[Bodiesneverfound]

So here's my issue. I want to go straight edge. As in completely straight edge. I want to know what my body and brain are like naturally just to see if maybe I won't feel better. I'm on such a large drug cocktail (legal and the occasional party drug) that I don't even remember what normal feels like. I don't like being dependent on these medications first and foremost. I feel like the side effects are starting to outweigh the benefits. And when the side effects hit what I've been doing is adding more drugs to mediate them instead of quitting. Frankly I'm scared of quitting. I am functional right now which is more than can be said of some points in my life and I am scared that I will lose my ability to function if I quit taking what I am taking. Speaking of here is what I am prescribed: adderall 10mg 3x daily (I do take two days off every week where I take no adderall and some days if I am working on a difficult project I will take an extra adderall), I take xanax as needed (I average between 1.5mg-2.5mg a day but I'm prescribed 1mg 3x daily), 10.5mg Celexa, 15mg Remeron, and 30mg Restoril. I drink and smoke pot recreationally about once every week or so, sometimes less.
I want to start by quitting drinking and smoking. I'm not worried about that since that is so rare for me anyway. I don't even think I'll miss it. Next I want to quit Adderall. I feel like adderall could be adding to my anxiety and it also sucks out my creativity. I can think linearly and I can be productive but I'm not my artistic spontaneous self. It also doesn't work so well anymore. I can sometimes take a 10mg pill and go right to sleep. I feel like I crash after 2 hours so if I don't get my studying done within 2 hours of taking the pill I'm screwed. When I crash my ability to focus is twice as bad as when I don't take adderall period. I also get anxious or irritable when I crash and that's when I feel the need to reach for the xanax.
I've come off Adderall cold turkey before and was successful for about two months but I began taking it when school was back in session. I'm a premed student, I'm working on a yoga certification and also beginning to build a modeling portfolio and planning a long term cross country road trip (another reason to quit meds, they won't be readily available to me on my trip). Basically I'm under a lot of pressure right now. I'm also broke and desperately in need of a job. In short I'm terrified I won't be able to do this without Adderall. I can't drink coffee either because of stomach problems so when I quit Adderall I'm quitting all stimulants period and I have a lot of fatigue issues. I still find it terribly hard to get up in the morning. The only thing that gets me out of bed is keeping my adderall on my nightstand and immediately taking it when the alarm goes off.
Winter break is coming up soon and I will have three weeks without school. I was going to quit Adderall cold turkey then. I know what to expect and I know how to deal with it but it's going to be rougher this time because I can't replace it with caffeine. I also wanted to use those three weeks to job search and do a couple photoshoots but I don't know if I'll be able to. Suppose I just have to accept that and put that off.
I'm hoping that quitting Adderall will naturally make my anxiety and insomnia issues decrease. I have no illusions- those issues aren't going to magically disappear but perhaps they will be less severe. I then intend to taper off of xanax very slowly, maybe .5mg a week. Then taper off the restoril as well in the same manner. I'm very nervous about quitting xanax as my anxiety is through the roof these days.
I suffer from PTSD that gets so bad that I can barely leave the house. I take xanax, have a daily meditation practice, do yoga at least once a day, take valerian root, and have regular therapy and still I'm highly symptomatic. The thought of not having xanax terrifies me. But the thought that I am dependent on it at this high of a level terrifies me even more. I've also built up such a tolerance to xanax that I barely feel anything when I take my full dose (3mg daily).
I'm waiting to talk to my psychiatrist about tapering off the antidepressants. That is something I want him to be involved in however (and I know you guys will probably chew me out for this) I am not telling him about the xanax and adderall. Like I said I'm poor. I sell adderall and xanax to friends so I can eat. Not a good thing but when you're this broke you do what you have to do. So I still want my scripts to sell. Honestly a part of my motivation for quitting is so I can sell more. Desperate times call for desperate measures and I'm trying to find a better (legal) way to support myself but until I do...
Anyway... any tips on quitting? Any side effects I should be aware of? Does this sound like a doable plan? My fear is that three weeks won't be long enough to recover from the adderall and I'll still be fatigued and unable to fulfill my work and school obligations. I can't afford to let my GPA slip any further if I want to go to med school. I'm out of school by the end of next summer. Should I just take a break from Adderall so my tolerance goes back to normal and then keep taking it to get through these classes and go straight edge after that? Should I try to just bite the bullet and get it over with and come off them all at the same time or do it one by one so it's less of a shock to my system?
I know there is never a good time to quit meds but I know intuitively that I need to eventually. I may be one of those people who need medications to function and that is okay with me but I want to explore other options first before I decide I need to be on meds for the rest of my life, especially meds that I think may be harming me or that I am getting side effects and tolerance for. Just because it's prescribed to me doesn't mean I don't have addiction and dependency issues. I really wish I never chose to go down this road. I feel like my body chemistry is all messed up and the meds are just adding to it.
Any advice on how and when to quit these meds would be much appreciated. Thank you.

[sewerrats]

SOUNDS to me you have taken a lot of meds and wrekky drugs just to stop feeling like most people feel every day . Now you have hit a wall and the only way round is a long detour . To come off the meds your on you will be out of action for some time 3mg XANAX is not working now , to go up on that would spell more trouble. I would say the mix of meds drink and drugs you have taken to make you feel what is impossible to feel will be a long road. I have been on it myself it can be made stable but you will need some sort of med , lets face the truth you have reached a point and taken a look at yourself and you don't like it , DIG DEEP and and start the life style shake up now, good luck

[Tapering]

Well the thing that has been working for me is taking it one med at a time. I go very slow. One change a month. I go Down by very small amounts. This is what my doc wants me to do also. I cut tablets to get my current dose. My friend who got off meds completely did it using this method. If you want to be a doctor yourself you need to stop selling medication and have good moral character. Taking adderall can cause high anxiety. Also the medical profession is very discriminating against people who have psychiatric meds. Involve your doc in this. All of the things you want to get off of and let the doc help you.

[Bodiesneverfound]

Originally Posted by Tapering

Well the thing that has been working for me is taking it one med at a time. I go very slow. One change a month. I go Down by very small amounts. This is what my doc wants me to do also. I cut tablets to get my current dose. My friend who got off meds completely did it using this method. If you want to be a doctor yourself you need to stop selling medication and have good moral character. Taking adderall can cause high anxiety. Also the medical profession is very discriminating against people who have psychiatric meds. Involve your doc in this. All of the things you want to get off of and let the doc help you.

Honestly you're right. It's really not worth the risk selling them. A drug charge would ruin any chance I have at med school period. And I'm not a doctor now so I don't really know what I'm doing.

I've fallen on some really tough times in the past (been homeless for a couple nights, had to steal food in order to eat at all, sell pills to pay rent, etc, and when it's a survival thing there really isn't much of a choice even though I hated doing it.) I'm in a better position now but when you've been so financially destitute for so long it's hard to feel secure. I'm always worried for no reason that I'll end up homeless or not have money for food even though at this point in my life that is highly unlikely. I've got to change that mentality and calm down. If I have a roof over my head and food stamps why risk selling drugs?

I see my psychiatrist in a couple weeks and I'm going to talk to him about it. Do you know anything about working in the medical field while on psychiatric drugs? Is it something I have to disclose or that could hurt me in any way career wise? I'm trying to be a psychiatrist and I told my psychiatrist my concerns about being on meds long term and asked if that would be an issue in my career and he said he knew plenty of doctors who had to take antidepressants or ADHD drugs in order to do their work and that is was nothing to be ashamed of.

I'm not ashamed of taking medication per se, I just don't like what it's doing to my body and I'm a bit of a hippie chick so I prefer all natural methods to cure physical and mental issues if possible. Meds have been a last resort for me as they should be. At some points in my life they helped but now I feel like the risk reward is pushing me towards quitting them. But I'm really scared I won't be able to do it or I'll fail out of school because I'm withdrawing or something.

[Bodiesneverfound]

I forgot to mention this too but it is really hard for me to find a job in my area. There's mostly only food service and I can't do that because I have Celiac's disease so unless they open up a gluten free restaurant I can't work those kinds of jobs. I've tried and it makes me very sick. However I am in a program to become a certified yoga teacher so I'll have a legit job so I can make some money to help me through school. I want to do things differently this time around.

[Tapering]

Yes it is very hard to work in the medical field while on meds. Hospitals do drug testing and having a prescription for something does not mean they will accept you taking medication. I used to work in the medical field. I tried to hide my illness and medication usage. I fainted at work and they wanted to know what was wrong. They said that if I have a disability they can help me. HR said that they would not disclose to my supervisor what was in my file. They got a new supervisor at the place. When I started working slower than they wanted they got into my file and contacted my licenseing board. I was investigated and suspended with pay. It is a long story, but I no longer work and cannot get back into the profession I was trained for. Anyway I hope that gives you good idea what it is like. I worked at a hospital previously and they put so much pressure on me that I quit. I was depressed and anxious. They rode me until I quit. Several co workers ganged up on me and kept contacting my supervisors.

Do well in school and consider if you want to go into a field that prescribes psychiatric medication to people. You seem to be anti med. I would explore being a psychologist because you could give you patients therapy not meds.

It is good that you are teaching and doing yoga. Also are you eligible for any pell grants for school? I think it is impossible to do med school and work from what I have seen.

Best wishes for all your endeavors and healing.

[Bodiesneverfound]

Originally Posted by Tapering

Do well in school and consider if you want to go into a field that prescribes psychiatric medication to people. You seem to be anti med. I would explore being a psychologist because you could give you patients therapy not meds.

It is good that you are teaching and doing yoga. Also are you eligible for any pell grants for school? I think it is impossible to do med school and work from what I have seen.

Best wishes for all your endeavors and healing.

I hate to hear about what you went through with your career but thank you for telling me. That's stuff I do need to know if I pursue this path. I'm definitely not anti-med in the slightest but I do think there is a problem when literally everyone who walks into a psychiatrist's office walks out with a prescription for something. There's a lot of broken politics and money surrounding the field of psychiatry right now as I'm sure you're probably aware of and I want to go into that field to help change it. The purpose of a psychiatrist should be to evaluate if a patient needs meds after a lengthy discussion with them, not just writing out prescriptions in five minutes. I want to be a real psychiatrist and do that for my clients. I definitely believe that meds can be healthy for people and that some people need them short term or long term but there's always side effects. It's a risk reward kind of thing and in my case I think the adverse affects are outweighing the benefits. I also want to find out if I need medication long term. I don't want to take anything if I don't have to because of the field I want to go in, the possible side effects and the cost. I simply don't have the money to be on this many meds long term. If I find that it's necessary for me to have any of the meds I'm on long term or if being without them doesn't work and I need to try a new medication I'm not certainly not opposed but I want to make sure I'm doing what is healthiest for me and my body is telling me right now that at least the Adderall and Xanax aren't working for me. Also doubt I'll need the Restoril if I don't take Adderall anymore but I may need the antidepressants long term. Don't know yet.

I already got a Psychology BS and a Sociology BA and if you have any undergrad degrees and you go back to take more undergrad courses you aren't eligible for Pell grant or pretty much any undergrad scholarship. I had to get some people to pull strings for me to even get my loans. Once I'm in med school or graduate school if med school doesn't work out I should be able to get scholarships again. It's just tough right now. Wish I had known I wanted to do premed or I would have taken these courses before I got my degrees. But oh well... live and learn.

[Gavinandnikki]

Been a doc since 1987. Never drug tested, ever.

But, on meds or off meds, you need to be able to work hard and think straight. Lots to learn, takes years to get good so you need to have a lot of confidence,

Good luck

[Bodiesneverfound]

Alright... I'm tapering down my adderall this week. Wish me luck.

Stopping meds on your own is really dangerous. I can't stress this enough. People have become physically sick. See beyondmeds.com for more information. There is also a link to "harm reduction guide". But seriously, you really have to be in a good place for this. How will you cope if you can't afford optimal nutrition? A regular job is even less likely.

[nanrob]

Originally Posted by Michanne

Stopping meds on your own is really dangerous. I can't stress this enough. People have become physically sick. See beyondmeds.com for more information. There is also a link to "harm reduction guide". But seriously, you really have to be in a good place for this. How will you cope if you can't afford optimal nutrition? A regular job is even less likely.

I agree 100%. I stopped taking Cymbalta and had severe headaches and mental confusion for a month. I could have avoided those by letting my doc help me, but I'm stubborn and did it my way. Now on a different med and doing it his way!

[Bodiesneverfound]

I've decided to let my doctor know I want to do this... after all I'm not a doctor and I don't know what I'm doing. I've come off of adderall before cold turkey and while the first two weeks sucked I felt fine after that but I don't know what to expect from the benzos or antidepressants and I need his help. I have an appointment with him this week and I'm going to talk with him about it. I'm familiar with Beyond Meds and read their harm reduction guide last week. I found their site pretty helpful and it gives me hope. I've come to realize that this is going to be a long process and I need professional help if possible but it's something I feel I need to do so I'm doing it. I'm really nervous though.

[nanrob]

Originally Posted by Bodiesneverfound

I've decided to let my doctor know I want to do this... after all I'm not a doctor and I don't know what I'm doing. I've come off of adderall before cold turkey and while the first two weeks sucked I felt fine after that but I don't know what to expect from the benzos or antidepressants and I need his help. I have an appointment with him this week and I'm going to talk with him about it. I'm familiar with Beyond Meds and read their harm reduction guide last week. I found their site pretty helpful and it gives me hope. I've come to realize that this is going to be a long process and I need professional help if possible but it's something I feel I need to do so I'm doing it. I'm really nervous though.

Good for you. I went off benzos and antidepressants with no help. Not an easy thing to go through.