[wisewoman]

Hi, Many of you know that I have been very ill lately. Sinus to pneumonia and obviously asthma acting up. Poops for 3 weeks, esophogitis, and extreme sciatic pain.

So finally yesterday I am off antibiotics and still crapping, wheezing and out of inhaler, no money for new meds anyway, no insurance. Had been using nebulizer. Got to doc and told him I was sick of all of the drugs. I wanted off everything so he starts with the methadone, pain killer. Didn't ask me how my sciatic pain was. This pain brought me to hospital emergency last week, I was screaming. So I am reducing methadone.
He doesn't listen to lungs or check out anything.

At last visit he explained to me not gently that he was upset with me because I had had a conversation with quality control from hospital re: a nurse. It had appeared nurse had lied and that I reported as it affected my kid. Well, I guess she did not lie, her phone call for meds was left on unanswered machine for long time at pharmacy,I thought She did call daughter's med in. That's what the pharmacy was stating to me. I apologized and made it right, got it off her records. He had told me during that visit that if I was going to be difficult and people are not comfortable working with me that I would need a different doctor. I cried all day that day even after talking with this Doctor I thought I could trust him, didn't know I had done anything wrong.

So this visit he wants to give me a new med for throat. I said fine but I needed sample as no cash and no insurance right now. Still waiting for insurance. He gives me inhaler too, I said, oh it'd different,is it okay? Meaning to switch. He asked me in a sarcastic way, was if I wanted it or not. I explained that I was only asking if it was okay. So he left me like a hot potatoe. I asked him about poops and he told me a teaspoon of nutmeg in H2o. It worked.

So I feel like I was treated really poorly. Partly poorly because I am poor and partly because he was angry that I mentioned wanting off all meds and not depending on them for anything. Partly because I had told him the effect his anger and the nurse events had on me.

It is so my PTSD that gets me here. No reliance on anything I can't control as it won't be there, I will be blamed, not believed, whatever. I was screaming in pain with sciatica that night in the ER, yup, I made it up cause I wanted attention. I am in a change af ADs cause I can't afford cymbalta. Doc even mentioned that I had had a prob with his wife doc and that if I wasn't going to behave they would make me leave the practice. I want to scream from being misunderstood.

I want to cry for being treated so poorly as my lungs kept me up all night again. I hold my breath to make sure it's not the dog sounding like that snoring, nope, me breathing. Me with a back prob, wants my cake and to eat it too. I want not to be dependent on anyone for anything and this guy had a bad day just for me. I am so hurt. Thanks guys, can you make any sense of my gibberish?

[Perna]

It is so hard when we've had problems in the past, learned from them, and determined to stand up for ourselves in the present/future but the people around us are trying to keep the control where they are comfortable instead. Doctors are so use to being "in charge" (and, in a sense they have to because they do have their specialized knowledge) and we need them (you can't go off all your meds, wisewoman, I agree breathing is overrated but you have to have your asthma meds, among others) but it's a very frustrating thing these days for both sides. I go to my doctor's today and I'm already gearing up to "fight" as he wants one thing for me and I want another (trying to stay off meds in the first place :-)

I'm sorry you're having so much trouble, wisewoman. Hope you find some relief for something so you can battle another something, one at a time until you're feeling as well as you can.

[wisewoman]

I hear ya Perna. Good luck at Doc's. I am tired of fighting.

[Perna]

Wish I could pass you one of my Albuterols through the wires. I have been doing pretty good and will probably only need one of the two they give me each month if I need them. I hate not being able to breath. This last week's change in weather has got me started again but I'm trying to fight it with eating better and vitamins, etc. My sister-in-law uses a nebulizer but I've never been quite that bad yet.

[wisewoman]

Perna, not being able to breathe ranks up there for me with stop lights and traffic. UHHH, right. No, have to say I get scared when I can hear myself across the room. Mine was from a viral then bacterial infection.

[wisewoman]

I have had a hard night and day to understate. Complicated. Tonight my spouse hurt my feelings and kinda did a little more, messed w/ my head w/out meaning to and I went off on him. Not pretty. I do not behave the way I id, threw a lot of everything handy down the stairs screaming and broke tons of stuff. Guess I had it huh? Umm, not like me and I am in need to support, company. Thanks.

[Perna]

Oh, wisewoman, I'm so sorry you have had to deal with "complicated" when you're not feeling well to begin with! I generally just go to bed with a book or sit in my "corner" with my laptop when that's happening and work hard on not snarling too often.

Do you have any little things that comfort you? I like showers and clean sheets. A couple days ago I needed that but first had to deal with my asthma and get blinds closed so I could undress and change the bed and a bunch of "little" things before I could get to the shower and it was too much so I had to call for my husband to come help. I hate when there are a lot of little things, like gnats getting in your eyes and up your nose :-) and it gets to be too much and too frustrating. I'm lucky because my husband is a calm, kind, and practical guy so at times like that I can do the "minimum" I have to and he'll organize and do most of the rest.

[(JD)]

(((WW))) It is so tough when so many things fall at once! Since you wish to be off all meds, and you have so many issues that cause and aggravate your pain, IMO you are the perfect candidate for a pain clinic. Why not discuss this with your doctor? Even a month inpatient might square you away and then you will be able to portray the loving person I'm sure you are, and that would also help in your case for getting that child back home!

I think that is a real solution for all your ills. They can evaluate you in every aspect of your life, get off meds that you don't need or don't work for you, train you in handling pain and stress in other ways, and you can see which meds you really do need and find good dosing for them.

[wisewoman]

Sky, I have made an appoint to go back to pain clinic. They treated me for a long time till I went to regular doc for scripts as they felt I was stable. I have thought of inpatient too but I don't think it's an option around here. Portray the loving person you are sure I am? My behavior is 99% filled with love. Even now.Just hurting with legal stuff. No, I have one more battle to fight but I doubt that kiddo can return home. Politics. State agency covering state agency back. look up cps on google and you find cases that blow your mind.