[AmandaBroken]

Since the accident with my parents, the one lingering side effect is nightmares. I get 3 to 4 nightmares a week. I relive the accident. I wake up screaming in a cold sweat. The bed is soaked and I usually pee the bed. My sister for years was my one and only comfort through this. But 2 weeks ago my girlfriend moved in and now she nurtures me through them. She hugs and cuddles me and after it resides she changes the sheets while I shower. I am glad my sister is getting a break.

They have tried a lot of different things but the only thing that lessens the effects to date is strong sleep medication. But even that is no sure thing.

Amanda

I've dealt with chronic nightmares since childhood and they get worse and more intense when I'm under stress. I recently went through a bad period of them so I truly empathize with the pain and fear of it all. I'm glad you have your sister and hope that in time it gets easier or better somehow. (((Hugs)))

[Seqoya]

I am currently taking a high blood pressure medicine that is sometimes used off label for nightmares. It helps but hasn't totally solved the problem. I'm hoping that the new dose I'm on will help more. It's called Prazosin.

[AmandaBroken]

Had another terrible nightmare last night. It just never stops...

[Open Eyes]

I honor my parents every day and visit the cemetery often.

A couple of things came to mind. First, it's possible that you are at a point where you are trying to figure out how to mourn and process what happened. When a trauma takes place, especially from what you have described, the brain/mind can linger in a "freeze" for an extended period before an individual can slowly think about what this traumatic loss meant to them, and grieve all the complex personal parts of what was lost. This is what can contribute to the nightmares, and that is because our brains try to process whatever we experience each day during the night.

The thing about this processing is how each person taps on whatever they have on file in an effort to figure out what to do with a trauma. Sometimes, there simply is not enough present in an individual to achieve that and sometimes whatever is there "adds" to the trauma in confusing ways where one can get very upset in their sleep and from what you are describing, your body is reacting during these nightmares as well with sweating and sometimes even wetting the bed.

I am wondering if you experience these night terrors when you visit your parent's graves? Maybe you are doing that too often and it may help to step away from doing that for a while. My post to you in your other thread was an effort to help you to create an inner voice that is telling you it's really ok to go forward and that is really what both your parents want for you, and this would be from their spirit that is not part of the trauma or even at their graves.

You also may be struggling with this:
Complicated Grief - Prolonged Grief Disorder

I have PTSD, yet one of my therapists asked me to read about complicated grief to see if I could identify with the symptoms.

You suffered a great loss and you were still very young, and too young to have the ability to know what to do with this traumatic loss.
It sounds like you are trying to figure that out even now. It's very challenging to figure out what to do with all these confusing feelings that are presenting from slowly trying to move forward after this traumatic loss.

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by Seqoya

I am currently taking a high blood pressure medicine that is sometimes used off label for nightmares. It helps but hasn't totally solved the problem. I'm hoping that the new dose I'm on will help more. It's called Prazosin.

My current therapist told me that blood pressure medication is being used and what they have discovered is that this medication has been effective in calming down the Amydala which with PTSD is very sensitive.

My concern is that I don't have a blood pressure problem and worry that if I were to try this medication it could create a problem with my blood pressure.

[AmandaBroken]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

A couple of things came to mind. First, it's possible that you are at a point where you are trying to figure out how to mourn and process what happened. When a trauma takes place, especially from what you have described, the brain/mind can linger in a "freeze" for an extended period before an individual can slowly think about what this traumatic loss meant to them, and grieve all the complex personal parts of what was lost. This is what can contribute to the nightmares, and that is because our brains try to process whatever we experience each day during the night.

The thing about this processing is how each person taps on whatever they have on file in an effort to figure out what to do with a trauma. Sometimes, there simply is not enough present in an individual to achieve that and sometimes whatever is there "adds" to the trauma in confusing ways where one can get very upset in their sleep and from what you are describing, your body is reacting during these nightmares as well with sweating and sometimes even wetting the bed.

I am wondering if you experience these night terrors when you visit your parent's graves? Maybe you are doing that too often and it may help to step away from doing that for a while. My post to you in your other thread was an effort to help you to create an inner voice that is telling you it's really ok to go forward and that is really what both your parents want for you, and this would be from their spirit that is not part of the trauma or even at their graves.

You also may be struggling with this:
Complicated Grief - Prolonged Grief Disorder

I have PTSD, yet one of my therapists asked me to read about complicated grief to see if I could identify with the symptoms.

You suffered a great loss and you were still very young, and too young to have the ability to know what to do with this traumatic loss.
It sounds like you are trying to figure that out even now. It's very challenging to figure out what to do with all these confusing feelings that are presenting from slowly trying to move forward after this traumatic loss.

Thank you. You have given me something to think about.

One other thing to add. After the accident, I was in shock. So badly that after the funeral I collapsed. I was in a sort of coma for 2 months. Cat scans showed I had stressed/damaged part of my brain. During this time I was told I died and had to be resuscitated. But that wasn't the only time this has happened. Since the accident, it has happened five times. I have died and been resuscitated three different times. I don't think these nightmares will ever go away. I think I may have to live with this for the remainder of my life.

The last time this happened was 10 days ago. Most of the time I do not remember the triggers. This time I do. I received very bad news. I started to shake and went into some sort of fit and collapsed. This was the third time I was resuscitated. I was kicked off another forum. I was very happy there and involved. I had friends, I was committed, and happy. I guess I broke a rule. I was asked to stop sending people Happy Birthday messages. I was also asked not to send personal greetings to new members. I asked if this was an order but I was told it wasn't. I sent one more birthday greeting and was banned within minutes. With no explanation and a refusal to answer any emails. I have been needing to share this since I have gotten here.

Thank you for being kind to me.

Amanda

[Open Eyes]

((((Amanda)))),

I am so sorry you were treated so badly at another site where you had friends and was banned like that. It is so obvious that would be a major trigger considering the trauma you have gone through.

It's so unfortunate that a site that is meant to provide support can end up hurting/triggering/rejecting someone that way.

I don't think these nightmares will ever go away. I think I may have to live with this for the remainder of my life.

Try not to anticipate this being something that will last your entire life. The brain is an amazing thing and can heal in amazing ways. Also, we are really gaining when it comes to understanding the brain, more than at any other time in human history. There is an ongoing study taking place when it comes to trauma and understanding how trauma affects the brain, how to help those who have PTSD and traumatic brain injuries. In time there will be new ways to treat the brain that can add a lot of quality to life.

[AmandaBroken]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

((((Amanda)))),

I am so sorry you were treated so badly at another site where you had friends and was banned like that. It is so obvious that would be a major trigger considering the trauma you have gone through.

It's so unfortunate that a site that is meant to provide support can end up hurting/triggering/rejecting someone that way.


Try not to anticipate this being something that will last your entire life. The brain is an amazing thing and can heal in amazing ways. Also, we are really gaining when it comes to understanding the brain, more than at any other time in human history. There is an ongoing study taking place when it comes to trauma and understanding how trauma affects the brain, how to help those who have PTSD and traumatic brain injuries. In time there will be new ways to treat the brain that can add a lot of quality to life.

Well, I am only 21 so many it will happen in my lifetime. I hope this will be a new home for me. I am going to try hard. I really rely on support that these places provide.

[Open Eyes]

Twenty one years old is still very young Amanda. However, your brain being that it is younger can actually "heal" better then if you were an older person. You are so young and it's no wonder you struggle to process what you experienced.

[AmandaBroken]

I had another bad night. I woke up screaming so loudly I woke up the entire house. As usual, the bed was soaked with sweat and pee. It took over an hour to recover from it and by then I was exhausted. Anna was great she just cleaned everything up while I showered and Amy helped me to shower I was shaking so badly. I will for sure mention this to my counselor. I think it's time to get on a sedative again. Something to bring me down faster.

Amanda

[Open Eyes]

(((Amanda))),

The reason why you are having these nightmares is because you have not been able to find your way towards resolving the overwhelming grief you are trying to work through during the day.

The thing about trauma is that for a while/period of time the person is simply in shock and that person simply can't process ANY of the trauma. In your case, this was even more complicated in that you were badly physically hurt in that trauma yourself. The human brain will shut down, go into a coma, so the body has a chance to heal. Also, another thing the brain will do to "self protect" is dissociate which is another form of shutdown so the individual can survive until "some" of whatever happened can be processed.

It's important that even though these night terrors are so hard on you, that you acknowledge, "yes that did happen, I am safe now, I am ok now". Often what happens in these night terrors if you keep acknowledging and affirming you are safe "now" is a small part get's processed. One of the therapies that "some" trauma survivors have found helpful, that is not immediate but gradually helps the brain to process is EMDR.

The brain sorts through things while we sleep and when we are dreaming we have rapid eye movement and that is when our brain is sorting through whatever sights are present so the brain can file whatever is present away. A major trauma is always harder for the brain to slowly process. The brain has to find a way to store the trauma so that it is there to remember, but the brain is finally able to register that whatever it is is "past" and not something in the now.

The hard part about overcoming any trauma is finally learning that one can continue forward in their life and be "ok". The fact that you are younger has a negative and a positive. The negative is your lack of life experience where your brain has more to work with while trying to process, the positive is that your brain is young enough so that it can continue to grow and create new pathways to where you can continue to develop despite the difficulty you have faced with this trauma.

The fact that you are learning on a kind of savant level is because your brain is very busy learning and building information to help you gain and process better. So, your brain is trying very hard to help itself. It's frustrating when one is not at that point where they can finally come to seeing the "gain", it really takes a great deal of time and learning to have patience with self.

Your strong desire to honor your parents is ok, but you have to also work towards acceptance and giving yourself permission to move forward without them being in your life. That is most definitely a challenge and can contribute to how your brain is remembering "why" they are no longer in your life.

I did not lose my parents in trauma, but I did lose something that I loved very much and was a significant part of my life. I suffered through terrible night terrors myself so I understand how difficult that challenge is. It was very hard for me in that the graves were right in my yard, in my life everyday. I could not be near the graves, too hard. That is why my therapist felt I may struggle with complicated grief.

[AmandaBroken]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

(((Amanda))),

The reason why you are having these nightmares is because you have not been able to find your way towards resolving the overwhelming grief you are trying to work through during the day.

The thing about trauma is that for a while/period of time the person is simply in shock and that person simply can't process ANY of the trauma. In your case, this was even more complicated in that you were badly physically hurt in that trauma yourself. The human brain will shut down, go into a coma, so the body has a chance to heal. Also, another thing the brain will do to "self protect" is dissociate which is another form of shutdown so the individual can survive until "some" of whatever happened can be processed.

It's important that even though these night terrors are so hard on you, that you acknowledge, "yes that did happen, I am safe now, I am ok now". Often what happens in these night terrors if you keep acknowledging and affirming you are safe "now" is a small part get's processed. One of the therapies that "some" trauma survivors have found helpful, that is not immediate but gradually helps the brain to process is EMDR.

The brain sorts through things while we sleep and when we are dreaming we have rapid eye movement and that is when our brain is sorting through whatever sights are present so the brain can file whatever is present away. A major trauma is always harder for the brain to slowly process. The brain has to find a way to store the trauma so that it is there to remember, but the brain is finally able to register that whatever it is is "past" and not something in the now.

The hard part about overcoming any trauma is finally learning that one can continue forward in their life and be "ok". The fact that you are younger has a negative and a positive. The negative is your lack of life experience where your brain has more to work with while trying to process, the positive is that your brain is young enough so that it can continue to grow and create new pathways to where you can continue to develop despite the difficulty you have faced with this trauma.

The fact that you are learning on a kind of savant level is because your brain is very busy learning and building information to help you gain and process better. So, your brain is trying very hard to help itself. It's frustrating when one is not at that point where they can finally come to seeing the "gain", it really takes a great deal of time and learning to have patience with self.

All I can say in response is I understand what you are saying and will try to process it. Although I have no understanding of how that looks...

Amanda

[Open Eyes]

Originally Posted by AmandaBroken

All I can say in response is I understand what you are saying and will try to process it. Although I have no understanding of how that looks...

Amanda

That is what I am saying to you, you don't have any idea how to process, it takes time an patience.

Although I have no understanding of how that looks..

I didn't either Amanda. It's something trauma sufferers have to learn how to do, it's very gradual and the one thing I have learned, takes a lot of patience.

[AmandaBroken]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

That is what I am saying to you, you don't have any idea how to process, it takes time an patience.

I didn't either Amanda. It's something trauma sufferers have to learn how to do, it's very gradual and the one thing I have learned, takes a lot of patience.

So can you give me suggests to present to my counselor?

[Open Eyes]

I think you could start by bringing up complicated grief and ask if your therapist knows someone who may specialize in that area. You not only have a major trauma, but a major loss so it's understandable that you may be struggling with complicated grief along with PTSD.

[AmandaBroken]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

I think you could start by bringing up complicated grief and ask if your therapist knows someone who may specialize in that area. You not only have a major trauma, but a major loss so it's understandable that you may be struggling with complicated grief along with PTSD.

Thank you I will be seeing here tomorrow...

[Open Eyes]

Amanda, if she happens to "not" be familiar with it, don't let that get you down. She may look it up and have to research it a bit. If you have a printer maybe you can print out the link I posted for you and bring it with you to therapy.

[Open Eyes]

Oh, and if you don't have a printer you can ask her for her email address and email it to her too.

[AmandaBroken]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Oh, and if you don't have a printer you can ask her for her email address and email it to her too.

Thanks...

[AmandaBroken]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Twenty one years old is still very young Amanda. However, your brain being that it is younger can actually "heal" better then if you were an older person. You are so young and it's no wonder you struggle to process what you experienced.

My appointment was canceled due to snow. Next appointment a week from Thursday...

[Open Eyes]

Ok, try not to allow this to trigger you. Instead see this as giving you more time to work through how you are considering this new school of thought. Remember, you have a new place where you have been able to get some support too in this forum/site where you are slowly meeting others who are helpful and caring and sympathetic.

[AmandaBroken]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Ok, try not to allow this to trigger you. Instead see this as giving you more time to work through how you are considering this new school of thought. Remember, you have a new place where you have been able to get some support too in this forum/site where you are slowly meeting others who are helpful and caring and sympathetic.

Thank you for those thoughtful words of encouragement. I do feel this place has helped me a lot in such a short time. Now you made me cry... lol...

Amanda

[Open Eyes]

It's ok to cry when something touches you and comforts you and helps you to not feel so alone. Also, it will help you grow in slowly seeing that you can find others who can mentor you along your life path.

Actually, one of the messages that Walt Disney had that was consistent in many of his stories is how even though his characters like Bambi and Dumbo were suddenly orphaned, they always found friends that helped them continue discovering and growing. Even Snow White and Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella had to find their way in spite of.

[AmandaBroken]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

It's ok to cry when something touches you and comforts you and helps you to not feel so alone. Also, it will help you grow in slowly seeing that you can find others who can mentor you along your life path.

Actually, one of the messages that Walt Disney had that was consistent in many of his stories is how even though his characters like Bambi and Dumbo were suddenly orphaned, they always found friends that helped them continue discovering and growing. Even Snow White and Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella had to find their way in spite of.

Never thought about it that way, thanks...