Flashback or memory?

I dunno if I am having flashbacks or just plain ole bad memories. I am at my son's house, cleaning and painting the basement apartment. The last tenant totally "ragged" the basement, so lots of work is being done. The x even replaced the carpet with laminate flooring which looks like hardwood floors. Actually looks quite beautiful.

My son said he had $800 deposit from previous tenants, so all the work I am doing would have come out of their deposit. Wrong! Turned out my son only collected $200 deposit and the the tenants owe $275 utilities. Not only are we in a hole for utilities, but nothing left over for damages to basement. Oh yes, the tenants are fraternity brothers which really isn't all that important.

Turns out my son hasn't met the new tenants. A mother and teenage daughter. Son's girlfriend met them. She said they looked like "hicks" . rolls my eyes. Son was talking to the mother last night. He was saying "so when can you pay the deposit" and how much can you pay. Then I heard him say, :how much rent can you pay when you move in, which happens to be today. I had to leave the room. My blood was boiling.

This is where I am wondering if this is flashbacks or just bad memory. I have no problem with giving folks deals. I did. I rented my basement apartment "super cheap" to several folks, just to help them out and they ran all over me, even ragged my basement which cost me lots of money to repair before I could rent it again. Looks like the same thing is happening with my son. He rents to folks and they rag the house, holes in doors, huge stains in carpet, not to mention the filth.

Last night my son said lets talk. He said he didn't understand me. That my personality just changes out of the blue. I said my personality doesn't change. I am just worried. I don't want what happened to me happen to you. I am soo worried with all the money being spent for "tenants" and it seems nobody collects "deposits" to cover damages and who ends up b eing screwed. I don't want the x to flip out and have to sell this house, esp when you have put your heart and soul in fixing it up. I put my heart and soul in my house and I lost it all.

I told my son my personality doesn't change. I am me. Everyone isn't the same all the time. Everyone thinks different or does things different at different times. Nobody is the "same" all the time. Being rather boring I'd think if "people" could be predictable all the time. Besides, I am a woman and this is how "women" are.

I may have scattered about with my thoughts. The new tenant hasn't shown up yet. The apartment is almost finished and looking ooooooh so pretty. My memory of renting my basement and being screwed with rent, or destroying all my hard work and efforts surface. And am feeling I don't like people, I don't want to "give" any of the "good" of me to anyone and would love to live in a tent, fish for dinner, and plant veggies gardens. I want people to not like me. When they like me the want "more" from me than I can give. Maybe this posts explains what "crazy" is. Maybe I am crazy. God, all the crazy folks walking free in this world is rather scary.

Hello,
I don't think your crazy!! I think you are just plain tired of people taking advantage of situations that in the real world where your expecting to pay your rent and depsoits just as the landlord says with no bargans and you do your part and also live as a tenant taking care of the peoples property, and your tired of seeing yourself or other's your son giving people breaks whom maybe don't appreciate what there being offered and we all have hard times and I am sure you do your son does etc.....YOU just get plain frusturtated to know that all this hard work and time and there are people whom think that they should always get special consideration??? I am not sure at all that was what your post was about...BUT you mention changing or your personality...Well I agree everyone changes with differnt circumstances to protector mode to analytical mode to mother mode we all have different aspects of our brain that kick in to tell us what we need to do and how we need to procede to act the way that's better going to protect us and those around us..I think that's perfectly natural and even more so when your around your family....Mother's instincts never go away I dont' think...Anyway sorry if I am way off but I just thought you made sense even if I am way off base.....Best to u, Nerak

When people have never owned a darn thing their entire lives, they never learn the value of taking care of anything. All the blood, sweat and tears, MONEY and investment required for a house especially and then some scumbag comes in & treats it like their campground or something! That really bothers me to no end! I truly understand your turmoil and I do hope your new tenants are respectful people. If not, evict the Mofo's and move in a heard of elephants....Couldn't be any worse,,,,from the sounds of it!

Hun, I'm a homeowner too...I wish those people that didn't understand our plight, would just pick up a book and pitch in with at least the work required when we have to fix it up!

ABT

I think it can be tough to watch our children make the same mistakes we make and not react to it. I think it would be more disconcerting if you didn't feel some frustration and even some anger. I know when I try to pass on my learned wisdom to my son or other young folks they often turn their noses up and ignore me. Until they need advise about how to get out of the mess they ended up in because they ignored me.

No matter how to try to analyse the situation the bottom line is that the experiences you went through are still a source of pain for you. Fixing up his place has stirred up those memories again. You feel your own loose again as well as feeling helpless to prevent the same thing from happening to your son. Seeing your son walk into the same kind of situation has got to be heart wrenching and frustrating. Him turning the focus onto you isn't fair but its typical. He doesn't want to learn from your mistakes so he takes shots at you instead. It got you defending yourself instead of your position on his actions. People in denial can be so cleaver hey.

There is nothing wrong with you or how you reacted to this situation. It's about him not learning from his mistakes and perhaps not appreciated what you have done to get his place rentable again.

I know if it were me in your shoes I wouldn't be available to help with clean up the next time around. And there will be a next time until he figures out how to be a profitable landlord. It's one thing to give people a helping hand but along with that one needs to know where the line is between charity and enabling.

Let him take the hard road if he wants. Don't own his stuff is my advise. He'll figure it out eventually.

And I think it might be worth spending time with yourself. Forgiving yourself for what happened with your own house and figuring out what you need to say to yourself of do to leave it in the past. Easier said than done I know but I can relate to your story of looking back and judging yourself.

I may be out to lunch with my post but I thought I'd throw in my 2 bits worth anyways.

Hoping the best for your son and his new tenant. He clearly is a kind and generous young man. Take some pride in that even if it is misguided right now.

Hi Nerak

You did pretty good pin pointing what all my "ramblings" was about. Yes, I was frustrated, overwhelmed and tired. And I am sure the "nasty odors" from the basement was getting to me. I am very sensitive to odors and boy did the place stink.

I wanted to thank you for understanding what I was trying to say. Interesting, but true. When one understands another, it tends to be calming.

Oh.. I agree with you on the "personality" thing. We all change, depending on circumstances, situations and even sometimes depending on the "environment". Besides, I am a Gemini. And that can explain a lot...

Hi AmatureBomTech

Your comment "move in a heard of elephants.. Couldn't be worse" made me smile.

Yes, it would have been nice if the last tenants would have at least cleaned and taken out their trash. We bagged 8 huge garbage bags of the trash they left behind. And the carpet looked liked they never even vacuumed even once. Funny thing is, we left two vacs for the house, one for upstairs and one for the basement apartment. Guess we should have showed them which button to push to turn it on..

You said everything I should have seen. I was blind due to overwhelming emotions. Very wise post, indeed.. Thank you

Good news. Son started school today. He has two senior classes and 2 classes he keeps flunking. Keeping fingers crossed he graduates this year. He also started working at the university.

The mother and daughter did not take the basement apartment. She wanted carpet and we put the laminated wood and she wasn't happy. The x's mother gave my son three super large Persian rugs for the basement. Gotta keep the "student's" toes warm. So far, everyone is happy.The basement is rented and the two bedrooms upstairs are rented. They are all students from the university and all deposits which equals their monthly rent has been collected.. yeaaah.. and September's rent from most has been collected. Thinks my son wised up and made sure he collected deposits and rent. wipes brow