[doogie]

Do you ever feel like you need your t too much? Does it scare you to feel that way? Why?

[koalabb123456]

Originally Posted by doogie

Do you ever feel like you need your t too much? Does it scare you to feel that way? Why?

It make me feel very terrify and very afraid. I am way too dependent on my clinician who i totally feeling attach to but very afraid to getting close to.
I saw her today and i miss her. I won't see her until September.2

[rainbow8]

Yes, doogie. I always feel like I've needed my Ts too much. I've had 5. Right now I feel that way, and it really hurts. I wish I could be in therapy with her every day. It scares me to feel that way because I think how devastated I would feel if she died. It also scares me because this is a pattern with me, and although my T says she will become less important to me, I don't know if I believe her.

((((((((((((doogie)))))))))))))))

Yes, there was a time when I was worried that I needed T too much. It was during the time leading up to telling my story, and during the telling of the story itself (over a couple of YEARS). I felt so alone and so scared and he was truly the only person at that time who knew what was going on. But even though *I* thought I needed him too much, *he* was fine with it. A huge gift he gave me was trust that I would grow and heal at my own pace...he has never tried to force me to need him less.

I still need him, but it feels different now. I have more supports in place in my life, and, more importantly, more support within MYSELF. I think I've internalized some of the lessons I've learned from him, and there is just more strength inside that I can draw on now. I miss him when I don't see him for a long time, and I still see him twice a week sometimes, and leave him messages/e-mails between appointments...but the "desperate" quality of it has diminished. His trust in me has taught me to trust myself, and our years together have taught me to trust him. So, in my experience, it does get better (but slowly!)

Do you feel like you need T too much, doogie? Is it scary?

[granite1]

Originally Posted by doogie

Do you ever feel like you need your t too much? Does it scare you to feel that way? Why?

OMG the thought of needing my T is terifying.
what if i needed her and she wasnt thare?
what if i got to the point of needing her to function?
what if she left?
what if she abused that need?
i dont do need very well and that forces me to keep a big boundry between my T and I
i got mad at her only once because she cancled,but this was after i hadnt seen her for 4 weeks.i got so upset that i ended up hurting myself.that gave me a huge reality check about how close i was getting and then pulled way back to a safe spot so i dont get angry like that at her.i just dont do need well at all so i keep it safe with all

[doogie]

"although my T says she will become less important to me, I don't know if I believe her."

This is exactly what my T says. That for now, my need for her is ok - that it is part of the process of healing and the calls/emails/sessions it's all ok because it is ok to need her and I won't need her as time goes on. But yes, it does scare me. I'm afraid my neediness will push her away. I've told her this and she says it isn't true, but I can't help thinking that one day she will just throw up her hands and say "ENOUGH!" and walk away. During our last session, she even told me that my feeling guilty for needing her would slow our progress - to not feel guilty for needing her. But I don't know if it's so much guilty or scared. And maybe it is scared that the "need" will never go away. I know I can't do therapy for ever. I know I can't "need" her forever. I'm afraid now that I have a taste of what it is like to need her and have that need met by her, that I won't ever get it met any other way. That terrifies me. the pitiful thing is, I have a husband that loves me and treats me well, I have children that love me - but the t relationship - it touches something that those other relationships don't. I don't understand it, and I guess it does scare me. I don't know. Thoughts?

[rainbow8]

doogie, I identify with everything you said!

I'm afraid now that I have a taste of what it is like to need her and have that need met by her, that I won't ever get it met any other way. That terrifies me. the pitiful thing is, I have a husband that loves me and treats me well, I have children that love me - but the t relationship - it touches something that those other relationships don't. I don't understand it, and I guess it does scare me.

I could have written the above, word for word. Ts DO touch us in ways that no one else can. The t-relationship is unique in that way. I don't quite understand it either. We can only trust in the process that we will be able to keep the "good stuff" we get from our T inside of us, and because of that, reach out more to be able to get some of it from our real life relationships.

[WePow]

Thought about this... Yes, I do feel like I need my T too much. But I needed to be protected as a child and that was not done. So the damage was great. Now I need my T because I have to learn to take care of myself for the first time. I need to learn how to be my own protector. That is something I should have learned as a child.

I am angry that I was not given what I needed when I was a child that would have allowed me to not need my T as an adult.

But I am learning now and that is what counts. The more I learn, the less I will need my T. It just takes some serious growing up and growing pains.

[Oceanwave]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I'm afraid now that I have a taste of what it is like to need her and have that need met by her, that I won't ever get it met any other way. That terrifies me. the pitiful thing is, I have a husband that loves me and treats me well, I have children that love me - but the t relationship - it touches something that those other relationships don't. I don't understand it, and I guess it does scare me. I don't know. Thoughts?

Hi doogie, I think this ^ is definitely one to think a bit more about. What is it that your T gives you that those other close family members don't? What need does she satisfy in you? That's unique to your history, I think, and it is for you to understand. Once you understand it there is a chance that you can find that "something" in real life and also in yourself. But it takes time.

[Gus1234U]

i needed some one to talk to so bad, i had no one else, so i "rented a friend" in a counselor,, but now i have a little life, and i let him go,, 14 yrs later,,, so you keep seeing a T as long as you need to, and someday,, you won't need to. i just hope you find the support you need, and are not somehow hurt and disappointed,, best wishes ,, Gus

[cmac13]

I feel like sometimes I need my therapist too much. She does not see it that way. I have been with her for 19 years. She is part of my life and my life is so much better with her in it. Kind of a "rent a mom" - we work really well together and she is very nurturing. I seldom contact her between sessions but have done so when I am really distressed and she is OK with it. I can call her whenever I need to or write letters in between sessions. She always calls me back to help calm my fears.

[Amazonmom]

I hate it that I am so attached to my therapist. I love her because she is the first person to truly understand my depression and not negate it. Sometimes I would love to give her a giant hug, but that is not my style really (nor is it hers).

One day when I am done with therapy I will give her that big hug.