Rupture

T didn't call. I don't know if she's going to. If she doesn't, I don't know what I will do. Right now a large part of me wants to be done with t, done with the work and the heart ache. Except I don't know if I can do what I'm doing right now in my life without t's support. I guess I'll find out. Going home to bed soon, to let tomorrow sort itself out.

I hope you can get to sleep, zoo, and that your T calls you in the morning. I also think she was overwhelmed when she hung up with you and she will probably apologize. It's hard to accept that Ts make mistakes and are not perfect. I don't know if they realize how much it affects us when they do something that seems rude and uncaring to us, but they don't see it the same as we do.

Remember, T's are just human also....they are not PERFECT, they can mess up without even realizing it at times just like we do. When we are overloaded, we tend to be short with others especially if we have our mind on something else that may have actually been a very serious situation that she was in the process of getting to.

Run through some possible scenarios that your T might have been going through. Know we always want them to be understanding of our feelings & what we are going through, sometimes we need to do the same thing for them.

Know it's tough when our emotions are controlling the situation....that's when we need to step back & let our logical mind do some work.

Good thing to talk it over with your T so that both of you can learn from what happened & soon it will be all a part of the past.

((((( ZOO ))))))

I am so so so sorry that you're going through this. As you know, I've been dealing with this huge rupture between me and T, and it has been incredibly painful...so I know what you're going through. It's so hard to deal with those excruciating emotions that don't just simply go away and are too painful to endure. I understand wanting to escape it...wanting to never see T again...but needing T so badly.

It's all just so hard. It's hard to see them as human. It's hard to accept that they make mistakes. It's hard to accept that they have other people and issues to tend to when WE NEED them.

I hope you are able to get some sleep. I found that the best thing I could do for myself was sleep. It gave me the ability to have that escape without doing harm to myself (of course, I did end up harming myself this last time, more than once, so I know how strong those urges can be)....and I truly hope that T calls you back soon and that you both can work through this.

I'm kind of overcome with the idea that this is how it ends between me and t. Scared doesn't begin to cover it. Really hope she calls me tomorrow. For now, I'm sufficiently numb and headed home to bed.

Zoo~
Your feelings are all valid. I would be devestated if my T hung up on me. I do hope you can get some rest tonight and that you get a phone call in the morning.
If it takes a while for your T to call try to distract yourself. I know it is easier said then done. But could you go to the gym or for a walk? I am a great preacher, but have difficuly practicing what I preach. I just hope you will have some comfort to get you through this.
Thinking of you
.

Wow, that would have unsettled me BIG TIME! I can totally understand why you feel devastated and let down!

I'm curious what her explanation of this is, will you let us know?

(((Zoo))) I'm so sorry this happened. I will concur with WePow - T is human and made a human mistake. She's probably not aware she hurt you, because she did what you told her. Even if you didn't really mean it.

I hope you get to see her face to face soon - it's much easier to do therapy that way. My T really doesn't like conversing via phone, text or e-mail. Face to face she can see exactly how I am responding - she can read my body language and my facial expressions. T probably could not pick up how upset you were.

for today, zoo....

Sounds like you need to have a heart to heart with her. My T was so busy once he forgot my appt. I kid you not. We had to work things out after that, but we are cool now.

Just sending you some hugs for today, zoo.

ouch.....

I woke up feeling confident that t would call me today, thanks mostly to the replies here. As the hours go by, though, I'm starting to doubt whether I will hear from her. It's hard not to spiral out too much about it. I'm going to do whatever I can in terms of distraction, and try to think a lot about how I will be okay, how I AM okay, with or without T. Maybe it is time for it to end. Maybe this is all as it should be.

They are NOT! They have to be superior so they can take care of us when we need it. They have to be! If they are human, they should not pretend to be T's...

(((( zoo ))))

The waiting is the worst. It really is. I hope T gets back to you really soon and gives you what you need from her. Please don't let it go too long. If you need to call her back, then call her back. With you going through all that you have on your plate right now, you need to conserve energy - and this situation has the potential to zap the life out of you.

I am worried about you, zoo. And I care. I really really do.

Zoo, you two will work through this. Remember all the other things that you two have worked through.

still no call from T. I'm starting to lose hope, and swing wildly between anger, sadness, desperation, and fear.

I'm holding on really tight to my resolve to not call her again. I called, I said what I needed to say. I told her I wouldn't call again. It seems like all I have right now is my word and sticking to it. T and I have a long standing agreement that she will return my messages unless I tell her in the message that she doesn't need to call me back. So the ball is in her court. There are definitely moments when I want to call her to cry, or rage, or just ask why and what next. But, again, it really feels like all I have is my word and all I can do is stick to what I said. I don't know if I'm being true to my wise mind or being willful.

Meanwhile, life continues, and everything is harder because of this. Which creates more anger and sadness. Not a good cycle to be caught in.

Have you called her yet today? You need to let her know, zoo.



* * *

Just read the rest of your message that was just posted....I went through this exact same thing, saying that I already told T what I needed to say in the messages that I left for him. But desperation took over at some point, and I called again...and shared my desperation with him, because he hadn't returned my call. Please call her.

edited to add - I also spiraled feeling as though T was ignoring me, abandoning me, etc. But in reality, he hadn't gotten my messages yet and had no intention of abandoning and did not mean to cause me distress.

sounds kind of like you're going through the stages of grief.. denial (which happened right after the call), and now anger, depression (the sadness), bargaining (the desperation), and acceptance (which would come with a bunch of fear that the relationship might actually be over).

i don't have anything to say other than that, and: can you call her again? i think that might be a good idea, but not if it's going to make you feel worse.

I just sent T and group-T each an email, cancelling my session next week and my group session on Sat. I have a feeling I'm going to really regret having sent those emails, but I had to do SOMETHING.

(((( ZOO )))))

I understand....and what I learned from my most recent experience is to try to be as direct as possible. It's so hard when you're filled with such hurt.

ok. This is where I need help right now. I'm trying to figure out a way to think about this that isn't so me vs her. I KNOW it isn't really me vs her, because she's not my enemy. I just can't figure out how to make it so calling her doesn't feel like I'm losing my pride or something. I don't want to go back on what I said. But I'm becoming increasingly aware that I'm not going to be able to just move along from this and be okay about it ending.

Help me, you guys. Help me figure out what to think or what to say. I would love to be able to focus on my kids and my life without this taking over everything in my head and heart.

(((((((((Zoo))))))))

Can you think of it that she made a mistake and didn't mean to hurt you? That there was a miscommunication? Remember that in the past she has always contacted you eventually? And you have been able to work these things out in the past? And there is no reason to think you wont be able to work it out this time?

I guess I can call her and leave a message saying I was hoping I would hear back from her, and that I don't understand what's going on or why. That I know I said I wouldn't call her again, but I figured out I wasn't ok with it ending like that. That I would like her to call me back to talk about this, and no, it can't wait until next week.

so, googley, do you think I should just wait for her to contact me?