[Melbadaze]

I wonder why sometimes a atmosphere of intoalrence seems to come up here? To be honest I myself suffer with this and dont like it..I notice it in other posts too..what is the cause of it?

[sittingatwatersedge]

My $0.02 - email is a terrible form of communicaiton.

A co-worker once asked me, did you not send this to XYZ Company? and I had done so, but I sent it again, and I emailed him back, "I resent this." He called me up, very concerned and apologetic, wanting to know what it was that he'd said that had made me resentful. I said, "no .... re - sent it." Oh.

That and, email has no expression, as a voice has; you have to put it in there for yourself, and somehow it often looks a lot more stern than it was intended. Maybe that's why the good folks at PC Administration have provided all these smiley faces for our use etc

I also think we are just naturally protective of our own therapy. It's a very personal thing for us obviously.

[MissCharlotte]

Yeah it could be in the way a post is read. But it also probably stems from our own preferences and experiences--I know that I get triggered sometimes by others posts and I have to back off the board for a while. I think their therapy is awful or their T is stupid or some such thing because I get caught up in it as if it were my T and my therapy which it clearly isn't. Ach!

Really--who here doesn't think their T is superior to all others?

[Melbadaze]

MIss C, LOL!!!

But still I wanna know my T is superior and understand why others aren't? LOL

Everything here makes so much sense....the difficulty of communicating via e-mail (I LOVE that story sawe!), people being protective of our own therapies, etc.

Even with the occasional conflict, though, I am SO grateful for this board. Sometimes I do get triggered and have to walk away, but mostly, it's been such a great place for me to learn how to really get the most out of my therapy, and such an awesome place to come for support from people who really understand what it's like. I have lots of IRL friends, but none are in therapy, and just wouldn't "get" all of this stuff, you know?

Big hugs to ALL of us

[sunrise]

I think for people new to therapy (like myself just a few years back), their only experience of therapy is their own and they haven't read much or even realize there is more than one way to do therapy. They think their way is the only way or the right way. They have learned that certain things are permitted in their therapy or are not permitted and they expect others to follow these "rules" too. With growing experience, more reading and learning, including exposure here on PC to the variety of therapeutic experiences out there, people often become more tolerant.

I remember when I first came on PC, there were people who were very critical of my therapist because he self-discloses. They posted point blank that he is not supposed to do that, that it was selfish of him, that therapy is not supposed to be about him, that it could be harmful to me, blah, blah, blah. They just didn't "get" self-disclosure because their own Ts were from a different orientation and didn't self disclose with them, or they had tried it and personally found it not helpful and therefore thought it could never be helpful for anyone. But they stated it so absolutely, like it is a fact and universal, "your T should not self disclose, it is wrong," that I became really defensive. Back then I didn't know enough about therapy to even understand why my T's self disclosure was so helpful and healing, so I couldn't defend him successfully or articulate why self disclosure could be therapeutic. I have become better (a little!) at not getting defensive and become better at giving posters like this some slack and not reacting personally. If they stay around PC and learn more, and as they read more on their own, they will often come to be able to accept a wider variety of experiences that do not match their own and also in general learn to be more supportive. I think there are many, many people here in this forum who are extremely supportive and they model how to be supportive for those who arrive and may not know how. I have learned a lot since coming here and am still learning from everyone.

[chaotic13]

I agree with all of the comments posted. I think when I first started here I was totally lost and had formed rigid thick walls around me with limited my ablilty to see that what did feel right to me, might be exactly what someones might need. I think as I've moved along in my own therapy explorations my boundaries and opinions have become more flexible. Now, I kind of think...the way you do therapy with your T should only be limited to...what works and is healthy for you. I also think on a forum like this when you present a thought, idea, or share a situation and ask for comment...you need to be prepared to get a few that many not be what you wanted to hear. The good thing in this is that you have an opportunity to analyze your thoughts and see if your still believe them after reading other perspectives.

[Brightheart]

I don't think there is a right or wrong way to do therapy. I wouldn't have thought of my former T as superior either. But...I am extremely protective of our relationship and of him. So anytime I might get the feeling anyone is judging him or our relationship...I get triggered. This is fairly typical for me and goes back to my past, of course. I do think, a lot of times, I often read into things and don't perceive them in the way they were intended. So internet stuff, I guess.

[jexa]

I have learned a lot about tolerance from this board! I work in psychology and have been trained very behaviorally. The people I work with are purely CBT and BT and scoff at psychodynamic and other long-term therapy approaches, and I had adopted what I'd learned.

Since coming here, I really see the value in opening up and exploring the self in a more flexible way, using approaches as they are relevant to the individual. I am so glad for this board because one day (when I am more sane!) I hope to become a therapist, and I think learning this flexibility is really important and will help me help people. I don't want to be a desk-T one day, I don't, I don't!! But the place I work is full of "colder" therapists. I want to give people what they need from therapy. Sometimes that is not immediate behavior change. I think I'm starting to see that. But I could never say this where I work -- they would scoff at me!

But what do they know? Therapists are supposed to teach people to be more flexible in their thinking. This rigidity may be comforting, but isn't it the opposite of what we try to teach in the field of psychology?

This board has given me so much to think about and has really opened my eyes.

[ECHOES]

I too think it's a mix of ignorance, prejudice, wanting to feel that we are in the therapy that is right for us (maybe a fear that it isn't, or just a speck of uncertainty or insecurity about that), and a real concern for others and a (guided or misguided) desire to help.

I was (and probably still am, but not as much) prejudiced against some forms of therapy. That comes from my personal experiences. Some therapies weren't helpful to me at that time so I concluded that it was the therapy (not ME! lol).

There are so many kinds of therapies (and therapists) (and patients/clients). Ignorance or unfamiliarity is a given. I have learned so much by reading. I may not be able to understand or appreciate another's therapy in general, but may find some aspects of it I can relate to.
I also have learned to distance myself from the site sometimes when I feel like my own therapy is being affected because I start wanting my therapy to be just like someone else's therapy. I can start to become dissatisfied with my own therapy, when I am in fact very happy with my therapy.

Originally Posted by sunrise

I think there are many, many people here in this forum who are extremely supportive and they model how to be supportive for those who arrive and may not know how. I have learned a lot since coming here and am still learning from everyone.

I couldn't agree with this more. I've learned so much from some of the posters here. Many here have such natural skills at being compassionate, supportive, and kind -- it's inspiring and it really helps create this unique space.

[BlueMoon6]

I agree with everything that has been said about first that email is very easliy misinterpreted. SAWE story was very funny. I also agree that as I read and understand other people's therapies I grow in my understanding of how we all need different things. Althought there may be intolerance of sorts here, I find that for the most part people are pretty open to one another's difficulties and T approaches. And I am so grateful for that.

I learned here that the desk T type of therapy wasnt so good. If it werent for PC Id still be there. For sure.

I guess Id add that there are times when someone will post about their T and if she sounds like DT I might have something to say that is way off base because of my experience. Usually the poster will point that out and I realize right away Im answering from the negative experiences I had...right Rainbow?

Story about mis interpreting.....I was in college and we were given a paper to write. Everyone got a different topic. One girl was given "Euthenasia" and she did her paper on "Youth in Asia" Ture story. Unreal, huh? Talk about misinterpreting what someone said.....

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by Melbadaze

I wonder why sometimes a atmosphere of intoalrence seems to come up here? To be honest I myself suffer with this and dont like it..I notice it in other posts too..what is the cause of it?

For me, therapy is a very vulnerable, tender time and that vulnerability certainly used to extend to even talking about therapy with others as well. I still do sometimes think I need therapy for therapy, so I talk, but I'm a little better and more secure with my process.

I also think that I used to be a little afraid of something actually being "wrong" with my therapy. Maybe this guy is hurting me, maybe we are way off course and I'm wasting all this money, maybe I shouldn't be in therapy at all - it's just all in my head and I should just snap out of it. You name it, I thought it.

If my experience is at all generalizable to others, then I can see how the stage would be set for grandstanding, defensiveness, and misunderstanding.

But in the end, Good lord, we are all in this together and whatever moves us down the path to healing has got to be the right thing for us.

I do think some of those paths are common, but some of them are exquisitely unique to the individual and their therapist.

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

I too think it's a mix of ignorance, prejudice, wanting to feel that we are in the therapy that is right for us (maybe a fear that it isn't, or just a speck of uncertainty or insecurity about that), and a real concern for others and a (guided or misguided) desire to help.

There are so many kinds of therapies (and therapists) (and patients/clients). Ignorance or unfamiliarity is a given. I have learned so much by reading. I may not be able to understand or appreciate another's therapy in general, but may find some aspects of it I can relate to.
I also have learned to distance myself from the site sometimes when I feel like my own therapy is being affected because I start wanting my therapy to be just like someone else's therapy. I can start to become dissatisfied with my own therapy, when I am in fact very happy with my therapy.

I agree 100%, Echoes!

[Melbadaze]

Echoes, Interesting, I/ve ever felt the need to write about my therapy so it looks like someone elses,..but I do roll my eyes plenty of times when I read about some therapies...

I am finding as my therapy goes along though, that for sure no one method fits all..so at last perhaps movement on my part LOL

[ECHOES]

I didn't say I felt a need to write about my therapy so it looks like someone else's.
I said that I start wanting my therapy to be like someone else's. Sorry if I wasn't clear on that.
I don't write much about specifics of my therapy. It is too personal for me to share and normally I want to process it on my own, so it doesn't become triangulated or dilluted or influenced.

[Melbadaze]

echoes, yes i can understand that...there are times i don't write because of those reasons.

[ECHOES]

I am finding as my therapy goes along though, that for sure no one method fits all..so at last perhaps movement on my part

I think it is movement too. I think it's really meaningful too. Tolerance frees us up to be able to see things that all therapies have in common and that there can be different paths to the same goal(s).
When we take that to other areas of life and our world expands and becomes richer and more connecting

[Melbadaze]

i left out how i come to this...its because my needs have at times demanded t relax...and t do this or that...and she has adjusted....its become my therapy...

[sw628]

Echoes and Melba))

I feel the same way.When i first joined PC, i used to discuss details of my therapy a lot. Then i began to realize how personal and intimate my sessions with T were. I also think that there is an element of privacy to maintain, even though this is a public board. i value my relationship with t,and don't want that tampered with.

[rainbow8]

I missed this thread before and I realize how much I relate to this topic. I have posted some negative things about my T but then, when I get advice to find a different T, or go back into therapy, I get very defensive of my T. Too many opinions confuse me and I don't know what to do. I'm jealous of others too, because their Ts seem better. Yet, I posted so many good things about my T in a thread about the "little things".

I always want what others have. You know, "the grass is always greener on the other side." Like some of you said, maybe it's not such a good idea to share so many details of therapy. No one can understand what goes on between us and our T. Not really. But the best thing I like about PC is finding out that many of us have the same fears and feelings about the process of therapy no matter what our Ts orientation is, and that this is a safe place to process those feelings.

[MissCharlotte]

I think at times, I have posted things and then got so annoyed at the responses because they weren't what T would say at all! Then I learned to hold onto these thoughts, feelings, emotions and put them in the right place--whether in a poem I write and bring to T or simply in session as a topic. I was so freaked out when therapy began. I am still amazed at how little connection I had to myself. As I become more self-aware, I find my tolerance of others' therapies grows. I never was a fan of the one size fits all perspective for anything, so why would it be true for therapy? I have learned to stay away from threads that trigger me as there are some topics that just send me over the edge. In those cases I protect myself (something I learned in T) and also protect the writers from my poison pen. LOL

I do love the board and all of you and find great comfort here on many many levels. but have also become very protective of my own therapy. It is so very special to me and I have found tremendous healing through the relationship that I never thought possible. I have a long way to go but hopefully that means that T and I will be together for a while more!