[MissCharlotte]

So I saw T yesterday and had an okay session. I find the reunions still difficult at least on some level. He commented that my mood seemed better and I told him it was a direct result of our work and the anti-d. He agreed. But then he said a few things that TOTALLY ANNOYED ME. First of all he asked if Christmas was fun and I said no. He knows I don't like Christmas and although I try to enjoy it, it is immensely difficult for me to move through those two weeks because of the amount of childhood trauma surrounding that time of year. I know he wanted me to be "in the now" and acknowledge how enjoying it is to be with my family now, but frankly I still don't like the holidays and what I enjoy is reveling in the fact that they are OVER. He's such a jerk sometimes. Then he made the most absurd suggestion with respect to me and H - can't even go into it. But suffice it to say no woman would have said it. Sometimes he's such a GUY.

So, I don't know if I'm being stubborn; punishing him for being away (which I tend to do); not being my adult self or he was just an idiot. There are times when therapy sucks.

[mixedup_emotions]

Oh, I soooo agree that there are times when therapy sucks.

I'd be curious to know what your T would say about your reaction to him.

[Melbadaze]

miss c, I said in my post that when away drom therapy for a lengh of time i slip back into adult mode...when i go back i regress becasue thats the name of the beast for the work that goes on in therapy...I get the feeling that everyones trying to say how "recovered" they are by how adult they are in therapy...thats not therapy .....its absolutely fine to feel angry and confused when we don't have control over how therapY effects us when in the room....the therapy room is the place to show where we still need to work at....some here seem to think that one has to be As adult as the therapist...have to not need from the therapist...well my mememe child still has unmet needs and still acts ouT, i don't have any shame about that anymore....sorry it was difficult..well actually i'm not because it will show you eventually which spot ia hurting you..take care.

[ECHOES]

(((MissC))) I don't know if it's this way with you, but I struggle more now with the return to therapy than the break from therapy. It's is just annoyingly uncomfortable when T returns and I can't always put my finger on it. I tend to imagine T has made some kind of adjustment of my therapy during the break because things just seem kind of 'off'. Kinda scary sometimes and definitely uncomfortable and disappointing.

Hang in there!

[MissCharlotte]

Melba,

have to not need from the therapist

I agree with you. I have many needs and don't feel any shame about it, nor do I think there is any intrinsic victory in the idea of not having/admitting needs. Sometimes I feel shy about discussing my needs because I don't have experience in a loving relationship where those needs are met. But I am learning in therapy how that can happen. The only thing I would say here is that both the child parts of me and the adult parts have needs.

one has to be As adult as the therapist

Maybe that's it! T was acting like a big baby,so I just chimed in.

[MissCharlotte]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

(((MissC))) I don't know if it's this way with you, but I struggle more now with the return to therapy than the break from therapy. Yes, me too! The break has become easier probably because I feel more secure in the relationship; but the reunion continues to feel strange.

It's is just annoyingly uncomfortable when T returns and I can't always put my finger on it. I tend to imagine T has made some kind of adjustment of my therapy during the break because things just seem kind of 'off'. Kinda scary sometimes and definitely uncomfortable and disappointing.

I think the disappointing part is probably very true and for me, it's a result of the pedestal I put him on and the idealization that occurs during the break--but I need to do that in order to sustain the break, so I guess it's all part of the continuum of security in the realtionship. When I walked into the room, there was plain old human T and he wasn't wearing his Superman costume either!

Hang in there!

Thanks Echoes, Happy New Year.

[MissCharlotte]

((Mixed-Up)),

Well, I can say pretty much anything to T and if I told him about the Christmas feelings he will probably acknowledge and validate my wounded child self and then he will try to help me see that I have some power to change that for my self now because it's not likely that I can avoid Christmas for the rest of my life. If I told himn he's a jerk sometimes he'll probably agree. He also might say, "I don't know what that means, tell me."

[chaotic13]

Miss C sorry your reunion session was all that great. I dislike when I get seemingly absurd suggestions. I got a suggestion this week that wasn't absurd but was clearly one of those...bandaid recommendations that didn't sit well with me.

I guess in the end we have to just assume they mean well and move on. Sometimes certain events suck and I want to leave it at that for the time being and not try and focus my brain on all the reason "I" make it that way.

[BlueMoon6]

((((((Miss C)))) I wonder what you would say to him if you told further explained what you mean when you tell him he's a jerk sometimes Like the guy thing and the jerky advice he gave you about H. He's a guy and you can point anything out to this guy, I love him () from the sound of your posts. Im sure he'll agree he gave you jerky guy advice.

I also feel like my sessions are different depending on the age I am when I am in there. I get so much accomplished as an adult, but my young sessions feel so relieving. Maybe your child felt frustrated in some way because of the separation and wasnt going there (vulnerable) and so got angry and annoyed?

As far as Christmas goes, I can SO relate to that. Everyone I know loves the holidays, even if it is stressful. I am NOT a fan of any holidays. I tolerate them and get through them. Every holiday triggers something for me. And I feel kind of alone in that. It is the same with the spring. When everyone says what a great feeling it is, the weather is getting warmer, everything is in bloom, how lovely the spring is I feel yucky. I am not a fan of the spring either. There is something triggering about it for me, too.

What a dark, morbid person I am