[sw628]

Since I am seeing my T to work on ED and Trauma issues we do DBT and EMDR therapy. I usually have to fill out a diary card and bring it with me to each session. Well, at last nights session I forgot my card and opted to tell T what had been going on this week so we could focus on issues that might have come up. I remember telling T that I was triggered by my friend talking about ED's who obviously had no clue what she was talking about, and how my body image issues were a problem as well. T made a remark that she couldn't understand why I would want to have the body of a teenage boy and something else that i don't quite recall since I shut completely down. I was SO hurt by that comment as that kind of thing never crossed my mind. It triggered something so hurtful because I was teased SO SO much about being overweight when I was a teenager. For someone that I trust to say that kind of thing, it makes me not want to share anything else with T. T apologized about 10 times only to say that she ****ed up BIG time with her attempt at humor... she sure did.. I just wanted to walk out of session but decided my money would be best spent staying the full session.

Should I be this upset? I STILL feel so angry and hurt by T's comment.

It isn't a matter of whether you "should" be upset. You are. Talk to her some more about it in your next session if it is still bothering you then. You may find the sting wears off some by then. She did the right thing to apologize. The rest is up to you.

[Melbadaze]

No shoulds or shouldnts, sometimes things that sound awful, actually are the words that can help eventually. Just keep talking about it with her.

((((((((((((sw628))))))))))))

Ugh, it's so awful when T says something that hurts us.

A while back, my T said something so hurtful that my husband said he must have hit his head or something, because it made NO sense that he would say it. I really just wanted to quit therapy. I was SO angry and confused.

I forced myself to go back and talk about it (after leaving him a message and letting him know how hurt and angry I was). And in the process of talking about it, I realized that T had made a mistake, and it was my choice to forgive or not to forgive. When I thought about the entire context of our relationship - years of working together and building trust, years of T saying just the RIGHT thing - I realized that as hurtful and stupid as it was, T had made a mistake. When I was able to put it in the perspective of the big picture, I was able to accept T's apology, forgive, and move on.

It is absolutely okay to feel however you feel about what T said. Sad, angry, hurt, confused...whatever. However you feel is right. And it's okay to let T know how you feel. All of that is okay.

Hugs and hugs to you. It's awful when T's screw up.

[Perna]

I try to focus on the internal why of my feeling negative emotions rather than who/what caused them. Usually I learn something about myself and my situation that I may have been avoiding and am able to turn the experience around so it is a growth opportunity for me and I end up feeling proud for having accomplished that. The only way I know to not be triggered or feel bad is to resolve the issue rather than try to stop other people or outside influences from getting to me.

[fieldofdreams]

Yes, Perna, that's exactly what my T has been trying to teach me. It took me years to understand that he was not trying to shift responsibility to me by asking me to focus on my reaction rather than on what he said, and many times I felt even more hurt and angry by what I perceived as his refusal to take responsibility for hurting me.
But he stood firm and eventually I realized that what he was actually doing was trying to help me understand why I reacted so strongly. When I focus on my reaction and not on him (or anyone else) as the cause of my pain, I learn something important about myself and the way I think, feel, and behave in relationships. And that helps me feel more in control of my emotions and my reactions to other people and events that would otherwise easily trigger or upset me.

[Perna]

I feel fortunate because I like logic and truth. So, I first look at something to see if it's true (I made up a saying for myself, "What's true is true whether you like it or not" :-) and then I look at how I feel about the person saying it. My T occasionally made some really really hard things for me to hear ("Not if you do what you usually do!") and, now, I am grateful because they were more likely to impact me and get me to go in a better direction for me.

[WePow]

((((((((( sw ))))))))) Your feelings are real, valid, and YOURS. There is nothing wrong with being mad at T about what was said. It is a part of therapy to dig into the issues like this as they present themselves. That is the only way you can heal. Keep in mind that the therapy is NOT about T in any way... outside of T being paid to help us out. Bring the focus back on you as a person and do not be afraid to tell T just exactly what you feel about the entire situation. Be honest and look into why it is so hard to just accept the "I'm sorry" bit. There is something deep that you have a chance to address head on.

[sw628]

Thanks everyone for your thoughful responses.
I had sometime to think about what T said and why im still so sad. I accept her apology as T is for the most part careful with her words and we get along great. My thoughts are that the comment made struck a deep hurt in me that i have never been given the opportunity to talk about. I grew up in a family where picking on each other and rude comments were the norm. Though i wasn't obese, i was a lot larger than my siblings and i remeber being called so many names that it hurts to just think about it. I was also told in 6th grade by a teacher that i would be much more prettier if i lost a few pounds. I was a cheerleader in highschool and someone yelled from the stands one game "sit your fat ***** down". I was humilated, hurt and so ashamed. Now, i'm a fitness instructor and maybe weigh 125 pounds, yet im still pained so deeply by those experiences.
Now that i think about it, I also recall T adding that women seem to want to achieve this no breast, lean, muscular low body fat percentage look ( teenage boy) and that curviness is way more attractive. Now i feel even more ashamed
I hope this week gets better.....