Email Issues. --C'mon Now?--lets get real.

Ok, maybe if I wasn't at such a weird stage in my life I wouldn't need to rely on my T as much.... I mean truly, I've gotten tougher ever since I've been to therapy...tougher about NOT relying on her...and its true...The problem is, it seems to me that my circumstances make me more vulnerable to needing her more then normal and if I had different circumstances, I could maintain this strength even longer, I think. I think I would actually be doing fairly well. So, it just stinks, because I feel like everything would be a whole lot easier if I was just in a different circumstance, if i had of moved out of my parents house already and went to school...kept busy..instead, i'm stuck at home a lot, taking care of my brother and running the family business, it makes me have to be alone a lot more then usual...so, actually...it makes sense that I am pissed that today my T never responded to my email, she usually responds the same day... although, I give her the benefit of the doubt, because its a Friday night, she could have been busy,... it would make sense if she was and you should give someone more then one day, ya know? to respond?.....but, at the same time...it STILL pisses me off that she makes me talk about the most painful bs/crap and then leaves me to go home and deal with it on my own. Point taken----If it wasn't for her I wouldn't have the need to email in the first place! don't make me open up again, don't make me talk about a trauma ever again if you can't take 5 minutes out of your freakin day to respond to an email. an email that is full of my reactions towards it... if you can't handle the emails, don't make me talk...she may be annoyed by them I'm not sure or she may not... i just mean damn, seriously...i know in the past i've emailed a lot, a whole hell of a lot but, i feel emotions deeply and i am sensitive...things do not come at me soft and calm, they come at me like a fire burning in my chest, they come at me raging and i do my best to control the negative emotions...my very very best but, SORRY to break it to her but, sometimes my very very best is bad and regardless of how HARD I try...I will still need to contact you...if its 2 or 3 times a week, so be it...although, it isn't...but, i'm just saying don't make me break down in tears in therapy and expect me to not have something to say about it dear. I'm sorry if this post is really negative. I just NEEDED to LET THIS OUT!!!! i really did.

Jazzy

jazzy, I understand how you feel, I've felt the same way to myself, but I think the only difference is I knew T didnt make me do anything, she offered to help me and that meant being there willing to sit with me when I cried reliving painful things, she didnt sadistically bring me into her office plant painful memories and then enjoy me cry knowing she would abandon me later when I needed her for support. These painful memories are in us, we just decided to face them and choose therapy to do that, tears would come with any therapist that we had gotten, so its not just this therapist that is doing this too you.

Yes she may well be busy on a friday night, but alongside caring for us, they also have a duty to themselves so they can continue to be there for us and that may mean not disturbing what they are doing outside hours to run straight to our emails, and perhaps thats not what we really need anyways? perhaps they need to do when they genuinely feel its right for them that way the genuiness of the reply seeps through to us and teachs us what being real is really about, sometimes being less then perfect but modelling a healthier way of being instead of the old codependent way of being most of us were raised in? Thats not taking away your pain around this because I have had it too but learnt now that T will reply when its right too and that actually makes me feel more secure, or else the next worry would be that we feel we are draining them if they were to be there constantly for us?

(((((((((jazzy))))))))))

I'm sorry you haven't heard back from T....waiting for an e-mail is hard, especially when we're having big emotions.

My T has a super busy life and if I e-mail him, there is usually a wait for a reply. I've learned the pattern over the years, so it doesn't freak me out anymore, but it used to.

Can you talk about this with T? I used to ask T if he rolled his eyes and sighed every time he saw my name in his inbox or heard my voice on his voice mail...he said no, but it took me a long time to believe him. Sometimes I need to ask the same thing over and over and over again, and T sat with me through it, answering my questions, and in the end, I really believed it was okay for me to e-mail, and that he wasn't annoyed.

It helps me if I can find a way to distract myself when the waiting is hard. I like to go outside, or knit and watch a show on hulu. Do you have a list of distractions that might help??

to you. I hope you hear back soon.

It is hard to wait for emails. And sometimes a T who accepts email (like my T does) can get overwhelmed with emails and may miss something important (mine did). My T told me that if he missed something and I needed him to just call him - even if only to leave a msg that said "T, I sent you an email and you did not reply to it. I really need you to reply to that one. Can you send me one?"

You could write another short email to T and put in the subject "REPLY NEEDED" and say "Can you please reply to the email I sent about XYZ. I am having a hard time around sharing that part of me with you."

In fact, now I just put on the emails either "No reply needed" or "Reply Needed" as my subject line. This is working as T always responds to "Reply Needed" - even if it is hours later.

Just some ideas. Hope you are able to get what you need.

I always feel pissed when I get home from T and realize I've been left to deal with the crap. But, I think that's the point. I have to work through things on my own so I can get stronger. He's there to guide it, not hold my hand. Not saying that's what you were looking for or anything.

can understand your frustrations about not hearing back yet from your t. but thought i'd share some thoughts like other posts here. it is easy for us to forget out t's have lives too but they do. your t may have gone away for the weekend or is spending time at home with family over the weekend. i know your feelings are right at the surface after your session. perhaps your t also wants you to experience them. not saying she is not responding because of that tho. but t's have many clients and we don't know if something dreadfully serious is going on with another client. it is like a mother of 9 vs. a mother of 2. the mom of 9 doesn't intentionally not give her children her one on one devotion, she's just got many kids she has to do that with.
i''m glad u posted jazzy cause you got your frustrations out. i am sure you are aware of the things i mentioned. when we are so fragile things magnify. you are fortunate you have a t that allows you to email. many t's don't...i've had only 1 in over 20 years that i could do that with and i rarely used the option so i didn't abuse the privilege. i was very needy at the time and fragile. but perhaps that helped me. i had to sit in my own stuff and learn to be resourceful somewhat.
if you are going thru quite a bit of stuff right now with t, can you schedule appts. closer together? that worked for me. i knew i didn't have to wait as long for the next session.
another thing..do you journal? that may help you too if you don't already do it.
hope you are having a better day....don't forget we are always here for you if you need to just get stuff out. we understand. we're all in the same boat sometimes.

Thanks for the support and advice. Yes, I have my own distractions...many...and I use them as often as possible. Thank you for the ideas too. I want to schedule appointments closer together but, at the same time, it would be nice if I didn't because I try to keep a distance because I know at some point I will have to quit therapy and I don't want to get to close to any person...I do journal. all the time. see...i have already and most of the time, follow these ideas and suggestions... i understand many of the concepts behind, T's have lives too and we have to be mindful of that...but, sometimes when you are a person in pain..and it overwhelms...concepts and rules fail...they really don't mean as much when someone is in pain...I understand them, yes...I do my best to abide by them but, concepts bite the dust when your chest hurts and your tears fall...i hate that it is this way but, it is this way for me. thank you. for the comments. greatly appreciated.

Jazzy, you are so right. When I am in emotional pain all rules fly out the window. I don't care what time it is or what day it is, my pain is not a monday thur friday deal..

t understands this and says to call. I will.

IMHO if t's don't like contact they should have become accountants!

you are not alone
ps please don't beat me up because of this statement, it is just how i feel

glad to know someone understands this.
P.S. there is no way I could beat u up for a statement that I completely agree with!