I thought Id handle this better

I saw t for the lasst appt yesterday and now it is her vaca. It was a good appt but a lot of things that were said are coming back to me now. I want more and I want her How will I last for 10 more days?

I feel so sad and my mind goes to bad places when I get this way. Why cant I just react normally and tell myself, c'mon its a short while? I feel so strongly that she will forget me. Not like a joke that she will forget my name, but I wont be part of her thoughts or life for 10 more days. She will forget what we are working on and forget who she is to me. I dont want to shut down and then get angry that she is away. Because thats coming next And then I will want to run but there is nowhere to run to.

I want to call her but it just seems a little over the top since I just saw her yesterday. I have to try to handle this like a grown up. I dont feel very much like a grown up right now. I feel like a little girl who wants someone who is not there to love me.

clk

I'm sorry you're hurting. I'm sure your T won't forget you, but this must be a common fear among clients/patients of T's - before my T went on vacation, she asked me if I was afraid that she'd lose interest in me while she was gone. It really didn't even occur to me until she said it, so I told T that I would hope that she wouldn't think about me while she was on vacation - T replied that she wouldn't tell herself NOT to think about me, that she doesn't know what she will or won't think about. Looking back now, over 3 weeks later, I think I would feel better knowing that T has thought about me. I still don't have that feeling that she'll forget me necessarily, but that she'll forget what we've discussed, so it will take some time to really get going again... and that really annoys me.

I hope we're both wrong, and that we have fantastic sessions when our T's return!

I know exactly how you feel hun And its horrible.

Did you tell her about this in your session?

She won't forget you or what you have been working on- its part of their job/training to remember what we talk about with them, even when they have a break. My t often remembers something from the sesion before his hols that I forgot!! As hard as it is, T's need to take vacation so that they can give us what we need when we are with them.

I want to call her but it just seems a little over the top since I just saw her yesterday. I have to try to handle this like a grown up. I dont feel very much like a grown up right now. I feel like a little girl who wants someone who is not there to love me.

Yes, I understand this too- this is always my reaction when T isnt there every week. We ALWAYS have a discussion about what plans we can put in place for me while he is away. I now have a list of "distractions" while he is away- i.e going for walk, shopping, taking some exercise, etc. It isn't anywhere near what I want (I.e T) but it does help if I catch my emotions early.

I find it easier to write things down, and I have emailed him in the past to say- "I didn't say this in session, but I really don't know what I am going to do without you..." and he understands and replies (eventually!). T's understand. It's their job. So I would say, if things are really getting on top of you, then call her. If she is a good T she won't think you are being "a little girl". She will want to help you cope while she is not here. I'm sure she expects it from most of her patients anyway.

So sorry you are feeling like this

((((CLK6)))))) --

You can't handle it any worse that I did! A few years ago I was banned from emailing my T because I would end up emailing him my angry feelings that I could not contain. So, rightfully, he told me he would not read any more emails I wrote. So, guess what I did? Yesterday, I emailed him about my feelings (as you have seen in my posts) but I knew he wouldn't read it. SO, I wrote what I wanted in the subject line and ended up sending him quite a few emails (the subject line is short, BTW). I wanted him to see them. I couldn't contain things anymore and I felt like I was left with no other option except to be in excruciating pain. So he actually wrote me back and told me he wished I wasn't in pain, he wished me peace, and told me he'd see me next week. I didn't expect that at all. Make sure you post alot, we'll help you get through this!

I feel the same way you do! I have difficulty with the fact that he doesn't think about me while he is away, he doesn't know if I'm in pain or not, and to me that means he doesn't care. He asked me why I was okay going on vacation myself but had difficulty with him doing it. It's because I KNOW I think about him when I'm away. I KNOW I still care about him when I am away and I would want to know if he was in pain and if I could do something about it. It doesn't make sense to me at all, but that seems to be the case for a lot of my feelings. I guess it makes me feel like I'm not important at all and it's very painful. (((((CLK6)))))))))))) -- you're not alone!

It's really good that you can put all of this into words! Is your T packing her desk to take with her, lol? Is she going to the Swiss Alps?=)
Take care!

(((clk6))) you feel how you feel. judging it as over the top isn't fair, because your feelings matter and they are real
As someone who has called before getting 1/2 mile down the road after a session, I would have to say go ahead and call. It can help you feel connected.

Thanks Dream- Yes- Thats exactly how I feel- that she will lose interest and when she comes back there it will be so hard to re-connect. 3 weeks is a really long time. You are a strong, brave Dreamseeker! I hope the returning session is good- Im already thinking about it

Thanks Confused- I so wanted to talk about her vacation but didnt want seem so needy and there was a bigger issue I had to get out in my short 40 minutes. And since that went well I miss her more. Then at the end of the session I said something and she said that there is always the phone and smiled. She was encouraging me to call. And I didnt get the impression she was going away for long-maybe a few days. Something tells me she really likes what she does- I have been with her for 1 yr 4 mos and she has never taken a vaca before. So youre right, she needs to take a vaca to be the best t she can be.

We didnt talk about distractions but that would have been a good idea. I have a bunch of kids that keep me distracted, but can also be a source of stress. And then I want my t to talk to. Its a VERY good idea to catch my emotions early. Its been really good to post here- especially since the wkend is here and it is usually a difficult time for me...and now t is gone....
Thanks- I have a feeling I'll call next week....poor t

Antimatter-
Yesterday, I emailed him about my feelings (as you have seen in my posts) but I knew he wouldn't read it. SO, I wrote what I wanted in the subject line and ended up sending him quite a few emails (the subject line is short, BTW). I wanted him to see them. I couldn't contain things anymore and I felt like I was left with no other option except to be in excruciating pain. So he actually wrote me back and told me he wished I wasn't in pain, he wished me peace, and told me he'd see me next week. I didn't expect that at all. Make sure you post alot, we'll help you get through this!

AM- He is amazing. He broke his own rule b/c he cares. You know, with all of my t's boundries and rules I sorta secretly wish I could get her to bend a rule or boundry just show me she cares. THEN I would really believe it. But that would be so bad for me to believe I have that kind of power. She may bend a rule or two at some point, but for me to manipulate her into it would be bad! (HEY! Dont think Im saying you did this!) I love what your t said to you about wishing you werent in pain and peace. And that he will see you next week. So comforting.....
Thanks for being here for me- I so truly appreciate it. I feel like a whining, annoying child when Im in pain.

And Echoes- Thanks for saying that. When I hear that I am entitled to my feelings I breathe a sigh of relief. I so often judge myself and then hate myself....and then my behavior toward myself goes from there. You hit the nail on the head. Just love myself. My t tells me to love and nourish myself and its so difficult to do.
Maybe I'll call over the weekend- I have left msgs on her machine (in the past) telling her I just wanted to hear her voice

Thanks everyone

((((((((((((((((((((((clk6)))))))))))))))))))))))))

You've gotten such good replies here

I'm sure it will come as no surprise that I have talked TONS with T about breaks and vacations. They're just hard, that's all there is to it.

I used to be really scared that he would totally forget about me...forget I even existed. We've talked about that too. He always tells me that the connection might feel a little different at first when we get back together, but that that happens in ALL relationships. I remember once I was fretting about what our reunion would be like, and he said when he thought about it, he imagined it like being reunited with an old friend that you love very much...sort of a "hey - I know YOU" kind of warm feeling. I liked that. And when he comes back from vacation, he always tells me a little story about a time he thought about me...like "I was reading this article in Runners World and it reminded me of you" or whatever. I do think that we are part of their lives and there probably ARE things that make us pop into their heads...we don't disappear.

I hope you will call T today if you need to - I don't think you are being a little girl. Or maybe you are, and that's okay. I call T AS I DRIVE AWAY FROM MY SESSION after every session! So, really, it's been 24 HOURS...what are you waiting for??!?!

We'll be here to help you through the break I'd say we're getting pretty good at that what with the T Camping Trips/Conventions/Swiss Alps Vacations we've had around here lately!

Lots of to you!

(((((clk6)))))

I used to feel the same way. I couldn't stand it when my Ts went on vacation. I'd be anxious and worry and miss them. It was awful! When I went away, I'd do better, but I'd still think about my T all of the time. I used to say (about my most recent T) that thinking about her was like a computer screen-saver. Whenever I wasn't doing or thinking about anythng else, my mind would go back to thinking about her.

I also agree that it's okay to call her! You were just telling me it was okay to call my T if I need to. I think we need them more right after a session; I don't know why. Well, I do know. My T said once that every time I leave a session it feels like an abandonment. I used to drive away from her street, stop, and call her! This was when I saw her weekly! So if you need to call, do it.

She won't forget you. Our T's don't forget us. OH, I know how hard it is. I don't know how I ever manage to go 4 months now! I never, ever thought that I could go for 2 weeks. For me, I used distraction. Major distraction to TRY to keep my mind occupied and not go to "screen-saver". You said you're going away too, didn't you? I hope that offers you some happy distraction.

Having a good session and connecting sometimes does make it harder. You want more. But try to think that your T is with you. My first used to say that I can have part of her inside of me. That helped. The connection doesn't go away when T is not with you. You just think it does, but it doesn't.

[quote=treehouse;1120180]((((((((((((((((((((((clk6)))))))))))))))))))))))))

You've gotten such good replies here

I have

I'm sure it will come as no surprise that I have talked TONS with T about breaks and vacations. They're just hard, that's all there is to it.

I imagine you did- I need his wisdom....

I used to be really scared that he would totally forget about me...forget I even existed. We've talked about that too. He always tells me that the connection might feel a little different at first when we get back together, but that that happens in ALL relationships.

Thats exactly how I feel- that there are people she loves in her life that she is spending her vacation time with. Feelings like these make me so ashamed of being needy and I feel like a child. But.....trying not to judge it...just be... and have my feelings....I want that day to come when when we get back together. It will be a little different.....I dont know what to say to her about how I feel. We didnt talk about this at all.

I remember once I was fretting about what our reunion would be like, and he said when he thought about it, he imagined it like being reunited with an old friend that you love very much...sort of a "hey - I know YOU" kind of warm feeling. I liked that. And when he comes back from vacation, he always tells me a little story about a time he thought about me...like "I was reading this article in Runners World and it reminded me of you" or whatever.

That is good. Really good. He thinks about you. I really dont know if my t would think about me at all unless I called. I dont think so. It makes me want to cry. I dont think she would. I would be afrfaid to ask her that.

I do think that we are part of their lives and there probably ARE things that make us pop into their heads...we don't disappear.

Do you think so? I think your t does I truly dont know if my t does think about me at all until I come into the room. Is it my "object consistancy" problem? Im not sure. I really believe when Im gone Im gone until the next time I see her. I think...there is a sliver of doubt...maybe I would occur to her in a non-therputic thought. I mean, I think she has thought about my treatment and how to help me, but popping into her mind in a non-theraputic way? I dont know.

I hope you will call T today if you need to - I don't think you are being a little girl. Or maybe you are, and that's okay. I call T AS I DRIVE AWAY FROM MY SESSION after every session! So, really, it's been 24 HOURS...what are you waiting for??!?!

I know you do. That amazes me. He is very committed and caring. Very.
I havent called....I want to pretend I dont feel this way.... I am afraid to start off with too many phone calls even before her vaca. What to do??????

We'll be here to help you through the break I'd say we're getting pretty good at that what with the T Camping Trips/Conventions/Swiss Alps Vacations we've had around here lately!

OMG! Thank you! I feel like Im losin it.
And my kids are now screaming and wanting mommy...and mommy wants her t.....

Thanks

(((((((((((((((clk)))))))))))))))))

I was just thinking about when I used to work in the human services. I worked with adults with developmental disabilities, mental illness, and dual diagnosis. I LOVED my clients, truly. Each one was an individual with strengths and weaknesses, and I just enjoyed being with them, working with them, watching them grow. Sometimes at home, I would think about them. And sometimes I would see something somewhere that reminded me of one of them.

That was over 15 years ago, I've moved across the country and have no contact with anyone at my old job, and I STILL think about some of them today, wondering how they're doing, etc.

I wasn't even an individual T to any of the clients...it was a group setting, but we had enough of a relationship for them to be a REAL part of my life. I think everyone thinks about work outside of work, so when people who work with people are thinking about work, they're thinking about...the people they work with.

It's so hard to imagine what it's like to be our Ts. But the REALITY is that we actually ARE part of their lives...not the biggest, or most important...but a part, for sure. And I feel certain that they don't flip a switch in their brains and completely forget a part of their life just because they're not at work. I know they're not pining away for us like we are for them, but they don't forget.

I was just thinking about when I used to work in the human services. I worked with adults with developmental disabilities, mental illness, and dual diagnosis. I LOVED my clients, truly. Each one was an individual with strengths and weaknesses, and I just enjoyed being with them, working with them, watching them grow. Sometimes at home, I would think about them. And sometimes I would see something somewhere that reminded me of one of them.

That is really a very helpful thought. Very. I mean (and I used to work in healthcare, too...so I know what you are talking about) how much more a part of their hearts are we when we werent nearly as close to our patients?

I wasn't even an individual T to any of the clients...it was a group setting, but we had enough of a relationship for them to be a REAL part of my life. I think everyone thinks about work outside of work, so when people who work with people are thinking about work, they're thinking about...the people they work with.

You are so right- that is a very insightful comparison. I also used to (and still do) think about patients I have had. And even though I still do and anyone would, I STILL wonder if I am in her thoughts....she has a lot of patients she sees. And why should I be in her thoughts? Im sure there are nice, more interesting patients that she has. Patients who make her laugh and she can relate to. I guess I dont feel worthy of her thoughts. Sounds awful. But...its the way I really do feel.

It's so hard to imagine what it's like to be our Ts.

I want to imagine that. She must really need her vacation. To come back refreshed and rested. But knowing how much she is needed. Just that thought would give me the courage to call. If I were her, I would want my patient to make it through the week. To know I am with them even though I am away, resting and taking care of myself. If I were her and I cared the way I think she cares, Id tell my patient to call. And since she did tell me to call, why am I looking for a reason? My reason is I need to hear her voice.

But the REALITY is that we actually ARE part of their lives...not the biggest, or most important...but a part, for sure. And I feel certain that they don't flip a switch in their brains and completely forget a part of their life just because they're not at work. I know they're not pining away for us like we are for them, but they don't forget.

I want my t to pine...but she wont pine....I'll pine and be sad and want her to care in the way I need her to care...and want her to nurture and give me more time....and decide to get rid of the desk....and come and sit next to me.....and tell me she missed me.........wont happen....

But I miss her anyway...she shows me in so many ways she cares and.....

I wish I felt whole and didnt need a freakin therapist......

Good point!

???? NOT a good point, lol.

I always tell my T that I have difficulty with the fact that I care about him more than he cares about me. I hate it when the reality of the therapeutic relationship slaps you in the face!

So she said no to the time extension? How about going an extra session in the week? If she's not giving up her desk, I wouldn't let her get off that easy. I think you should request to have your own desk - why should she be protected by wood and you not? I'm sure you'll get this one=) I told my T that I was going to miss him before a vacation awhile ago and it was met with silence. Que the crickets, please. Needless to say, I haven't told him this since.

HALLELUJAH!!!!!!!!! This sucks! However, if we couldn't talk about our therapists vacations, desks, and other therapy oddities, life might just be boring. Just trying to look on the bright side=) Hang in there!

So she said no to the time extension? How about going an extra session in the week? If she's not giving up her desk, I wouldn't let her get off that easy. I think you should request to have your own desk - why should she be protected by wood and you not? I'm sure you'll get this one=) I told my T that I was going to miss him before a vacation awhile ago and it was met with silence. Que the crickets, please. Needless to say, I haven't told him this since.

Youre too funny! That would be something if I were to say to her I want my own desk! Your t was silent when you said you would miss him? As I remember, I think mine was silent when I said that, too. Maybe they were waiting for us to elaborate? Did you then move on to something else? I also didnt bring up missing her again. But I did briefly bring the vaca up at the end of the last session.
I am seeing her twice/week as it is. And it still doesnt seem like enough....and then she made a comment about being self-absorbed and spending all this time in therapy that got me really upset. She took it back but it was something that got me thinking anyway.

HALLELUJAH!!!!!!!!! This sucks! However, if we couldn't talk about our therapists vacations, desks, and other therapy oddities, life might just be boring. Just trying to look on the bright side=) Hang in there!

Thanks, AM!