[sunsetsunrise]

Here I go doing what I always swear I will never do. Start a thread. But maybe this one will go well.

When I got on disabiity I also was put in medicare. My wonderful good great theapist was not covered by medicare because she is a LCSW. She knew that disability was giving me almost nothing per month. and then was reducing it with medicare part A and then D. Leaving me with not enough for anyone to live on. She told me not to worry though. She knows I need her. And she would not drop me. She would fight for me. Either she would write a grant. Or she would barter or trade with me. She kept saying dont worry. I went back there today only to hear her say that she will charge me 72.00 per session which is what medicaid allows her to charge people. I had been barely hanging on by a thread. She knew that. I couldnt just sit there after she said that. So I asked her if the state insurance company ( which I have coverage with until the end of the month) will cover the apt if I leave now (5 minutes into the session) . She said yes. So I told her that I cannot stay. I have to go. I left. I felt so violated that she said one thing which was so compassionate and real. And then the next week she was a greedy typical therapist. Telling someone who she knew was in financial and emotional crisis that she would charge so much that there would be nothing left of the disability money. ( she knew how much I was getting from disability, minus whats being taken out for medicare) What a cruel thing. Its my murphys law with therapists. But I figured that after 20 years I would try again and maybe the murphys law would have changed and it would be safe to bond with a therapist. Boy was I wrong. Hope I can leave this up here wihtout having it removed. Not very good at saying what I really feel and leaving it up.

[sanityseeker]

I am so sorry this is happening with you. I would be livid too. How dare she reassure you only to pull the rug out from under you like that.

Murphy's Law.... yea.... I tend to feel that same way about doctors and therapists. Things just never seem to go according to plan. It is always a surprise when it does.

I so appreciate you starting a thread so we can support you through this. Hopefully you will feel the love and that it will help a little. You are such a valued member of the community it is time you got some of the love back.

Hoping for a resolution or alternative to be found so you don't have to loose the benefits of counselling. I will be pulling for you. Wishing you well.

[sunsetsunrise]

Originally Posted by sanityseeker

I am so sorry this is happening with you. I would be livid too. How dare she reassure you only to pull the rug out from under you like that.

Murphy's Law.... yea.... I tend to feel that same way about doctors and therapists. Things just never seem to go according to plan. It is always a surprise when it does.

I so appreciate you starting a thread so we can support you through this. Hopefully you will feel the love and that it will help a little. You are such a valued member of the community it is time you got some of the love back.

Hoping for a resolution or alternative to be found so you don't have to loose the benefits of counselling. I will be pulling for you. Wishing you well.

Thank you Sanityseeker, what you wrote made my eyes leak. thank you. I am afraid that in the past several days I have not been of that much support here. Just a little bit. Although I was able to help one on one. I was just writing at another website forum that the word psychotherapist can be seperated into three words which sadly describes my experience way too often of them. Not all are like this. But its my murphys law. The three words are psycho-the-rapist psychotherapist. Personlly my mind all too often does feel raped when I trust and get so hurt by them. I know this is my karma and not that of many people. I am grateful for each story I hear of people who are being helped by their therapist. But I tried again to trust and bond with one. And got very hurt yet again. Thank you again for hearing me. I am so sorry that you understand what I mean. I wish that no one else had these expereinces with them. And I thought I was barely hanging on before this happened today....... I left a phone message for her wishing her well, cancelling the next week apt and sending her blessings. That was the cleanest way I could wrap things up. Then I took two klonapin and two benedryl and tried to sleep, to no avail. Thank you again for hearing me. Did you ever notice how the words hearing and healing are so similar?

[googley]

(((((((((sunsetsunrise))))))))

I'm so sorry this happened. It is so hard when money comes between us and the healing that we need. This may be too soon for me to suggest this, and if so feel free to ignore it. Is there any way you can find a T who would be covered by medicaid? If she isn't covered by medicaid, why is she going by their rules?

[sanityseeker]

(((((((sunsetsunrise)))))) yes I do hear you.

It takes me a long time to trust a doctor or a therapist enough to share or accept their help. I am now onto my 4th GP in fewer years. Each time a new doctor takes over it puts me back into silence about my bi polar issues. I will just get ready to open it up and poof they leave and back to square one. The same thing with the one and only counsellor (a psych nurse) that I opened up to. We were just starting to get to the real work and poof he takes a leave of absence. His replacement challenge my dx and questioned my need for counselling. I never went back. I heard a month or so ago that my original counsellor was back. By the time I mustered the guts to make an appointment poof he is gone again on another leave. I just walked out of the office with that news while the receptionist's voice faded into the air asking if I wanted to see someone else. I just figure I should give up trying to work with a counsellor. It just doesn't seem meant to be. The only positive in this situation is that for the first time I didn't meltdown obsessing about all the abandonments in my life. Maybe that is the lesson for me. Things happen. Its not always personal. It just feels that way sometimes.

Interesting play with words there sun. I can so relate to the rape analogy when your trust is broken and your hopes shattered. You feel so violated for sure.

I love that..... hear.... heal. So close and yes.... so connected. I hear you. lol.

We also know that even in light of our past we must keep the hope alive. If we want a T to listen we have to just keep looking until we find him or her. Otherwise we have to let it go as a need and look for alternatives. For me I turn to my spiritual elders and traditional teachers to fill the void. Trust is easier for me since they are like my grandmothers and grandfathers and bring to the table knowledge and understanding that touches my very spirit. They are there for me until death do us part. I feel blessed to know I can always call upon their help and be heard.

May the help you seek find you soon. I think you handled the closure with her very nicely.

I hope you are able to get some sleep tonight. Its really the very best medicine. I finally relented to a seroquel script from my new doc on Monday. I am going to take one now and head to bed early. I didn't take one last night because I was so wired still from the good night sleep on Monday that I didn't want to go to bed last night at all. Not a good idea so tonight I am going to 'do the right thing' and go to bed before midnight. I don't think I have been to bed before midnight for a couple of years. I just hope I don't wake up in the middle of the night unabble to go back to sleep again. We shall see.

Hugs to you.

[sunsetsunrise]

Thanks Googly,(((((((( hugs for your wonderful self ))))))) I am not in the market for a therapist. It was just one last try. I gave up 20 years ago. But I was supposed to do some important integration work. Next lifetime will be soon enough. this was one last try entering the lions den, so to speak. I really thought it was amazing that she was so great. Didnt fit my therapist murphys law karma. Guess my karma came shining through after all.

((((((((Sanityseeker))))))))))) Yes, boy do I hear ya !!! I like what you wrote here "For me I turn to my spiritual elders and traditional teachers to fill the void. Trust is easier for me since they are like my grandmothers and grandfathers and bring to the table knowledge and understanding that touches my very spirit. They are there for me until death do us part. I feel blessed to know I can always call upon their help and be heard." I turned to spiritual healing 20 years ago. I would love to hear more about the spiritual elders. I would LOVE some good spiritual grandmothers and grandfathers. I took a 2 year clairvoyant training course ( much more was involved in it than that ) And without my even realizing it until about 9 months into the probram after 2 years we would be ordained licensed ministers. Although there is no religion is associated with it. Anyway, a couple years after I finished that program, I ran out of money and could not do any formal spiritual study anymore. Plus I was supposed to to the integration work. I am not DID so the "integration" word is not scary and horrible for the purpose I am using it. Huge blessings to you both !!!

I hope you get really good sleep with your lovely seroquil. I want some xanax to just sleep sleep sleep. and then sleep some more. All I have is some klonapin. and some other stuff that doesnt get me to sleep.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by sunsetsunrise

She knew that disability was giving me almost nothing per month. and then was reducing it with medicare part A and then D. Leaving me with not enough for anyone to live on. She told me not to worry though. She knows I need her. And she would not drop me. She would fight for me. Either she would write a grant. Or she would barter or trade with me. She kept saying dont worry. I went back there today only to hear her say that she will charge me 72.00 per session which is what medicaid allows her to charge people.

Did she explain at all why the change?

(((((((((((((((((((sunsetsunrise))))))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry I'm glad you are reaching out for help here.

Many, many hugs to you.

[sunsetsunrise]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

Did she explain at all why the change?

Thanks pachyderm (Love your name. pachyderm's have huge wonoderful hearts.) Shes ADHD. She can completely forget that she said something. I guess even when she repeats it many times and then promises. But she was awesome. And she was the only therapist who I ever truely related to. She was gritty, smart and I could talk about my spiritual core which I cannot seperate from my life. She told me she doesnt give up and is a real fighter. Who knows why she changed her mind from when I left her office one day and I sat down the next week in her office. all I know is that I was hanging on by a thread and it broke in that moment. All I could do is ask her if she would get paid if I left, when I heard yes, I just could only leave. And call to cancel the last week that my good free state health insurance covers before medicare takes over.

Thanks treehouse. I was just writing ; in another forum I am part of; that sometimes letting people know they are heard can be the one solitary thing that means something in their entire day. The one hand that is reached out to them. And we would not even realize it.

[imapatient]

She might be a decent human being but she's a horrible therapist. It is part of T's responsibility to know the rules, and Medicare rules for therapy are easy to find and learn, for the adminstaritve aspect of providing therapy, foremost costs and coverage.

She did you a terrible disservice by giving you false information that she had to retract a wekk later. That's incompetent of her, insensitive, and professionally irresponsible. Few T's make that kind of error. She is not a good therapist if she can't handle her adminstrative responsibilities adequately. And esp. given your tight financial situation, she should have been extra careful to know what she was talking about.

I don't doubt that she told you the truth at the final appointment--that she didn't just decide to apply a set of rules that she didn't have to. I'm sure she was following the rules she needed to, but she really screwed up by misinforming you earlier.

You don't need and shouldn't want to have a T like her. Maybe some parts were good, but her screw-up at the end is uncommon. Don't give up on therapy altogether because one T--however much you liked her--screwed up. Keep trying. There are good T's out there who will help you. Don't give up on getting help over this. Don't judge all T's based on the behavior of her.

[lonegael]

Unfortuanately, the screw ups on info are more common hthan you'd think. What IS uncommon is the way she handled it. I have seen this from med doctors before, but never in a psychotherapist. Very bad style and professionalism, in my book. I'm so sorry that you had your hope smashed like that, dear. At least you know that therapy can help sometimes, even if the therapist is far less than perfect. HUGGS and I hope that somewhere you can find the help you need.

[sunsetsunrise]

thank you impatient and lonegael. blessigs

((((sunsetsunrise)))) I'm so sorry sunset. I have had a rough road with T's too. I can relate to a lot of what has been said by you and others who have responded. I don't have any advice, but please know that I am here to support you.

Take care of yourself.

[sunsetsunrise]

Thank you (((((((( slip )))))))) I am sorry you can relate. Thank you always for your support. Any time you need it please know I am here for you also. Sending hugs for you.