[All_By_Myself]

Hello everyone! I am new to this, but I would really like opinions on my issue. As a child, I was sexually abused over and over by my neighbor. This continued to happen each and every time that I would stay all night with his daughter. I wasn't sure, at the time, what I needed to do, so I never said anything. I thought that I was just being punished for something that I had done. It wasn't until I was in middle school, when a boy garbbed me between the legs, that I told my parents. Every since then, I have had nightmares about my neighbor. I don't even go to see my parents a lot because he still lives next door. In 1998, I got married and things went pretty well. The last few years, I have not wanted a lot to do with my husband sexually. I know that it is not his fault, but there have been times that I have thought back about the things that were done to me while with my husband. My husband tends to get really frustrated with me over this. I feel really bad about this, but I am not sure what I need to do. I wake up screaming in the night after having nightmares about the rapings. I am only 26 years old and I do not want to feel like this. Can someone please offer any suggestions? Thanks!

All By Myself

[(JD)]

Hello again All... good to chat with you earlier. Do you trust your spouse enough to share a little of your apprehension? obviously something is triggering the memories... so sorry this happened to you.

Remember, when something happens to us as children, we are too naive to know what to do, especially when an adult is supposed to be trustworthy and in charge of protection!

I think you will find a lot of support here. Come back often.

...I can misspeak like the best of us

[All_By_Myself]

Thanks for your reply Sky. My husband is well aware of what happened to me. He feels like that I need to get on with my life, because that happened so long ago. I am just not able to do that though. My husband is a very affectionate person, and that is a problem as well. I want him to be affectionate towards me, but I do not want to grabbed and gropped all of the time. He does it in front of everyone and anywhere. I have told him on many occasions about it. He has had me so upset at times that I just break down and cry. Knowing all of this, he still continues to do this. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband very much. I would be lost at times without him. I feel guilty as times though when I tell him to stop, because he is so sick. My husband is awaiting a heart transplant, and so I really scared when I do say things to him. I feel like at times that I am losing my mind. I am just really confused and I don't know what to do.

All By Myself

[dalila]

You can't just get over this, you need to have help to resolve your past so that your present can be rewarding. Is there anyway you can see a therapist or a counselor? What happened to you was not your fault and you deserve to feel good about yourself and your relationship with your husband. Maybe if you were to see a counselor you could ask your husband to cool it for a while so you can focus on getting on with things. When you are able to work through the pain you will be able to be more loving and emotionally available to him.

[(JD)]

Geeeee I'm sorry to hear that he seems unable to honor such simple requests. perhaps if he could understand how important it is to you to respect you in public... your private relationship might grow.

He needs to grow up. I don't know any way to make someone else do this... we can only change ourselves, and sometimes we shouldn't.

Take care.

...I can misspeak like the best of us

[lorieann]

I just hate those types that tell you to just get on with your life...forget about it...whats happened happened...get over it.

if it was only that simple we'd all be walking around in perfect mental health.
bad things happen to good people...every day in the world. your a young woman...married...looks to me like you are TRYING to get on with your life. .
Not wanting to be touched and having little or no interest in sex is perfectly normal after what you have been thru. You need patience and gentleness and understanding. your husband should know this...i mean i know that its a marriage...and sex is part of a marriage, but its not all of a marriage.
Maybe in time you will feel comfortable or at least more comfortable. I understand what you are feeling. just remember you love him...you married him...hes your husband, and not the one that hurt you. try to trust him...even though its hard.

[katden]

hello,
As someone had mentioned, it is normal to pull back from sexual relations. It is also possible to gain the sexual desire back. However, it will take work on your part and on the part of your husband.
The part that troubles me the most is your husbands lack of respect. If you have asked him to keep his hands off and he does not, it will hurt both of you. You need to be firm about the groping. It can trigger feelings that will cause you to pull away. I believe that many women who weren't molested would be upset with your husbands behavior. That is a problem that your husband needs to deal with.
You may have been molested years ago, but the feelings can stay with you until you have them resolved. I hope you consider seeing a counselor and continue to correspond at this site.
Good luck and stay in touch.

[Butterfly_Faerie]

Hi, and welcome,

I know it's hard to deal with stuff day to day when some things are still embedded into your brain. In a sense your hubby is right you need to move on, but it's hard to move on if you have not dealt with it, are you seeking help? You don't want to live in shame and guilt, you want to live in regret, at least with regret you can move on and not live in the past anymore.

I'm learning to do that now.

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

[troubled1]

Hello,
I am new here as well but just wanted you to know that you are not alone in this problem. I grew up with sexual abuse from my father for many years... As I got older and had relationships I live with them in my nightmares and daily in my thought he never goes away .. His new wife at the time was just as sick as he was but I did not understand that at the time I really did not understand anything at all at the time I was 9 when it started and 16 when I ran away .... Anyway i just want you to know that with an understanding partner you should be able to hopefully explain it to him and him be ok.. Try not to hide it from him your feelings and your problems.. See if you can find a good therapist to help you if you can.. Good Luck troubled1

[Butterfly_Faerie]

YAY touble1- I'm so happy to see you post girl..

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>