[bpd mess]

I'm a little freaked out about seeing my t in the morning WITH my husband. I love my husband, he's great, but i'm not sure i like the idea of him meeting my t. what if it changes things with t after she knows more about my life at home? what if it messes everything up? i soooo hate change!

(((((((bpd mess))))))))

I meant to respond to your other post, but I think I missed it. Do you HAVE to bring your H? Once, when T was concerned about me, he asked if I would bring in my H or a friend and I said "no". I want that space to be mine. I convinced him I could be safe, and gave him permission to CALL H or a friend if he felt like he had to.

It's your therapy. If it really makes you uncomfortable, could you put it off and talk about it with T a little more?

[bpd mess]

[quote=treehouse;1570443It's your therapy. If it really makes you uncomfortable, could you put it off and talk about it with T a little more?
[/quote]

she would let me postpone having him come in, but it's kind of time for him to come. i know it's time, but it still freaks me out. but then everything new kind of freaks me out. it won't be the same with him there. t said he won't have to come everytime, but still.....it's scary.

[racee]

if your not comfortable yet don't do it, my opinion. my pdoc brought it up once and the look on my face she dropped the idea and hasn't brought it up ever since. theres just too many situations i kept thinking of that could go on and was stressing me out maybe down the road aways wayyyy down the road.

[rainbow8]

I don't understand what you mean "it's time for him to come" to a session with you. Do you have a lot of issues concerning him? You said he's great.

My H came to a couple of sessions with my former T and I felt cheated of my time. It was usually productive, though. Once I talked to her first, and then he came for half the session. Maybe you could do that? Tell her your fears about him being there first.

I don't think it's going to mess anything up, though. Your T is still your T and that's not going to change. Good luck!!

[bpd mess]

my husband is great and very patient with me. my t believes that i've recreated the emotional climate from my childhood - i hide and don't share anything. i don't think my husband has even seen me cry in 15 years of marraige. i think she wants to get a better picture of what's going on from his perspective. that's what i mean by "it's time for him to come". that's where we are on what i'm working on. maybe that's what's scaring me. maybe it's not so much that he's coming in, but what happens after that.

[granite1]

my theripist told me that this is my time and she never has to know or meet anyone else in my family .i kind of really liked that.in my past my family was always involved in some way and it wasnt the best situation.my T is mine and thats it

[sunrise]

bpd, I went to individual therapy for 7 months with my T before my husband came for a joint session. I remember my T said afterwards, "a picture is worth a thousand words." He just understood so much better what I had been trying to describe for him after seeing me and my H interact and speaking to him directly. It really helped him understand my situation to see us together. It did not harm my relationship with T at all. However, my T had suggested several times earlier that I bring my H in, and I had not been ready, and he was respectful of this. He let me have the ultimate say on when my H came to therapy. It took me 7 months, but I didn't feel pressured.

Originally Posted by bpd_mess

what if it changes things with t after she knows more about my life at home?

This kind of sounds like you feel you haven't told your T enough about your home life? Perhaps you have more individual work to do so you will have shared about your home life before your H comes with you to therapy? I can understand about wanting to be the one to tell T the big stuff instead of your T hearing it first from your H.

[bpd mess]

sunrise, it's nice to hear that it can help and doesn't have to change things with t. she's been asking for a few months for him to come in. i've been seeing her for 21 months. i had the final decision as far as him coming in. and it's not that i haven't told her enough, but that she hasn't seen me interact with anyone but her. i guess it makes sense. maybe it isn't that big a deal. i can always say he can never come back. maybe i'll get some sleep tonight afterall.

[WePow]

(((((bdp mess))))) I hope today goes ok for you!
My T wanted to meet my S/O - so I brought her in one session. It was very hard for me to make that step. But it ended up working out fine because my S/O got to "look T in the eye" and saw that T was not going to try to split us up or abuse me. That made my S/O stop asking "dumb" questions about what was going on in therapy and who that guy was

Then when I had my breakdown in Feb, my S/O went with me to session to drive as I was in bad shape. T had her join us for a few min just so she could ask T what was going on with me since it was freaking her out. T told her I would be OK and that I was safe. Then after she calmed down, he had her leave the room so he could talk with me alone. I liked that because he was making it clear that he was MY T and not there to deal with her issues

[WikidPissah]

H came to T with me a couple of times. It was very scary for me, but in the end it worked out really well. In fact I was quite proud of my H for the things he asked and said. T still remained mine, and the only thing that changed was that when I spoke about H, T had a better idea of whom I was speaking.

(btw: the couple times I brought H were separate from my usual T times..I still had my personal weekly appt)

[sittingatwatersedge]

I hope all went well for you.

[bpd mess]

saw my t with my husband today. it was really strange. she mostly talked to my husband and asked him lots of questions. she gave us an assignment to do together and wants us to come in together every other week! yikes! she did say we could just add another appt for that if we needed to. i can see the benefit to having both of us there, but i don't want to give up my time by myself. i will say it was kind of fun watching my husband squirm a little like i do every week - he was kind of nervous. now he knows what it's llke.

[sittingatwatersedge]

BPDM maybe it's a matter of the issues you see her for.... Others here may see the same T for indiv and also couples, I wonder.... but my T told me, after I'd been seeing her for about 5-6 sessions, that she would not be able to see my DH and me together, as she could no longer maintain impartiality.

My t sees me and my husband individually and sees us together from time to time. He also has seen two of our children briefly. He has had no problem working with us all. It has been really helpful for him to see the dynamics between us. Sessions with my husband aren't my favorite, but they are helpful. I much rather have my individual sessions; I'm selfish that way.

[sunrise]

bpd mess, I'm so glad it went well! I hope it will prove helpful to you to have your H go to some sessions. Do you know what you will work on with your H in your joint sessions? Are you doing couples therapy? Or is it so your H can better appreciate your issues? Or something else? When my H came to therapy, we did about 10 sessions together, and met every other week. The weeks off, I had individual sessions with my T. I found this very helpful to me to keep going by myself as I still had individual work to do, and I needed a lot of support due to life events.

So if your T is able to see you alone and with your H, that is great. Some Ts operate from a paradigm that doesn't allow them to see a client both individually and as part of a couple. My T is a family systems therapist and this type of T has training and a theoretical stance that allows them to see multiple members of the same family, in different combinations. I saw my T also with my whole family for a few sessions. The more members the T meets, the more information he gets about the family. (I saw a different family systems T for something else once, and he was the same way.) My T told me that when the first member of the family to see him is an individual, as in my case, and a strong relationship has been built, sometimes the client cannot tolerate having other members of her family come in, as she feels abandoned or like the T is being unfaithful to her. It can be hard! My T warned me of this possibility before my H joined us in therapy, and told me to watch for it, and if it wasn't going to work for me, then it wasn't, and he could refer us to another family T for the couples work. But I didn't have a problem with it. My T was able to maintain a close relationship with me and start to build one with my H (right in front of my eyes!). It was actually pretty cool to watch. You will get to know your T better through this experience. There was a time I remember a joint session did not go well and I told T at the next individual session that I was not going to do any more couples sessions. T said "what???" LOL. He determined I had felt abandoned by him at the session (his interpretation), and he said he would watch for that in the future, pay closer attention to me, and if he felt me in need of him he would give me more of himself, so I would be able to feel our connection. He told me he would provide a stronger presence to me. And he said I could reach out for him too if I needed more. It all sounds a bit murky, but he knows how to do this, and we did better after that. (I think now that we are back to individual I would like to look him in the eye and say, "I need more of you, T," or "I need a stronger presence from you today, T" and see what actions he takes to provide that. )

From what you write, bpdm, it sounds like your T is experienced with seeing different members of the same family, and your first joint session went well, which bodes well for future sessions.

[bpd mess]

sunrise,
i think it went well at the time, but now the emotions are catching up. i do feel kind of abandoned, which is a big issue for me to begin with. right now i'm a little freaked out and i don't want to talk to my H or my T. feels kind of like i'm alone again. i know i freak out every time there is a change with or i have to deal with something big with T, so i'll try to ride it out and see what happens. could be an interesting/miserable week. since i have bpd, a lot of what i'm working on is relationship stuff. i guess she thinks it's time to start working on a real relationship that she can help me navigate. and yes, i trust my t to take me through this, i just don't like it very well. it really hurts.