The first week

((((((((((((((chalmette))))))))))))))))

I have been debating if I should respond or not, but I am because what happened with the Red Cross should not have happened to you. Not at all.

At that time, I was in AmeriCorps and my site was the Red Cross. I know a lot of s*it went down with all the agencies down there and a lot of stuff happened that shouldn't have. One huge problem is that all those organizations are volunteers - and not all volunteers do right. We actually had people who needed food gathering up the food we were providing and then *selling* it to others! All Red Cross services are free, so if someone tells you different, they are a fraud.
I wish I could go back and change it for you Chalmette, make it have worked the way it should have. I'm not with AmeriCorps or Red Cross anymore (excpet for fire duty) , but I would offer the biggest appology possible if it would help in any small form.
Also, Red Cross does not take material goods (all regs are supposed to be National wide, but we all know how that goes from state to state) -according to my chapter on the west coast. Salvation Army does. And MercyCorps might.

I think if there were a change in the world i could make, it would be to get all those organizations; FEMA, Red Cross, Salvation Army, Mercy Corps, to work better together and work as they are supposed to - effeciently, not have loop holes, get out all the corrupted people and bad-hearted volunteers, and get everyone on the same page in accordance of making a difference in the lives of people.

But none of that will help you right now. =(
I am so sorry
kiya

((((((((((( Chalm )))))))))))) I have to thank Kerry for letting me know about this post as I don't read this forum but once in a blue moon.

Words are hard to come by after reading your story. My heart is crying again...and yet yearning to let you know that it loves you and all who went through Katrina.

I am so proud to know you. To know a woman who has struggled so hard to come to this point in her healing journey....to know a woman who has strength, courage, love, anger, pain, loss. I'm just so proud of you. You are reaching out.....letting out the most painful memories of your life....and we are all reaching back to you to help you, to support you, to love you.


sabby

(((((Kerry))) At the time I had to do what I had to do. It was all surreal and things, motions were done as though automatic. I remember pieces. Some things, Dave or my parents or someone else reminded me off. I just remember being numb, scared schitless and angry, very very angry.

I apologize for the tears i've put in your eyes. And your welcome for helping to put it in perspective for you. I wish i could write more. More that followed. Maybe later i can do that. Right now, I'm still wanting to keep it buried. There were a few things i kept out, embarrasing. And, that really sucks, becuase i've never been one to embarrass easily.

I can just remember so much of asking for help and not getting it. I think thats why i've got such a tough skin now.

I would love for someone to hold me and let me get it out. But, i dont know how. I'm scared to let it go.

love ya kerry

Thank you Kiya. I think it is gracious of you and i admire you for joining up with AmeriCorp. There was a branch of AmeriCorp out of Charleston, South Carolina that spent months down here. They rotated in and out. But many stayed for a while. My neighbor Willy buddied up with them over at Camp Hope and use to treat them nicely at his custard shop. On differnet weekends, Willy would have these huge bbq and invite everyone from Camp Hope to come over and eat. That was in my heavy drinking days, so i always wandered from my trailer with my bat breaking things. Willy would stop me and introduce me to sme of groups. I got to know some pretty good. They would stop by my trailer in the evenings to say hello and have a few beers. Before they left, three of them came by to let me know they wouldnt be back for awhile. They each gave me something to remmeber them. One of them gave me the green bandana ya'll wear with the label on it. I tell ya, i wear that bandana with pride.

In every group, everyweher there are the bad eggs. Just happened the times i asked them for help i was turned away becuase i did not live in New Orleans. I live in the metro area but not the actual parish of Orleans. Why that mattered I dont know. Dave and I asked for simple things they were handing out. Deodorant, toothbrush, and such. It doesnt matter though, those who turned us away, when and if they ever come to me, I will not do what they did. I will give them the shirt off my back if need be.

I am honored to know you Kiya. I know how hard and the work that AmeriCorps has done. Thats a strong group of people.

Thank you and no reason for you to be sorry. Your my hero.

((((((Sabby)))))))) thank you for doing that too. I wish that i could let go more of myself and receive the support and love this place is full of. I'll get there though. I think its baby steps for me.

I'm being told by my counsler that i've hit the grieving step, level, what ever it is. She said if i have to break things, then do it. She said go break one of the boats still not claimed sitting on someones front lawn. The same with automobiles. Pick up chunks of cement and bat them to the sky.

There is actually one thing i've been wanting to do, but keep myself from doing it. The roads here in the neighborhoods have gotten so bad becaue of the huge trucks constnatly coming and going. There are potholes your car could fit in. I will take a bike ride every few days. and each time i do, there is this one hole, that is just right to hit. I would so easily flip over the handle bars with the bike flown in the air after me. But, i always go around it. I dont like that feeling. I feel like if i could hurt mysefl physically, mentally i will feel better. Makes no sense, i know. But it just is.

Im so sorry to make you cry too. I didnt mean for anyone to cry. I'll have to think of a funny thing that happened and post it.

((((Sabby)))))) love ya

WOW, I know that I am ashamed of our country for the way Katrina was handled or not. So many outsiders tried to help and they were met with that rifle pointed at their heads. I can't begin to fathom what is inside your story, in your heart and in the hearts of those who traveled your route of escape. "barely" I suppose it won'rsink in for you just yet but as everyone else has said, you done good and it was the best you could. Being an inlander I can't fathom you all's going back and the reality of the storms to come and those that have been.

What do youwant us inlanders to know? Could we have done more and how? What can we still do to help heal the wounded and help you all to rebuild?

I have heard that to a great extent it's a class issue about who got out safe and the victims who didn't. Like people didn't have the money to flee. Did our government fail these people?

You are one heck of a survivor. Thanks for sharing your story and your courage.

HI ((((wisewoman)))) thank you for your respone. Its very nice of you to answer me back.

As you being an inlander and me living along the coast, I personally dont find any where in this world safe from Mother Nature. Just look at all of the horrible tornados that went through last week. I dont know how to describe the feeling i had when i came back to my house the first time. I remember driving past Six Flaggs on 510 and the smell was atrocious. I had a gas mask so put that on, but it didnt help. It still smelled like i was buried in marsh mud. Riding through the parish just to get to my house and seeing everything demolished, it was heartbreaking. Evrything i knew to be home, St Bernard parish, was devastated. The military had cleared the middle of the streets on the highway. But neigborhood streets werent cleared. There were houses with cement slabs in the middle of streets that came from blocks away. Everything you could see had a gray look to it. There were no colors, just grayish color. My body was there, but my mind wasnt. I guess the only way to describe it. I gotta stop talkig about the first day. Im triggering myself here.

From what i saw and heard, people from all over the world came here to help right after. And have still been coming to help. We need people to continue coming down to help. We are mainly in the rebuilding stage now, but there is still alot that needs to be demo'd and hauled away.

I didnt have the money to flee. I had to use my credit cards to put gas in my truck. Then my truck was running hot, my gas tank cracked, my brakes went out. Evacuating killed my truck.

The class issue. I know a whole lot of people of all races who decided to stay. And all for different reasons. There were thousands that could have left and chose not to.

Where i worked prior to the storm was at my cousins dollar store. I managed it for him. We were family owned and family run. So our customer base was well known to us. Many had become friends. There are customers of ours there i've been seaching for since the storm. And i can't wait to that one day we meet in passing. It will be a revelry of the heart. It is everytime i see someone i havent seen since before the storm.

I do know that Amtrack Train company offered to take thousands out of the city. Mayor Nagin declined the offer. There were hundreds of school buses to take people out, they were never used. I know some areas of the city, it is very poor. We call those areas by the name of their housing development. Life Florida, St. Thomas, Desire, etc. There were families there that have lived there since their great grandparents. Some worked hard to get out and better themselves. But many knew no differnece. They ended up at the Superdome, becuase they didnt have cars to get out. And a mode of transportation to get out for them was denied by their mayor. I know the local and state government failed these people to get them out. Becuase of that, so many people were left stranded here. Thats when the federal govt failed. It took them way to long to get help in. The White House knew what was coming and they should have had troops in gear and ready jump in.

Thank you (((wisewoman)))). I can't believe you got me talkig about this. I get extremenly angry when govt talk on all levels comes up. You must have caught me at the right time.

love
chalmette

Oh< I hope it's okay that you talked about it. I have anger there also and I wasn't even there! But we heard so much, even when we tried not to anymore. And we sent help in any ways we could. I will do something about still needing help rebuilding. I will write to local papers because this little state here had a disproportionate amount of people go down or send down help. It's a weird place where I live. Stubborn privacy, we wouldn't have the dollar store scenerio here-yet strangers stop for accidents and off the road slides and flat tires all of the time. One even stopped for one of my goats in the road the other day! So thanks for sharing and Letting me do something that may still help, who knows?

Hi wisewoman. Here are a few links that might help you out.. Alot of volunteers from church groups, college and high school age kids, and just anyone go through these doors volunteering in all different ways.

I dont know in what area of impact from the storm your looking to help in, but here are three different organizations.

In St. Bernard Parish, Louisiana
http://www.habitat-nola.org/projects/st_bernard.php

In Orleans Parish, Louisiana
http://www.commongroundrelief.org/

In Hancock County, Mississippi
http://www.volunteermatch.org/result...p?oppid=277524

If you just look at a map and see where the storm hit, pick a town and look google volunteers services for that area. you should get loads.

Hope this helps you.

Thank you and your town so very much and everyone in this entire world for prayers, thoughts, volunteering, food and clothes donations, everything. It is so greatly appreciated.

Now I'm cryin - no, honey *you're* the hero. You had to live it. I was thinking to myself, would i write me back if it was me in your shoes? Everyone I met there has the biggest hearts of anyone i have ever met, including you. To be able to get through something like that and still be generous and kind. it is amazing. you are amazing.



kiya

(((((((Kiya)))))))thank you. It's what i know to do. It was how i was raised. If i was walking down the street when i was a kid and a neighbor adult was outside and i didnt say hello to them, by the time i got home my mom knew and i was in trouble.

I think everyone here has a big heart also. A place to get support from wonderful, beautiful people.

Chalm,
I am so proud of you! You really sound great, and I have been wondering how you have been doing? I think that you have made an enormous decision, life altering but for the better.
My father and brother are both recovering alcoholics. It has been 23 years for my father, and 16 for my brother. My brother and I became very close at that time in his life, and I really enjoyed going to some of the meetings with him. I always remember how wonderful all of the people that I met. The growth I saw, and made myself was unbelievable. I really felt understood there. My brother always said that the first 90 days are the hardest.
My brother and I are still close, and he has really done well for himself and family. I was always worried about that because he was a real rebel, even escaped death a few times. I am very, very grateful for him and his family.
I hope that I have given you a little encouragement and I am here for you anytime if you need my support.
Congrars, Nina 52

(((hugs))))

What's truly disturbing is that response issues with Katrina were not new. I don't know personally how many previous disasters were equally mishandled, but I do know about Hugo, Andrew, Wilma, & Fran personally. The disaster service providers really never "learned" anything, or if they did, someone or something tied their hands in helping. Katrina is another on the list. One of the more difficult aspects is that those of us who experienced the inequities and know what needs to be done for future disasters, are often too traumatized to put our collective foot down and demand changes, and also be a part of those changes.

My heart goes out to you continually.

I finally could read your original post. and again reading through the posts that follow. one you wrote reminded me when down there working in AmeriCorps that a man told us the water came in so fast it lifted the fridge and pinned his sister. He and his friend tried desperately to get her out but they got washed up to the attic. The house -and his sister- under 20 feet of water.
I get so mad at the news when they show reporters in the stricken areas (when i can see the waterline on the houses above the guy's shoulder) and he said " as you can see, there has been little damage here'... what, were they getting PAID to tell the U.S. lies about it? I'd yell at the screen and point to the waterline and my mom would try to calm me down. I don't understand how... why.... i still have so much anger over it all.
I am so very thankful you got out of there. having worked in St. Bernard, NO, the 9th, and several other places, i am SO THANKFUL you got out.
I realized i lost time down there - lost 5 days i could not account for - down in St. Bernard, the 9th (and yes I saw the barge up close - that thing is HUGE, i thought it was a warehouse - there's a school bus smashed behind it), and some other areas.
My heart goes out to your neighbors with the children and all the missing. Soooooooooo glad your borther came home safe. I was fearing the worst in your write up.
My mind is going between vivid memories, remembering the nightmares i had there, and completely blank - so i fear i am not making much sense any more, or being helpful to your purpose for posting it. I can't think of any questions for you... I know i had guilt over a situation and later i came back and (being an artist) painted what I wished i could have done differently, hoping the energy of that would somehow alter the actual reality for the woman I didn't get to offer assistance to. Like a prayer in physical form.
There was nothing more you could have done.
((((((((((((((((((many hugs, if you want them))))))))))))))))))))

Continued prayers and warm thoughts for you, Kiya

((((((((((((Nina)))))))))Thank you

((((((((((Sky)))))))))))

Two more to the list: Georges and Ivan.

And yes, you are so right. You'd think sooner or later they'd get it together.


thank you sky

You said it right there Kiya. 'What i wish i would have done differently.' That statement is at the forefront of evveryone who had anything to do with storm. From beginning to, well, to.

I know there are many here at pc who have said the same exact words, not just about Katrina, but about other storms.

That statement hurts alot, becuase you can't go back and do it over.

(((((((Kiya)))))))

love
chal

you are a brave women...on so many levels...but to be able to post your story is amazing... thank you for sharing your story with me...lyn

Yes indeed. It comes right down to being your own self care provider during these times. My scouting background and survival techniques and I guess everyone's survival instincts kick in. Unfortunately, the only ones who might be able to know what to do the next time, are too traumatized to do it. (I think I said that already. )

Talk about do-overs? IDK can't go there (probably would have chased after the cop and said WHAT? YOU SAID WHAT?) lol

Don't believe there is safety in numbers.

If they tell you to get out, get out. If you want to get out, don't wait till everyone else is leaving, go earlier.

If they tell you to stay, but you know better, than get out. (The SE Coast of Florida is now too large to evacuate. So now, with more people, and less land to absorb the water, what do they do? MOVED THE EVACUATION ZONES so that they have fewer people evacuating what used to be (and are moreso now) dangerous zones. They feel it's better so they don't have half million bodies missing or trapped in cars that didn't make it off the roadways.

If they tell you to store food and water for 3 days, store enough for 2 weeks.

Don't think things in your attic/crawl space are safe.

Sorry (((chalm))) some memories just don't go away, you KNOW.

(((((((((((Chalm)))))))))))

Your welcome lyn. It isnt easy at all to do this. I've been suffering with anxiety out of this world since doing this letter. And now my t is wanting me to do another letter.

But, i'm told this is the way to get through the anxiety. What fun. I'm living right now with a feeling of hyperventitaling and its driving me crazy. I just want everything to be over with.

Can you tell i'm having a bad day.

No Sky, its cool. You speak all the truth here. I wish at this moment i could add more, but am in a really bad way right now. Maybe tomorrow i'll come back to add somthing.

Thank you for stating all of this. It needs to be known.

(((Sky)))))

((((((((Court)))))))) thank you

I am sorry it is so hard right now and wishing you better days.

hope you are resting well...i will be relieved when everything - all the hard work - is behind you too.

(((((chal)))))