[zooropa]

****. Huge rupture. Huge. T hung up on me. SHE HUNG UP ON ME. I don't even know what happened. She was telling me how she has so many people to call and she was talking so fast I couldn't really even follow what she was saying. I told her so. She said I'm just one of many phone calls she had to make and many problems she had to solve. I told her, OK, I'll let you go call the next person then, and she just hung up. WTF.

I can't even sort this out. I want to never speak to her again. I want to speak to her right now. I want to do bad things to myself to punish her and me both for what just happened.

[venusss]

Were you in some serious crisis, or was it "just" a phonecall? Maybe she has something very important to do...matter of life and death.

and if you do things to self... you will punish self only.

Sounded like you told her to move on to the next phone call. Doesn't really sound like she hung up on you in an angry way or anything.

((((((((((Zoo))))))))))))) that really sucks. i am so sorry t dismissed you like that...

last week i called t to share that he had hurt my feelings, finally got up the guts to call him and he wants me to come in for an appt (of course) and i told him i just couldn't and he says "talk to ya later" and i said "by" and that was it... i was soooo shocked! just sat there staring at my cell and wondering the same things ....WTF..... then he called back about two minutes later..... a brain fart or what i do not know.... eventually scheduled another appt,
sometimes t's can suck! sorry this is one of those times

please hang in there, t has showed so many ways that she cares for you.... i am on your side.

sending safe hugs

[zooropa]

She WAS angry, though. That's the thing. She really was.

[elliemay]

Well, that does kinda suck. I'm so sorry. Sometimes though, therapists take us at our word. If we say, "go, it's okay", then they actually will go.

She could have at least said, "thank you, I will get back with you when I have more time", but she didn't, at the bare minimum I would have expected an "okay bye". Not at least saying Bye is just rude.

It would be hard not to feel brushed aside here I know. One time my therapist told me to "just suck it up" when he was busy and overloaded with work.

I was very offended, and left feeling rather alone, but realized, you know bottom line, I do just have to suck it up. We talked about it at the next session and he owned it and apologized for his rudeness.

Sigh. I'm sure your therapist will do the same. Lord knows what all was going on in that office to prompt such a response!

[WePow]

((((((((((Zoo))))))))))))))))

Your T just messed up.
Your T just was human and really messed up.
Your T is going to feel very badly about this when she is back together inside.

Right now let big Zoo take charge.
You know the skills on this... you know how to use your words to describe this event.
Allow that big Zoo to step up and take care of little Zoo.

You CAN do this in a safe way for you.
It is not about T.
Sorry to say this, but sc#3w T !!!!
YOU are the only one who counts in this situation right now.
You have the right to feel all these big emotions and the pain.
Allow them to exist.
But also allow your sanity and your peace to be there.
Those things are not things T gave you ... things T can take away.
Those things are things that YOU worked very hard to obtain.
They belong to YOU.

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by zooropa

She WAS angry, though. That's the thing. She really was.

What was she mad about?

[SpiritRunner]

((((zoo)))) I'm sorry this happened, I really am. I know it hurts to feel dismissed so abruptly.
Perhaps what sounded like anger was a hurried, rushed, impatient tone, like she was frazzled by things right at that moment. And she just took your words as permission to move on....I don't know, I hope you can find the answers you need.
I agree with WePow....let yourself feel the hurt and anger, but also do what you need to do to keep hold of your peace!

Originally Posted by zooropa

She WAS angry, though. That's the thing. She really was.

But was she mad at you or at her general situation. Perhaps you are personalizing this when it really had to do with her general stress.

[zooropa]

I hear you guys. I agree it is probably about t and not about me. But deep down, I think it really has to be me. I mean. I'm the client, she's the t. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out who is messing things up.

[iGottaBme]

Originally Posted by zooropa

****. I told her, OK, I'll let you go call the next person then, and she just hung up. WTF.

I can't even sort this out. I want to never speak to her again. I want to speak to her right now. I want to do bad things to myself to punish her and me both for what just happened.

WTF is right! My T would have done the same thing though if I told him to go call the next person. My T is usually abrupt on the phone and I end up punishing myself for making the call in the first place.

At the very least, I hope that your T acknowleges that she was overwhelmed and dismissed you. You called her because you needed her. The upside is that your T felt comfortable enough with you to let you know what she was experiencing. She may have taken your comment as an act of kindness.

I hope that you do speak to her again and let her know how insensitive she was towards you and how it made you feel.

[Sannah]

She sounds like she is just overwhelmed. You didn't do anything wrong.

[with or without you]

ugh, it's so tough being in a vulnerable position such as this. Every little thing they say that you think sounds even remotely wrong ends up stinging like hell.

[ECHOES]

(((zoo))) When something similar happened to me recently, I worried about it all week. I thought that she hung up, and I worried that she thought that I hung up.
When I went to my next session, I talked about it with T, and it turned out that T thought the call had ended naturally. I worried all week, she was oblivious.

Maybe you can talk to her about this, and how her hurried speaking made you feel?

[zooropa]

I did call her and leave a message saying I don't know Wtf just happened but I am upset by it. Normally she would call Me back but I think it's safe to day this isn't a normal day for t. I don't know what to expect or think or do next.

I'm about to get very drunk. It's not very skilful, but in terms of harm reduction it isn't the worst i could do.

[WePow]

((((Zoo))))

It is NOT just about you or just about T. It is a relationship between two living beings. Two people who can misunderstand others. Two people who make mistakes.

Your T has a very big role in this... and so do you.

But the bottom line is that you do have the power to work through this.
You have done the workout.
Your T just stepped in it - big time.

If you are able to regain a bit of strength and are safe enough, call T back and say, T - WTF ???? Remember that she is working for you - working to help you heal. Part of the DBT is to be available on the phone. She knows this. That means she is going beyond what she would do as a CBT or other therapist. If she can't handle being a DBT, she needs to change her style of therapy.

My T and I have talked some about your T (because he is working on DBT training) - and he has said what I just told you. He said that being a DBT is one of the hardest things to do. But that it can be the most rewarding. It is a very deep relationship and has specific ways of dealing with things. It depends on a T who is able to model the right way to behave inside a safe relationship.

You deserve your wellness. You deserve to not sit in turmoil over her blunder tonight.

[WePow]

(((Zoo))) I just read your note after I wrote what I wrote. Good job!

You have a right to get drunk. You do. You have a right to also be mad about this. I am mad for you! That is my right. But you also have a right to not get drunk. You have a right to stay OK even through this. No matter what you decide to do, it is OK. It is your right.

[ECHOES]

zoo, can you let yourself suspend judgement for now, and not act on your hurt and anger and disappointment?

You are thinking about getting drunk. I think part of that is to "show HER!" but getting drunk affects you. I can understand wanting your feelings heard and comforted. Can you think of some other ways to do that?

[googley]

((((((((((((Zoo))))))))))))

I'm so sorry that your T hung up. I don't think it has anything to do with you. She probably has so much else to do and took you at your word that she could go and take care of her other problems. I know I've totally said things like that and then realized right after I said them that I didn't really feel that way. I hope that she calls you back tonight. Please take gentle care of yourself. You don't deserve more pain.

[TayQuincy]

Originally Posted by WePow

((((Zoo))))

Part of the DBT is to be available on the phone. She knows this. That means she is going beyond what she would do as a CBT or other therapist. If she can't handle being a DBT, she needs to change her style of therapy.

Actually, the phone contact is supposed to be limited to skills coaching. It is not supposed to be for whenever the client "wants" to talk to T. Zoo, I am thinking your T may be over-extending herself to her clients, trying to "be there" for them all the time. They have to have limits or else they will burn out. Your T sounds like a very caring person and maybe she is overwhelmed because she isn't setting the appropriate limits.

[zooropa]

I appreciate all your replies. Right now I would agree that t could possibly be over extending herself. That isn't my problem, though. I told her on my last voice mail that her role in my life is that of my t, not my friend, and so my expectations of her are different. And, I think, rightfully so.

((((((((((zoo)))))))))))

i'm sorry that happened. your T did not handle that well. she should have at least said goodbye. it does sound like she's having a bit of a meltdown herself with too much on her plate and that it isn't about you at all though. i hope she gets back to you soon. i do hope you don't drink because i know you said you recently had pancreatitis and i remember hearing alcohol isn't good for that. my dog had that recently and boy was it not fun. emergency room and 5 day stay in the hospital. no more sauce for him. be gentle with yourself zoo.

zoo, please forgive me for being so insensitve... i didn't realize t was angry.....

i hope you can drink some hot cocoa or take a hot bath.... i hate the hangovers being drunk can cause....

(((((((((((((((((zoo))))))))))))))))))

[Sweetlove]

Zoo...so very sorry T did that. It was wrong that she hung up, it doesn't matter what her excuse is going to be...for someone who talks to you regularly and knows what you're going through...it was wrong.

The only thing I can think about is when she upset you last time when she said the wrong name on the message. It ended up with her at your doorstep in tears thinking you had done something horrible, showing how much she cared. I'm not condoning ANYTHING, just trying to give you a sense of hope that you can work it out.

Take care of yourself...thinking of you