Forgiveness

Thank you to all!

You are all very good people. I know you are all hurting too for a reason or another and yet, you give me your support. I appreciate it very much.

tiny steps - i say the words one day i will mean them P7

justgiving maybe you will be able to forgive when the time is right for you - that may be never - or next week - i hope you find what works for you P7

do we have to forgive the other person? or can we just forgive ourselves.
i hope so, because there is much in this world i htink i am incapable to forgive. i can understand it, and more or less acept it, e.g. acepting psychopaths exist, but will i ever forgive them? should i? i dont want to be apatehic to evils of the world. like most others here, i struggle with the forgiveness concept too and what it actually means.
in a way.. i feel there can be some value in not forgiving. obviously to ruminate and not move on.. will not lead to good, but if you can incoroprate greater understanding into your concept of the world, wouldn't that make you more realistic, and possibly resilient and aware of negative forces, and through time empowerment to not succumb to them? personally i think before trauma, i may have had optimism that didnt always reflect reality. rendering me a prime target for being destroyed by a psychopath. 1 1/2yrs later i am still recovering, and still suffer stress, night terrors, am overly vigilant etc, but i feel once i fully heal and incorporate my greater understanding of the world, and come to peace with the worlds badness (not approve it, but accept what is, is, and feel i can protect myself and not be scared of it), i will be stronger and better off. im not sure if i need to forgive the person who caused my trauma, and im not even sure that would be healthy for me either.
maybe i need more clarification on forgiveness. could anyone tell me if this constitutes forgiveness? - understanding he is a pschopath, likely has been forever and can't change, and thus not blaming him, but rather pitying and hating him for the pain he has and will cause and what he feels and doesnt feel himself.

Forgiveness for me is letting go of the anger and pain. I see that I was neglected by my parents because they were not capable of doing better at the time, therefore their harm wasn't purposeful. Do I hold them accountable for what happened - you bet. I can do this without anger.... We are not a big happy family now though because my parents still aren't capable of this.......

Thank you and thank you to all who have replied to this thread.

Forgiveness touches many of us. It's sad because if we are struggling with this it's because we have been hurt.

I can't only try to move on and that's what I do. Time, it takes time.

Justgiving I am glad you didnt give in and give the "somthing" to someone you didnt want to - it doesnt matter what it was - its good that you stood your ground. If someone has harmed you then you should be the only one to decide when and even if to contact them or forgive them .

As to me, I do understand why the people in my life did what they did and I did try to forgive them and me - but when I say the words they are just that... words with no meaning -

knowing why someone might have done something helps us understand but it doesnt explain to me why one child who is abused goes on to abuse others while another child in the same family doesnt - I still have a lot of anger there - so I guess I am saying that I accept what happened and the reasons - I dont know if I will ever be able to forgive them or me - but I can understand - I guess we all travel our own roads to recovery - all heading in the same direction but finding our own path - I hope you and everyone here finds the right path for you/them - take care P7

It has been explained to me that those who were abused and go on to abuse do it because they don't want to be the victim anymore. They see it only as either you are a perpetrator or you are a victim. I personally feel that the naturally sensitive people are the ones who would never go on to abuse others and the folks who aren't as sensitive are the ones who could go on to deal with their pain by becoming an abuser.......

(((((((( Justgiving ))))))))

I'd like to give you a different view.

I was abused through out my childhood. I took it because this was what I supposedly deserved. I knew no different.

Years later as an adult, married with my own children I wanted to forgive my abusers. I felt guilty and bad, because this had been instilled in me. I nearly let a very abusive person into mine and my childrens life. He would have abused my children. Something stopped me from forgiving and letting this abuser into mine and my childrens life.

Years later I had much therapy, my T always said I should NEVER forgive this person (abuser) and certainly never let him into my life under any circumstances!

I really think it depends on what the abuser has done and if they are a danger to other people. I am not bitter for not forgiving, I am keeping my family SAFE!

I have read all your replies at least 5 times maybe more. Thank you all.

I don't remember my childhood. I have blocked it for a reason or another and many years have passed since then. For me, my childhood never existed. So I have nothing and nobody to forgive since I have no memory of that time in my life.

I have been hurt and hurt during my long journey but I have also been love. I think that maybe why I don't always give my forgiveness is, for me, a kind of a protection ( Like Pegasus said) from these people so I will not give them a chance to enter my life again.

Some people are very mean and cruel and they only think about themselves.

Some people are very kind and they share their love with others. I am bless to have met some of them on my journey.

Much love to all of you.

right back at ya!

Yeah Pegasus, forgiving doesn't mean that you let them back in your life to hurt you again.......... Maybe there are 2 different levels of forgiveness. The highest, when the perpetrator wants to make amends and truly change the behavior then the other level would fall under this where the healing is only with the victim.

((((((((((To All))))))))))))