[hangingon]

I was diagnosed with depression and PTSD 3 months ago. I was having a really hard time the beginning of this past semester and didn't know why. It was beginning to affect my grades which were a 4.0 at the beginning of the semseter.

I decided to seek therapy for the first time in my life at age 34. I have always had secrets that I had never shared with anyone and didn't realize that when talking about them, I would only feel worse. I'm not really enjoying therapy at this point, at all. I haven't shared much and what I have shared has been done through the form of journaling, as I have a hard time getting it out.

Anyways, this past week I was in the shower and a memory came back, I felt as though it happened yesterday, I could remember the house so cleary, it was so vivid. I am actually afraid to have more come back as I can only remember the abuse about to start and then the memories go blank. But the returned memory was something I had done after one of the incidents.

Has anyone had memories return out of no where like that. Will more come flooding back, that alone makes me want to back out of therapy.

Hangingon

[gimmeice]

I have had similar memory/ flashbacks and they can be very scary, in my case they didn't come to me over and over again. It sounds like something that would be a good topic for your therapist and you to discuss.
((((((((((((((hanginon))))))))))))))

[Kiya]

HangingOn, yeah...i did go thru that and a lot of them. but really, (as much as it hurts and as scary as it is) better out than in. mind, i didn't think so then. But looking back I am better for it. "You can't burry worms, they keep coming back up" - but once they're out, the next time you have to deal with it it isn't nearly as bad (in my experience).
I totally know it sucks and is painful and feels like the world is ending. Keep breathing if you can, and know that this is only happening because just now you are finally strong enough to actually process it.... much as it feels like you're not. Your brain won't show you stuff until you're ready.
((((((((((((((((Holding On))))))))))))))))))))))))
keep posting....

[hangingon]

Thank you.
I keep hearing it gets worse before it gets better and honestly, I can't handle it getting much worse than this.......I feel like I'm losing it....

I feel like I want to do is cry but I can't even cry....I feel stuck in a spot that I will never be able to get out of...I just want to be me again...

Hanginig on

[Kiya]

(((((((((((((((((((hanging on))))))))))))))))
keep breathing out there! it takes time.... it really does. and then it cycles... but each cycle puts you up another notch. it builds skills and in that comes healing. then reprieves in between to breathe and catch up.

[hangingon]

I have no idea what is going on. I had not had nighmares in years or if so maybe once a year. I use to have them all the time when I was younger due to things that were happening.

Now I have been having them every week. I have no idea where some of this stuff is coming from. Sometimes it really freaks me out.
I wake up scared but there are times where I wake up and it takes me awhile to figure out where I am.

Does anyone else have this problem? It barely happened untill I started going to therapy.