to launch with men who dont know hoe to take charge. Half of everybody is on welfare of some sort and the Constitution has been dismantled while people demand that the borders be sealed and thw guns be rounded up. I'm trying to get through the next four decades anyway, and I think if I have raised one of the few people who are having a great life in this country because I took care he can take charge. That's how it works in my family. I didn't from kick him into daycare so I could dance off in my pantyhose to be a lawyer and he doesn't drop me into a broken mental health system.

[Teacake]

We are all responsible for one another. If more people got that the world wouldn't be such crap.