[WikidPissah]

Just so everyone knows...It's me Eileen 2010...finally got a name change WOOT.

So, I had a brief hospitalization...one night ...less than 14 hours really. Here's what happened. I got into a bad place. Since I am no longer calling t in these crisises

, I called the Samaritans. I talked alot about the cancer and how it has effected me. I mentioned that I took a handful of Klonipin because the pain was bad. I took 6, .5 mg Klonipin. We taked for a bit and I felt better and was read to doze off to sleep, so when I hung up I hear the door bell rang. 2 cops here to bring me to the er. I was shocked, they had a one sided view of the transgript and we forcing me in by rescue.

I called T...he said don't worry we'll work it out. He has always said that he would never section me unless we had a long honest conversion.

So at the hospital I was trying to explain things and the shrink wanted to talk to Michael. I gave her the number, she called him then reported that he wanted me sectioned!!!!

I couldn't believe it. I worked hard and got out really quick because of medical appts this week. I fought tooth and nail to get out MAINLY because T gave then the referral for a section..."of course your T knows you best"

So I terminated. He isn't trustworthy, he doesn't have back. That was just a small incident...not even close to suicidal thoughts!!! So it's over. Not getting someone new anytime nsoojl

Apparently the Samaritans were concerned enough about your well being that they called the authorities to check on you. Between that and whatever information your t was getting from the hospital, he probably really didn't have much choice than to be sure you were safe. It is a liability issue.

I'm so sorry you went through that.

My gut reaction is that you should talk with your T before you quit and just hear what he has to say about why he did that. If you still feel he's untrustworty, then terminate. But give him a chance to explain.

Also, I feel that trust goes both ways. He needs to trust that you won't seriously hurt yourself, and maybe he was doubting that based on your actions. So he erred on the side of caution and made sure you were safe.

[Aicitel]

As much as this may hurt to hear, I agree with the posts. Not knowing the situation with t (I'm a new member), everything now is a liability. Protocol was followed and as much as we don't believe it's true, people do care. I, too, say that you should give him the benefit of the doubt, but ultimately, the choice is yours. We're here, of course, if you need us.

[darkrunner]

Hugs.....
That sounds really awful.

Question - when you say you terminated, does that mean you had a discussion with your T about it and told him you were quitting? Or are you terminating in your own mind and just planning to never go back.

I strongly encourage you to go back for at least one more session. You can talk about why you are quitting therapy with him, and express your feelings about what he did. For all you know, maybe it was a misunderstanding? Or maybe he didn't have a choice?

Once I quit therapy without discussing it with my T. Luckily a few weeks later, my pdoc convinced me to go back and at least talk to her about why I quit, and I was glad I did, and I ended up staying with her.

[WikidPissah]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

Between that and whatever information your t was getting from the hospital, he probably really didn't have much choice than to be sure you were safe. It is a liability issue.

That's the thing...I was never in danger. or suicidal

Originally Posted by griffinp

Also, I feel that trust goes both ways. He needs to trust that you won't seriously hurt yourself, and maybe he was doubting that based on your actions. So he erred on the side of caution and made sure you were safe.

yea...but I phoned him on the way to the hospital..he knew I was safe...The only action I had was taking a couple too many klonipin when I was in pain, and talking to a hot line that was supposed to help.

Originally Posted by darkrunner

Hugs.....
That sounds really awful.

Question - when you say you terminated, does that mean you had a discussion with your T about it and told him you were quitting? Or are you terminating in your own mind and just planning to never go back.

I strongly encourage you to go back for at least one more session. You can talk about why you are quitting therapy with him, and express your feelings about what he did. For all you know, maybe it was a misunderstanding? Or maybe he didn't have a choice?

I left two voice mail messages, one saying that since you no longer have my back and could care less about me stuck in that psych ward I could no longer see him... Then the hospital set up a follow up with him. SO I called again and stated that he really blew my trust, he's just like all the other T's and I could no longer see him.

[googley]

I'm sorry this happened.

[WikidPissah]

it was bound to happen sooner or later.

[WePow]

It sounds like you may be hurting a lot more than you admit to yourself. I think that the Ts in your life can see your pain and know it is very deep. I am sorry that you have so much pain.

Again, I'm sorry you're in so much pain.

I just keep thinking, if someone I TRULY TRULY cared about told me she had taken a few too many pills, I would worry A LOT. I'd be fearful for her safety, and concerned about what level of pain she's in, even if she told me she was safe.

I'm sorry you're in so much pain.

[lovelygirl]

Hi there,

I am sorry that the evening went the way it did, and that you experienced a real sense of betrayal from your T.

Not knowing all the perspectives of the various parties involved, I can speak to this as a nursing student who works in a hospital now and previously at the state psych hospital. People's biochemistries are very, VERY different and the dosage of Klonopin you took could be, to a hotline worker or first responder, a strong indicator that you need to be assessed "just in case." Also, more people than you can possibly imagine take benzos with other substances, especially alcohol, which can literally kill you in your sleep. And many people don't report that to crisis workers or healthcare providers.

I'm not saying that you did this or that you didn't communicate clearly with your T about what happened. I'm just saying that this is a very real safety issue for any kind of hotline staff or for first responders like cops or ER staff. And it probably was a safety concern for your T too. The rule in medicine is, when in doubt, assess. That's true in psych in particular. Another rule of first-responding and ER medicine is that people presenting in the ER can often be MUCH sicker than they initially appear.

All this is to say that, and I don't mean to be harsh here, but taking "a handful" of a highly sedating medication and calling a crisis hotline is practically ensuring that you'd get a knock on your door. And I think that's good. You are safe and here to talk with us, which is a great and important thing.

I absolutely hear the real and important sense of betrayal you feel--and that would be an excellent thing to talk with your T about, for closure if nothing else. My sense of this is that the various parties involved felt obligations to ensure your safety, up to and including a hold. Just my $.02.

Please take good care--and take the meds as prescribed!

[abience]

I wholeheartedly agree with Lovelygirl having worked in the medical field it would have garnered you a trip to the local ER. It could have been seen as an attempt even at that level. Safety is always a first priority no matter what the patient may say in the over medicated state. Remember, you had taken a not prescribed dose of medication before trying to tell everyone you were alright. This could have been seen as not being able to make the right decision under the influence. Please be careful and remember the dose is prescribed as it is for safety reasons.

Take care.

A

[harrietm]

I work on my county crisis hotline and the national suicide hotline, and I would not send a wellness check for someone who has taken 3mg of klonopin. I'm sorry this happened to you. It must have felt horrible to feel like you have no control over what is happening to you.

If someone has a 30 day supply of klonopin and won't throw them out or get another person to come over and be with them, I would send a wellness check.

[PTSDlovemycats]

I am sorry that you had to go through that. That must have really sucked!

[granite1]

wow this sounds so hard but do you think you could go and see your T at least one more time to at least say how you feel and see what was going through his mind.i care about you and wouldn't want to see anything happen to you at all.maybe his concern was medical to make sure you were OK with the amount of meds you took.maybe you needed to be monitored to make sure you didn't have any bad affects.i am glad you are ok but sorry you are in so much pain.i know trust is a hard thing believe me.but maybe git it one more try

[WikidPissah]

he said we can talk. he said Tues is still open, he said "come or don't come, either is fine with me." Yea...he decided I wasn't worth the fight. He started off well, but 2 crisis events showed him he was in over his head with me. I am such an F up.

[lastyearisblank]

he said "come or don't come, either is fine with me."

Ok, about that part he needs to grow the hell up, but I still think you should go see him just to say goodbye and maybe get a referral. He does know you pretty well and might be able to tell who is a good fit. Please at least go check it out- it is hard being left without closure after a hospital visit.

[PTSDlovemycats]

NO! He just isn't skilled enough to work with you! There are other T out there that will be more trained and more than happy to work with you!

[Oceanwave]

I wonder why you had the crisis in the first place, the one that you couldn't call T about. What's going on, do you want to share? I hope you are recovering fine after the cancer, but things might be really difficult right now.

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

he said we can talk. he said Tues is still open, he said "come or don't come, either is fine with me." Yea...he decided I wasn't worth the fight. He started off well, but 2 crisis events showed him he was in over his head with me. I am such an F up.

You had told him you were terminating. He can't force your to come in and he isn't going beg. It IS ups to you whether you go in or not. I don't think that is indicating he thinks you aren't worth the fight. On the contrary, he tried to get you the best, safest care. You didn't like what he thought that was, but that was what he was doing.

[darkrunner]

In my opinion, it is inappropriate and irresponsible to tell Wiked that her T isn't good, that he isn't skilled, or that she should find a new one. There is not enough information to be gathered here to say any of that is true.

Also, I was thinking that you're T had no way of knowing if you were really safe or not. He just had your word to go on. But if a person is really intent on hurting themselves, they may lie to be able to avoid further treatment and carry out a self harm plan.

Wikid, I am not saying this was what you were doing. But how was your T to know that for sure? If he had allowed you to be released and you went home and committed sui. - how would he be able to live with that tragedy, and the knowledge that he failed you?

He made a judgement call, and erred on the side of caution to make sure you were SAFE. That is the sign of a competent, caring therapist. I wouldn't write him off so quickly.

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

he said we can talk. he said Tues is still open, he said "come or don't come, either is fine with me." Yea...he decided I wasn't worth the fight. He started off well, but 2 crisis events showed him he was in over his head with me. I am such an F up.

Did he actually say that he was over his head? Did he say he decided it wasn't worth the fight?

[granite1]

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

he said we can talk. he said Tues is still open, he said "come or don't come, either is fine with me." Yea...he decided I wasn't worth the fight. He started off well, but 2 crisis events showed him he was in over his head with me. I am such an F up.

you are not a f up at all .i hope you go to your session .then you will be able to see how your t is feeling and ask him about all this.at least then you will have more information to make a better decision.i'm sorry your trust in t has gotten so shaken up bye all this it must be making you feel so alone.i hope you are able to work things out

[sunrise]

I hope you won't terminate over this, WP. This does not mean your T is not trustworthy. The Samaritans talked to you extensively and then the psychiatrist examined you. They were concerned and reported that concern to your T. Who is he to contradict them when they have had this firsthand contact with you and your self-admitted taking too many sedatives? It is absolutely a matter of him wanting to play it safe and assure your safety. Plus, as Farmergirl wrote, this is a liability issue. To be blunt, if the hospital let you go and you committed suicide, Michael would lose his license. He would be derelict if he contradicted these mental health professionals who spoke with you directly. Your T for being safe, caring, and doing his job--are these reasons to dump him?

You write that the termination was "bound to happen sooner or later." Why so negative about this T? Did you two not get along? Was he not helpful to you? Did you plan that your relationship with this T would not work out? Do you have a history of things not working out with Ts? If the latter, I especially urge you to try to see what happened from a different perspective and try to continue with this T. It sounds like he cares deeply for you.

WP, was the prescriber of your meds notified of what happened? I am worried that you have prescriptions to benzos when you may deliberately take too many. This kind of drug is not one to be messed with. As lovelygirl wrote, they can have a bad reaction with alcohol. And taking too many can cause respiratory depression. It's a serious matter so no wonder the Samaritans were concerned.

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

He started off well, but 2 crisis events showed him he was in over his head with me. I am such an F up.

What behavior of your T showed he is in over his head? IMO, he reacted fine in this second event you described--he trusted the judgement of the health care providers who had direct contact with you. How did he react in the first event? Do you think you are testing him in some way by seeing how he reacts to your crises? What behavior do you want to see from him? You are not a "F up", WP. You have been under a lot of stress, you have been through cancer... You are doing the best you can. Don't you want the continued support of your T through this difficult time? You can go back to talk to your T and work this out. It could be true that he is not the T for a client who is frequently in crisis (although I don't see evidence of that from what you've written). This is something to discuss with your T and get a referral if it doesn't seem like he has the training you would like your T to have.

[Sannah]

WP, if you did a pros and cons list about this therapist, which side would win out?