Tell People?

I like to think I'm doing okay, but I was molested by a stranger when I was about 10.

Long story short, I remember him being pretty cool and wanting to talk to me. I think that this actually causes me to react aggressively toward people who are basically friendly. I hadn't thought about it much until recently, but I've been attending a new church, and have gotten something of a bad reputation for being mean to people (at least that's the way it seems). People are reacting badly to me, and basically complaining in vague ways.

I don't know whether to write off the church because people don't address the real issues, but rather deal with them in passive-aggressive ways. Or if perhaps I should let people know I'm damaged and that I do hurt others because of the trauma I experienced. I'm usually pretty composed, so I suspect people may have a hard time seeing me as someone who is a victim himself.

Can anyone else relate? What can I do in the present situation (I've gotten a bad reputation), and what can I do to prevent further problems (how can I get rid of this fear - how can I stop being mean to friendly people?) Am I describing symptoms of PTSD? And should I tell people about my issues?

Hi thanks for posting this. People who are in pain inflict pain on others. PTSD can rear its ugly head at any time. I use to get angry a lot and yell at people flying off at the handle. I had to see it was trauma related. I felt i had no outlet and i didn't at the time.
Just tell people you have trust issues and don't like people being over friendly cause it triggers issues for you than you are dealing with. And leave it at that. You don't have to explain yourself really but if you were to say i think that should suffice. I wouldn't worry how people take you, just concentrate on yourself. If you feel uneasy at the church then stop going for a while. I found no one is perfect and especially in churches so grin and bear it or change churches.
Just focus on your own well being and what it is that you really want for yourself. you sound fine to me like you belong here with all of us at PC Forum. you are not alone so don't ever fell you are. tc

Ok. This is only my opinion based on my experiences in several congregations over the years. If you leave this church, you will probably find the next is pretty much the same. I understand what they are doing seems passive aggressive, but every religious community I have been a member of does this. I think the other members actually are trying not to hurt you.
For example, I met a guy at my church. We were best friends. I decided to end our friendship. He is an alcoholic who is endangering lives drinking huge quantities and then driving. I emailed our pastor. While I know that seems super passive aggressive, I actually wanted to prepare her that he or I might be leaning on her. I also wanted to decrease awkwardness in services and fellowship.
It's somewhat the nature of the situation that we try and avoid confrontations at church. Also if you are correct in your assessment of your reputation, they might be concerned about your response if they attempted to address you straight on.
As for telling the congregation about your PTSD, you might want to carefully think that through. If these people are causing you problems or issues, do you want to give them that access to your pain? This not an AA meeting they will talk about it. Word will go beyond the sanctuary.
Also if you open that door, they will walk through it. If you let it be know you have PTSD, you might be asked why? Yes, people are that insensitive, even church people. They might be confused thinking that is a soldier's illness. Your behaviors unrelated to PTSD might be be ascribed to the disorder. People are really uneducated about mental illness.
If you really want to lay it out there, You might want to talk to a clergy member (one you trust) first. They know the congregation better than anyone. They might advise you on how to proceed or if to proceed at all.
I do understand your feelings all too well. I had peer sexual abuse in middle and high school school and familial emotional and mental abuse at home. I know I come off to strangers as grumpy, disinterested, and snappy. I wear ear buds almost constantly listening to music most of everyday. In truth I am isolating and terrified of everyone. Basically my thought process is "don't hurt me." Social situations are my personal hell. I can't tell everyone about my past, and I don't want to. Since I can't change all their opinions of me, I have to change me. I have to work on getting better social skills and handling my PTSD. But that's me.

Hi shakesphere, the good thing in what you posted here is that you are identifying the challenge you have and why that is so, that's a big deal and an important step in the direction of finally healing.

This is a very good article to read that supports what I have just stated.

http://pro.psychcentral.com/recovery...uropsychology/

What you have described experiencing is how at such a young age you encountered an individual that groomed you as these type of individuals do in being "nice" to you and gaining your trust so he could take advantage of you.
That frightened and confused you on such a deep level that no child that age can possibly understand, or even know how to talk about. I am so sorry you experienced that ((shakesphere)), I wish I could find a way to turn back the clock and be there for you to comfort and help you with that experience because you SO deserved to have that and you did not and instead carried that hurt for so long now. It is completely understandable that even now, you are still very uncomfortable with "trusting".

An experience like that can be extremely hard to talk about, so many times I have read posts where different individuals want to talk about their own experience of encountering this kind of challenge in their childhood too but it's too uncomfortable. The best way to talk about it is to talk about how it happens in general so that you can get an idea of how understanding and helpful a therapist or any individual or group will respond "in general".

That is how I approached it myself with my therapist. I saw a few posts here and told him about it, that opened a door for me to see what kind of response he would have to it. He did really well with it and at the time I still was not ready to talk about it myself, but I did get to say, "that is how I felt too". I was glad that he did not push the topic and just allowed it to settle where it was.

I can't say you have PTSD, however, what I can say is that an event like that can hide in the mind for many years until one day an individual begins to struggle with it and experiences PTSD in a "delayed" way. It may not be full blown PTSD, but it can manifest into having a lot of "anxiety". I have also read that sometimes a person can push something like that aside and then when their own child gets close to the age they themselves experienced a trauma can lead to have that surface and challenge them and confuse them.

I have come across this in my reading shakesphere and I sat and thought about it, and I realized that when someone has a child they tend to connect with their own inner child while raising their own child, they do this "unknowingly" but the reason that takes place is meant to be part of how we are designed to better ensure the survival of our offspring. This is something that happens in animals too, not just human beings. I think it's important to mention this because instead of you thinking of this being something that has always haunted you, while part of you continued on with that experience, it is more prevalant now because "nature" is saying "oh wait a minute I need to warn/protect my own child from this danger so he/she stays safer then I was".

I want to give you an example. Every year I have barn swallows come and nest in my barn. One year I noticed that the nest a pair of barn swallows made did not work well, they did not build up the sides enough and they lost too many of their babies. I felt so sad when I saw that happen. The next year when they came back to nest again, I noticed this time they made the nest walls much higher, all the babies made it to adulthood, none fell out. I thought, how remarkable that they remembered that and made the nest better like that.

When I was raising my daughter one day she behaved badly and I spanked her, after I spanked her I felt HORRIBLE. Right then and there I decided that was not going to be included in my dicipline and I called a family meeting and said, "I have decided there is no hitting allowed in this family because I think that is wrong, we do not solve problems by hitting, so no hitting". shakesphere, the reason I was so upset when I spanked my daughter that one time is that in my home growing up there was spanking and I never liked the way that made us fear our parents and be "afraid" overall. I remembered how I felt, that there was too much hitting in my home and I did not want to have that kind of home for my child. I had a naughty spot instead and when I had to use it, my daughter had to learn what she was doing that was naughty and how to do things better so she is part of instead of being left out and in the naughty spot.

Part of your challenge is do to what I have just said above, and part of your desire to heal is connected not only to your own healing, but share what you learn so others can gain from it. It is part of how we are designed so we survive and thrive better.

Another thing you might do shakesphere is send a note anonymously to the individual who preaches and see if that individual can include that kind of challenge when they give their talk in front of the church members.

Personally, I think you have had a kind of break through where you have made a connection from what happened to you at age 10 and how that might be connected with how you react when others approach you a certain way. I think as the article has said, "name it to tame it" is important to finally understanding "self" better.

Thanks OE. I'm in my late 40's now and I've been talking openly (with counselors and people I trust) about the abuse since I was in my 20's. But, I never really thought about the way I sometimes act towards strangers who are friendly and nice. From my perspective, I started attending a new church, some people tried to engage me in conversation (this was over 6 months ago, by the way), and I reacted without thinking. I don't even remember who the specific people were, or exactly what I said to them, but I definitely wasn't friendly in my responses. I realized soon afterward that my responses weren't exactly appropriate, and I've been working on the issue. I think Designing Woman expressed it well: "Basically my thought process is "don't hurt me."

I guess if the congregation is trying to tell me that it's inappropriate to be mean to nice people, then I agree. It's something I've always known, and I'm working on it.

The other real issue is that all I know is that certain people have a problem with me. They let me know by making snide remarks, by snubbing me (just yesterday someone who has an issue with me made a point of saying "hello" to my 7-year old, and then totally ignored my "hello" and my very presence).

If someone has a problem with some specific things I've said and done, then I respect that. But, unless they tell me what specific things they have issues with? (and what exactly they want me to do about it) I can only speculate and guess. I don't like to be put in that position. If I had to guess, I'd say the attitude of some people is "we'll just keep it up until he 'get's it'" But, I doubt even they know what "it" is. Do they want me to leave? I suspect some of them just think I'm a "bad" person, and they won't be happy until I stop being "bad", whatever it is they mean by "bad". And again, I doubt they've even stopped to consider what the "real" issue is (or what is means to be a "bad" person), or what they believe should be done about it.

What I plan on doing is continuing to attend, but maybe check out some other churches from time to time, to see if all churches really do act like this. There are one or two people at the current church who are a little more straightforward. Perhaps I could find a way to describe the issue (the snubbings and snide remarks), and ask for some advice.

I talked to my wife about the situation over the last couple of days (she's really busy with work, so I attend much more often than she does), and it is basically her opinion that most churches operate like this (and she's attended church all her life).

My attitude has changed over the last few years, in that I've become convinced that people (and organizations) are all capable of good and bad. We shouldn't be surprised when people disappoint us. But, neither should we write them off.

So, dealing with this situation is an opportunity for me to grow and forgive myself and others.

" But, I never really thought about the way I sometimes act towards strangers who are friendly and nice." quote shakesphere

This is what is important to your "name it to tame it" shakesphere. My last therapist had listened to things I experienced in my life and what he had said to me is that I did not have a chance to "grieve what was lost" to me. I think that when you had therapy in your past you talked about what happened, maybe even grieved it too. But, you lost something very important "your personal sense of safety" and even though that was validated, you slowly developed defenses because of that experience and now that is what you are slowly recognizing that you have not done before. I am tip toeing this challenge with you shakesphere because I do not want to disrespect whatever you developed to defend yourself with because I know whatever you have developed doesn't always mean you did something wrong. As I have come to know you, I can see that you really have tried hard to analyze human interactions so you can develop a better sense of inner peace. You are actually a very smart individual and I can see you have made it a point to read and learn a lot of different things.

What you are looking at now with the statement I quoted is the next step for you to acknowledge so you can reach that sense of inner peace that has escaped you in the past, and honestly that is not your fault and a lot of people develop bad communications skills/defense mechanisms, some of which you have been recognizing and your wife has recognized as something that she has noticed in "church" settings.

One time my therapist said to me, "OE, I can see you work very hard at understanding PTSD and try to figure out how to manage it". Then he said, "Often he has patients that never really engage but come to him every week to be spoon fed". So with that in mind shakesphere, I would think the same thing happens when it comes to different people who belong to a "church" too. I think that this is something that happens in all churches no matter what the religion. I have also noticed how some people get so they have to do things by the book verbatim and this is true no matter what the book is. There is a percentage of people that only know how to do "literal", and they just can't look at something taught or discussed and apply it without having to run back to what is written in some kind of "book of instructions". And often individuals never really "learn" what the book is saying either. That is something I have listened to you talk about that has upset you in the past when it comes to "religion and churches". So, your wife is right, that is something that happens in a lot of churches, but also happens in a lot of humanity itself.

I don't think you will ever find a church that doesn't have this challenge, or even may not address it to where you would like to see it addressed. When I went to church and I listened to what the priest chose to talk about, I did not think about what he was saying in a literal sense, instead I listened to the message and how the priest applied it to "current times" and when he did that, it helped my learn to have a more open mind instead of "judging or being judged" that often many take so literally. I did not grow up with a strict labeled religion and because of that I have come to realize that it helped me have a more open mind compared to what I have seen in some that is so "literal" and in my opinion has prevented them from having a more open mind.

Thanks for that Article, OE. I did read it, and it makes a lot of sense.

Shakespear......having gone through a trauma & then moved & started going to a completely NEW church while also going to some wonderful DBT therapy with a wonderful psychologist.

I am finally integrating the past with present behavior & thoughts....my psychologist says that integration is a key part to healing from not only damage that caused PTSD, but also from dysfunctional situations we may have lived with for many years that cause a whole set of other problems in relating with other people.

What I found in my new church though it's rather small is that they were all filled with love, but I was the one having problems not keeping my protective walls up. It was a slow process, but just in the course of being with the people there were openings that presented themselves in order to explain some of what I had gone through from the trauma to the dysfunction. I didn't dump it all on them at one time, but it was a slow process as I did with many friends in the horse community here that I am a very active part of. Topics would just come up in conversation & I would end up contributing with a little bit about the personal experiences I've gone through. It's better than dumping everything on them all at one time which they can NEVER comprehend in the first place....but little bits here & there & with time, they not only understand what you have gone through but it helps with the healing & growing also.....it's a long process but worth it in the end.

Church experience should be sit down relax praise pray worship alone until you can work out your people issues. If you feel that is impossible most churches have counseling maybe you can get the bad taste out of their mouth for you lol....I don't know, maybe they will forget about what happen.... Less problem with less relationships....

I think what I am experiencing may be common to most groups that have been together for some time. It's as if most groups have an unspoken set of rules, and ways to deal with problems. I think it makes more sense to deal with specific problems as they arise, on an individual level... I think the groupthink common to most groups would disagree. I think what I'm experiencing is the desire to avoid talking to someone one on one about a specific issue, and rather "go to the group", and then "the group" decides what the issue is (they label the person with whom some people are having specific problems), and then the group treats that person as if the label is correct.

It's as if the group is the judge and the jury, and the person "on trial" never gets to meet his accusers, as they've disappeared into a nebulous group.

And yeah. People with PTSD may have some issues that may make it easy for some to label and reject them. (and in my case, they have no idea that I realize I have some issues, and that I'm working on them).

I guess I'm lucky with the small church I go to because they are not only church family, but neighbors & the professionals in town that I deal with or dealt with (not that my pharmacist has retired). I honestly have never experienced the feeling of love from people at a church as I have with these people....they made me feel welcome the moment I walked in the door & that was what made it possible to be able to open up as I had the time to talk to each.

I honestly don't believe in the group theory even in the first church I went to when I came here. I only opened up with those people who I had some sort of connection with & as I felt more ok, & conversation made the path for talking.....it wasn't the churches place for a group to judge especially about things dealing with PTSD & honestly there are some people even within a church who don't need to know the details of one's life......even in my tiny church there are some people who know nothing about my background other than I left my H & came to KY 8 years ago....but they know nothing about why.....while there are others who know everything....even in a church of 25. There are some people who will ALWAYS be only acquaintances while others do become friends & who openly share their experiences & some things come out during Bible class discussions not in situations just before of after a church service.

I haven't told anyone at this new church that I suffered abuse, or that I believe I have symptoms of PTSD. And I know a few people who are willing to talk to me. I'll just continue to focus on those people, and hope I can convince "the group" types that I am worthy of acceptance. And really, I'm not sure "the group" types make up a large proportion of the congregation. We'll see.

Just go & participate without feeling like you have to convince them of being worthy to be accepted......when they get to know you, they will know you are by your actions & not your words.

I went to a Bible study at a group that was a part of another church when I first moved here. I was a total outsider but they were wonderful at just accepting me for who I was & only once in awhile when we were having small group discussions would I bring up an experience that had to do with the topic & that was how they got to know me.....& there were many things left unsaid about my past......found that many others had gone through many bad situations also when we think we are the only ones, it's surprising what others have gone through also that comes out during small group sharing in a safe environment. Just not good to do a memory dump....piece at a time....it gets put together or then again at times we end up putting the pieces together for them if needed in the long run. Memory dumps tend to frighten people away from my own personal experiences & groups get to know on a need to know basis as it trickles out.

Perhaps what might help shakesphere is to turn that around into just taking the stance of you being the accepting one. I know that can be a significant challenge when one has had their personal boundaries invaded, especially at such a young age. I think that part of what was "lost" to you is the ability to "trust", but in that challenge is "trusting self too". That is what "trauma" affects the most, "self trust". That never means you were ever inadequate, or not smart enough or capable enough but trauma tends to leave such a deep wound that feels so vulnerable that it's often so hard to have that sense of "self trust" once traumatized.

When self trust is so badly damaged, that is what keeps a wound open and that is what you are recalling when you talk about what happened to you. When you reached out for help as you have described doing, I am sure you were told that what happened to you was wrong and that you did not deserve that, but what you did not have restored to you is that injury you suffered where you had lost your sense of "self trust", and I know that is very hard when it comes to that being damaged in a child.

I think that is what you are looking for when you go to church too. It's important to keep in mind that other individuals that make up a following of any church or religion for that matter is looking for support with their development of "self trust". That has been the case for thousands of years when it comes to humanity and that is why religion was slowly developed, that is why it is so timeless too, always so relevent.

I am glad that I did not really belong to a certain group when it came to a religion. For a very long time I often felt like an outsider, especially when I went to a private Catholic school and I was not really Catholic and therefore the impression I got was that I was not really "part of". However, somewhere along the way while I was listening and reading because I did have to take religion class, I decided that I could develop my own relationship. Along the way I thought about what I read about a certain individual that became an icon that developed into different groups that worshiped that icon. I focused on what that individual really said and part of what his message was about how he did not care for worship when it came to using that worship for "control over and power".

Then at some point along the way I heard about scriptures that were found and also how some scriptures were not put into "the book" that was something that was developed to get a lot of people to "follow" and behave.
One of these scriptures talked about how this icon came across an individual who asked, "can I be like you are and have that closeness as a son of?". The answer was "yes" and to keep looking into self to see what the gifts of self is and develop those gifts in "self". That is developing a "trust in self" shakesphere. Then I realized that the reason why that was not put in the book is that when that message is given, it gives a certain "freedom" that makes "control" a challenge.

Whenever I was in a setting and was listening to an individual read out of a book/scroll or whatever I always thought about not being "judged", but instead how I could apply that message to my personal sense of "self" but also how I could share whatever I had learned or gained with others. That is what a certain icon was trying to do. But, what also has been talked about is how that is hard and how not everyone is going to like that, especially those who try to use it for "control and power".

I am struggling myself shakesphere, and what I have come to slowly recognize is how much my "self trust" has been compromised. I do experience all the symptoms listed in PTSD. I really struggle alot and so I do respect the challenge. I know what it's like to have a deep desire to have others understand it, and more importantly have others that understand the hurt enough so that they know how to help the most vulnerable part "self trust" that is so vulnerable when a person trys to open up and reach out for help.

If anything shakesphere, if you can think about how others in any group can have different kinds of ways they protect "self trust" it might be easier for you to slowly regain your own sense of self trust that was injured so long ago. Unfortunately, the average person doesn't understand "how" to recognize when someone is asking for help with their sense of "self trust", not even in a place of worship. Perhaps that is something you can put in a letter, even one that is sent anonymously to whomever is standing in a role of guidance to that group of members.

I think that to expect a "group" to be accepting and supportive when it comes to that challenge, is expecting a lot. However, that is another thing a certain icon talked about too. That is a timeless message and is just as relevant today as when it was talked about so very long ago.

I was molested by my father when I was 4. My brain has blacked out most of my childhood before and after it happened. I dont remember anything til 5th grade. But I have always struggled with having friends and always wanted to just stay home. I am diagnosed with having PTSD as well as bipolar and anxiety and depression. Do you get anxiety when around groups of people you dont know? Or do certain smells or tastes that relate to what happened to you give you anxiety or make you feel threatened? Im still tryin to figure out what exactly is causin my anxiety. I know I don't like yelling at all cuz my dad n mom used to fight n my dad would choke her with phone cord and chase her round house with a bat and just beat her. I don't remember this but its in the extremely thick court case pile on my dad. Violence and loud yellin cause anxiety attacks. N i don't trust men I have a hard time bein in a relationship cuz I feel all they want is sex n nothing more. I was also date raped at 17 when I was a virgin. I want to be loved by a man, but I struggle. What other triggers do you have?

Oh ((Aquarius)) I am so sorry you went through all that at such a young age too. It's not unusual when a child that is trying to thrive in such a theatening environment to find ways to block things out. There is simply not enough life experience to even begin to have any other way to survive in an environment that is so threatening all the time.

A child who grows up in an environment like what you have described is not given anything to help them with their personal sense of "self trust". Sadly, your father was so horrible because most likely he was also raised where his ability to self trust was not allowed to develop either. What your father did was show how much he was so damaged that all he knew how to do is violate others.

Are you working with a therapist so you can get help to slowly heal?

Open eyes... Yes. Self trust! That is one of my central issues, but I have never heard it explained exactly like that. Thank you for writing that. It really helped me.

Aquarous33
You are safe now? I am so sorry.
I do understand. I came from a toxic home. I was repeatedly sexually assaulted and publicly degraded at school when I was 14. I know what you mean about fearing men. Shrinking back is my natural reaction too.
Something that helped me was I ended up being good friends with a gay man. Over time, I grew less afraid to be around him because I knew he had no sexual interest or agenda. Eventually I have grown to the point where I can touch his shoulder or hand on my own. I can relax around him. I don't flinch nearly as much when he hugs me. It allowed me to know a man as a person, not a scary alien being.
I knew I made progress when a friend's straight husband was sad. without really thinking, I reached out and touched his shoulder. I left my hand there while he wiped a couple of tears away. I know these might sound like baby steps, but for me, that was a huge accomplishment.
I really am not sure what the future holds for me romantically. I don't know if I can or will have a physical relationship with a man. I am interested in both genders. But I honestly don't know what issues might crop up with a woman. But I keep working on my baby steps toward being physically comfortable around everyone I know I can trust.

I am glad that how I put that helped you, for some that read that, it might be hard to think about it that way. If someone knows they are honest and they take the time to learn about a lot of things, that person may not think about themselves as feeling that way. But, abusers always want to take that away from their victim because when you take someone's ability to have "self trust" they are much easier to control. When a person experiences a trauma and develops PTSD, that is what is damaged so much that the individual keeps asking "why can't I just like I used to?" or even "why does that bother me?".

However, if something surfaces that can be acknowledged as "that bothers me" that is important because as I had mentioned, first if you can "name it", then that is the first step to finally "taming it".

I developed my own business and part of that business was teaching very young children how to ride my ponies. I honestly did not care how well they rode or how fast they learned, instead I was really working on helping each child discover and build up their sense of "self trust", and that is about how each child was learning how to learn. Now, another name for that is "self esteem" but so many don't realize that is slowly developing their own sense of self trust.

When a person doesn't know how to "trust", what is that saying? What that is saying is that person never developed their own sense of "self trust" first and without that, it's very hard to trust others. So, a lot of different challenges develop from that initial lack that turns into different kinds of dysfunctional behavior patterns and anxieties.

Not very long ago I had a family come out to my farm with their son because they wanted to treat him to riding one of my ponies. I needed the money at the time and when this young boy was so afraid to ride the pony and his parents insisted, his fear turned into anger. I thought to myself, wow, this is going to be a big challenge for me and I don't charge someone if the child won't ride. So, I really had to help this young boy get up enough courage and first I had to get him to calm down because he was so afraid he was extremely angry. His mother was a very kind nice woman, but his father and uncles did not know what to do with him to help him with his fear that was now turning into a lot of anger.

It took me some time and patience but I made it a point to acknowledge his fear and to explain to him "why" he was feeling that fear and that it was "ok".
I asked his permission to let me show him what to do when he feels this way and I made sure he had a sense of "control" while I helped him slowly overcome this fear he was feeling. I also told him what "heros" have to learn and that heros are always learning how to deal with "fear". We took it step by step, and I kept allowing him to call the shots and slowly he overcame it and rode my pony around that riding ring several times and loved it. And then we talked about fear and I made sure he was praised for being brave and how he was willing to learn how step by step with me.

As I was doing this, I was also teaching his parents how to help him over come when he is feeling fear like this and becomes so angry. I wanted them to understand how to help him with that as I had done with him. A lot of parents do not know how to do this with their children. They either get too pushy or they completely back off and when they do either of those things, they are not helping their child understand "fear and building self trust".

So going back to the initial question "Tell People?", well, that is a biggie because a lot of people may not understand how to actually "help" and "support" when someone decides to try to "tell and in so doing becomes vulnerable".

When a person has been traumatized and they ruminate about it, what are they trying to do when they ruminate? When a person revisits something that traumatized them, why are they doing so?

If a person goes for a walk in the woods and comes across a snake and gets bitten what does that do to the person? Many people will be afraid of snakes, all snakes, however, often what that person will also do is they may go back and try to learn more about that snake, and that is so that person can find a way to rebuild their self trust so they can go back and walk in the woods, and at the same time know about the snake that bit them and where that snake usually hides and what to watch out for so they don't get bitten again. Often, the person will also want to tell others too, so others don't get bitten either, that is how we are designed as human beings so we thrive better.

What does a GOOD trauma therapist do with a patient that has experienced a traumatic event? They NEVER make that trauma patient uncomfortable or afraid of them, they NEVER take a stance of judgement and they even learn how to develop their body language that is non-threatening, did you know that? Their therapy room is carefully designed to feel "safe" too. Often they have a very comfy chair and even blankets close by. I have used the blankets as often I would have PTS chills when I would talk about things that I experienced that were traumatic. Most patients that have trauma to work through are afraid to talk about it, especially if there is childhood trauma involved, the constant fear is "being judged". What that is showing is how badly their "self trust" has been affected in whatever trauma they experienced.

It takes time to understand what "trauma" actually "takes from". Often the symptoms can be debilitating and very confusing, so much so that an individual avoids doing a lot of things that at one point they did not have a problem doing. However, an individual can develop ways of working around it and some of these "ways" may fill a void the individual may not quite understand. Also, it's a very "personal" puzzle that can take some time to slowly figure out.