Rupture

That sounds good, zoo. She needs to know what's going on in your head and in your heart. She needs to know how terribly this is affecting you.

It's not about pride. And honestly, it's about asking for what you need.

Zoo this would be me. It's better to call since email can so easily be misconstrued; on the other hand if you leave her a message, you have called, so she can hear your words and your emphasis etc; and still you don't have to interface with her directly before you get some kind of positive response from her. Good plan IMO.
one other thing, if it were me I think I would write down what I want to say in the message, and read it into the phone - that way I wouldn't get tied up in my emotions (((( hugs to you ))))

I think you should call her again. Circumstances have changed since you said you were not going to call again (it is a different day). Most importantly I just wanted you to remember that when the two of you have had problems in the past you have been able to work them out. That was the main point. Sometimes you have contacted her when you didn't want to and that was the impetus to fix the situation.

I just seem to be the queen of impulsivity these last couple of days. I just called T and left a message saying: I know I said I wouldn't call back, but I found out I'm not ok with it ending like this. I don't understand what's going on or why. I think we have an agreement that you will return my calls unless I specifically say you don't need to, but that didn't happen so I'm asking you to please call me about this when you have a few minutes. I can't wait until next week.

and so the waiting continues. I am really, really angry with T for this whole thing. Really.

Good, zoo, for reaching out to get your needs met. I'm sorry you're having to go through this. I hope T calls back ASAP.

Good for you Zoo, I think I would have done the same thing because I HATE the uncertainty.

The important thing to remember is that YOU chose your T...your T then took you on as a client knowing what you've been through and what your needs were. It is her responsibility to be the T. Trust her to get in contact with you and work this out.

I hope your T gets back to you very soon

I just wanted to say that I really think you have done the right thing in calling T again and telling her exactly what you need- for her to call you back so you can speak to her. I have been in similar situations with t before, where i have just spiralled and got more and more desperate. Whatever is going on between you ( and im sure this is NOT the end of your relationship. Unless YOU want it to be), you and t need to talk to each other. I feel sure that at the very least t will call you back because it is her professional duty. As is usally the case with me in these situations, t is having a completely different experience of the situation than me. My mind plays tricks and I get caught up in thoughts that t hates me, is avoiding me, i have ruined everything, t will never get back to me and i don't know how to deal with it etc etc. When i finally get to talk to t he has usually been busy, did not get my messages/emails when i left them and as a result had no idea what i was going through in waiting to hear from him. And each time we have managed to get through it. I am sure your t will call you back when she picks up your messages. I know the wait is unbearable but hang in there

wow you did fine!! Flat out honest, clear, and (rightfully IMHO) just a little bit steamed around the edges. Good for you.

I'm glad you reached out and let her know very clearly how you are feeling and what your needs are! You showed courage in that. I hope she calls soon.

((((((((zoo)))))))))

Sorry I'm reading this SO late....crazy 24 hours over here.

I think you absolutely did the right thing by calling back and making it clear that you need to talk to her. Good for you. It's okay to change your mind and call after you said you weren't going to...I tell my kids all the time that we are allowed to change our minds...because we ARE. Things aren't set in stone. Our needs change, our feelings change, our circumstances change. It's okay.

I hope she calls you back soon. I know how hard it has to be to sit with this. When I'm in times like this with T, minutes feel like HOURS.

Hang in there.

T called. It was bad, about as bad as it could be. I can't even sort it out enough now to tell you what she said. Things about me calling her every day, and her getting burned out. But last week I only called her once. ONE TIME. When I saw her on Monday she asked why I hadn't called her, and said she was concerned when she didn't hear from me. So something doesn't make sense here. I have called her twice since we spoke. I'm spiralling out and I can't stop. Also fairly drunk now. What a mess.

(((((((((Zoo))))))))
I'm so sorry. She sounds totally frazzled. My guess is that either 1) she is thinking about before last week. or 2) she is combining all the calls she gets into one thing so isn't able to accurately think about how many times you specifically are calling. If she is feeling burned out she needs to talk with her supervision group. This is not your fault.

Please be gentle with yourself.

((((((zoo))))))

My heart is breaking for you. I don't know what to say to comfort you except that you have us here on this forum, if that's any help to you right now. Your T must be totally burnt out, totally. It's HER, not you who is at fault. This sounds like MUE and her T. Maybe the winter is getting to our Ts too???? It's not fair that we have to suffer, though. Totally not fair!!!

Please take care of yourself. I hope you can get some sleep tonight.

reminds me of her, too.

Remember everyone's "off" sessions around Xmas?

What's going on??

(((((((((Zoo))))))))))

try to remember that you do have you

I am so sorry things went south with your T. Sending you safe hugs!

oh, wow (((((((((((((zoo)))))))))))))))))

It DOES sound like T is totally burnt out, and that certainly can NOT be, in any way, your fault. Even if you were calling 10 times a day, it's T's job to recognize how she is feeling, and to set boundaries BEFORE she gets to the burnt out place. She could say "zoo, all of my patients are calling so much, and I need a little break." and set up something that works for both of you. For example.

You must feel scared and abandoned and awful. I am really REALLY sorry. My heart is aching for you. Try to remember that it's not going to feel like this forever. It feels like this right NOW, but it will change.

Be very very gentle with you. Come here and talk to us. PM me if you need to vent and vent and vent.

We're here

You know, I wonder if she is still reeling from that day recently when she thought you had SU? Didn't you say she came to your house and was crying? (forgive me please if I'm remembering wrong....my mind is cloudy right now).

That's not an excuse for her behavior now, but it could be a huge factor.

I had a crisis once. My husband was on a camping trip and went missing for 24+ hours. I called old T and she supported me through the night over the phone. She kept me from going insane with worry. My H turned out to be fine. He made a stupid, stupid, stupid mistake, got off-course and it turns out was totally preventable. My T and I had a little delayed fallout from that....at the time she said it was fine and she was happy to support me during that time of not knowing. But a few weeks later, some resentment surfaced. Almost like she had a mild case of PTSD from worrying all night with me. We worked through it, thankfully. But it FELT like she was really angry with me.

I don't know if that's what's going on here with your T, but just wanted to throw that out there.

REGARDLESS, I am SO SORRY you're dealing with this now. I hope somehow you can work through it.

No, t didn't come to my house, but when we talked she was crying. She said she thought I had taken my life, and the word she used was terrified. I wonder, too, if this isn't related to that in some way. I think she may have been crying today too at one point in our conversation. I'm just still waiting for another return call from her. I was crying myself during the last message I left. I need her help so much right now. This conflict with t is just making the rest of my life that much harder to deal with.

It makes sense to me that it could be related. Sort of like what griffin said - maybe a mini-PTSD reaction.

I know that for me, I can be very good at getting through things in the moment they are happening, and it's not until later that I start to have the feelings - sadness, or fear, or anger, or whatever.

If that IS the case, I hope T seeks out supervision, or talks to her own therapist, so she is able to move through it and be there for you. I know being a T is an incredibly stressful job, and I know that my T is VERY careful about self-care...and when he's not, I can tell.

Hugs and hugs and hugs to you, zoo

(((((((((Zoo)))))))) i really hope t calls you back.
her issues are just that, her issues. i think it is unfair for her to lay this on you.... you are the client, it is hard enough being a client in pain, i do not at any point want to be in the position of taking care of t.. like tree says that is their job... not ours.

sending safe hugs

WOW. I am SO SORRY, zoo.....

It TOTALLY sounds like my T this past week....amazingly and eerily similar. And with my T, it was the weight of his FIL passing away a couple weeks ago that was draining his resources. And here I am, evaluating the aftermath of it - realizing how incredibly unfair it is to me to have gotten the raw end of the stick. I understand he's human. However, as a trained professional in this field, he needs to figure out how to take care of HIM because I am a paying client that needs him to be healthy for ME. They know this.

So, if he feels frazzled and needs an outlet - he needs to figure that out. That's not my issue. Yes, I have to accept that he's human, makes mistakes, it's what happens in real life relationships, blah, blah, blah...

But this isn't the same as a real life relationship. He KNOWS that I rely on him as my primary support. There is such a power differential in the relationship - where I am vulnerable and needy and dependent on T...and he is not vulnerable, needy or dependent on me. So, the suffering that's endured by the client as a result of this kind of situation is exaserbated TENFOLD.

Sorry, I'm just SO MAD for you right now, zoo. You are hurting and you need T - and you do NOT need to get kicked while you're down. I know a lot of my anger is driven by my own experience with my T....and a few days ago when I was in the thick of all this, I wasn't angry. I was desperate and in excruciating emotional pain from it all. It's just not fair.

I'm sorry you're going through this zoo. I really, really am.

got this text from T: just got ur vmail. I will u after to coach u about kids. I am unable at this to process any issue between us on the phone. We can process anything between us during ur session on mon.

I wrote this in reply: How the hell you think that is supposed to work is beyond me. I'm supposed to wait patiently until Mon to find out what I did wrong? can't. Won't. Just nevermind.

So. That's it then. I'm done. Really done. I am sad, very. This is not how I wanted, want, it to end. But I can't see myself even being able to GO to my session on Monday thinking about walking in there and meeting drill sargent T. Waiting to find out how I messed up and how I'm supposed to fix it. I can't do that. Just can't.

I think this is a real douche move on Ts part to not own what is going on with her, to not be willing to work it out with me. I cannot just sit and wonder until Monday and still talk to her and receive "coaching" in the mean time. There are things I can and cannot do, and that is one. I can't do that.

I don't have any hope. I had been thinking about waiting for tomorrow to talk to her, thinking that she would be more centered by then. I don't have any hope now. I don't know what to do.

(((((((Zoo)))))))

Can you talk to group T since your primary T is so out of it? Will she be able to help you?

PM'd you.

Love you.

my old T would never consiter talking to me at all if i was drinking and would hang up saying i will deal with you when you are sober and in controle.in fact she told me she could no onger treat me because she didnt want to deal with this form of acting out.i would be quite demanding and abusive.i stoped seeing her.it was sad i made that choice.she had put up with years of abuse from me when i was in the residental treatment program but when i left she was seeing me privately but i chose to drink act out.instead of committing to the work i needed to do with her.drinking,acting out and avoiding was my choice.i really missed out in working with an amazing T.sorry you are having to go through this and things can get worked out or you are able to find a new T soon