[rainbow8]

My H shows no interest in my therapy other than wishing I didn't go. He never asks how my session was, or wishes me luck going to one. He never asked how Kt is, versus Bt. Sometimes I tell him, but usually I just feel hurt that he doesn't seem to care anything about my emotional state. His only comments have always been negative, about my attachment, ot being a "vegetable" after a bad session.

So, I wonder if other spouses ask about your sessions, or is your therapy private and you don't choose to share it? Thanks. Mostly, I wonder if they show an interest in your therapy.

[perpetuallysad]

I am lucky in that my spouse does usually ask how it went. I have to drive to another town and I always call him when I am leaving the office. He always asks if I am ok. I think this is because he's afraid for me to be driving when I am too upset (which is often the case when I leave). My husband does not like my pdoc/t, but he has come to accept it all. I think he feels like my pdoc is hurting me, and that's why I get so upset after sessions. Its hard for him to understand it all and how I share things with my pdoc. My h is very kind to me and I do believe he cares about it, but he's uncomfortable with it at the same time. God, sorry this was such a convoluted answer.

Short answer; yes, he always asks.

[jexa]

When I was living with my BF (now ex) he never asked about therapy except once he asked if I ever talked about him in there. He seemed uncomfortable with the whole idea of therapy and thought I should just rely on him. He was a really loving boyfriend, so it's not like his not asking about therapy meant anything bad. He just didn't have experience with therapy himself, and he felt insulted that I thought someone else's advice was more valuable than his. In time I explained it enough that he wasn't insulted, but I don't think he even knew what questions to ask about it, anyway.

[gravyyy]

My BF (now ex) only ever said he wanted to go with me to a session beause he wanted to know what I was talking about in there (he's the controlling type... hence the Ex- part). I wouldn't ever tell him because it wasn't his business. I told him if something ever came up in a T session that directly affected him that I would tell him. He was angry about that but he wasn't asking to know because he was concerned about my feelings or symptoms but because he wanted to have control over every little part of my life. That didn't fly with me so I cut him loose about a month back.

[Brightheart]

Mine never asked about anything. I always wished that he had, but in his mind he was being mindful of my private stuff. I think his heart was in the right place, but I would have enjoyed sharing my experiences with him.

My husband and I have the same therapist (which is a wonderful arrangement by the way.) Sometimes we'll ask each other how a session went, but we don't pry. We respect that time as ours alone. If we feel like talking about it we do. If no, we don't.

[Typo]

Yes, my current signifcant other only asks occasionly, but I'm very open with him and he knows when I've seen my T and sometimes the things we discuss. He is really supportive and is actually one of the people that pushed me to get back into therapy after quitting because I got afraid of the issues coming up.

No, he doesn't ask. I really appreciate that he gives me my privacy and lets me take the lead in what I share.

I DO tell him things from therapy - if I had a really hard session, or if T and I were joking and something funny came up - things like that. He listens, but never pries.

Rainbow, if you want your husband to know something about therapy, could you just tell him??

[sunrise]

When I was still married, my XH did not ask questions about my therapy. I am a pretty private person, so this worked well. We weren't in the habit of discussing our medical concerns or visits to doctors either. There were a few times I did tell him something from therapy. He didn't seem that interested. This could indicate a true lack of interest, some awkwardness with the whole idea of therapy, or being respectful of my privacy. On the other hand, I didn't really want to share about therapy with him, as our relationship was poor and we weren't close (and now are divorced). That's one thing I liked about PC--here I could share if I wanted, with people who understood.

With my daughter, I sometimes do gently inquire how her session was, and sometimes she will say something, and sometimes not. I don't push beyond an initial inquiry because I don't want to pry. Sometimes I tell her something about my session, as I want to normalize certain things happening in therapy for her.

[rainbow8]

Thanks for the replies so far. In my case, what bothers me is my belief that if my husband loved me, he would ask about my therapy. He would want to know what I'm working on, at least, generally. I feel like he doesn't care about me since he doesn't ask. I know he thought I was wasting our money on Bt after a couple of years, but he hasn't asked me anything about Kt. I told him about the EMDR, but he shows no interest in it.

I like being asked questions. My mother always wanted to know details of my life, and was interested. My father didn't. It makes me feel unloved when my H doesn't ask.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

My H shows no interest in my therapy other than wishing I didn't go. He never asks how my session was....... His only comments have always been negative.........

same here.

I scrounge up $ for fees without his knowing
& on the days I go, he has no idea that's where I am cause i don't want to hassle about it any more.

I *am* going, this is something I need to do & I can't see that it's hurting him/us at all
(hopefully quite the contrary).

[rainbow8]

tree, I DO tell him, but I don't feel like he really cares. I talk to him a lot, and he asks me why I am telling him! Not about therapy, but other things like things that happen at work. I think that's why I like PC so much. People CARE and respond to me. That's why I like therapy so much too. My biggest need is is to be heard, to KNOW that people care enough so I know I'm not invisible. Like in my thread. I posted that I had a great session, but then my thread went off page 1. It makes me feel like I'm not cared about. I KNOW that's not true, and I realize I need to discuss this in therapy. Honestly, it just came up while thinking and writing this thread!

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

Sometimes I tell him, but usually I just feel hurt that he doesn't seem to care anything about my emotional state.

Is this a general statement or only related to therapy? This might be something for the two of you to work on if it is about your emotional state always. Like if you were feeling down one day or happy or disappointed (and you had not gone to therapy), he would have no interest if you tried to tell him that? I think this was the case for my XH. He really would rather talk about what he had done at work that day, or current world events than how a person was feeling about the events of the day and why. This was both about himself and about me or anyone.

[theave]

My OH asks and is interested how I have got on - the other night he asked how I was feeling about therapy the next day, and I told him what I was going to discuss and how hard I was finding it; and I told him how it had gone once the session was over. He is always interested but doesn't pry - he knows I post on forums but he doesn't check up on me. He is a complete star and has helped so much - we are much closer as a result of my depression, though I'm sure there are easier ways to develop that closeness.

I would find it hard if he wasn't interested because I would feel like a fraud, putting on an act even for him. I can see from this thread how lucky I am, and hope that things can change for those that want it to.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I talk to him a lot, and he asks me why I am telling him! Not about therapy, but other things like things that happen at work.

Rainbow, my XH was much the same way, throughout our marriage, but more so as we got older and our marriage went on the skids. I did feel very lonely in the marriage many times, and my solution was to accept his lack of interest as just being part of who he was and to seek out what I needed in interaction and companionship from friends. I'm not saying this was a great solution, because it helped me stay satisfied enough to avoid deeper problems in the marriage. But I did find that having friendships was really helpful and giving up the idea that my H should be my friend, although kind of sad, freed me from frustration and pain. Again, I'm not saying this was a great solution, but at the time, it helped us stay married, and my life was enriched by the friendships I formed.

[Lamplighter]

I feel my H is willing to talk to me about my therapy and I’ve even got him ‘trained’ to the point now where he will consciously put in an appearance when I get back after therapy in order to ask me how it went - BUT he is so uncomfortable with the kind of subjects therapy involves and I know that he finds listening to me trying to explain about my issues really excrutiating - he simply doesn’t understand and I can see by the pained look on his face that it’s hard for him so I tend to just gloss over stuff. Sometimes it’s worse having one of these ‘how did it go’ - ‘oh not bad’, type conversations than not saying anything at all. But at least he is supportive even if he doesn’t know how to deal with this kind of conversation.

Rainbow like you too I wish I had people in my life who not only asked me questions but were actually interested in the replies!

Torn Mind

[purple_fins]

I hope you will forgive the interruption.... ummmm...

"theave" said--

My OH asks and is interested how I have got on

What does "OH" mean? ......
"other" husband?,
"odd" husband,
"ordinary" husband.....

I haven't a clue.....?

thank you

fins

[purple_fins]

Oh yes, and Rainbow--
I think this is much more a reflection on your husband and NOT on you.

Many many men are not comfortable talking about "feelings" or past emotional pain-- so that could be a reason he doesn't ask. and if he's never gone to therapy he might not know what to ask or how to go about helping you to feel cared about on his end. And also maybe he is respecting your privacy, as most people do realize therapy is a private matter and to let the one going talk about it on their own.

I'm sorry you are struggling with not feeling heard-- ugh
I know that feeling way too well myself.

thinking of you

fins

[TayQuincy]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

tree, I DO tell him, but I don't feel like he really cares. I talk to him a lot, and he asks me why I am telling him! Not about therapy, but other things like things that happen at work. I think that's why I like PC so much. People CARE and respond to me. That's why I like therapy so much too. My biggest need is is to be heard, to KNOW that people care enough so I know I'm not invisible. Like in my thread. I posted that I had a great session, but then my thread went off page 1. It makes me feel like I'm not cared about. I KNOW that's not true, and I realize I need to discuss this in therapy. Honestly, it just came up while thinking and writing this thread!

I think it is a guy thing, not that all guys are like this but many are. I often say I need a wife, because honestly, i think I could have a more emotionally intimate relationship with a woman. Having said that, my hubby does listen more than it appears. He hears me, although often doesn't get it. I am used to talking away and hubby will be doing something else, not focused on me or what i am saying. He doesn't understand the need I have to talk, because he doesn't have that need. I think men and women are wired differently, or brought up to behave differently.

My hubby never asks about therapy. I don't talk about my therapy at all to anyone (except here and to a close friend who is also in therapy). I don't want to. Once I did tell my hubby about one particular trauma, and he surprised me by listening attentively and responding in a caring, protective manner. I was very surprised. I know he cares.

[theave]

Originally Posted by purple_fins

I hope you will forgive the interruption.... ummmm...

"theave" said-- What does "OH" mean? ......
"other" husband?,
"odd" husband,
"ordinary" husband.....

I haven't a clue.....?

thank you

fins

Hi fins - it means "other half" - at least, that's what I've always thought, maybe I've been using the wrong term all this time! Mine might be a bit odd at times (aren't we all?!) but he's far from ordinary!

Maybe it is a male / female thing as some of you have suggested - a few years ago we both did a psychological test thingy which showed how male or female your brain was, and we both scored near the middle. Here it is: http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbo...add_user.shtml

Also, he has had some therapy himself - initially it was to help with some anxiety issues but it was also somewhere he could offload about what was going on with me, and seek reassurance that he was doing all he could (which he was).

[Brightheart]

I'm right with you, Rainbow. I feel that way too sometimes. I wish H and I could have deep and meaningful conversations...but it just isn't his way. His mind doesn't work that way. Not because he doesn't love me...it's complicated, but I do very much relate. I don't think my H knows how to do deep. Do you feel that way about yours too, Rainbow? Any time I've tried I get funny looks, so I've accepted that it is what it is. Kind of like the T relationship in a way, I suppose. I guess I'm not much help.

[granite1]

my husband was the one who asked me to start going to therapy or maby get some help becaues of my moods and behavior.he will ask me about it and now he kind of makes fun of it for some reason because i cant seem to talk much so he says why go or hurtfull things like how was T oh i know you didnt talk etc...dont really know what that is all about.

[sittingatwatersedge]

(((((((( granite1 ))))))) sorry

[purple_fins]

theave wrote-

Hi fins - it means "other half" - at least, that's what I've always thought, maybe I've been using the wrong term all this time! Mine might be a bit odd at times (aren't we all?!) but he's far from ordinary!

OK! I've never seen that before--
thank you for explaining. (I've only seen DH-- dear husband, H- husband or SO- significant other)

I think it can make a HUGE difference if the husband has been to some therapy as to whether or not they ask about yours.......
I s'pose there are some husbands that are more into emotions but I don't think that is the norm for them.

fins

[BlueMoon6]

Rainbow- I never really thought about this question. As to whether or why my H doesnt ask about therapy. I think he wants me to be happy and if it makes me happy, thats all he needs to know. He once asked me if I talk about him! LOL! I said I did and he asked me what I talk about so I said our marriage. He didnt ask for too many details and I gave him a general overview. Nothing I talk about with T in relation to him would be much of a surprise to him. I dont care if he asks me or not. I guess Im better with him not getting involved. I didnt ask him what he said in therapy with dt. He did share something bizarre, tho.

I guess the bottom line it I agree that most husbands arent as into delving into feelings and what is behind this or that. I say most, but there are the husbands who very much are. Im not sure if I want an H who digs into my head.

But I definitely dont see it as a relfection of his feelings for me. I just think he has other things to think about then what I talk about with my therapist. He doesnt ask about any other healthcare thing I do unless there is an issue with something.